"you're a hippie!"

o.k..........last night, our family was having a nice dinner together....actually, having some lively conversation about current events,telling stories and laughing TOGETHER! then, it happened.....just my husband and i, with our 13 year old son, at the dinner table. we were having some fun with him and his jovial mood.....he has a great, quick wit! i began telling a story about antics in college, maybe toned down for his sake.....griff told some funny stories about some old friends and then everything changed....in an instant!! with a smirk, he said, "why are you two laughing.....you're not even funny....i can't believe you're my parents!".....that made us laugh harder! he continued, "really, you both have to grow up!"

well, maybe....but, not likely. it's our twisted sense of humor that's getting us through the beginning of these teen years.....if we didn't laugh, we'd cry. we know that everything we do is embarrassing....and we're kind of normal...we do like to have fun....they (the teen opposing team in our house) used to think we were great...they loved us and loved the times we had together! and, overnight, we, the parents have disappointed them in every regard!

as we talked a little more, i was talking with him and mentioned something about feelings, i think......it was then that he said, "oh mom...you're a hippie!" "what? why do you say that?....uncle tom and uncle tim were hippies....i wasn't even in the hippie generation!", i continued.....he laughed and said, "mom, come on, you're always painting and doing craft things, you talk about feelings and the universe...you're a hippie!"

and i thought i was just being a good parent!

whirlwind!

the jetsons

oh boy! i'm getting my blogs mixed up...i hope i can find them all in cyberspace...and put them all together...help....lizzybits...littlemarymixup....liznextdoor....life wth liz...madison,ct. walking the dogs.....lizzytish, lizandbif......all i wanted was a little blog and it seems they've taken on a life of there own. i feel like i'm spinning into the world of jane jetson....i'll be back ....if i can find my own blog again!

just another mono monday

monday after thanksgiving....our mono girl is still home sleeping....call in to the doctor for another appointment. it 's amazing to think it was just a week ago that we found out the diagnosis mono.....and almost a week since our trip to the emergency room with grace barely able to swallow.

once again, murphy's law with mr. murphy out of town. very scary for me....it does amaze me to think of how graceful i can be under stress... all for the sake of children. i'm the first to get on a roll and tell a story about how our life goes.....but when it's time for business it gets done.

throughout our journey, this last week, we all feel grateful that the sickness taking it's toll on grace is just a passing sickness and we can move through it. as we sat at the children's hospital last week, in the quiet hours of early morning in the emergency room, i had to pause and be thankful for all of our blessings and good health...despite the pain of our daughter at this moment.

i've stopped myself many times in the last week to think about the gift of health that we may take for granted....until something shakes us up enough to appreciate how amazing our bodies are...how much we are able to do without even thinking. the emergency room at children's hospital really helps to put things in perspective. especially at thanksgiving. i've sent lots of prayers to families with more troubles than mono....and more than a thanksgiving turkey to think about.

throughout the last week, still exhausted and run down, we've all had alot to think about.....not just the family thanksgiving dinner that we missed....but our nutrition, our sleep, our quiet, our exercise....and the balance of our lives. this has been a warning sign for us all to listen to our bodies and take care of them and take care by treating our bodies with respect.

for me, i know it's time to live on more than a bowl of cereal and coffee for breakfast.... and a peanut butter and jelly or yogurt for lunch.....and who knows what for dinner. it's time to really work at the balance.....moderation.....and peace.

o.k. this morning, i've chosen to just sit....drink my coffee...write a little....and get started with the phone calls, making doctor appointments, cancelling dentist appointments (really, what dentist wants a girl with mono, tonsillitis and strept throat in his chair....especially to poke around in her mouth....YUK) ....put away laundry, vacuum, empty the dishwasher, walk the dogs, administer some medicine. i think i'm so grateful, starting the week out with a girl who's on her way back to her blessed good health, that i'll have a little bounce in my step. did i mention that i'm grateful.

this week, we may get back to normal.....whatever our normal is....and we know, our normal is just being a little kooky! and that's our normal. so, whatever your normal is....enjoy it!


by the way, i'm tired....but, i don't have mono.....i'm just a mom.

just tell GOD your plans

today is thanksgiving....we will not be gathering with all of the relatives to give thanks...we will be at home with the 2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 fish. not because that is our plan but because that's what has been planned for us. this is when i think of the quote, "just tell GOD your plans, if you want to make him laugh!"

bif and i had a fun little getaway to new york city last weekend. after a busy weekend, bif left for a sales meeting....a sales meeting scheduled every year at this time.....6 hours away.

after a sunday filled with phone calls to the doctor...the plan was to take grace, our daughter, to the doctor, first thing monday morning!
and after my husband left on his 6 hour drive, my son left on his school bus, we were off to the doctor....oh, wait...it would take some time to wake my exhausted daughter.......after many attempts, she pushed herself to get out of bed.

one way to decipher just how sick your teen is......if they can't bare to have the radio on in the car! not even with the volume very low....it must be off! that is a tell tale sign........another is...when a fourteen year old girl doesn't even want to brush her "bed head"!

after the doctor confirming mononucleosis, "mono", we were off to get this girl back to bed. then my mission began...i had to bring the doctor's note to school, bring the prescription for antibiotics to the drug store, buy lots of juice, popsicles and ice cream and pick the up the filled prescription, hurry it home to fill in to the patient....to get her feeling just a bit better...or as good as she can feel for now.

sleep is the major cure for this exhaustion based sickness....and sleep we all will get...tonight, my son and i will also get to sleep early after a weekend of late nights...

checking on grace many times before my bedtime, she was in alot of discomfort.....hardly swallowing her juice...and getting to sleep off and on.

i worried and went to sleep. i woke up to her crying my name. i went in to be with her, she wanted me to rest beside her. she was scared....as was i.

a bit later, after a foggy sleep, she was having some difficulty breathing since her tonsils and glands were so enlarged! it was then that i knew i had to call the doctor "on call". he agreed that this was something of a real concern and suggested i take my patient to the emergency room. i called my husband to wake him in his hotel room to let him know the plan....and to share my worry....and to think through what to do about our sleeping son.

it was almost 4 o'clock in the morning....why wake him? would it be alarming to wake him and let him know his sister had to go to emergency? would it be upsetting to be woken up and left alone to wonder? would it complicate the plans to leave immediately? the answer was yes, yes and yes.

we left for the emergency room, quietly and inwardly worrying about our sweet daughter, so scared and sick and hurting. the doctors checked her and helped her swelling temporarily....they wanted us to continue to the children's hospital at yale...they were concerned for such distress and swelling.

off we went...oh wait...we needed to fill the gas tank after such a hectic weekend. better than running on fumes....the way my body felt at 4 in the morning.

at children's hospital, we had doctors waiting and prepared to see our patient....with many doctors in to assess her, grace and i were relieved to know they would take care of her and send us home.....

after seeing doctors and residents and doctors assistants, nurses and nurse practitioners and security guards and valet parking attendants, one nicer than the next...... we were sent home...both of us relieved.

while we were at the hospital, we both gave thanks that we were there for just a temporary illness and we were thankful for all of the skilled professionals that were there to take care....all with a smile and kind words to us both.

my husband called to check in, once we were home and had some words of wisdom to share (never welcomed when he is long distance suggesting).......he quickly realized that...

this was the third tuesday before thanksgiving that i had been to the emergency room with a child while the husband was at his sales meeting 6 hours away...."murphy's law" goes into effect when mr. murphy is away....once again.......2 broken arms and one mono...other broken bones were just during run of the mill business travel.

our thanksgiving plans have changed again....we're pretty adaptable....we'll stay home and watch the parade and some movies and maybe even order out! while grace sleeps.......she doen't eat turkey anyway!

just tell "GOD" your plans and make him laugh! no matter what, we still give thanks .....for family and friends....and everyone else who get us through the "murphy's law" moments.

sipping lemonade through a straw.....

the big weekend for the parents was planned! the kids were going to stay with their aunt, uncle and cousin....and at a later date, the cousin would come to stay with us so the parents could get away too. our kids, 14 and 13...their kid....5! ok...it's a stretch! but we knew we'd all find a way! our kids, exhausted from a week of exams and late nights. their kid, charged on five year old energy! everything is exciting when you're five! nothing is exciting when you're fourteen or thirteen! when you're the parents ready for the getaway....you're ready to getaway whether you're exhausted or energized! especially, when someone, almost anyone wants to work out a plan......not that it happens very often.....we'll try our best to work it out....just to have a little time together...away....anywhere!

ahhhhh! although, we barely had time to talk to each other about the plans, we were excited to get the time alone! we had a few ideas...we knew we had to leave the kids late on friday at the "cousin's house".....school and work were a necessity. we had two whole nights to go anywhere....as long as we were back to pick them up on sunday afternoon! a dream come true....at least, for us and the five year old!

we talked about going to the city and all of the possibilities of where we could stay and what we could do....so many choices in the city we love!

we talked about going to the shore, considering some places we had never been....we talked of relaxing and riding bikes and walking on the beach and eating out......no matter where .....we always love the beach...any beach!

ahhhhh! two whole nights for a little getaway! time for us! and time for the cousin's mom and dad to get away later in the year. everyone wins!

okay, a week before, our daughter brought a flyer home from school...it said, "awards dinner....sunday 1-5".....you guessed it...one to five....on SUNDAY...our second day of our getaway.

how could we not go to our daughter's awards dinner...even if it was scheduled for four hours, the sunday before thanksgiving...on our planned or not so planned getaway! of course, their was no choice....it was our daughter and she worked hard in her chosen sport. the big question was...why did they have to plan it on OUR weekend.

how could we cancel our weekend that had been postponed time after time? we could not cancel. we thought of an old teacher i quote often...she said, "a.y.t.c." ......that means "adapt yourself to circumstances".....as parents, we're used to that motto! we would march on! we continued planning....for one night.

still grateful, we decision had been made for us...the city was our best opportunity...geopgraphically! we always love the city...it's always new! we would use our time wisely!

we made the plans....we would leave connecticut after school and drop the kids off two hours away at their cousin's house....and proceed joyously to the city, only one hour away!

oops! that day, my husband called and said he would meet me and the kids at their cousin's house! he was at an appointment...it would be better use of time to meet......

the kids got home and packed...we drove in traffic...we arrived very late, because of the packing and the traffic!....and the bathroom stop....never fails!

we got to the house...we were all so happy to see each other, we almost forgot to leave. we got to the city at about eleven o'clock at night.....night life was just beginning...we weren't sure if we could make it through dinner. we walked around and got a bit energized.....chose a great restaurant and had a lovely dinner. we walked and walked some more. we went to sleep!

we woke up on saturday to central park and fifth avenue and madison avenue and grand central station and the new york public library and walking and walking and walking.......no plans....except frequenting every starbucks for caffeine charge
! we did whatever we felt like doing! moment by moment, agreeing to enjoy the moments! no destinations...just walking! what a great day and night!

after our dinner, we enjoyed a long drive home...listening to OUR radio station! we arrived to pick the kids up at about eleven o'clock! thanks to flexibility of our family!

our kids were treated to dinner and midnight bowling anda pro basketball game and dinner and a movie .....they had a bigger agenda than us! after much chatter and shared enthusiasm (probably because we were collecting our children!), we said our good byes and thank yous .....and we'll see you for thanksgiving......and drove home....yes, in two cars for two hours.....one o'clock in the morning....exhausted and recharged at the same time!

we woke up, had coffee and some talk....we went to a wonderful and fun awards dinner....we were tired...our kids were tired....our daughter was especially tired...exhausted....very exhausted and sick....she had swollen glands, sore throat and stuffy nose....and she was weak and warm.....

we called the doctor. we asked some questions. we went to sleep.

we woke up. we went to the doctor with our exhausted daughter....too tired...never enough sllep for any of us.....the doctor looked at our fourteen year old....asked many questions...checked her some more.......did some tests......

MONO!

we were home from the doctor for only minutes when i got a phone call......"mono?" she asked......how did she know? no one knew but the doctor, my daughter and me!

FACEBOOK! now, at least 900 people were notified at once....once my daughter got upstairs to bed...to her ipod! upstairs....to her quiet bedroom...to notify her world!

and her cousin's mom!...on facebook...she read this on facebook....about our fourteen year old that just spent 30 plus hours with her five year old!

a fourteen year old and a five year old, who shared lemonade by sipping through a straw!

can a five year old get mono? ....and will we still be invited for thanksgiving?

remember when and ..........

since school got out last summer, our kids have had crazy hours...lotsa fun and outdoors...sun and sailing...friends and family...and not enough sleep. school days began and still it seemed that no one got enough sleep, including the parents! it seems the later our kids go to sleep, the later we go to sleep....not because we want to keep an eye on them, but because we just want to have some low key, peaceful moments. and we do have lots of fun with them....although they'd rather be with their friends!

i remember when... we read books before bedtime and laughed out loud and cuddled and kissed!
now...we give a quick kiss goodnight if we're lucky!
i remember when... i came to school for any school event and they smiled and hugged me!
now.....they roll there eyes if i'm in the parking lot!
i remember when....i waited at the bus stop and cought falling leaves and played shadow tag, brought sports equipment to play
with while the kids waited for the bus!
now....i can't even walk the dogs down the street in the opposite direction!
i remember when...they came home from school and had a snack at the kitchen table and told me stories about school friends,
teachers, busdrivers and homework!
now...they come home, say "hi", grab a snack, and run upstairs to "chill" with their ipod!
i remember when...they called on the phone to ask permission for lots of stuff
now, they text me instead of call!

and now they're busy turning themselves into who they're going to be! it's kind of scarey and kind of exciting to see who they are! they really haven't changed that much...in size...yes!

and now they're busy being who they are in the moment! and that really doesn't include us....and sometimes it does!
they really haven't changed much.....in independence ...yes!

and now they're busy trying new things, seeing new people and broadening their scope!
they really haven't changed much....making choices on their own...yes!

and now they're very proud of their growing ways!
they really haven't changed much....doing things their way, right or wrong!

and as parents, we're still really proud of their accomplishments, big and small! they are slowly moving away to gain some more independence......we'll try to keep letting go...even if it tugs at our hearts! they'll probably be rolling their eyes at us for a while longer.....we'll keep tuning our sense of humor! they're growing up right before our eyes....we'll still keep our eyes on them! they're still pushing and pulling at us......

and we'll always be there to give them a smile and a hugand our love!...with their eyes rolling or not!
we really haven' changed much!


they are funny people and we really like who they are, even if they're not so sure yet!
they are pretty smart and we like who they are, even if they're not so sure yet!
they are really interesting and have a great point of view, even if they're not so sure yet!
they are really great to be around....sometimes....even if WE'RE not so sure yet!

we just keep trying to be our best, so they can be their best!

"don't say blog"

a few years back, "memorabilia" was an unacceptable word to my son. he was about 9 or so when the word became disturbing. i'm not sure when it began. maybe it was the year we drove from connecticut to ohio for a wonderful family thanksgiving. it was a very long drive. our kids are road warriors...so a road trip like that was not a concern. of course a road trip today is not what it used to be "back in the day", a phrase that also was found bothersome. i will agree the four words did get a bit overused. family road trips for our kids are just a bit different than our days of "are we there yet?" the question still comes up from time to time but not like "the old days". "the old days" are really just a few of years ago. maybe only about one car ago for some families....maybe during the minivan days rather than the new s.u.v. days.

growing up, our family trips were mostly about jumping into the car, that was the only car in the family.... turning on the radio to a station that our parents enjoyed .....driving to the gas station, having the attendant (a man) fill the car up with gasoline......regular, because that's all they had....he checked the oil....washed the wind shield, paying cash, saying "thank you".......calling him by name because of a long time relationship......because he was the owner , because his name was embroidered on his shirt near the embroidered name of the gas station ....and, maybe talk to him about the trip while looking at a paper folded map that took a rocket scientist to fold up after wrestling it across our lap and trying to find the roads that helped us coordinate our travel and then we could drive away. we had no seat belts, we at where we wanted .... if we sat at all....sometimes, in a station wagon, we could go to"the way back" and lie down....maybe with two other kids...with sleeping bags and pillows and lots of hard luggage. if we voted on it, the"way back" window could roll down so we could have all kinds of wind blowing through the car....only, we might not be able to hear the radio since we didn't have stereo speakers throughout the car....and that was o.k., because the music could be a bit tinny anyway! we could sing along to the music...play license plate bingo.... count the cadillacs.... look for the different states on the license plates.,.... usually with generic state plates, not so many personalized plates or plates with our cause of choice ..... wave to the people in other cars or just look out the window! sometimes we even talked...to each other. we read the clocks on our watches, not digital. we had no air conditioning. we each had to lock our doors individually or not at all. we had to roll the windows up and down with the window crank....and sit.

our trips now are just a bit different. some cars can be started remotely.....we all get into the car..... adjust the seats to our level of comfort...... the driver locks the doors automatically....sometimes with childproof locks.....sometimes the back window won't go down all the way, just as a precaution...as opposed to us hanging our arms and heads out the windows like golden retrievers. we may also choose to have the sunroof open automatically and if it's sunny, we can open the sun glass compartment overhead while it opens. today, we have a choice of air conditioning....heating....seat warmers all individually adjusted. we must buckle up....or the car will beep incessantly until we do...our right rear door may be "ajar"....the driver has the mirrors adjusted electronically, depending on who is driving......the radio may be a.m., f.m, cassette tape or c.d., which we keep stored in the compartment between the seats, maybe next to the cold bottles of water being kept cold by a mini-fridge....or satellite radio, with hundreds more stations to allow us to know the local weather half way across the country, should you care. if interested in some reading, a book can be read to us....by c.d. or cassette. if we choose our own books, we can use our ipods or individual c.d. players. OR, we can each watch a d.v.d. individually or together. when we load the car, the "rear lift gate" will open by pushing a button on our "key fob"...that is after we have used it to unlock the doors....and hopefully, we haven't touched the button that sounds the car alarm to alert all that there is a burglary involved......even if we're in a bucolic setting that is in our own driveway. oh, and before we leave, we may set the g.p.s. to get us to our destination by the fastest route, shortest distance or by avoiding toll roads....and it will talk to us and tell us what to do and quite literally, tell us "where to go".

on one recent car trip, we counted up the different "screens" in our car....

4 ipods with music, movies and t.v. shows down loaded
1 g.p.s
1 d.v.d player
1 blackberry with internet availability
1 laptop computer with the world at our fingertips, including d.v.d..... until the battery wears out.
3 cell phones with camera and video and music
3 digital cameras with video recorders

-----screens for a family of 4...the 2 dogs, 2 cats and 2 fish stay home
-----we have a-------bike rack for 4 bikes
-----we have roof racks for the 2 kayaks or 1 canoe
-----if we choose, we can use the car top cargo holder on top of the car
-----and we have a trailer for the sailboat

if their was just a bit more room and we could find healthy food in drive-thrus, we could probably live in the car.
roof over our heads, warmth, food and sleep.

soooooo, it was the 2 day thanksgiving trip to ohio that the trouble with "memorabilia" began.....it may have been because we dragged our pre-teens kicking and screaming, almost literally... out of the car.......where they were perfectly content, with all of their accoutrements, .... to stop at the "i love lucy" museum, at my request, with all of the memorabilia that made my heart sing! i grew up with "i love lucy"! no one cared about "i love lucy", no one loved her like me. after all, she was in black and white.... that's another story. i know the word "memorabilia" sealed the deal!

now they are teens..... now they know i'm writing my blog....guess what? .....they don't think that a mom should write a blog....they are concerned that my blog is about them....it's not really about them....it's about ME....and what goes on in my little world! i love writing, i love telling stories and i love our kids. who could give me more to write about than my kids, who don't like me to talk about blogging. they say to each other, "uh-oh, mom's gonna write about you in her blog!"....they say to my husband, "dad, tell mom that she's to old to have a blog" they say to me, "what could a mom have to say on a blog?"....and like "memorabilia, they protest,"don't say blog".

i am embarrassing...i am a mom....they are our teenagers...that's the way it's supposed to be...i do tell them that there is so much more embarrassment to come......this may just be the tip of the iceberg....my husband and i are sure they'll be more....and, with a nick name like "little mary mixup", i KNOW there's more to come!

i say"blah, blah, blah, blahGGGGG"! until a wwk ago, i thought it was called a blog because of the blah blah blah of it

i'm still learning the world of blogging.... know these are long and i'm so sorry....it's just that it's my life.....and i love it.

by the way, I LOVE OUR KIDS! everyday is different and that's the best part!

liz

eating bon bons...

my kids go off to school on the bus and they come home on the bus. they really have no idea what i do during the day....as long as i'm here when they get home, they don't usually think to question my whereabouts. they're teenagers.

a few years ago, some of their friend's moms had gone back to work part time and more....my kids were more impressed with the kids who had moms who worked at the gap or polo than the moms who were single moms or doctors juggling it all......it was the discount! it meant more loot! at the time, they said, "mom, you should get a job. ya know...DO something! other moms are getting jobs....why don't YOU get a job at polo?"

within a week of those comments, if i was running late, arriving home in the afternoon after them, they demanded to know, "where are you?......"MOM! you're never home.......how come you're NEVER home
recently, i had to visit my orthepedic surgeon for a follow up visit after a few months of weekly visits to physical therapy....twice a week to physical therapy....30 minutes away...for a problem with my shoulder that had been treated with cortisone after an accident. the therapy began to seem ...well, redundant. i spent hours coming and going and pushing and pulling and pressing. when meeting with my doctor, at our regular scheduled appointment, we exchanged pleasantries, talked a bit about the physical therapist...his name was brad...we were on a first name basis. the doctor and i paused...there was an awkward silence...i broke the silence...i couldn't bear it another minute!

i said in a whisper, " i think we have to end our relationship." the room grew small. the doctor, visibly upset, said, "really? but, why?" "it's not me, it's you", i responded uncomfortably. "i want what's best for you", he said. sadly, he prodded, "how can you feel this way? we've only just begun" ( i could have sworn i heard karen carpenter singing in the backround).....i nodded...."well, you've been wonderful...we've had something very special...a time i'll never forget".....he continued, "are you sure you want to go off on your own?".....i had to break it to him...right then and there. i had had enough. i had to blurt it out....."you've been taking up too much of my time".....that was when he asked the painful question. "why? what do you all day?"

"what do i do all day?" i asked indignantly. moments later, i responded, " well," i was fumbling to find the right words
i, i, ummmm......well, i have kids.".......he asked how many. "two" i said......."how old are they?"....i mumbled, "thirteen and fourteen."......................he was unimpressed.....he was an older man, with grown children, who had obviously multitasked while earning multiple degrees at harvard and yale and other ivys....and birthed multiple children...and continued careers while birthing the babies....(got the picture?) very unimpressed.

"do you work?" he asked. i answered his questions defensively, "well, no....but, i do my artwork, i volunteer, i do lots of things" i groped, "ummm, i have to walk the dogs...we have two."....."and i go to pilates classes." he kept it up...more of these questions! "how many times a week do you go to these pilates classes?" ..........." i try to go at least once a week. that is unless i have a long dog walk or another appointment......i continued pondering the questions. "well, i know i'm busy...."....."actually, there doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to get everything done"....."sometimes, my husband cooks dinner because i'm so busy!"

finally, i was driven to tell him.........the truth............"i don't know how my days fill up, i don't know what i do, specifically."........"i mean, it's not like i'm sitting home all day EATING BON BONS!" that was it....i cracked under the pressure! i couldn't take another minute."


i walked to the door. i turned towards the doctor. before i walked out the door, i said, "and by the way, you're geographically undesireable!"

it was over. i was free.......................now, what did i do the rest of the day?


liz

two roads diverged in a.....

two roads diverged in a connecticut state land trust. that is where i found myself today...with our two golden retrievers. surprisingly, i found the entrance to the trail posted with connecticut state signs noting the temporary closing of our woods so that trees could be cut down in order to "save the whales" oops!....i mean "free tibet"...."go green" or perhaps the opposite.

a funny thing about posted signs...they always pique my curiosity....they make the college girl in me sing out....they make life seem just a bit more adventurous. o.k., my life as a mom, out walking dogs in connecticut....it's not like my outward bound trip, but it's cause for a little variety. back in my 20 something life in new york city, a young executive, a bunch of other 20 somethings from our company would walk up madison avenue to our respective little (and i mean minuscule, but that's another story!) apartments. we began to try to live life in the fast lane by always crossing with the green lights, forcing a different route each day. in the city, that is a road less traveled, seeing different people, places and things everyday. it led us to many serendipitous worlds and i've pretty much stuck with the roads less travelled ever since! i have ended up in some little marymixups, but mostly i've had a lot of fun.

so, today was no different....or shall i say different, as usual?? daisy and posie and i began walking on our very familiar trail where we found giant trees cut down and already piled up in a huge log pile. we were all interested in the chaos of "our" trail....it was very muddy with tracks of the enemy...the trucks! deep, ruddy, muddy, soupy and random...that's the way it was. we continued on the path to see only one man in a pickup truck poking around in his toolbox. no one official. i act like it's "our" woods and he barely questioned us. now that i think of it, he could have been an axe murderer...he was in the right place to carry one without looking out of place but wait!....there goes my"headline head" or my "scary world" bif teases me about.

o.k.! i got a little off the path of my story.....i do that sometimes! we trudged over the river and through the woods.... i mean over some streams that were overflowing from the weekend rain and through the woods that could barely be called that due to all of the trees that were strewn all about, covering what trails we could follow. oh...follow the path...that's the point!....soon into our walk, there was no sign of a path....just me, daisy and posey to follow our noses for direction...only, their noses were more attuned to the deer poo and scurrying chipmunks along the way.

we had to find our way without the trails...quite the adventure in rural connecticut! our 30 minute walk grew to almost an hour and a half! we scrambled through brambles and pricker bushes and moss covered rocks in swampy areas....we wound up going north instead of south and west instead of north. it was beautiful and challenging and peaceful until....i slipped and slid off the mossy rocks and splashed in the swampy, mushy, muddy water squishing in my sneakers and soaking my clean jeans...up to my calves....it felt like my elbows. did i mention i'm more of a beach babe than a woodsy granola cruncher?

and then the fun began, once we whirled our way towards home. i spotted our neighbor's house...they back on the state land...they have chickens....we all have a mutual golden retriever admiration society....theirs and ours....they may still have a bunny...but, that was not my concern! so i wouldn't scare them showing up unannounced rising up like the swamp sister from the south, i called to let them know of our approach.

i glanced up through the branches caught in my hair and noticed the chickens, not behind the fence, but roaming the yard. that was when i first saw daisy, like a gazelle, fly through the air in quest of a chicken....i ran, i screamed at daisy to stop, our friends chased the chickens and daisy, all while posey sat politely by my side, on her leash!

the hen, apparently non-flustered jumped and took flight as daisy raced from behind...the hen made it over the stone wall that did not deter daisy....thank goodness henny penny made it back to the hen house safe and sound. for a few brief moments, i felt as though the sky was falling! we walked up the long driveway, escorted by our friend...out of breath....laughing nervously at the happenstance of taking the road less traveled. and that has made all the difference.

by the way, for our afternoon walk, we went to the beach!
thus ending another random day of little marymixup

liz.........................eggs for breakfast tomorrow?


"TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;


Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. "
— Robert Frost

some days are like that....

sometimes life is great...things all fall into place so easily...like magic.sometimes NOT. when it all seems so upside down, backwards and i seem to be in a spiraling vortex of negative events, i just have to give in to the fact that life is not always.....a box of chocolates! some days are just like that. in an hour or in a day, things can change. but, once the waves start coming in swirling and pounding me, i have to just ride the wave out....even if i'm tumbled in the surf, i just have to ride it out. i've tried fighting the flow. it seems that i expend so much energy flailing and fighting the flow that i end up like a beached whale on the shore. now, i try my best. that's all i can do. mostly, it works!

i remember, way back when, when our kids were very small....i called an old friend...i cried and asked her how she did it...how she even got out of the house with little babies when everything was so upside down. she gave me the best advice that i can remember in all of my days of motherhood. she said, "when the day is really bad, just let it be bad, give into it and get over it...it will change!"

that advice, so simple, comes to me again and again. for myself and for our kids. how do we help them through the tough times? we try to tell them life will get better...we want so badly to help! sadly, they don't want to hear it. i don't really like to hear it from someone else either. after some pathetic suggestions from a mom, usually they seem to work through it on their own. keeping my mouth shut and zipped up is not my forte...i try. everyone has their own way of working things out.

sometimes, i just have to live moment by moment and hope that things will change!

sometimes, a sense of humor can save me! sometimes, i can see my life as a cartoon.....sometimes i live the cartoon.


another gift of advice came from my mother-in-law (actually, my mother-in-law is a gift....we like each other!)...one cold, saturday in february,home alone with our 2 pre-schoolers, i stepped out of the shower, ready to start the day and.....i could NOT turn the water off! i may be pretty scrappy in a pinch or in a crisis, but plumbing was a bit intimidating! my husband, on a business trip, happened to call to check in.....only, there was a glitch....he was on the other side of the globe, in hong kong! i was panicked...trying to sound calm...but, begging for a clue....a quick fix...just so the bathroom would not be in the dining room upon his return! he tried to talk me through it...sending me to the basement to follow the pipes...in search of a red handle! nope!...no help. in desperation, i called my father-in-law, an hour away, to ask for help....same info....no red knob! thankfully, both he and my mother-in -law race to the rescue. i'm still not sure why i didn't think to call a plumber. i was still a remedial homeowner.

once my father-in-law got out his tools, life changed....the steambath was over!

that was the day my mother-in-law gave me this advice...."murphy's law usually comes into play, when mr. murphy is away on a business trip!" and....that was only the beginning of murphy's law and mr. murphy. only now, i give in to murphy....because
he pretty much makes a regular appearance in my life cartoon.

only weeks after my second baby was born, we were all standing outside on a hot, summer day as my mother started to drive away and head back to her own life.....she had been with us while waiting an extra week for baby #2, lived with us for the excitement of baby #1 and baby #2....lived through the moments of a new mom trying to learn the new balance of sharing the love and keeping everyone happy.....as she drove off, she sang these words out her car window....."someone's gotta cry!"....but, no!, i thought.....i can do this....i can work this all out.....after many tears later....my own, of course...i gave in to my mother's sing song..."someone's gotta cry"...it didn't make it any easier, but i did hear her voice in my head into their toddler years! advice taken as a gift, once again.

the greatest gifts seem to come when you least expect them.....it's just noticing the little things...they add up. somedays, words of goodness may only come from strangers...i'll take them!

other wonderful words i hold dear to my heart today came from a little old lady dressed up in her sunday finest with dated high heels,colorful coat, hat, gloves,and lotsa lipstick and cheeks painted pink.....we had just left church, feeling as though we had finished a mania marathon... we had already been up for hours and our sunday was just beginning....we were tired and in need of coffee....we were frazzled parents, for sure..........and this sweet little old lady we had never before met, smiled at us all and said, " look at you! you have a million dollar family! a beautiful girl and a beautiful boy!" our kids were just babies, we felt like the old lady who lived in a shoe, we were packed in our little condo, saving our money to buy a house,....we were unsure about where to live and wondering when it would be our turn........and the little old lady appeared like an angel! she snapped us back to what really mattered.....we had come full circle ....we were grateful again.....i still think of her to this day!

some days are like that!

Liz

and away we go!

here we are...back at home! 2 weekends in a row ....away visiting friends! spontaneous and fun! just getting out of the house was the tricky part....clean the house, do the laundry, pack the bags, have the kids pack their bags, clear out the car, pack the car and the bikes, walk the dogs, call for dog sitter, clear dishes from the sink, ........and away we go! oh we're running so late...hope we catch the ferry! wait...hope we have enough gas to get to the boat...NOT....stop for gas .....just long enough to miss the boat!

on the way home, the same! last weekend, it was all for 24 hours...just cuz we weren't prepared to move on the spontaneity like we used to....somehow that has gotten way more complicated.

life is simpler and way more complicated all at the same time? how is it possible....too tired to think....so, i'll get back tomorrow.

thinking about how to get my blog to be as creative as i dream it to be! i have big dreams.

i really want to share stories....and pictures and lots of the creative parts of my days that make me happy...i want to share....but i have to find out how.....

i love color...so, there should be colors....to inspire.

i love art...so,....

i love crafts with purpose, not just "lovin' hands of home" like my mother called the tacky stuff....

hopefully, this will turn into a place to foster creativity....

otherwise, it will be a place to commit me to an a.d.d. therapy program for life....i think it's too late for that.....but, if i let the a.d.d. rip, this is a blog that may not be too boring!


i do hope to figure this out...black and white and just little mary mix up stories just aren't enough....i want to share lots!

hope you 'll like it and as i grow, hope you'll help me to learn! photos will randomly appear...layout, hopefully, will change....colors will get more interesting....readers will enjoy this as much as i do !

this is a very exciting start to some creativity in a new direction...this is me trying to stick with it! even if it's just for me! creating is what makes me happy!


see you soon and hope it will be a place where we'll get to share fun and stories and creations of all kinds!!!

and away we go!

liz...................

give us this day, our daily bread.....

people sometimes say "the lord giveth and the lord taketh away"....i guess they know posey, our three year old, golden retreiver.

we were so happy to buy a gorgeous bread loaf, with garlic...we planned to take it home, cut it in half and use it to create our own pizza. we carried the groceries in from the car, unpacked them and put them away. that is, put them away, except for the beautiful bakery bread.

WHOOSH! GLOBOOF! SCHLOOF!

yup! you guessed it! posey said her prayers...

and we're off !

i get the call...the wake up call! biff called.... to WAKE me up ....to wake me up...... to wake the kids .up for school. it's thursday and biff is out of town, calling from a hotel, miles away. he KNOWS...he knows me....he knows what can happen....he knows what can happen to me....he knows about my late night rendevous with "seinfeld" on t.v.....he knows it's a temptation for me to see our friends on seinfeld.

not everyone got caught up on the show that started back in the 90's....you know, way
back in the 1900's...the turn of the century. BEFORE the millenium...

biff and i were starting a family...we didn't get out much. the folks on seinfeld felt like our friends...they talked about "nothing". it was set in the 90's. we could relate...we were married and it gave us alot to laugh about....especially our own single lives!

we felt like we lived that in the 80's.... single,talk, about nothing, with some of our best friends....right out of college, living in the city, lots of friends, lots of time on our hands....we weren't very established in our careers....so we did what any shallow, self consumed 20 something would do.....talk about ourselves, where to go, what to do, how to get there, who to include, who not to include, how much it would cost and who we might meet.

maybe if i had come along a few years later, i may have been running and going to the gym instead of shopping and going to brunch...those of us who graduated college in the 80's lived a totally different life than the sensitive, new age grads of the 90's....joining the peace corp, taking outward bound trips, focusing on giving back...instead of taking! the 80's was alot about taking, getting, wanting, expecting.....kind of a studio 54 whirlwind, glitzy, shallow and focused on the outward appearances! a bunch of us, who lived for fun and worked to pay for it....
just like the banks and car manufacturers of today! oh wait, it may have been caused by our thinking in the 80's....more, more more, there's always more.....i even worked for a bank that gave more and more and more ....for mortgages! oops!
i hope i wasn't the cause of the bank troubles

SOOOOO, all of that rambling to finally admit that i did stay up too late last night, woke up when biff, the alarm clock, called... i hung up the phone and promptly fell back to sleep....and then,

aaahhhhhhh! WAKE UP! i was trying to "casually" alarm my children....not acknowledging that i was the cause of the alarm....i was hoping they wouldn't smell my fear. after all, i am the mother, responsible and trustworthy, capable of getting them up on time for the bus....NOT! not today! my heart was aflutter as i screamed, raced dowwnstairs, whipped out the lunches, ran out the door, revved up the car, and READY!

wait...i had to wait for the kids...1st was ready and 2nd was not....1st was hysterical, no "grace under pressure" for her...i put the car in reverse, raced down the driveway, drove f1st child to school.

i zigged and zagged and zoomed up the driveway to pick up 2nd! he too, was a tad off balance....socks and sneakers stumbling to the car....and we're off....

through all of these school years, i've really worked so hard to keep their lives peaceful and orderly......chaos wasn't in the plan....late night seinfeld wasn't either!

good news...biff's home! back up alarm clock! we work well as a tag team.....


peace in your home! i'll try too!


liz

oh what a beautiful morning!.....UNTIL......

as the song goes...oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day.......and it's true! Until i start trying to wake my kids for school! how did this happen! they have been going to school since they were three years old.we had the preschool years .... always on time. actually, grace's very first day of preschool, all dressed up in her turtleneck, kilt, tights and maryjanes, we arrived at the happy yellow school......on time...JUST A DAY EARLY! "yay! we did it!...this was our practice day!" she was three and she believed me.

during grace and t.j.'s montessori years, we always got to school on time, actually before the rush.....not as much for the kids as for the mom. as it turns out, i'm the one who needed to get there on time, for the schedule and the peace. life is simpler when we're not rushing....for me! getting there on time is great! once again, remedial motherhood struck! ...when reading the christmas break schedule, i noted that the vacation was through january 6th....i just didn't know that included january 6th! so, we had another practice .....and made the best of our day! getting there early can be a problem if you're not creative! anyway, kids love to be first....and they were!

the school bus years were fun filled mornings and afternoons! scooters and bikes and balls for boys and girls.....coffee clutch for moms and dads.... dogs and cats on the "school bus rock" on the corner. the bus ride was a social time, fun for all! not to be missed!

this year, with an eighth and ninth grader, my husband does a kind and gentle wake up.....like i've always done....UNTIL now....these bodies.... covered with comforters, in a comatose like state....sleepy voices, apparently not awake....
one day biff asked our ninth grader if she knew what day it was....she said, "fuzzy"...that was an indication that there was more poking and prodding.

biff was off to work..

today, kind and gentle would not be the case.....i asked grace if she knew where she goes to school.... she gave me the wrong answer and covered her ears with a very large stuffed bunny! this, from the girl, who used to wake up, run to our room and ask for the mornings schedule and wanted to make muffins at the crack of dawn! t.j. claimed to have had NOT a wink of sleep!

i had my coffee....poked and prodded....called with the "sweet mother voice" and shouted from the bottom of the stairs....called out the minutes UNTIL the bus! somehow, i let it all go, knowing they NEED the sleep....i drove them to school. nobody wakes up like they used to....... the joy of the schoolbus isn't the same..... enthusiasm is "history"......i speak a "foreign language".....money is a "math lesson" no one likes to hear about, "english" has changed a bit....lol=laugh out loud...brb=be right back....lunch is still the same for grace....a lifetime of peanut butter on ritz! if only the rest of adolescence was as simple as peanut butter.

i remember waking up in high school......my mom, calling my name again and again.... i would always say, "I'm UP!"....like an actress, so believeable.....i bought more moments...."ahhhhhh", sleep......UNTIL i heard the footsteps...clunk. clunk. clunk.........i would jump up and pretend i was up and getting ready.....

so everything is different and everything is still the same....

the good news is that it still is a beautiful day.....no matter how mixed up it gets! by the way, i'm exhausted!

today i try to write my blog BUT........

first of all, i finally figured out how to get to the blog! oh, i could get to the blog, it's just that i couldn't open it to put some words in it! on the way, though, something exciting happened that i didn't expect! another blogger put a comment! that was so exciting and apparently it changed my whole computer karma! i was sitting here, at biff's computer, for about an hour....this is true...i kept moving around trying to find out where to add a new post and poof!....an inspirational comment appeared!

computer literacy may be just around the corner for me.....and perhaps the whole technological world may be my next world to attempt. you see, biff, my technologically adept husband has been an enabler....you GROAN! this is true....and my children have been enabling too.....i think the children may like me where they have me, walking around in a paper and pen world! they prefer it that way...if i become less challenged, they will have less time on their tools of choice.

it has been an uphill battle for me. i take it a day at a time! actually, i'm only equipped to handle this tech stuff for about a minute at a time...i've had many failed attempts....it's not that i haven't tried....i swear. it's just that i slip back to my pen and pencil so effortlessly....and oh, that telephone....it has been my tech of choice since the 70's....it made all troubles disappear...with just one dial and the high of a ring....my problems faded away and any loneliness disappeared!

the dial tone was just the beginning....back then, the actual picking up of the receiver, shiny, black and so weighty...with that long coiled cord that reached all the way to the other room. at that point, i was able to fill my soul with the wait, the ringing and the joy of the pick up at the other end! it didn't stop there! it was mandatory to speak to the person at the other end of the line....even if only to properly introduce myself and ask for a friend....that was the tip of the iceberg. the party who answered, had to acknowledge me and my voice, maybe utter a few words, ask me to hold on, listen to that party walk down the hall or to another room and either call to the recipient or YELL LOUDLY....actually WAIT...a few seconds or even minutes and listen for the next sound to indicate if the news would be positive or negative.
positive was a score for my team! the friend would be "right there" or i would have to "hold on"....negative might be something like," she's not home. can she call you back?"....and hearing "she can't come to the phone right now, she'll call you right back." would still be music to my ears and i would wait like christmas morning with the same anticipation!
oh, and the upset to call someone and have a busy signal.....that meant calling again and again, if it was worth the bother to dial again. and it was a big decision to determine whether it was worth the wait....i think many a fine opportunity was missed due to the busy signal! even then, there was no choice but to hang up and perhaps, try again later. sometimes, it grew more complicated....if there was a possibility of getting a call returned, and i had made the decision to go out before the connection, then it was up to me whether or not to leave a message with someone at home to give a message to the caller......i think that's where the game telephone began!
it was a very definitive "NO", if a friend was not home and maybe, a message would be delivered or maybe not. after all, leaving a message was strictly dependent on who took the message. i still have flashbacks to some of the siblings who took the messages through the years. some older brothers would tease and say, "maybe, maybe not.", others were unable to write the information down correctly and that's before anyone had a clue about dyslexia. way back then, the numbers had to be exact, a number did not appear on the screen with the name. oh WAIT! there was NO screen.
in some houses, messages were written on church bulletins, envelopes and scrap paper, never to be seen again.

AND, I AM SURE THAT THERE WERE EVEN THOSE WHO NEVER WROTE THE MESSAGE DOWN AND ACTUALLY TRIED TO REMEMBER THE MESSAGE! THERE WERE NO TIMES RECORDED. IT IS AMAZING THE WORLD BECAME CIVILIZED!

OR DID IT?

today, i still have the telephone situation worked out pretty well. that is because of the latent addiction. it is a false sense of connection...everyone is a t my fingertips....all of my people right there if i need them....as wonderful as having everyone in the college dorm, awake at all hours!
even if i have had approximately 8 cell phones, primarily because of water damage. i do not use the term "water damage" lightly. i get this technological information from the ultimate of all techno people....the man/woman in a knit shirt with verizon printed on it. i have quite the relationship with these "technicians"....i have been through some pretty dire cicumstances with them..these "techs", the emergency doctors of the cell phone world, i hold them in high esteem and realize how valuable they are to us....unless they have the unfortunate task of notifying us of "loss" or "inoperable" or "damage beyond repair". it is then that they become useless to me...i am ashamed to say...i lose respect for them...and consider them to be a part of the verizon bureacracy....not even going the extra mile, with c.p.r. or some sort of extravagant measure....they give up....and no one likes a quitter. especially, when my "whole world is in his hands" and i mean my WHOLE WORLD...my cell phone contains MY people!

that is only the cell phone in the techno world....biff and the kids are enablers, except they are "tough love" when it comes to me and my phone damages. it was just last week that i had to give up on a phone. it was a hand me down from biff...and old (1year old)...a jalopy in the kids world. the phone before that had it's last rites in our family room. it was then, that the family gathered around me to tell me that they just didn't think i could handle a new phone just yet...after all, the wounds were still open....i needed time. i knew the day would come that i would be back at verizon to pick out a new and shiny phone, with the color of my choice...maybe even a phone with some other techno treats! the horror on my childrens faces! they reprimanded me, "mom, you have had that hand me down for less than 4 months and look at the condition it's in....you are not responsible enough to have an i-phone or blackberry!".....this, from the children that carry their own cell phones and i touches. TOUGH LOVE! biff and the kids sat me down and shared many feelings....they were ordering my new phone on e-bay, slightly used, no internet.

oh, i've gone way to far...this is all so personal. if i can touch just one person, by hearing my story, then it will have been worth bearing my sole.

as required, i took one typing class in 9th grade...it made me a nervouse wreck...all of those fingers on the keys, the bells ringing and the teacher timing us all...it was way too much pressure......and the teacher bursting out,"powder puff pinkie!"....her enthusiasm was genuine! mine was not. although, she had a nervous breakdown that semester and i didn't!

computer class was also a requirement in college. it was junior year. we learned about the computer in a traditional classroom, with NO computers. the computers were in the cafeteria building. across the street. we had to go to the computer lab after dinner. that computer, the size of a car, was hard to warm up to. the teacher had wall eye and that didn't help either.

so many attempts were made to help me adjust to the computer age....too many to list.

i still remember biff's mom teaching me "cut" and "paste". that was almost 20 years ago and i'm still so proud when i do it!

i remember when "e-mail" was installed at work and at home...i was suspicious. and still to this day, i do not count e-mail as a personal connection...nope, not for me.
sitting at a desktop, laptop or blackberry will never give me the intonation, the eye contact and reaction that i enjoy! whatever floats your boat!

i have entered the facebook world, kin of begrudgingly....and guess what!! i invite the world to go there. it is very impersonal and very personal all at once! and lots of friends and family use it...i think it actually helps connect the generations in families......yet a teenager used to make mistakes with family and a few friends and now the mistakes are with thousands to see....not so sure about that....but, i do friend the kids, their friends, my friends, family and so on and so on.......................

about technology .....just in the last 2 years, i have dropped one 3 month old laptop, broken 2 new cameras (within waranty, 3 phones, one desktop went to the big white light above ................that doesn't even count the dvd player, the wii player, the digital clock/c.d.player/ with sounds of nature, the ipod, the 5 c.d. changer in the car, the d.v.d. player in the car, the serius radio in the car, the seat heaters, the electric rear view mirror, the electric side view mirrors, the electric rear door opener............................. STOP THE WORLD AND LET ME CATCH UP!

but how can i catch up? my enablers, who shall remain anonymous, always try to teach me....and they are the same ones who want to take away my mouse and the downward spiral begins!

did i mention, my mom, the one who named me little mary mix up, used to have biff call her.....even from hong kong.....to give her a wake up call....in desperate situations.....because she never learned how to set her plain, old fashioned, circa 1980 alarm clock!

did i mention, that because my mom had just received a new cordless phone, and didn't know how to work it...she hung up the phone on us.... the night we got engaged....we had used our last change in a pay phone....the one with the quarters.....we laughed and saved our story til we got home!

did i mention, we bought my mom a cell phone....we returned it.

did i mention, my mom had one of those "help, i've fallen and i can't get up" techno-necklaces.....the local police department knew her because of so many mistaken alarms!

i think you get the picture!

my blog is just the beginning! if i can just find out how to get to it, i'll keep writing!


liz

hip hip hooray!

"Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing, through one's head. "
-Mark Twain

okay, can you believe the quote i just recieved in my outward bound e-mail.....did mark twain know me? WHOOSH!

SEE YA SOON....PLEASE STOP BY AGAIN SOON!

halloween night....scarey!

well, we the parents, have actually made it through halloween festivities. we knew we would....it's just that we never know what glitches (not witches)might occur. sometimes it is a drama based on parental issues.....like, the husband won't be home in time, won't be home at all,... the kids want to be in three different places with three different groups of people,the parents want to be in three different places with three different groups of people.
HUGE in a kids mind...."he or she always tries to eat my candy"..."this neighborhood is better than that neighborhood"..... "i want to go with this friend and they want to go with those friends".....simple...halloween logistics, you say..."big deal"....i say, "BIG DEAL!"

to further complicate matters, an additional drama that can occur , brought on by parents who want to control ... "why can't our kids go together?"...the drama is exponentially related to how many parents and how many kids are involved!

and that's why we have stuck with the plain, old fashioned "K.I.S."(keep it simple) rule that suits us best....only because in our world, we need simple! when we live life in the simple lane...honest and true to ourselves and our kids, life seems to flow with our plain, old fashioned little mary mix up events....we don't need to mix with others' social agendas to have giant volcanic eruptions. the mix ups we're used to!

thankfully, our halloween, has always been kid driven. we have always tried to let our children choose their own friends....on halloween and in LIFE.
sounds simple, you say. NOT! it seems easiest if you can formulate friendships for your children that are "convenient" for you....based on your family friends, neighborhood friends, "playgroup" friends or "social climbing status (hopefully, the children are only concerned with climbing trees and climbing on furniture and it is ONLY the parents who are "d.s.s." ..desperately seeking status!

there is a whole social structure built right into the halloween trick or treat process. griff and i learned early on that "p.p.p." (parents pleasing parents)never works out to the kids' best advantage!

so many mixes to consider!
convenient just seems to backfire....in the kids case, convenient may be the kids who are conveniently located, but the friendships can't withstand the test of time...even if for a couple of hours on halloween.
family friends is nice for everyone when the kids have their own level of comfort... BUT, geographically, a challenge.
neighborhood friends seem to fall together naturally, although the mix of ages or parenting styles may differ.
playgroup friends are great if they're STILL friends!
of all so the mixes, we have witnessed many a social dilemma, drama and debacle developed by either giving into or foaming at mouth for the elusive social status friending!there are some mild dramas based on the children's choices...but, given their own devices, kids usually sort it out very genuinely on their own.....it's the parents who upset the bobbing apple cart!

so having all of the figured out after 14 years of trick or treating with children, we picked our children up at school on friday, october 30th, and headed to boston!....to a town that shall remain nameless! yes, it was to visit our greatest friends for kids and parents, even parenting styles, ages and styles, mixing and sharing.....a regular mutual admiration society! basically, a lovefest for all! who can ask for more....even if it was a 250 mile drive. we were all happy from the moment the plans started to evolve....and we don't know yet whether the parents or the kids suggested the weekend, but we made it!

we left connecticut with smiles on our faces. AFTER the week of costume drama and swine flu.

oh, and did i mention the involvement of getting someone to watch our dogs and cats and fish. we love them all. never in my life did i intend to be like this, but i have a little separation anxiety when we leave the dogs. the cats think it's their house anyway. they have no concerns. they know the mortgage payments, the furniture, the appliances, the electronics and even the dogs, are there for them....just to accommodate them.
the dogs, however, want to come with us. they know that when our car doors open, they are supposed to run, jump and hang there heads out the windows, smiling and drooling and ready for there next adventure! preferably, at or near a beautiful beach where they can run with no leashes, recklessly tromp through the reeds and romp through the waves, joyously chasing seagulls and WAIT WAIT WAIT! that's there version...
...instead, it is quietly and gently explained to them, with tears in my eyes, that we will be back soon and we will have only THE most loving friends at home to stay with them. then, i begin to consider very limited options. i even called my niece to see if she wanted to plan a weekend with dogs, oops!, i mean, college friends in connecticut! "NO"...PLANS... i made her tell me specific plans so i knew that she wasn't just faking me out! o.k., she's 25 and maybe she had better options! i think NOT! next, i called a great neighbor, just out of college, job hunting, in the process of moving, needs extra cash....busy for halloween! i doubted her....oh come on, what could be better? i called lots of wonderful dog sitters....we called some wonderful neighbors famous for being our backup, chaos created, emergency dog visitors, lovers and savers.....i think they feel for the dogs and cats, living with our mix ups! i also called "Q.B."(quiet boy), a very nice college boy who has started a business walking dogs BUT, he is quiet! not just quiet...QUIET...we trust that he does a good job because the dogs always look "happy" when we return. but since he chooses to save energy by speaking less, we don't know what he does. so since "Q.B" is taking care of things, we also have our most wonderful neighbors also come just to give the dogs love....and,since they are dog lovers like us, they will.
o.k., i'll admit, that on account of our own confusion, we have actually had friends and neighbors bumping into each other in the driveway! better safe than sorry! hey, DON'T JUDGE! that's not fair!

friday, just in time for a wonderful dinner, we arrived in boston! with about a half hour to spare, all of the parents had to get dressed for a halloween party. i never got around to mentioning THAT! our friends were dressed as a college mascot and a cheerleader...AWESOME and homemade, complete with paper mache head and feathers!(for the mascot, that is)...
my husband pulled out his hand made, sewing machine sewn(by HIM, in the early 1980's), uncle sam outfit complete with top hat, tails, striped pants, stars and striped bow tie (also handmade!) AND white gloves!
my idea was to wear my wedding dress...that's another story. hey WAIT! it fit! just that, it seemed like a fun idea to go dressed as "aunt samantha"!
i had all of the coordinating red, white and blue with sparkly silver shoes, sparkle red and sparkle blue material....only i had to sew by hand lots of the pieces and glue on the red white and blue sparkly stars! i called ahead, from 15 minutes away and asked to have the needle, thread and fabric glue at the ready! thank goodness our friends are dependable! with minutes to go, the sparkles were sewn on the blue tennis skirt, the red mesh stockings and sparkly shoes were on....had a few sewing stitches done with surgeons needle and thread, a shawl was created with sparkles and the american flag sunglasses...the glue...DRY!
and to the adams family house we went....with gomez and mortisha,a priest, a banana, awicked witch and her flying monkey, a helicopter mom, an eskimo, the swine flu couple and more. now, that it's all over....HALLOWEEN IS GREAT! til next year....
oh wait, the kids got dressed in totally different things than we planned and purchased, went trick or treating with friends and had a ball! and shared candy!

oops, in all of the confusion, i never mentioned the college football game, the painted t shirts, the face paint and wigs(school colors, of course)and the mascot dressed dad....after all, it's all about halloween! and then, night time trick or treating and lots of laughs!

keep it simple...as simple as we can....life is good for all and it's the moments! and the memories!!

liz

festive fun and games

`the pressures of halloween festivities have been building for a few weeks. october is a beautiful month, with leaves at there peak, the sunny skies and crisp air.....bring out the sweaters! it is very hard for me to let go of the delightful days of summer...the beach, the family and friends, boogie boarding, sailing barbeques, toasting marshmallows and catching fireflies.
the angst of back to school and the excitement of a new school year has already mellowed. we're into football games and after school sports and home improvements.

in our house, the whole month of october is focused on halloween. my husband, biff has a birthday that calls for cake, candles, maybe a dinner out with the family. oh, wait....that didn't happen this year because, at the last moment, our children had better offers. they are truly formed adolescents who have only their own social lives to attend to. their birthday enthusiasm was not quite up to par. birthdays in our house call for cake baked by all and half of the icing eaten before it even touches the cake. sometimes the cake is eaten before the birthday boy/girl has even heard the tune of happy birthday. that' o.k. because we all like cake and we can whip up another and get out some used candles and sing the song during the week.
so here we are , halloween just two days away...we have been to halloween costume stores, walmart costume aisle, cvs costume aisle...we have traveled miles....and purchased a wide variety of wigs....

i have always liked halloween for the kids...i have always liked putting together creative costumes. over these 14 halloweens, we have probably lived through 60 different halloween costumes.......and worked pretty hard to put together some great witches, fireman, farmers, raggedy ann and andy, ballerinas and hippies. as the kids have gotten older, we have lived through political figures like john mccain and barach obama and many more.

i like to create our own, without those icky, smelly, cheap costumes...."store bought" has been frowned upon by many a m.s.m. mom....martha stewart mom.....i have never been one to break out a sewing machine ...but, i do recall a year that i was sewing a red feather boa to a red sparkly cape so that we could have a king before dark.....thankfully, the biggest harry potter craze was at the time that my son got his new glasses.....a first grader with new glasses! harry potter made the new horn rimmed circle glasses the greatest prop a 6 year old boy could dream of....and poof---- a star was born...glasses, a black cape and a few other props and life was good! of course, we have also had a witch who was able to act out the part perfectly after she looked in the mirror, and saw the green face paint was"ugly witch facepaint"....who would have thought. the best were the photos taken during the halloween parade in town.......the witch had a mad face all day......we've had clowns in the afternoon and after too much of the itchy fabric, the clown came home and turned himself into a karate kid with his own karate duds. the best halloween costumes have always been spontaneous. the dress up box and accessories have always made we have had halloween cider and donuts at the bus stop, cupcakes with halloween candy with school friends, pumpkin fairs,pumpkin parties with neighbors .....it's a miracle that we've made it this far!

hosting thanksgiving dinner for twenty three is easier than pulling together the halloween costumes..... christmas is big....shopping for all of the presents, trying to find the one gift that gets a gleam in a childs eyes is worth it all......getting the christmas tree and putting it up is a snap compared to the halloween costume. and do we have christmas tree stories....our first married christmas tree was magical. our apartment was so small, we could see it from every room in our cozy little niche....even the bathroom! biff's proudest moment was when he was able to turn the tree lights on and off on the wall switch. one christmas was so mild that our tree had ants crawling all over it....out on the deck of the condo it went...until a frost.....dead ant, dead ant.......dead ant, dead ant, dead ant.....2 years ago, the GIANT christmas tree made it in the house by opening both french doors and shoving it in.....ahhhhh, big and beautiful, it took up half of the family room. and that tree was our first married tree to come crashing down......although it crashed multiple times. griff had just left on a business trip, i was having a peaceful cup of coffee, looking at the lights and decorations on the tree, when the new kitten started to climb the interior branches......and CRASH...catching it mid-fall was the easy part....the real challenge was the contortions necessary to keep it standing.....the water was leaking out of the stand.....the tree would not steady....reaching a roll of red ribbon with my foot allowed me to unwind a few feet of that skinny balloon ribbon to tie to the tree and then, tie that to the curtain rod!.....that wasn't enough, besides ripping the ribbon with my teeth, i was able to tiptoe on the window ledge to the other side of the tree to tie up the other side. it was only nine o'clock in the morning! and people ask what i do all day long!

growing up, my family had a christmas tree knife....now that's desperate....there were many words used that were never heard in any christmas carols i knew......the knife, by the way, was a creative way to hack at the tree to make it fit in the little red and green metal stand. one year, my brother was supposed to bring a great tree down from vermont.....oh, and the hallmark expectations i had! WRONG! he had travelled all of the way from vermont to buy a pathetic, partially naked tree at a roadside tree sale at a gas station en route to mom's house.....the bonus was that he also worked some extra branches into his wheeling and dealing!

with a history of family tree disasters, it seemed to be the greatest solution of all to buy the tree myself and bring it home......so, while with a boyfriend, out in the poconos(yup,that's where i was! it really makes the story), we picked up trees to bring home to our respective families. when boyfriend brought his tree in to his parents, the whole family oohed and ahhhhed. when we got to my mom's, i couldn't wait to see the look on her face when the tree arrived.......it was absolute HORROR! apparently, she was freaked out that it was only december 8th and she had not yet "prepared" for the tree's arrival! it was one of those moments where you think you might be in alternate universe....but, that was my "normal".

although the tree was not welcomed with open arms, i was able to stuff it out on the balcony of my mom's 2nd floor condo....through the bathroom window. at the time, there were no questions asked. that was my "normal". by about december 14th, the preparations apparently were acceptable enough to "receive" the tree. so, out i climbed onto the balcony to retrieve the tree...that had been sitting in a pail of water to keep it "fresh"......oh, it was fresh! it was FROZEN! all of my plans were foiled... the tree with the frozen bucket of water had to be JAMMED back through the bathroom window. THAT WAS THE EASY PART! once the tree was inside, it was time to "defrost" it in the bathtub, and alternately try to blow it dry. it took days. the tree was decorated beautifully, but did not stand the test of time....it was out of the house before new years!


that is just a tidbit of my family christmas tree karma! thankfully, all of that changed when biff became our christmas elf! he loves the challenge of putting a tree up! we go to the local tree farm with the kids and pick out the "BEST" of the lot, tie it to the roof of our car, drive home, put it in the stand, let it sit and bring in all before dinner! lights, camera, action! life is good.

the only karma that has changed is our children's joy in the world of adolescence! "WHY" DO WE HAVE TO GO TODAY AND "HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE?" AND "JAKE GETS PAID MONEY TO GO GET THEIR TREE!".......AH THE JOY OF CHRISTMAS...and although there is a bit of resistance from the opposing team, we select the tree, bring it home and by the time we're decorating, everyone is enthused as they find their most special ornaments to hang on the tree. i'm no m.s.m., but we do have some wonderful traditions that just can't be created without love and laughter!

so, we make it through the holidays and it's birthday planning for our daughter.....the days of dressup birthdays and unpoppable pinatas are over....so much time and so many special creations made each one so special. now as a teen, the celebration goes on, with just a bit less frenzy.....i'm glad i was able to enjoy the fun while it was happening...those days are precious to me.

then, valentines day,,,our days of cards for the class and valentines boxes are long gone but never forgotten. it has always been the little things that have been the most memorable....again, it comes down to moments!

st.patricks day is not the green streamers and shamrocks like it used to be.....but we still have friends in for music, soda bread and green cupcakes for the kids

easter egg hunts are over...but, we may be coloring eggs into our 80's! and that's fun for us all......the easter bunny still comes.....we have jelly bean hunts throughout the house.....no fancy dresses or hats or new sweaters and shoes! so thankful for the moments!

so, we have many more crazed birthdays throughout the year....they will always create a frenzy cuz we all share the birthday spirit!


and memorial day and 4th of july and we love parades!

oh and did i mention the pressure of grown up halloween parties? griff will be "uncle sam" tomorrow night and i will be "aunt samantha". we will have our own sparkles ......just moments!


oh and did i mention that we're going to a college football game on halloween day,,,,,,the kids and the adults are all wearing body and face paint and t-shirts and one dad will be dressed up like the mascot........maybe we'll never grow up....our kids will see to that!



liz

daydream believer

sniff, sniff...cough....ooh, i have a bit of a headache. today, we had my boy home sleeping, my girl home sleeping and, i spent a good deal of the day sleeping and sneezing. my headache lingers. my, husband...my hero...kept marching onward and upward. he got up early he made the coffee, he woke me for a consult on whether or not our 14 year old should join her brother at home today.....I thought for about a second and said,"yes".....and fell back asleep while he walked the dogs, fed the dogs and sat down at his computer to get some early morning work started.

is this the swine flu? you know what? i'm just a bit too tired to care... the fact that the news has been filled with school closings, flu vaccine medical advice, hospital happenings and warnings. is it just "scare t.v." as biff and i call it? even "doctor OZ" of oprah fame has had a show educating viewers about the H1N1 virus today.

so, the mom who once was the mom who doubted anything but a fever and tossing cookies was a sickness worthy of a school absence, has now put the car in reverse! anything goes! stay home! why risk it? for years, we have been subjected to other peoples cooties (another word that my children ask me not to use, especially in public).....i know that it shouldn't be a big deal. but, to me, once you have kids, you are a cootie magnet.it's true.

considering i was the mom who, with my first baby, used to put all of the toys in the dishwasher after the playgroup babies headed out the door, i have come a long way. since the second kid arrived, oh, whats a little dog hair! drop a cookie on the floor when there is only one cookie with 2 kids.......a little cootie off the floor is way worth the risk to my children than the screaming and fighting that can take over our lives if they don't have "even steven",

who started "even steven" anyway, it must have been adam and eve....and it just continued through ages right on through ben and jerry. i wonder how jon and kate plus eight manage with "even steven"? oh, never mind....i'm sick of them anyway...the bad part of being cooped up at home, so tired and achy, is that's the kind of t.v. we are subjected to when we're too tired to lift an arm to find the remote to turn the yapping t.v. off.

anyway, back to "even steven".....the only reason that having a few more than 2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 fish etc. would be that at a certain point, "even steven" flies out the window. the family of ten, who lived down the street when i was growing up, had no such thing as "even steven"...it was catch as catch can. one sleeve of oreos pretty much took care of that....i used to use them as an example for my kids when they were very little. i would say, "wwmbd?"....what would mrs. breenan do? oh, yeah, you think that's pathetic....i used the breenans for all kinds of sharing examples....."do you think mrs. breenan would cook different meals for all of her children?"...."do you think that the breenan kids could just leave their dishes in the sink?"...."''''socks on the floor...''''shoes at the door"...you get the picture. my kids literally got the picture. much of our time together over the years has been spent at a table with crayons....i love crayons and they helped me to chill out, sitting a drawing with the kids...i'm a life long doodler....so sitting and doodling the breenan's piles of shoes or oreo distribution was a part of my "teachable moments".

did our parents have "teachable moments"...i think not. i don't think my mother ever thought of a "teachable moment"....although i do recall her saying that she would "TEACH ME A LESSON"...and her teeth were a bit clenched at the time.

i don't recall anyone in my family "doodling" with crayons and talking about life lessons either.....i was a big doodler.....especially in school. those fresh new notebooks that started the school year so pristine and hopeful, with perfect catholic school handwriting on the front, with the subject, homeroom and teachers name.....after about the 2nd week of school, when i had already fallen behind, my enthusiasm waned and it became "doodle time"! the sides of my notebook were filled with beautiful swirly letters and drawings...pencils and pens were not good enough....markers of every color rocked my world! "mr. sketch" was my king...the mr. sketch markers were wide with bold colors and matching scents....red was cherry, blue was blueberry, purple was grape....on and on. doodling went hand in hand (quite literally!) with daydreaming.

my daydreams had only just begun. they were my ticket to freedom in sister cecilia marie's third grade class. she was a young nun....but, even in third grade, i knew she was not a happy nun like sister maria nicholas, my first grade teacher. sister maria nicholas was about as warm and fuzzy and groovy as a nun could be in the mid 1960's. not to sound too cliche' but, she even played the guitar.....outside on the front lawn of the church!....we had a sing along! i liked that as much as show and tell.

props always made me happy. i also liked the "little nun pitchpipe" she would pull out of her pocket. let the games begin and the good times roll...catholic school was rockin' after all. even though the nun in the long dark navy blue garb, with the white bib,and white "hat" (otherwise known in catholic circles as a wimple),accessorized with a matching navy blue waistband, sterling silver cross, black stockings and black shoes, a gold ring on the left hand because she was "married" to GOD, a black pitch pipe in her pocket and a tissue up her sleeve(mandatory, i believe)....and on special days...the guitar!

sister cecilia marie of third grade fame was young and she was mean. she was short, chunky with barely a smile. thinking back, i wonder if that was because she didn't want to call attention to her mustache....that was the only warm and particularly fuzzy thing that i can remember about her. she used to say,"patience is a blessing, possess it if you can, seldom held by woman, never held by men". i guess that should have tipped me off on her anger....that and the mustache, and the fact that she brought a t.v. into class to watch the '69 mets in the world series of baseball! she was tough. she is the reason that doodling was so big in my daydreaming world. some people are "saved by JESUS", i was saved by daydreams and doodling in third grade.


all of this came to me while writing about our sensitive, new age "teachable moments". my daydreaming could have been used as a teachable moment....perhaps? one of the few things i remember of the third grade was that the teacher was mean and not well accessorized, had a crabby face with a mustache and a tightly wrapped habit(the kind on her head....but, who knows, maybe she had some money on those amazing mets!) i remember that the classroom was in the basement of our church and the windows were so high that it wasn't possible to look outside, we had to line up to go to the "washroom" and line up for the bus, i hated practising cursive because of sister saint mustache. and did i mention that sometimes she would come out to the cement parking lot/playground to play baseball with the boys. not that there's anything wrong with that...it just seems ironic that people use the expression, "maybe she was batting for the wrong team".....it never crossed my mind until just this minute....swear on a stack of bibles with my left hand and make a sign of the cross with my right!

back to my daydream issues. i didn't know that there was any issue with them until one fall day in third grade. it was the day of the parent-teacher conference. my irish catholic mother, president of the rosary society,was terrified of NUNS. she came to school to meet with sr. cecilia marie.

my mom was a bit anxious. after all she had two rowdy boys years ahead of me and she was terrified of nuns! i'm not even going to question why she sent me to a school filled with the scariest beings in her "world". i sat in the car for quite awhile waiting for my mom to come out smiling like my precious experience in the education "world". well, it seemed to take a long time as i peered out the window of our 1965 ford country squire.....my mother finally was freed by the nun and ready to go. as she started the car, my mom said, with teeth clenched (notice a pattern here?),"WHAT DOES SHE MEAN ...YOU DAYDREAM?!!!!!".....startled, i responded, "huh?". and that was just the beginning of may wonderful daydreaming years to follow.

of course, as parents of 8th and 9th graders, we have had our share of teachers conferences....no nuns involved. no shame based teachings....in fact, it is so politically correct these days, that a daydreamer is considered "creative"...that puts a much more positive spin on things. little hellions are called "busy and active children", loud, disruptive children are called, "vocal", stutterers are called "repetitive speakers", smart kids are "gifted", not so smart have "learning challenges"......wow, in my day, i would have been covered by so much "teach speech" that my parents would have never known what was going on.

there are no bad students, "mediocre bound". actually, i think, once my mom put the car in drive, she never thought about my student credentials again....til the next conference. not that she didn't care, just that she had done her parent duty by simply showing up. she didn't obsess about my future or send me to a creativity enlightenment based school. all that mattered was that she was done with the nun! thank GOD. and as sister cecilia marie with the mustache used to say, my mom had "the patience of JOB".

so, anyway, what's a few days off with the swine flu. will it make my children "cootie challenged"? i'll have to take that chance.

thank goodness for laptops, i never had to leave my bed.

lizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz












'

moments

having my thirteen year old home with a possibility of swine flu, like the many others in our town. i actually had to pause and enjoy the moments while he was asleep.....not to say i was enjoying discomfort....it just plain stinks to be sick with a fever, exhausted, achy .... and feverish...with a scratchy throat....and snuffly nose.

i looked in on him while he was sleeping peacefully, seeing my sweet, loving boy....cozy and warm, under the covers with a kitty at his feet. i had the same grateful feelings that i have every night when i kiss our children goodnight and say a prayer while they sleep. i treasure those moments.

my mother in law told me, during the toddler years, that she felt God gave us those moments while they're sleeping so that we can handle all of the challenges with them during the day! i think of that every night. no matter what life we live with our kids during the day, at night we can trust that the tough times are only moments.

i know, some moments are longer than others. a family friend told us that when her kids were acting up, while they were with the grandparents, she would tell them that the kids were teething. even in their teens. hey! ya gotta do what ya gotta do. some moments are longer than others!

sitting in my peaceful world, i wondered if i too, had some of the same flu symptoms as my son. i'm exhausted, achy with a headache and scratchy throat. i have felt that way most of the time during this new adolescent period. oh...WAIT.... it's motherhood, not the swine flu. a few pigs don;t scare me!

i remember when we were expecting our babies...friends and strangers would tell us to "enjoy the sleep NOW", before the baby arrived. as though we could store it up, like nursing mothers doing marathon pumping and storing multiple bottles in the fridge!

i remember sitting with friends, weeks before our first baby was born. we had just had a nice dinner with friends, their babies asleep in packnplays and cribs in the adjoining room, and the women began sharing their stories of motherhood. they told little snippets of their new babies...the sleepless nights, the confusion...but mostly, they told the sweet kodak moments.