see the dishes!

 

hi!  it's me!  again!

i know,  right now you're saying,"oh no! she's playing with her computer again.....here she goes again with these ridiculous pictures!"

well, it's been fun learning a bit more about this techno world that i've been thrown into.......or chosen, ever since starting this mixed up blog.  it's been a ball!   i've learned so much!

who knew that when starting this blog about 4 months ago, i would learn so much!  and i'm proud to say that i've done it all by myself!

in the past, i always looked for a techno enabler....or some innocent codependent...preferably in my family....because of their proximity to my computer....to help me through even the simplest of mouse clicking...right click, left click, scroll!

so as it turns out, i "littlemarymixup" as my mom so endearingly nicknamed me, have enjoyed writing so much that it seems that perhaps some other bits and pieces of my life have gone astray.

how? you ask?  i'll tell you.....or at least i 'll give you the answer that comes to me right off of the top of my head.....(sorry to you if you didn't even ask that question!)....i seem to have so much fun writing that i forget to do some of the little things i'm supposed to do like.....hmmmmmm.....clean, do laundry, wash the floor, cook dinner, darn socks....oh wait! i throw out socks!  who ever darned anyway?  hey, i guess that's where the phrase,"darn it!" came from!

so where was i?  oh! that's right, i was mentioning that my blog gets me a little distracted from things.....like bedtime and sleep and....hey wait a minute!  this blog is having the same effect on me as the olympics!

sometimes, the blog comes in handy!  it's like those people we all know, who use their children as an excuse.....come on, we all know them....so they don't have to go to another luckless potluck supper over at the neighbor cat lady's house.

do i blame the blog because i have some issues with mail....not that i don't have the stamps....i have lots of stamps...i always buy those adorable ones that come out with old movie stars or antique cars or blooming flowers or artists. i just don't always have the stamp at the time i address the envelope and if i have the stamp on the envelope, i may not have the address....if i have the address and the stamp on the envelope, i can't find  a mailbox......if i get them all together at the same time, the letter drops down between the car seat and the  middle console.....

it just goes on and on!  can i use the blog for an excuse for what happened today?  i woke up, got the kids off to school, walked the dogs through the woods in the rain, got back home, used the "sham-wow!" to wipe the 3 gallons of water on each golden retriever.........

 

had my coffee while watching a bit of olympic recaps, got myself ready to get out the door, drove off to my doctor's appointment,arrived at my appointment with minutes to spare, sat down to enjoy a wonderful magazine and........they saw me sitting down and......i was there one day early!  24 hours.

no, i don't think my blog is responsible for that! 

the reason that i have some crazy looking pictures on this blog is because i wanted to show my kids what can happen with the ripple effect.  lately, i think the ripple effect has come about because of my blog......it's the little things.  i like to have the kitchen clean, not perfect...just clean, orderly and comfortable. that's all.  things like counters, floor, clutter, dishes, dishwasher......what was that?  DISHES....in the sink....in the picture that i took with my little net book.....and another picture with DISHES in the sink....hmmmmm.....why would dishes be piled up  over the edge of the sink.....

 

we have two kids...they are responsible for some work in our house.  the dishwasher must be emptied by both kids.  grace empties the top shelf and t.j. empties the bottom half.  somehow, last night, while i was writing my blog and watching the olympics with the family.....two of our two children did not empty the dishwasher.  i was "blogging", a word t.j. uses to make fun of my writing.....and when grace and t.j. went upstairs, i failed to notice that.......until i finished writing my -b-l-o-g- ....they were asleep!  

 

so, i really showed those kids of ours! i didn't empty the dishwasher all day...i waited until they came home from school and let them do it....well, guess what?  they didn't even notice....they might not have even noticed dishes up to the ceiling until i mentioned the fact that i couldn't wash the floor, because i couldn't get to the water in the sink....because the dishes in the sink didn't go into the dishwasher....because the dishwasher didn't get emptied.

and it's all because of my blog. so the reason that i have all of these pictures of me trying to get a picture of the sink in our kitchen, in our house, where i write my

blog!

over my shoulder, you might be able to see the dishes!

ShamWow (Full Length)

beware of imitators!

in my own mind.

this may be a first!  i might just be too tired to write.  we are a week or so into the olympics and i feel like i've been worn out from all of this activity. 

                  our olympic training on the luge.......

i've been on the luge...mens' and womens', i've done freestyle skiing and snowboarding, ice dancing, ice hockey, womens' skating, free skating, curling, speed skating, giant slalom, snowboarding, downhill skiing, bobsledding, the bi-athalon and much more that my brain can't even function well enough to remember.

                             our bobsled

i feel like i'm at the academy awards and i don't have my script with all of the names of the fine actors, producers and directors and oh! don't let me forget to mention the set directors and lighting and oh!  cinematography director!!!  and last but not least, how could i forget bob costas?

let's face it....we all know that bob costas makes the olympics!  how grateful we are in our house that he has such a lovely and even tone low, melodic voice!  think of the different commentators that could make these events even more stressful!

 our commentator!

and who could forget the greatest commentators on ice,

dick buttons and tom, sarah.....and what's her name, you know, peggy fleming, dorothy hamill...the one with the haircut!....i had that haircut but i don't know how to spell her name!  well, they were all there!

sensuality, flirt, style, grace, poise.......just some of the words used to describe their performance.

triple toe loop and double toe loops and working the program, rotations, technical, triple lutz,  triple flips, combination, sequence, triple loops, timing, awkward, athleticism,  artistic elements, moving freely, good and solid, short of rotation, landing............and that's just the ice skating!!

phew! i'm exhausted from working so hard...o.k., so i'm not actually working toward the olympic medal with all of the years of preparation, family sacrifice, time, money, willpower, strength, drive, dreams, goals and triumphs, but these 2010 winter olympic games are killing me!

our ski team!

the pressure!  the emotion! the hopes! the dreams! the stories of excellence and struggle, personal, physical and emotional....are all so much to take in!  and what about our personal favorites....and our country loyalty...the greatest story of perserverence through much adversity!

as i'm writing this, the canadian ice skater, whose mother just died, is on the ice...magnificent....and bob costas is interviewing tim janssen, a speed skater from the last winter olympic games, whose sister died just before his big skate......it's one big lump in my throat!  how did she do it....so beautifully and so flawlessly.  i feel her pain....and i have no idea how she even stood up, much less skated through it all!

i can imagine her thinking about her mom and doing it for her mom, in her memory....i can imagine how she feels like she's going through the motions and just not allowing her emotions ......until after....and....the healing begins....the sadness and the loss.....yet, she pulled herself together enough to be able to skate and live her dream!

these olympic days and nights have me physically and emotionally exhausted.  i can't just watch quietly....the kids have made fun of my armchair coaching and cheering and plain old hysterics!

and why are we all so captivated?  to sit and sit and shout and ooh and ahhhh and ohhhhh!  and i hold my breath! because of that thinking.....magical thinking......it could have been me! 

rachel flatt.....17  years old...... a high school senior...... preparing for her graduation in the spring.........this u.s. champion has a mom and dad who are

o.k. now the molecular biologist and biochemical engineer...great personality...american champion....cheyenne high school senior who is planning to go to stanford!  not just any old school, stanford!.......and she's adorable!  talent and beauty and smarts!  to the max in each category!  wow!  

and to think i was proud that i went to the post office today to mail a package, mail 2 letters and pick up a return package that had been returned because it had been deemed an insufficient address.......because i had not written the name of my sister in law on the package.......just a name....don't most people leave out the zip code?

i was proud that i returned d.v.d's to the library in a timely manner!  

i was proud that i walked the dogs at the beach in the rain.

i was proud that i made it to an appointment today.

i was proud that i cooked a whole recipe by myself tonight....and biff missed it because he is out of town....it was a new recipe with lots of ingredients that i had never used before! .......and i had all of the ingredients! very proud...did i already say that?

i was proud that when i went to the back of the car and i saw fitzy and daisy sitting so nicely ......waiting for me!  i found out later, when i went out to the car......fitzy had eaten a pizza......... that fell out of the bag of groceries earlier!

i'm still a champion!.....in my own mind.

"it's always something!"

we have good kids.  good kids in a good world......most of the time....the world, that is. well, the kids are good most of the time too.  it's funny because i write about the mixups in life, sometimes i tend to talk about the crazy days....last week, it was the lazy days.

we are all learning ....together.   we have never had teenagers before.  they have never been teens before.  we all go through growing pains at all of the stages of life together.  it's not so easy for us....kind of learn as we go....same for them, only we seem to put up more stop signs than they would like. so many signs to consider................ the stops, the yields, the slippery turns, the dead ends, the speeding, the slow curves all apply to our parenting.

sometimes, those street signs seem to be disturbing to our kids who are doing their best to find their way through their own twists and turns of life.  and in their new teen lives, we would like to keep the fender benders to a minimum.  yet, it's some of those street signs that they must learn how to deal with on their own.  we want to protect them....we want them to be safe....we want to teach them everything there is to know.  some stuff they just have to find out on their own.....and make their own mistakes.

we did!  i think that's why we want to protect them from making mistakes that we may have made.  yet, they may not even be making the same mistakes as us.  we learned, "don't make the same mistake twice.".....we don't even want our kids to make the same mistake once....just because our need/want to protect.

how will they learn to move through life if we don't let them go...make their own mistakes.  they have to. it's just so scary for us. it's a big world with room for so many really big mistakes.

we read, we hear them on t.v., we hear about alot from friends.  we especially hear about things that are harmful because of the internet.  it's that world outside...that world coming to us at a faster rate than we know how to read up on it. it's crazy for us! to our kids, it's coming at them at an even faster speed but they seem to be used to that speed.  that's the only speed they've known!

this may be the way it's always been....for our parents and generations before....now that it's our turn, it sure seems bigger than before....or maybe that's just our perspective. not only are we so involved in our childrens' lives, we have more technology an media to hear and see what's out there.

just like the generations before, our kids say these things won't happen to them and don't happen where we live.  the are beautifully innocent. some of that is why we are concerned for them....we don't want their innocence taken away. i know kids, in general, are never really that innocent...were we?

it seems like the more parents in this phase of parenting that i talk to have very similar concerns...boys, girls, teens and younger.  no matter what the parenting style, it seems we're all trying to do our best.

parenting styles are so different...even with sisters or best friends....we all have our own style that seems to be best for our children.  if there is one thing that i've learned since having children, it's not to judge anyone or their children.  there is no right way or wrong way.  wouldn't it be nice if there was a black and white, yes and no, right or wrong.  stop or go. red or green.  it's the yellow lights that cause so much confusion. 

talking with grace and ted, they tell us that we are so strict....we say no when others say yes....everyone else let's their kids do it....how come you don't let us do anything fun?

that's not the way we see it.  we do let them have independence. we let them do what is appropriate for their age.  the only battles we face are when other parents give their kids alot more freedom.  it's ironic because we are open to so much...yet, we seem to be rigid in their minds.  everyday, some new boundary becomes a topic of conversation, discussion, argument or battle!  and that's without us  even leaving the house....it comes up because of the freedom of someone elses kid!  that's a tough one.  wouldn't it be so much easier to say, "o.k., go with them...if her mom says o.k., than that's good enough for me!  no questions asked."

and not. can't. won't. will not. do not. don't.....how is that a part of my vocabulary now....when i'm just living my life...doing the best i can as a mom.  and...*POOF* from the outside world....or some other kids' parents say it's o.k.................that's when a volcano erupts in MY house.  out of no where....

sometimes when we bring up something or event that's happened...on the news or hear stories from other parents...or learn from a speaker at the"tweens" meetings i attend.........things like, "that doesn't happen here mom.....just because you hear these things at "tweens" but they happen other places...mom you scare yourself.....you read these things and because you read about them, you think they happen here!"

i had a long talk with grace the other night...it was great because she was so honest with her feelings and frustrations.  she feels like some friends are allowed to do so much more....with so many different ages.....go so many places.....so much freedom.  that's her perception.  she's aware of what's right and wrong.  she's very clear on what she knows is right or wrong.  she is one smart cookie and i'm so proud of her....she is morally conscious, responsible and wants to do the right thing and abide by our rules.  it's getting harder and harder for her when some of her friends are allowed more and more freedom.

she says sometimes the rules just make her want to break them...sometimes our rule make her think we don't trust her. that is so far from true.  we do trust her and we also know the temptations out there....to break rules just because your friends have different rules.

this is the hardest time in her life...this learning is painful for both of us....i love her so much and she is such a sweet girl....i trust her like crazy.  but, i still have to be the mom and be the parent....with biff.  how grateful i am that we parent together.  even with each other, this is tough stuff.

i know lots of parents who feel the same....every parent has different challenges. as gilda radner said,"if it's not one thing, it's another!"......."it's always something!"

we did have fun skiing yesterday!  after skiing yesterday, we drove up to biff's boarding school.....we had tentative plans to see friends there.  michael is a hockey coach and teacher for another school in connecticut...his school was playing biff's alma mater....hockey.....he wife and kids were going to possibly, maybe, thinking about meeting us there.....for fun, just to meet on biff's old turf.

we were so close we decided to drive up. we stopped into the hockey rink, a beautiful new building, to look for michael and the rest of the family...who thought they might, maybe, possibly be there.

i stopped a nice guy who had all of the school colors on his jacket, hat...i thought he might be a coach for the other team...perhaps he would know michael.  hmmmmm.  he had to think. nope.  he didn't.  oh, wait, he knew "mike"! i thought since it was a small school, it would be kind of easy for another coach.  nope.  he was a dad there to watch his son.  this was varsity, michael was coaching j.v. back at his school.  yes they were playing biff's alma mater too.

this nice guy had a son going to boarding school.  he had a son on the varsity team.  he was on his alumni board for the school......oh my gosh!  he might have been my age!  he might have been younger!  it shocked me to realize this.

not only did that shock me, but when i went to buy some snacks to support the crew team's trip to henley......biff did crew and loved it so much...crew team made a difference in his life....when i went up to the snacks with the crew team selling....once again, i was shocked to realize that i could be the mom to one of these kids!  not that i thought they were my children!  i just forget that i'm that old! 

meanwhile, biff was showing different plaques and pictures to our kids.  we caught a bit of their basketball game.  we walked around the gorgeous campus.  we stopped in to see the main offices...some kids eating dinner...some artwork....some notices of upcoming events.

grace and t.j. were having fun with biff as he stopped to tell them stories about when he was living there.  they were all laughing and enjoying his reminiscing.  they were amazed to think that we had no computers or ipods or cell phones.  the first thing grace noticed as we approached the school was that there was spotty cell coverage!

we looked at the new buildings, biff showed the kids where he lived, told about the traditions that he enjoyed and they were loving their time with him.  they always do...but, we had all made a comeback since our morning and it was so great to have it back....the fanu family who enjoyed each other!  and laughed rather than called names and rolled eyes!

we left as it got dark and began our drive home.  that's when michael and family called and texted us that they were down at the school where they live.

it was kind of , maybe, sort of, possibly on our way home through connecticut....so, of course we attempted to meet them....even though they live the intense life of hockey parents....and they were between games.....maybe we could meet them on our way down....at the rink....in the other town.....with one of their kid's home sick and one playing hockey.

suddenly, game over.  we were too hungry and the kids wanted to see the kids.

we practically passed them on the road en route to their hockey game.  the great news was that we happened upon a bertucci's.  the carbs were calling!

it was between bites of dinner that t.j. asked about baording school.  would he be able to get in to biff's alma mater?  boarding school?  and today he's asking more questions.  wonderful yes...heartbreaking yes.  last year grace went through the same phase.  it's easy to love when you're there taking it all in.  there is so much available to the students.....i want to encourage our kids to do their best.....we have excellent schools here...that's why we moved here.  i want to shout. "no, don't leave us!"  who knows.  we'll always try to do what's best for them.....i'm glad he feels safe enough to leave us...that's healthy....i was feeling the same with grace......i'm glad she let go of the idea.....and selfishly, i'm hoping the same for t.j.!

we're home!  we had one of those vacation in a bottle days!  after the week of mellow, quiet and not so healthy vacation days with lots of plans canceled, we decided to get up this morning and go for a day of family skiing! 

we had planned to ski this week with friends...nope, didn't happen.  yesterday, we had hoped to get a little skiing in and get to a chili party. nope.  we mentioned it to the kids last night....we wanted to ski today.  we were looking forward to getting some time with grace and t.j. for a ski day.

we stayed up late again last night watching the olympics. we seem to lose track of time when we're watching others determined to win after years and years of training  we're exhausted working so hard on the couch with our eyes on the gold.  with late nights we seem to wake slowly rather than jump out of bed ready for the day.

this morning, biff and i woke up, thought twice about our get up and go.  we approached t.j. since he had shown the greatest enthusiasm last night.  he was enthused and delighted to get out his snowboard again after so many days at home.  grace was not as delighted.  she had stayed up too late texting friends and reading her favorite author's latest book.  her protest was obvious even though she was groggy.....groggy but clear on her answer,"no!"

please keep in mind that skiing is still a great treat for me....it was a dream to be able to have our kids ski....biff works hard to make this happen.  we didn't even consider her protest.  some days, at 15, i think she might protest a trip to disney world or shopping. mary, mary, quite contrary ring any bells?

biff made some lunches for a quick bite at the mountain.  we were off to a late start but we would be prepared for the mountain and not waste too much time on details, like eating.  we sorted through ski pants, gathered ski jackets, double checked ski socks, gloves and goggles.....biff packed up the car with boards and skis.

all we had to do was get out to the car, sit down and buckle up....that should take a couple of minutes and off we go.  nope.  grace said something to t.j. and t.j. said something back to grace, grace to t.j. and t.j to grace andddd gra-

biff could not take one more minute of morning bickering....he made them both get out of the car.....stand next to each other in a sort of police line up fashion.....and he very clearly told both of our little sweethearts that he did not want either one of them to open their mouths or speak to each other....i to run in to get my cell phone.....we need cells to keep in touch on the mountain.....a new mountain for us.....my cell phone was not anywhere to be seen.  i picked up the house phone and called my cell.

the woman who answered my phone was christine from the nail salon....i had to follow the crumbs like hansel and gretel.....my pretty pink phone was with christine at my nail salon where i had just gone last night....when we realized the chili party was not going to happen for us.

i had  been on my way home from town after having my friend tell me about her breast cancer.....i drove to the nail salon to buy a gift certificate for my friend....it seemed like something that she could maybe enjoy for a few moments to take her mind off things( not likely) and be pampered one day before chemo treatment....who even knows if she'll want that time.....it's the only thing i could think of to do right now...to support her.

i've been seeing ads for walking for the cure and i've been curious about the when and where and who might join me.  now, it's something that i REALLY would like to do. i'm going to find out the details.

we had to stop at the nail salon this morning to pick up my phone...we stopped for gas....we stopped for....dunkin donuts coffee.  that was the one time i required coffee....road trips.  some days i can go with no coffee.  the reason it's required on road trips is because that's my rolling maxwell house moment.  when i'm driving, that's all i can do...sit and drive....and...drink coffee. it's that coveted cupof coffee that allows me to drink a cup, uninterupted!  no dogs, no kids, no phones(that i'll answer).....pretty much nothing can interrupt that hot cup of coffee....and i appreciate every sip.  oh, grace and t.j. had hot chocolates.

we were off.  wow, that was quite the slow start to our morning!  we were comitted to this FUN darn it!  it was time for FUN, do you hear me? the relations in the back seat didn't look convinced.  this was one road trip where we were tickled pink to have our little munchkins with the stinkin' attitudes wear the headphones on their i touches!  we would have peace....and our own conversation. while they listened to their music, biff and i had our kids quiet and that was music to our ears!

we drove up to the berkshires and had great timing although we arrived after lunch.  when we read about the mountain, we thought there was night skiing....so arriving behind schedule wasn't an issue.  biff took care of lift tickets with grace and t.j.  i parked the car.

let the games begin.  life was beginning to look up. we were all set.  although, the lifts closed at four....yes, four o'clock!....we made it. and we were going to have FUN...do you hear me!

$ didn't matter at this moment....our family time did!  biff and i were as determined as those olympic hopefuls.  so, what's the best way to have fun?

separate!  not biff and i!  we're all we've got! we have to stick together....at least ride the lift together.  our kids were up ahead, not speaking to each other....waiting for the lift.  biff and i decided to have a date....any port in a storm!

we share the lift with some a lovely belgian couple.  we laugh about their children and our children.  it's the same all over the world.  teens or siblings, girls or boys.sbands and wives on the same lift...it was a double date!  we had such fun sharing stories and laughing.  ahhh....this was our vacation in a bottle that we had hoped for.

oh, wait!  that was supposed to include the children! oh, all right!  we did catch up with them via cell phones...they were on the lift behind us....they would be up shortly.  it was a miracle!  they were on the same lift!  they seemed to be speaking...to each other.  they got off the list and approached us....i took a picture for fun...to capture the non - kodak moment.  oh, i did but no one was happy about it.

we laughed with them and watched them zip down the mountain ahead of us.  they looked great. there skiing had improved since we last skied with them.  even though they didn't seem to be feelin' the love, they were livin' the love because they had to stick together.  they needed each other, if only to ride the lift!

it's funny to us.  they have been so close from the moment t.j. was born...they were always close....they had a connection...even if the reception was bad....temporarily....or maybe through all of the teen years!

we had a very nice day at a new mountain for our family.  by the end of the day, we were all laughing together.  life was fun again....if only until we got home. biff and i were grateful to get the day, even if a bit shorter than we had planned. we had some fun time together. we met interesting people.  we loved watching our kids.  we loved being with our kids and they loved being with us.....wait, scratch that....when we had time with our kids, it was pleasant....and it was nice to see them happy and proud and having a challenge.

we were done...almost...we had one more run. we went up on the lift.  we were about to go down...biff really wanted one more run before the lift shut down.  he was ready to barrel down and zip over to the lift for one more run.  i would meet up with him...i wanted to take it slower this time.  i saw t.j. boarding down..he had that boarding down....he looked great.  i saw grace with a newfound style and attitude....she looked wonderful.

and i cought up with biff.  he had missed the last lift.  he had started to fall.....i don't remember the rest of the story...because...he explained what happened...as he recounted the story, i could barely stand to listen....he thought he had broken a bone in his hand.  he showed us the bone.....and that's just what we always say..."it's the last run down the mountain......"  that's when stuff happens...and it was my biff this time.  he's a trooper.  he knew it was a break...or a sprain....or.....

we stopped at a bertucci's and all was well in our world.  our family dinner was fun. we laughed and talked together.  we went to a bookstore....to buy a couple of books....that's one of our favorite stops. we all love books and bookstores....although we like to support our local bookstore, we do have fun in those supersized book stores to wander and share and talk and laugh and read and share and be together.

so, we got what we needed today! fun family time....minus the broken/sprained bone....we've been cooped up all week....it's nice to know that the fun is still in us!

beautiful hair?

i really can't say much more today. i had a nice time at the beach while my friend and i let our dogs run until they were worn out!  so were we!  we were talking about how much we love our kids and how tricky this mom thing can be sometimes with teens.

we covered the gamut ...from parents and watching them get older....being there for our parents and allowing them dignity and respect....being respectful to our kids and expecting respect in return....big topics....for just a walk on the beach!

we stopped for tea at a great little spot for tea in town...a sensitive new age type starbucks of teacups. it was like a tea bar...no, not a tiki bar.....not a bar bar...not a coffee bar....a tea bar.  groovy!

then, i ran to stop and shop to get a little crabmeat for my little appetizer for the chili party that we would like to be at....unless we just can't drag the kids...even though it is awesome good times for kids...snow and sledding and lots of other fun kids.

of course, i saw the friend i just had tea with....we were just stopping in for a friday speed shop.  i bumped into other frantic friday moms in to speed shop and some to prepare for next weeks school lunches.....that planning is way too intense for me on a friday.  besides, whatever i buy for school snacks and lunches will be gone before monday....logic?  sure!

i got all caught up in my crab dip recipe and the three gallons of milk and oh! t.j.'s o.j. request.....i turned a corner and saw another nice friend.  she had just come back from 3 weeks visiting her daughter in the peace corps in africa....my friend went over for the second trip.....she had been so moved visiting kate the first time, she went back to bring books and teach the women to read.this woman has boundless energy and enthusiasm!


i have a picture i took of kate with her mom when kate was home at christmas.  they had a big party to welcome kate home....from africa.  i never e-mailed the photo.  i was so excited to see her....i wanted to hear about the trip....i wanted to get together to see more pictures.  these women of africa really touched her deeply.


she asked me about the picture.  she asked me to e-mail it...i was babbling about my e-mail inadequacy when she stopped me....and said...."oh, stop....it doesn't matter.....listen.....i was just diagnosed with breast cancer!"

breast cancer!  this woman looked healthier than most.  whe had just been to africa to help women...women who did not know how to read....she was helping women to be independent.  she flew around the world and with kate and now she was home....with her husband, youngest daughter and two older sons. she had been around the world.  she came home to find out she had breast cancer.

breast cancer is so common that people break the news to others in stop and shop.  it's so common that i was hearing it at the check out counter.  there were headlines behind my friend about tiger woods and jon and kate plus eight and martha stewart's good home cooking magazine and better homes and gardens book of healthy soups.....and by the way, my friend has breast cancer.  she was standing with her 16 year old daughter....checking out...telling me she had been wanting to call me.....and tell me about her breast cancer and wanting the picture and talking about africa.....and all i could do was say,"what can i do?"
http://www.avonwalk.org/

and she checked out her groceries.  just like that.

cancer.  how stinking is that? a mom.....in the store with her daughter...back from africa...she had just had this big open house sharing her daughter kate with all of her friends.  her house was lit up with lights on the tree and with people.  we had just taken family photos....we all laughed about the funny family clowns in the pictures.

and tonight, while i'm missing a little chili party and watching the olympics, my friend is thinking about cancer and chemo and recovery.  oh, and by the way, did i mention she has beautiful hair?

that's life.

it has been a week filled with kleenex tissues.  i feel like i need those kleenex for me....to cry!  a whole vacation at home....with colds and sneezing and exhaustion....it seems neverending.  especially, when i look forward to our kids' vacation too!

i like to see the sunshine on a cloudy day but this is ridiculous! i've already said that i'm grateful....that this is only over some viral colds, the doctor told us.  i'm also the mom who wants to go with the flow....

i was talking to a friend this morning....explaining the week of laying low and canceling plans and missing out on friends and family possibilities and plans.....excuse me....i just sneezed!  although, i'm glad for us to have this vacation to recharge our batteries.....i feel like we couldn't have had more battery charging than ever this school year...mono., swine, cold, swollen glands, sore throats, coughing, sneezing....i think it may be recirculating through the house.

as my friend and i talked, i realized i waas holding one of my "quotable mugs" filled with coffee.....and what do you think it said?......

"whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should..."
max ehrmann

o.k. i get it.  accept life.  accept life right now as it is.  accept. kleenex.  accept sleeping teens.....let sleeping teens lie....not lie like liars, i don't accept that....just accept that they must need their sleep....they must need this time....time to veg....time to chill, oh yeah, they have chills....time to just hang out....time to hang around.....time, time, time.

we're not getting much done around here.  it's not like anyone has enough energy to get anything else done.  i'm kind of tired of that too.  you'd think our house would be sparkling clean...you'd think i'd have so much done that i'd be grateful for this opportunity!

nope.  i have tried to accomplish alot......it has been like fighting the flow....i just can't keep up with the tissues.  i just can't keep up with the dishes that pile up with everyone hanging around....even though everyone has taken to using plastic cups....i just can't keep up.

i go out to walk the dogs...i go out to the store....i go out for an occasional coffee....

go figure.  i even feel like my blog is boring....me!  you must be bored to tears because i am!

my big event today is taking a shower, taking the dogs to the beach with a friend and her dog, stopping for a cup of tea!

tonight, we're invited to a fun chili party....and i'm still not sure that we can go!

we planned to ski today....but, here i am writing my blog that's boring you and me!

i'm still hoping we'll get out to this party....with the kids who are invited with sleds and snow fun with tons of other kids and fun parents.....and chili!

nobody has had energy this week for anything.  i'm not so sure that i'm playing my best game either.  is that because of the cold or because of being exhausted from everyone having colds....or is it the energy in our house that i'm picking up..........................low!  using that exclamation point was an effort.

i think this week, i've had very little reason for the exclamation point that i tend to use so freely.....in my speech and in my writing.  i feel like i'm no representative for the exclamation point. there has been no need for exclamation points this week.  it's a stretch.  i'm using them only because i'm trying to stay up beat!  TRYING!

aren't you tired of me being tired and every story having to do with tissues? me too.

"whether or not it is clear to you, the universe is unfolding exactly as it should..." who knew how deep my mug would be....is the mug half empty?  is the mug half full?  the mug is deep.  that's life.

my best!

 

here's what the sky looks like today.

i am inside.

i could be skiing with our friends today.

it's a beautiful.

grace and t.j. are still sleeping.

where have i gone wrong?

how did this happen?

our kids seem worn out!

the colds linger....

it's a choice i made this week to let everyone get rested.

why?

i don't want anymore lingering colds, flu or sneezing.

i know, it's just exhaustion.

get over it.

it could be worse.

it's not life threatening.

be grateful this is all it is.

oh, i am!

i am so grateful!

i thank God everyday!

it's just that i'm tired.

tired of having beautiful vacation days wasted.

are they wasted?

sometimes i think so.

sometimes i feel like a clock is ticking...

and we have to get in all of the fun times now.

life is short.

i think of so many places we could be.

so many things we could be doing.

"if only..."

i don't want to live in the "if only..." thinking.

i want to enjoy where we are.

actually, i love where we are and i love the life we live.

except for when i don't.....

because i want to fight the flow.

i want vacation to be different.

i want kids who want to get up and go with me.

face it, even if they had the energy they might not!

i miss that!

get up and go!  

my ideas were accepted.

  they thought they were the greatest ideas in the world!

some of my ideas are now lame.

reactions are not enthusiastic.

nah.

nope.

uh-uh.

no way.

why?

not today.

yeah, no.

are you kidding?

i still try.

we do lots of things.

even if they don't want to do them.

they have to.

because we say so.

we're the parents.

that's why.

just do it.

don't talk back.

lose that attitude.

get it done.

that's not so fun.

we taught them so much.

they are good kids.

why are they like this now?

they know better.

how come they're acting like this?

i can't believe they're our kids!

they get things done.

when we least expect it.we're so proud of them.

did you hear that?

did you hear them laughing together?

music to our ears.

they have great spirit.

son't you just love their sense of humor.

they are so funny.

did you see that look in their eyes?

they really know.

they've really come a long way.

they heard us.

they listened.

they realize how we do things.

they know.

we love them.

so much.

we are grateful.

we get confused.

we never know how we're doing.

there is no report card.

no training manual.

only our best. 

only their best.

we do our part.

they do their part.

we're still learning.

they're still learning.

we try.

they try.

and

we all pray!

it's hard knowing what's right.

not morally, that's pretty clear...

it's something i hope that our kids learn by example.  we're not perfect. 

we just try to live life doing the right thing. 

they seem to as well.

   they are just learning. 

i hope they make good decisions.

  i believe in them. 

  life gets confusing.

for us all.

and here i sit while the kids sleep in on this

beautiful day.

i guess that's what's best for right now.

i only know what's right for me.  i'll let them rest. 

i'll keep doing my best! 

Four Splendid Truths

• First: To be happier, you have to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.
• Second: One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
• Third: The days are long, but the years are short. (click the link to see my one-minute movie)
• Fourth: You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy.

a rainbow.

and vacation continues.  we've had snow, snow and more snow.  i still  like it....especially since i'm outside walking the dogs....it's so beautiful to walk through the woods...sometimes when it's snowing, i love taking them in the woods....even at night.  it's like a white winter wonderland.  the sky is clear after the snow...the trees are covered with white and everywhere i look is blanketed with snow.

our vacation has been very low key with grace starting out the week at the doctor......a cold like t.j. had last week...and then i got it......it's circling through the family like a horse on a carousel.  with grace, i was concerned that there was some form of mono kicking in...and wanted to check her out early...swollen glands, sore throat....exhausted.   biff took her to the doctor and thankfully, it's just a viral thing and just like t.j. and i, it will pass.

although, it's really not that great because our good friends were planning on coming to visit for a few days....to go skiing here in connecticut....not quite a vermont resort, but we were all happy to get together and ski....and just have some fun.

you know what comes next....after agonizing discussions we realize that no one here has totally gotten over this coughing, sneezing, wheezing cold....so we just don't want kyle and karen getting sick.  it's the gift that keeps on giving...the human cold.  this time around, it has knocked us down....sleeping, stuffy..the works!

it's just unbelievable....it seems that this year we are meant to just lay low and recharge our batteries. it's like we are stuck in neutral....even when we make the plans.

we're still hoping to get in some skiing somehow during this break.  who knows when.  but we're giving it  our best.  we're gonna have some fun darn it!  by the time vacation comes around, we need some fun!

we need some family fun.  the homework drain and the routine of wake up, rush, bus, school, home, dinner, shower, bed.....some sleep and start over is more draining now that we have teenagers.  as much as they have always loved school, the enthusiasm has waned...except for the social life.

sometimes, mom's just wanna have fun too.  every now and then i feel like it's time for me to just have some fun with our kids.....i like it all of the time but they don't appreciate it like they used to....apparently, a little of me goes a long way!

who ever would have thought that would happen....back in the days that little people would come talk to me in the shower, in the bathroom, follow me  to the mailbox, chase after the car to come to the grocery store, kiss me goodnight with a hug around the neck that wouldn't end.....after book after book after book.  iwas on to them when they picked the longest book for the "last one".....

and now...no one wants to go anywhere with me....it's not that they don't like me....or maybe it is...since now there are moments when they hate me.....it's just that they have stuff of their own they want to do.

i guess it starts out slowly.  they go to play with other kids...then they go for sleep overs....they spend the day with a friend and their family....they stay after school for sports, they push away a little more and a little more.....it's all kind of gradual.....until at night, when we say good night and we hear mumbles in return....believe me, no one's hugging me arround the neck giving kisses like they used to.

at least biff still has kisses and hugs and smiles and he still thinks i'm fun....i feel the same about him.  it's a good thing because some days, we're all we've got! 

and just when we think our kids need space....it seems that they need us.  i still remember someone telling us that just when it seems that one kid is being a pain in the neck, that's the time to give them even more loving attention!

this mom stuff is like walking a tight rope...everyday.  it's like a rainy day and before i know it, the sun comes out.....followed by a rainbow.  it's funny and it's hard to walk that fine line and learn to appreciate the sunshine and know the bonus of a rainbow.