Saturday, March 27, 2010
daisy, daisy....
A Bicycle Built for Two (Daisy)
the carousel version of our "Daisy" song!! my mom used to sing this to daisy....over the phone! and in person....every single time she spent time with our daisy....sweet memories...
Daisy Bell (A Bicycle Built For Two)
this is a sweet version of the song,'daisy' that my mom used to sing to daisy! grace sang it today....friends from all over called to wish daisy a happy birthday!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
i know your pain. big scary pain...and remembering how bad it feels...emotionally to keep thinking this may be it, this may be it. i lived that and then slowly, i felt peace wash over my body like a warm wave in the bath...i let go, i trusted and life happened...it's 13 1/2 years later and my bouncing baby boy is taller than me. life is good. it's sad to lose life. traumatic to think what might have been...i still wonder about that other time. who would that be? i love whoever that was....forever whoever will be with me...and you. i wish you peace and more peace to love your family...
tomorrow is daisy's birthday!! eight years old....the puppy we love so much!! we'll be having a birthday at the beach with some puppy friends! fitzy is hoping for cake! me too!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
rest?
so, where's the plane ticket to a warm and sunny paradise?
oh, that's right, the sunshine doesn't feel so good in my eyes....it feels like eye strain.
sunglasses. that's it. except i mostly wear my shades for the summer or for the added accessory. oh, don't worry this accessory girl has lots of shades. as we used to say, "my future's so bright, i have to wear shades!"
it's different when they're "prescribed"! so, yesterday, i'm taking t.j. to the wrong dentist....orthodontist...., and i wore my shades out in the rain. even that felt bright on my eyes....but, i quickly forgot, when we arrived at the orthodontist and dianne, the wonderful receptionist, had that puzzled look on her face! we talked about the bill so that i could make a payment while we waited for t.j. to be seen.....oh, he was seen. that's when dianne gladly took the payment and glanced over at t.j. and said quietly to me,"t.j. doesn't have an appointment today." that's when i realized my cell phone had an incoming call from the dentist during another phone conversation....i said quietly to dianne, "i think we're supposed to be at his dentist appointment!".....i called my other favorite receptionist in the world, zoe! quietly. yes, we were due in. yes. 15 minutes would be fine!" t.j. never knew the difference.
Monday, March 22, 2010
reviewing in my head each of the jobs that we took on, i was feeling delighted to think what we can do together....as a team! "t-e-a-m", t.j's lacrosse coach used to reinforce,"there's no "i" in team!" somedays that was accepted like a proud member of the armed forces going off into battle. other times, it was not received as well...after a tough practice, worn out, t.j. would repeat his coach's words,"t-e-a-m, there's no "i" in team!" as we drove home i'd talk about the meaning of those words....and how it applies to our family! "a teachable moment" ....my time take advantage of the coach's motivational boost!
t.j., a boy who is big on semantics, would respond,"well mom...i know that you want to believe our coach and i know that you think that's true.....but, really.....i think there's no "me" in team......and i just need some time for m-e!" point well taken by a mom who doesn't want to argue over semantics with this boy who wants to be heard!
the boy with the semantics approach....to life. i've heard other moms say that their boys are very literal. that seems to be true with t.j., but the semantics could be argued for hours. he says,"mom, i just can't help it...i think i'm right and i like to argue! i'm good at it!" true....that doesn't mean that he can win though.
last summer on the cape, t.j. mentioned that he and his buddy, oliver, both liked to argue...they liked it. oliver confirmed! oliver's mom confirmed! grace and oliver's brother, camden, nodded. it was a consensus....by the knowing family members looking on. wiped out from a day of fun in the sun, i took a big breath and suggested that they open a law firm together. "great!" they cheered! everyone was relieved...that's when i mentioned that t.j. had better do the litigation and oliver might do the divorce or they'd have to shut down the law firm.....arguing a point might just be the demise of their partnership.
i'm grateful to have smart kids. it's great to see how clever they can be. just not always great when i'm standing at the door with armloads of groceries and i haven't used the words to guarantee my passage and needed assistance. sometimes those clever takes on semantics aren't so impressive to me....and those semantics don't work out so well for t.j."
yesterday, my words were very clear....no interpretations could be used...."many hands make light work!" ....my mom's favorite quote. our kids remember her saying that when it was time to stack up their blocks....or time for toddlers to carry their dishes to gramma's sink! it worked. simple. it worked! better than barney or mr. rogers. that's my line now. now they say as they begin to help,"i know, i know, many hands make light work!" to be followed by droning voices," i remember.....that's what gramma always said" they finish it off with a knowing smile. we all laugh as we do the job.....together.
a mom's words seem to stay with us forever. yesterday, i never would have stayed on task with so much to do, the mommy a.d.d might have kicked in big time. that's when "amazing grace" kept me going....her words in a thought balloon over my head, " like with like!"
"like with like" has kept me going throughout my organizational deficit training....they've helped direct my energy ...they've certainly helped the kids chant "i know, like with like.....that's what gramma used to say." bored by my reminders.....still, getting the job done....and well done at that!
so, as i attacked our garage, filled with a winter's worth of skis, snow board, ski poles, bird seed, sailing gear leftover from the fall, bikes that had been crammed into random spaces, boots and more.............interruptions......like right now.....gotta go pick up grace...no lacrosse because of rain.----------------------
and i'm back...after stopping at out local, sensitive new age coffee shop for grace's favorite corn muffin...which turned in to a few errands...and a some time with our kids to reiterate their afternoon agenda....beginning with each one taking a dog for a walk....
my mom used to use those simple words "like with like" and "many hands make light work" with her salespeople at saks fifth avenue. she kept it simple with no room for misinterpretation....smart woman....a great manager.
http://www.saksfifthavenue.com/Entry.jsp?site_refer=360i+G&kw_refer=saks+fifth+avenue
she had one other tidbit to help her professional salespeople who just wanted to sell...the ones who didn't put the effort into the basic stockwork of the day.....this was a requirement to keep the exclusive store looking it's best. when my mother had a new employee arrive to sell in her department, she'd hand them an 8 pack of crayola crayonshttp://www.crayolastore.com/?trk_src_ss=CRAPAYPCWEBMACSS|PPC|ADW|crayola.com&gclid=COWBsLCNzaACFSZo5QodcWeL5Qhttp:http://www.crayolastore.com
and have them fill in the designer sportswear by color, according to the crayolas! no room for questions! smart woman.
friends stopped in......every mom knows about this happy interruption! a fun one...be right back.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
what a beautiful day! we really accomplished a lot today.....we all raked up some of the leftover leaves from the fall...t.j. vacuumed the car, washed, simonized and helped with some other work outside, grace jumped in too...she put some good energy into getting the leaves cleared.
yesterday was the first day of spring....perfect timing for us to get to the leaves! oh, we're on it....we work hard to get this far behind! biff was out there raking and hauling those leaves bright and early....and everyone followed!
even daisy and fitzy! and jinx and happy too! by the warm sun of the afternoon, t.j. had put lots of elbow grease into the s.u.v. that totes the dogs to the beach, the family ski trips, beach jaunts, bike trips....accumulating enough gum wrappers, water bottles for every species,dog leashes, dog fur, dog fur, dog sand leftover from wet sandy paws.....and he was proud!
it really was fun! i know, how pathetic is my life that i have to gather the family together to do yard work and house clean up and call it "fun"? the fun-ny thing is that we all had a good time. we were motivated...all of us...biff and i, grace and t.j.....even the dogs seemed content!
sometimes, it's more work to get everyone doing the work together. sometimes one person resisting the work can cause enough frustration to toss in our rakes. today was like a family on a television commercial. smiles, eager to pitch in, "please may i go to the beach with my friends after we finish" and "will you please take me to the store to get something refreshing to drink?".....wow!
is this the way the perfect people do it? i'd probably think of myself as perfect too....if this happened all the time! only, it might seem surreal...it might feel like an alternate universe. no one with plans to go to a friend's house, no one complaining about how hard it is, dogs barking or needy. is this how the other half live? i think i like it!
how do they do it? do they pay their kids? they must bribe them somehow. i'm not even sure how we got everyone motivated and committed to the day of hard work! i'll have to think that over and make a note of what we possibly did to arrive at this outcome.
biff and i were multitasking all day....passing each other as we completed a task, giving a helping hand to one another, laughing with one another, talking to the kids....and when biff came out on the deck looking dazed and confused at the end of the day.....he said thoughtfully,"now, what did i come out here foooor?" without missing a beat, i picked up a dog bowl and handed it to him. he held it and said,"thanks for filling in the blanks!"
some days are like that. we danced through the day with no one stepping on anyone's toes....it was as though the day had been choreographed by someone with way more talent and dance experience....who was leading?
towards the end of the day, t.j. asked if he could stop because he wanted to do his homework! tell me that's not like a television commercial....grace called to ask if we'd pick her up in town. her friend stayed for dinner....
we had a barbeque which we haven't had in awhile. this was not a winter of many barbeques. it was great to get in gear for the days to come. even that worked out well...timing wise.
no mixups. no more than normal, that is. we had fun as a family...cleaning the yard, the garage, doing the laundry....i feel like june cleaver today...only my hands might be a tad dirtier. i realized at one point, biff was folding laundry and i was sweeping the garage....now that everything , almost everything , is where it's supposed to be....june cleever didn't get her hands that dirty! and mr. cleever, i don't remember his name....ward cleever....i do remember....anyway, i don't recall mr. ward cleaver ever folding laundry!
i'm not sure i could have had as much fun and laughter if biff was like ward cleaver. i think it might be a little too strange to have kids like the t.v. kids....and i don't think mrs. cleaver had any mixups. me like mrs. cleaver? not quite. except for the pearls! for all occasions!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBWO1vWZXGY
do you remember the beave and wally?
Saturday, March 20, 2010
pink clogs and bikinis
At the center of your being you have the answer. You know who you are and you know what you want...Lao Tzu
did you ever have a theme of the week? this keeps popping up everywhere i go since sunday. i'm sure i've been learning this my whole life...now, it seems that it's shouting out to me! "SHOUTING"!
i remember when i was 4 years old, at our awesome beach club in the hamptons, on the east end of long island.....
life was like a good movie....our family at that time was living the dream, with all of the luxuries of life....family, friends, home,vacations, beach, country clubs, schools....even a station wagon both plentiful and abundant a part of our everyday life.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Preppy_Handbook
http://www.preppymusthave.com/Pages%20Main/Ladies.html
life changes. people change. friendships change. addresses change. lifestyle changes.....and then we look back.
who i am today has all come to be because of the many pieces of the puzzle that make up my true life story.
my coffee mug i randomly chose today had these words,"whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should..." max ehrmann.
back to those memories...i vividly remember a day, at the quogue bath and tennis club, when i was 4 years old...mrs. callendar gave me a itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini....i think i've mentioned this bikini before...my mom had me put it on in one of the seaspray white washed cabanas located amidst the glorious dunes with the narrow wooden and creaky boardwalk with the wobbly planks....at the top of the warped wooden staircase to the outstanding beach with the crashing waves....that's the memory. it's still like that today only the "club" is a private home...as it originated in the 1920's....in days of grandeur and splendor for those with riches and fine taste.
i apparently didn't care for being the model i was being prodded to be at that time....i like my one piece dunkin donut pink suit with the sweet white trim! this bikini, a thoughtful gift for this little august birthday girl, was NOT going on the runway...or boardwalk....even with bribery or the clenched teeth of my mother. i knew what i liked and what i did not like. i always have.
there were some times in my life when i seemed to conform. never all the way. even in catholic school with a uniform, it gave me great joy to wear the wrong color socks or my sunday shoes or a different style shirt. it was a risk that only a wild child would dare to take! most of my rebellious moments seemed to be with clothing. i didn't like to be told what to wear or go with what the fashions dictated....even as a four year old!
how frustrating that must have been for a mom with all of the finest clothing and dreams of the perfect little girl! i came to understand that feeling! and no one laughed harder than my mother. it seemed the years had mellowed her and she treasured the style and spirit of my grace!
i had many moments in my life where i absolutely knew, better than anyone in the world, who i was.....deep, deep down to the core of myself.
when i was 11, my mother's fabulous friend ellen,who lived in new york city and worked in the fashion industry, gave me a gift of an hippie looking mustard suede shoulder bag with beaded leather fringe.....it was my fashion statement of the year. i felt that nobody was cooler or hipper than me! i was with it!
one thing for sure, i always had a mind of my own. one to enjoy colors and classic clothing, i've remained loyal to my basics. when i was 16 years old, i got a strawberry pink lacoste shirt and nobody could have been happier! for some of the more formal, winter social events in my life, my greatest delight has always been to wear a classic velvet skirt, pants or even shorts with a festive shirt that may be a bit more trend conscious. sounds boring...not really...i love an outrageous belt, rockin' wild colored shoes, boots and jewelry or scarf. i'm no plain jane....i just know what i like and what makes me feel dressed with some style and my biggest requirement is to also feel comfortable....nothing can wipe away confidence more than the feel of ill fitted or uncomfortable clothes, shoes or accessories.
that's just the clothing bit of me being me. there have been times in my life where volunteering was the greatest joy because the work was so moving. like when i was expecting grace, i worked on a women's committee to throw a christmas party for kids with cancer at a local hospital. i enjoyed the whole process...i was a bit bored by some of the social climbers on the committee...but, when the afternoon at the hospital came and i was there to set up the party, help with the food and entertainment set ups be with the families....spending time with the kids and their siblings, drawing and doodling cartoonish pictures with and for the kids. it seemed to be over in a flash!
being with those children with cancer and their families may have given me more joy than anything i had ever done in my life, up to that point. i cried because doing something that really mattered exaggerated the fact that although i was making very good money at my job, it was not enough.
ever the doting husband, biff arrived to pick me up because i was 8 months pregnant and parking was so limited. i walked out to the car sobbing...he assumed it had been heart wrenching for me...the sobbing was from the joy i felt down to my soul...i had done something that came so easy to me and it had mattered and made a miniscule difference in the day of the lives of families dealing with the burden of cancer. they were families, doctors, nurses and caretakers that had great strength, grateful hearts, appreciation of the moments and thankful for each day! i was in awe of their humble and joyful spirit...as though i had been in a room full of angels!
times like that scream out to me that i'm in the place i belong, doing something outside myself, giving of myself and feeling that my time spent there had mattered.
if i had listened to myself throughout my life, i may have avoided some of the lesser friendships, relationships and job choices i lived through....i had to learn the hard way. those not so good and poor choices made me learn to really listen to my heart and sometimes my head!
earlier in life, some volunteer choices i made were more about my need for praise, being "seen", receiving accolades from my peers and filling myself from the outside...i loved the attention...it felt great for my ego but not true to myself!
some of the most difficult life events have helped to shape some of the best parts of who i am...i learned some true values and real lessons that made a difference in everything and everyone i encountered along the way.
it seems that the poor choices catch up with us faster...just waiting to remind us....haunting us with a funny feeling. when i've listened to that or felt that feeling, life was good. when i tried to push through and force that feeling....i ended up like humpty dumpty....and the only one that could put me back together was me. darn it!
as one of my birthday cards once said, "happy birthday!" when open, it read,"now pick up the shattered pieces of yourself and move on!" i've done that alot! hopefully, i've been catching on a little more everyday...i guess i won't know til next time i have that humpty dumpty feeling...the more i have shut down that voice or that pang of no good, the harder i fall. it does pay to live consciously.
all week i've been reminded to live life being true to myself...lots of little reminders...hopefully, i'm hearing them or putting myself to work trying to listen. if i busy myself and keep moving, i might not have to listen...but later, my true voice catches up with me.
it used to seem like more work....trying to do the right thing with no motive...just knowing the right thing to do...for me...and my family.
sometimes we try too hard...with friendships, with work, with eating, with drinking, with good habits and bad habits.....we know. when we do what we know is right without the need to justify it to ourselves or anyone else, it's usually what's good for us. when we're fighting the flow, working to hard to explain ourselves, getting defensive.....that seems when our choices catch up with us....maybe not today....but later....sooner or later!
now i don't think that bikini would have had a great effect on my life whether i wore it or not....at least i felt strong in my belief...i knew what i liked and what i didn't! today, i might be thrilled to have that bikini on...especially if i looked great in it!
when i was 11 and sporting that groovy suede fringe bag with the beads...nobody could dare tell me that i was anything but cool. i knew it was me! i had that artist in me! that's really who i am today...i've relaxed...i've grown into this me...i make lots of mistakes...that's me too...i feel better if i share my "mixups"....that helps me to get over those mistakes...big and small!
for a few years, when the kids were about 6 and 7, i volunteered at hospice connecticut...i did art therapy with the patients. it was another one of those experiences that made every bit of my being know i was doing something that i loved...there were moments i had a lump in my throat, but i was living and loving every experience. those patients, some who biff, grace and t.j. met too, gave me so much more than i gave them. to this day, each person that i worked with has a special place in my heart and in my memory! that was real. that was true.
i was born to be some sort of classic, tailored prep because that's how i'm comfortable....but i don't like to be wrapped too tightly anymore....the artist in me has had to relax....the artist in me still wants to wear my clogs, in preppy pink! the artist in me wants every bit of my life to have some creativity and flair....i'm not meant to be a cookie cutter....i need to be myself!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preppy_Handbook
i know what matters to me. thankfully, biff and i share those passions...i hope our kids will always have the safety of knowing real, like the velveteen rabbit! real. this is a sweet story link with merrill streep telling the story. i still treasure that story. i didn't appreciate it until i read it to grace and t.j.!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_m054tLKvs
when grace and t.j. were little, the house would get very quiet...i would enjoy that quiet for about a minute...then, i'd realize the potential for one of those moments.....like the quiet morning that biff and i were lying in bed marveling that we were getting a little extra semi-sleep....just a little...oh what a treat! until we got up and got the scent of something fresh and familiar.....their was a haze in the hallway....i turned the corner to t.j.'s room and found grace and t.j. covered in baby powder! t.j.'s "wed wug"(red rug) was white and had little powder footprints all over! at that time, we were reading a lot of the adventures of"curious george"...that's when, if the house was too quiet, i began asking,"is there any curious george going on?"
i tried to explain,"sometimes it feels like the good angel is on your shoulder....and you get that good feeling! if you listen, you can tell that the bad angel makes you feel like the choice might not be so good! just stop and think...you'll know the best answer. real.
i hope they still remember that! i hope they learn to listen to that voice...to do the right thing....to be true to themselves. i'm still learning. hopefully, i'm listening a little better these days. really.
if only it was as easy as pink clogs and bikinis!
http://www.hannaandersson.com/category.asp?id=women_shoes+%26+tights&cm_re=Spring%202010-_-Mouse%20Over%20Navigation-_-Women%20Shoes%20Tightshttp:
//www.thepinkmonogram.com/php/clogs.php
Friday, March 19, 2010
The Velveteen Rabbit: Told by Meryl Streep (Official Rabbit Ears Video)
being true...a theme that's continued all week!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
grace worked at saks grace worked at saksfifthavenue, beginning in 1942.
http://www.saksfifthavenue.com/Entry.jsp?site_refer=360i+G&kw_refer=saks she came down from massachusetts on the train...my grandfather told her to always work at the best and for the best. she did. at the personnel office, they told her she would not be able to interviews on a saturday....that she must be interviewed because she would be leaving on a train for massachussetts. they interviewed her and she got a job in the buying office of the children's accessories department. that's where her 30 something year career began...with some time as a homemaker with her children.
she came back to new york city and her mother had her get an apartment at the barbizon hotel http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barbizon_Hotel_for_Women.
she later moved to tudor city, and that's where she met my dad! a great romantic story! http://www.aviewoncities.com/nyc/tudorcity.htm
they got married at the lady chapel at st. patrick's cathedral in new york city.
/http://www.saintpatrickscathedral.org/
that's when they moved to bronxville, ny. in
westchester county, where she opened "the maternity shop"...a clever name.
http://villageofbronxville.com/
they moved out to manhasset,n.y. on long island. http://www.manhassetny.org/chamber/
http://www.nytimes.com/1984/02/05/realestate/if-you-re-thinking-of-living-in-manhasset.html...not for the schools that were wonderful....but, for the beaches! jones beach.
http://nysparks.state.ny.us/parks/10/details.aspx
another nice list to look at...i heard amy bloom speak on sunday at the women's health conference.
http://www.amybloom.com/?page_id=79
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
that was from skiing....but i also hit the back of my head on the ice.... while ice skating a few weeks ago! two times in a month!! i know.... in my whole life, i have never had a black out...not the st. patrick's day kind of blackout. my head and helmet hit the snow...it went black for a moment....
i just didn't think that we would ever think like this....and certainly not biff! why did i think were different?....everyone has a lot of concerns in this economy....it affects everyone.
we live a very comfortable life, we have awesome vacations... with great friends who share their goodness...with our family! what a gift! we are aware and very grateful...we live in a beautiful place...we love the beach...the woods...the city....family fun trips....sailing...skiing....biking...and more.......lots more.....
Emerald Society
a friend sent this to me on facebook...a wee bit o' the parade! the bagpipes give me that sweet feeling of family get togethers and all of the parades we've gone to over the years....newyork parade, garden city parade, westhampton beach parade and the montaukparade! st. patrick's day this year i have a bittersweet feeling...thinking of all of the older family and friends....lots of great memories!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Senator Ted Kennedy sings at Obama campaign stop
i had to includ this song because it reminds me of so many fo our singing the irish songs around the piano years.....memories with mom and catherine and family and friends! great singers and great days and great memories!
