happy mother's day!  i hope that you are all pampered on your day!

 do something surprising and fun for your mother.  treat yourself to something special...even if it's a new flavor tea or coffee or magazine 

 

or a bubble bath 

 

or a nap or a walk with someone you love 

 

or a walk alone or time to sit and just daydream or make a list of all of the people you love or write a list of all of the people who have sprinkled their love on you throughout your life 

or  go to a museum live or online or buy yourself flowers 

 

or take time to blow bubbles 

or call someone you love and miss!

or rent a chick flick alone 

 

 

or celebrate your day  with family or all on your own! 

 

eat bon bons! or just hershey's!

whatever you do, make this day your own to be thankful....for the family you have....your kids who call you mom....your mom who is near or faraway or an angel watching over you today!  

don't forget to be grateful for the women who you have in your life or you've had in your life who have made a difference....just by being there for you.

think of all of the friends who have shared their mom's and those women you've been blessed to have in your life.  

call someone who has made a difference or drop them a note or just send them good thoughts!

this is a day to enjoy.  guilt free.  keep it simple. really.  no guilt.  no lists. no agendas. no tasks. no to do's. no shoulds. no woulds. no coulds. no might haves.

just enjoy your day.

you have to. you must. you will. you need to. you should. you better, darn it! hallmark says so!

happy mother's day....to all of the mother's and mother's in laws and aunts who love their nieces and nephews like their kids, to the grandmothers and great grandmothers and......everyone! 

madisonctwalkswithdogs is one figured out  a blog that i started way back when i started littlemarymixup!  it's all with daisy and fitz.  just some pictures of our days....walking....the dogs....i guess you had that figured out already! i thought i should share it with you.  daisy came to us from the breeder some time around mother's day....she was a true gift to us all!  her sweet disposition has made life with our first family dog a joy!  she makes us all laugh.  she is well behaved and nurtures us all.

fitgerald, fitzy, fitz and "leave it!!!!" is the dog we adopted at 1 year old.  daisy was just 5 years old back then!  she helped to look after our frisky little food monger who so desperately wanted food and needed love.

daisy helped fitzy's adjustment period.  she slept in the crate we got for fitzgerald.  since fitzy apparently had some issues related to her crate...she HATED it and practically had to be picked up to get into her new niche that we had so happily prepared for her.  The only thing that we could figure was that perhaps she had been crated as a jail rather than her home for comfort.

Daisy took Fitzy on as her job.  Daisy went into the crate, with the soft and comfortable fleece puffy bed, to encourage fitz.  it worked. kind of.  daisy got her in....but not for long.  the only way we could have this bundle of energy was to have our sweet daisy sleep in the crate with her.

it worked.  daisy was happy to see a crate again.  it took fitzy a little more getting used to....it was a little different getting a puppy who had issues of abandonment after living with 3 families. 

the first family was a family with 4 children under 6 seemed to be a poor fit.  i can understand the IDEA of getting a family dog...maybe that wasn't the best timing on their part! we think fitz got some of her eating habits....food moochy, food obsessed, food compulsive and a food monger....and that's just the beginning...that's an understatement!  it seems that she may not have been out of the crate much and it seems she wasn't used to being on a leash and it seems that she had never been to the beach or the woods.  wow, a golden retriever who was a beast for food was more typical, but a golden retriever afraid of water?  that defied everything we knew of goldens!

she needed our help.  she did love our kitties and  adapted to them well.  she was sweet and loving with them.  she ate biff's  dinner right off his plate one night....while he was sitting there!  she ran through our neighbors' houses to introduce herself in the neighborhood.  she used to get a ride home from a family a few blocks away...she enjoyed the company of their german shepherd, lucy.  she was welcomed with open arms and biscuits at the dolan's.  the good news is that they loved her....and the bad news is that they loved her!

the dolan's were the first place she'd go if she was off leash in the woods.  why not.  fitzgerald?  dolan? what's not to love?  they probably had great sing alongs, corned beef and potatoes.  now she's living on a leash. forever!

so, that's how that blog came to be.  i wanted to document some of the fun i have and the

great places they "take" me!  I post the photos sporadically.  they make me laugh and they get me out on the best and worst days ....and even in pelting rain or snow, it's always great.

just sayin'.

these are the moments...those sweet moments...when our kids were so little....downstairs in the kitchen on mother's day....with their daddy....and lots of shhhhhshhhhshhhshhing going on!  those were  some of the most precious tid bits of life as a mom. hearing the pitter patter of the kids' excitement planning the big mother's day surprise breakfast! those were the days....when it was sweet....and that was what mattered....just the surprise that they had begun in school and planned out with biff.  that will hold me forever!

we've come a long way since then....everyone has grown and now, everyone feels that hallmark pressure....from crying moms on hallmark and long distance phone commercials....and now, even diamond commercials!

mother's day is a very nice and thoughtful time to say to the mom's we love, "oh my gosh!  it's mother's day!  what should we do? or better yet, what do you want to do for mother's day?"

not too much pressure for the husband... who's already got a mother. not too much pressure for the kids.  not too much pressure for the mom's.  not too much pressure for the  mom's who have mom's and mother in laws!

sounds like a great day!  in theory.  last year, i spent the day cleaning the garage....and for most of it, i was delighted to have the time to be there and get some order.  when t.j. came to me at about 6 o'clock or so and said, "mom. we want to go to the restaurant on the water for dinner" .... it created somewhat of a stir at our house.  Hmmmm, i said.  gee, it seems a little late to get ready for that NOW! 



i think i said something along those lines.  i guess i was thinking that maybe if they had mentioned that just a wee bit earlier, i could have gotten myself together....somehow.

t.j. seemed heartbroken.  i felt guilty.  i think i said something like.....hmmmmmm.....maybe if anyone had mentioned it a tad earlier, i could have gone.  i might have also said,  look at me, i'm filthy dirty and have dust and dirt from head to toe....it doesn't seem like the  right timing to go out.  the restaurant closes at dark.  perhaps we could go another night, preferably when i've showered.

oh my!  what a pickle!  in moments, the whole family was mad at me!  wait, but i'm the mom!  it's mothers day, i wanted to shout at them all.  how can i go out like this?   should i be flattered that they really don't think i look that bad?

it was one of those moments that we dream of....our family thinks we are beautiful and lovely no matter what we look like!  

with or without a bra, not showered, knee deep in garage treasures that are covered with dust and grime, dirty , chipped fingernails, hair in our face, a touch ripened and some sweat to round things out.  our fine attire has paint and grime  the love from smelly wet dogs!  

when my teens are usually horrified by me on a good day, when i think i look my best....great hair day, manicured nails, make up or at least my lipstick, coordinated clothing, deodorant, shaved legs and armpits, brushed teeth, jewelry, accessories and no broccoli between my teeth, no lipstick on my teeth and my zipper zipped even though i had to hurry to a lacrosse game or a teacher conference or to pick up my child waiting for me after school has been out for 2.3 minutes but i am considered late.... 

nobody is ever quite so taken with my appearance at those times.  last year was just one of those moments.  one of those mother's day moments....pressure for everyone to do something...even if it was to drag me out kicking and screaming, filthy dirty and crying, darn it, they were going to make sure i had a darn GOOD mother's day!  and i wanted no part of that hallmark moment from hell.  

usually, those hellish moments come on the hallmark imposed holidays....valentines day is another one that creeps me out.  i'd rather have biff make me my coffee...at just the perfect temperature.....all year long than have flowers or a card or a dinner out on valentine's day.

just not my thing.  great for anyone who loves it, just give me a few hershey's kisses and a real kiss and i'm good to go.

mother's day is great!  i miss my mom.  but phew, the pressure i used to feel to do something outstanding for my mom!  she never cared.  it wasn't something that was a big deal to her....she was happy for the love year round and not necessarily on that day.  actually, i wish she had been around last mother's day to hear what i behaved like...or at least to hear the description of what on earth i looked like that day!

so, here i sit, alone.  biff has gone out with grace and t.j. to "get something"....please don't let them live in fear...of me.....the mom!  ooh! the pressure!  please let them know that the best mother's day gift of all would be to just have fun together....doing nothing....maybe walking at the beach, getting along with no bickering or complaining.  i'd like to be clean, maybe showered with my teeth brushed.  that's it.

the greatest gift...truly...is that i still love my husband and i treasure our children...they have been the greatest gift that i could ever have dreamed of.....our family...our dogs...our cats....our fish.....our sense of humor.  Now if we could all just have that sense of humor tomorrow, that will be the greatest mother's day of all!

the dogs have given their love to me for mother's day and every day.....that's it .....just love, sometimes some licks.....  that's just fine.  no pressure.  just love.  no questions asked. they didn't care what i looked like either.

it was almost a month ago that we began our little flood in the basement.  funny, when we play that homeowner

game called "can you top this?" ....we always end up with someone saying, "wow! that stinks!"and how right they are....yes, we've won that game lately. 

really, was it a big deal in the scheme of life?  no.  especially now with the news of flooding in tennessee...now that's a flood.

we used to think a flood was when the kids put a toy boat in the toilet bowl and it floated away....whoosh!  like the tidy bowl man.....who, by the way lived in my hometown and was a lecture at church!  weird to have the tidy bowl man reading the gospel, huh?

but, i digress....again and again....and again.

that was when we lived in a condo.  we had the privledge of calling "julia's daddy"...eric.  he was the mr. fixit of the condo.  our little kids were enthralled with eric.  he could do anything...he was bigger than mr. rogers.  he had all of the answers.  he had all of the tools.  better yet, he had all of the patience!  our sweet little kids knew that when something went wrong that we just called "julia's daddy."  

oh how i wish he was with us now!  he got things done.  that was his job.  we are great at getting things done too.  except for one thing...and then another ....and then another!  no matter what project we start, another project pops up!

we work at getting things done...we just have a few interruptions.

dogs.

cats...not really.  unless daisy barks her "get the kitten" bark. that means business! as if she's saying, " come on!  i'm trying to get this kitten in for the night....let's get a move on!"

fish. they don't call for too much of an interruption.  unless they are floating and we have to take a break to have a memorial service and call in the neighbors to share our grief.

phone. life happens. the phone rings for pleasure calls. 

random kid calls.  

then we have the call

to hurry......like your hair's on fire calls to pick someone up after school!!!   or after a lacrosse practice...or a game  or cross country practice or a meet....

it goes something like this,"hi!  kanuupleezpikmeuppp?"

 

i say something to the effect of,"excuse me? could you repeat that please?" 

"isedkanupleezpikmeeeup?

andkannuuudrivesoandsoand what'shernameand pleezedtomeetyouhome?

yes.  i'll be right there...i'm painting the sistine chapel right now.  i'm almost finished. it will be a couple of minutes.

"waitizthatinyourtimeormytime?

and it's not even said in a sarcastic tone.  it's real.  it's a concern.  it's necessary information....as though there might be other appointments or a fight to the coast.

i wonder what that meant.  your time or my time?  that sounds like i'm some kind of mom who has abandoned my children on the side of the road...because i left them at school until after closing time and they have no food or drink or phone or text or friends or family.  hmmmmmm. have i done that EVER?

nope. nope. nope.  although i have had to take a few minutes to drive from cleveland, because i'm walking the dogs on a long walk or because i'm at the grocery store checking out.....or because i'm getting out of the shower because i've had dirt in my fingernails since 9:30 in the morning when i was potting plants.  otherwise, i'm ready to roll.  on call, on duty, on shift, on the clock....since january 1995.

i'm just that way.  i'm adaptable but since 1995, i have never been quick enough....never.  the child that was born on a january night in 1995 was crying when i went to her at the nursery in the hospital...to be with my baby again, after a long separation of about 7 minutes.  as i arrived in the nursery, a tad tired after 24 hours of waiting for my sweet little baby to be born, and i whined to the nurse, "oh, no she's crying!  I should have gotten here sooner, she needs me...i feel so guilty!"

that's when my darling nurse informed me that i shouldn't feel guilty because i'd have a lifetime of guilt to deal with as a mom."  casually and quietly she told me to get over that teeny tiny squeak that was emanating from my baby......it was a mere squeak and there were lots more cries to come and tantrums and body piercings and tattoos to follow.  

well, she nipped that in the bud...for about a minute...i took my teeny tiny baby with the sqeaking cry over to our rocking chair and gently whispered to her that i would never ever make her wait like that again.

i also told my itty bitty squeaky baby that by no means would i have any part of tattoos or body piercings.  i promised  her that i would always be there at her beckoned call.....forever. pretty much, i am....even if i let her think that i'm not.  she needs to know i'm always there for her.....and she also needs to know how to wait....how to plan her timing....how to check in....how to adapt....how to ask for help or aske for a ride.  she always has to be polite....or she'll walk home.

isn't that forever for a mom?  i think so.  sometimes it can feel like i'm a  tight leash.  sadly and happily, these days won't be forever....for either of our kids.  they'll be moving on.  they won't need us...they don't think that they need us right now....but, we're here.  always. always and forever and ever.

thankfully.

mother's day is around the corner. i'm still grateful that i got to be a mom......

WHAT WOULD I WRITE ABOUT?

so many posts, so little time.  i have not been writing with the same gusto that i used to have while writing. this is always a busy time of year with spring sports and meetings in the schools and the town.  i have always been active although i've tried to stay away from the ridiculous meetings filled with jabber about the color of flyers or the whose who of the committee chairpersons.  after working for so many years, that all seems trivial. 

my mom went back to work after years of being the Rosary Society President and chairwoman of communion breakfasts and so much more.  i thought that i would follow in her footsteps until my first years at home with babies.  somewhere between the junior league cocktail party and the black tie chili party and the nights out for the newcomer's club vice presidency, i realized i'd rather be home with my family than talking about them and what activities we could do with them....i know that was a run on sentence....but, my life began to feel like a run on and it wasn't fun for me.

that's when i stopped. cold turkey, as they say!  when we moved to connecticut, i decided to keep it simple.  i decided i would be involved only where it really mattered...to me and to our family.

that's that.  that's when i began listening to people and hearing their agendas. whether social climbing or p.t.o. climbing, i steered clear.  it finally came to me that i didn't  need to run the show anymore. after running our show in college and our city days, i was done.

that's that.  now i live freely and answer to no one but me, my conscience, some particular passions and my family, which is my passion...and there are days when i don't even get that just right.  overall, it's a better way to live.

blog life can get too busy too.  i love to write. but, why write and write and take so much time?  there are many things that need to be done at home.  especially, after the flooding, which now seems like a puddle compared to nashville and lots of real flooding down south. 

we finally have our washer and dryer.  we still have 2 giant dumpsters.  our basement is clean yet the walls have been ripped down.  our family room is filled with bins of e-bay to list. 

e-bay is now income for me.  i want to make that my contribution to our family.  i had a very hard time when i first stopped working and contributed only to the life of my baby.  that's a gift that i'll never ever regret.  but, i do remember the reality of not making money myself.  it was wonderful not to work and give attention to the baby that was my dream come true.  it was weird to be dependent....as i'm sure it was huge for biff to be depended on...talk about pressure.

sure, it would have been fabulous to have two incomes, but that was never ever a consideration.  my commitment was to my kids and their lives.  that is all that mattered to me.  maybe if i had been a brain surgeon or a high powered lawyer, that never would have come up.  maybe i never would have considered the possibility of staying home.  if i was contributing something major to society in some way, maybe it wouldn't have been possible to leave something i was so committed to.

thankfully i wasn't saving the world so i was able to be home with our children.  even then, it wasn't so easy, knowing our choice would make it a bit challenging and we wouldn't have a house as soon as we had hoped.  we knew that we would have struggles.  we knew biff would need time to develop a new sales position and territory.  we knew all of that.

still, we committed to do things the old fashioned way.  although i stayed home and biff worked, we had a wonderful partnership...we still do.  throughout some of our most challenging times, we have respected each other and realized the goodness and blessings we have in our lives.

that has made the difference.  for all of the obstacles, we have been side by side working them out.  challenges with challenging times....certainly our challenges have been minimal...challenges of parenting day to day and being on the same page while running a family has made a difference i'm sure.  support and love have made the difference.  grateful for and proud of each other and our children has made the difference.  our sense of humor has made the difference.  our flexibility  and malleability has made the difference.  our families and friends have made the difference.

right now in our lives, a contractor or a maid could make a quick difference, but that's o.k. because hopefully, at the end of the day, we have made the difference...in our life as a couple.... and a family.  that's all that matters.

although, i would still like the contractor....and a maid....oh, maybe a swimming pool and someone to serve me lemonade or iced tea....or maybe just a vacation would do it.....or maybe we could move to a new house with new appliances and new paint and new floors and new .......nah! 

what would i write about?  

funny, but this week i am exhausted.  i have lots of running around to do.  we spent some of the weekend out and about. it seems whenever we take some time away from the house when we should be taking care of our life and our home, leaving seems to make the regular stuff pile up.  Why is that?

today, i had a cup of coffee at my favorite farm for a bit of quiet.  The new life at the farm is just amazing to see.  They had a kitten there that the mother had left in the barn.  It must have been a week old. The sweetest thing to see in all of life is new life.  whether a kitten, a calf, a puppy or a beautiful baby, life is good.  a new life is miraculous.  just miraculous.  bigger than big.  bigger than life, if that makes sense.

to take a moment in the day and have something so simple be so big is a gift.  i need that time.  i need to stop and see the beauty around me.  it helps with the other chaos in life.

we still have 2 dumb dumpsters.  the good news is that the washing machine and dryer arrived yesterday!  my mom's anniversary!  she used to call them her toys.  who would think that i could be just as happy to get the new washing machine.  does anyone out there remember how excited i was when i finally chose the "right" vacuum!  it was a huge as marrying biff.  it was a vacuum that i could really enjoy.  we can work side by side, everyday.  we work well no matter how much stuff we have to deal with.  just like biff and i, the vacuum and i just have to suck it up sometimes and quite literally we have to go with the flow.  Sure, we get clogged up with  the dust and hairy bits of life....but we just keep rolling.  sometimes our cords are too tight.  sometimes, we just have to tug   and let it go, take some time to recoil and move to a way of thinking or a place that will give us a new outlet.  sometimes we all need that outlet.  time away from the tugs and knots in life.

well, the same goes for the washing machine.  the new one is larger. larger isn't always better.  sometimes with more, we jam things up. we get too full. too much to handle.  we start to shake, rattle and roll but not the music....our heads. too much gets us rattling and kooky.

the new washing machine is energy efficient.  we need some energy efficiency.  i have been running on spin cycle for quite some time.  i've been writing my blog. i've been working as an advocate for our kids and lots of madison issues.  i've been selling on e-bay to earn some income and release some of the excess of our lives.  

who knew how much fun e-bay would be.  who knew i would get here because of e-bay by way of facebook and my blog. 

it has been too much.  like a vacuum that's cord is being tugged out of the outlet and the washing machine that begins to rattle from an unbalanced load, i too have had too much on my plate.

sure, i'm a mom who doesn't "work"...funny, someone said, "how do you spend so much time on facebook?"  

it struck my funny bone and my bother bone at the same time.  all of a sudden, i became the norma rae of facebook

and wanted to stand up for all of the good relationships that facebook encourages. for some who are happy to live a very solitary existence, it may be just that.  a time waster.  i barely have time to stop in to facebook anymore. it's a bright spot of my day.  it makes me feel connected.  the e-mail thing has never done it for me.  it lacks warmth.  cold and with a click, it's gone.  i've never been good at that click... feeling that by pushing the send button, i would be connected.  dtheat send button and that open in box seems very superficial.

facebook, for me, is much more conversational.  yesterday, i posted my status...." it's mom's 2nd anniversary and i miss her everyday!"

wow!  so simple.  i did it to take a moment to think of mom. just a moment to stop and remember her.  i'm grateful for so many wonderful, caring, loving friends from all chapters of my life responded with caring words and memories.  now, that's all i need.  to know people understand and acknowledge how much we miss her and how much they care.  that's worth all of the 2  minutes time that i had for facebook yesterday.  today, i saw those comments and felt so good to have shared with so many who understand.

that's nice.  my washing machine in my head is tired from jamming too much into it.

i need to get some time in the dryer to roll with it.  just roll and relax.  i need to roll, relax and tumble in warmth and comfort and something to soften the busy-ness.  

warm weather and a great beach with turquoise water sounds good.  i ache for that.  now is not the time.  

i will get my heart warmed by the comfort of good friends and good family and good memories.

we've been through lots of "crap" in the last month!  excuse the word...i couldn't resist.  we need to dump the dumpsters and be free. we need to have clean and fresh with lots of new life...like the farm.  we need to look around and be grateful.  the miracles are there...we just need to stop, stay on the rinse cycle for awhile and stop spinning!

that's what i have to do. now.

GRACE/FITZ/MOMMY/MOM/AMAZING GRACE/GRAMMA

HI. SORRY I'VE BEEN INCONSISTENT LATELY. IT'S MOM'S ANNIVERSARY TODAY. IT'S BEEN 2 YEARS SINCE SHE DIED AND I MISS HER EVERYDAY.

IT'S WAY BETTER EVERYDAY AND MOSTLY WHEN I THINK OF HER NOW, IT'S MUCH SWEETER THAN BITTERSWEET.  I THINK SHE'D BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT. SHE WAS NEVER ONE TO DWELL ON SADNESS OR DIFFICULTIES OR PHYSICAL PAIN, HER ARTHRITIS.  SHE WAS A DOER AND ALWAYS ON THE GO.

WHEN WE TALK ABOUT MOM/GRAMMA, IT ALWAYS SEEMS TO BE THE FUN WE HAD, THE LAUGHS WE HAD,  HER USAGE OF THE OLDIES LIKE,"MANY HANDS MAKE LIGHT WORK!" AND HER AWESOME SPIRIT!

OF COURSE, SHE WAS MY MOM SO THERE ARE SOME NOT SO WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT HER THAT MADE ME CRAZY.  SIMPLE THINGS LIKE HER STUBBORNNESS. DETERMINED AS SHE WAS, SOMETIMES IT WASN'T SO SMART...FROM MY POINT OF VIEW.  THE FRUSTRATION WAS MINE, NOT HERS...MOSTLY BECAUSE SOMETIMES SHE WOULDN'T ASK FOR HELP.  THAT'S A POSITIVE QUALITY TO HAVE DETERMINATION BUT MIXED WITH STUBBORNNESS,  THAT WAS WHERE WE SAW IT DIFFERENTLY.  I ALSO UNDERSTAND WHY SHE WAS SO DETERMINED.  SHE NEVER WANTED TO LET GO OF HER INDEPENDENCE. THAT INDEPENDENCE, DETERMINATION AND STUBBORNNESS IS WHAT KEPT OUR FAMILY IN TACT AND LIVING A VERY NICE LIFE...ESPECIALLY AFTER MY DAD DIED.

THAT WAS HER AWESOME SPIRIT. SHE JUST PLOWED THROUGH ANY DIFFICULTIES, EVEN TRAGEDIES.  THAT'S ALL SHE KNEW AND THAT'S THE ONLY WAY THAT I LEARNED.  I THINK SHE MODELED THE GREATEST SPIRIT AND POSITIVE ATTITUDE THAT I LEARNED TO LIVE WITH AS WELL.

WE ALL CELEBRATED MOM'S LIFE SATURDAY JUST BECAUSE IT WAS DERBY DAY.  FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER, SHE LOVED DERBY DAY.  FRIENDS HAD WONDERFUL SPRING PARTIES WITH FUN BETTING ON THE WINNERS, PURELY BASED ON THE NAMES OF THE HORSES...FOR MY MOM ANYWAY....NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SPEED OF THE HORSES...JUST THE NAME THAT TICKLED HER FANCY.  SHE SIED ON DERBY DAY...THE DAY SHE LOVED.

IT WAS A GIFT.  THAT DAY, I HAD PLANNED TO GO SEE HER.  I KNEW THE TIME WAS NEAR. I THINK SHE KNEW. MY BROTHER CALLED ME THAT SATURDAY MORNING AND TOLD ME HE WAS GOING TO SEE HER. HE SAID THAT MY BROTHER IN VERMONT WAS ON HIS WAY AS WELL.  I WAS JUST ABOUT TO LEAVE HOME TO GO TO MOM.

AS WE TALKED, HIS CELL PHONE RANG.  IT WAS THE NURSE.  SHE SAID THAT MOM HAD JUST DIED, VERY PEACEFULLY, SURROUNDED BY HER FAVORITE NURSES AND ADMINISTRATORS.  WOW.  SHE HAD JUST SEEN US ALL. SHE MUST HAVE BEEN READY.  MY BIG BROTHER, ONCE AGAIN, WAS THERE FOR ME, LITERALLY....ON THE PHONE.

THAT WAS THAT. THAT WAS THE WAY IT WAS MEANT OT BE. I WAS OVERWHELMED WITH SADNESS BUT RELIEVED FOR HER.  SHE HAD LIVED A LONG LIFE ALTHOUGH NOT LONG ENOUGH FOR ME....MAYBE FOR HER.

IT WAS HER PAIN. I WAS RELEIVED THAT SHE WOULD HAVE NO MORE PAIN. HER ARTHRITIS THAT SHE HAD FOUGHT AGAINST SO HARD HAD FINALLY BROKEN HER DOWN, LITERALLY HER BONES.  SHE HAD MANAGED FOR 50 YEARS WITH THE DEBILITATING DISEASE.  NOT ONE DAY DID SHE EVER LET IT STOP HER FROM GOING AND DOING AND LAUGHING.

WE ALWAYS LAUGHED TOGETHER. MANY TIMES OVER THE SILLY THINGS IN LIFE. OR THE FUNNY THINGS. HER SPIRIT AND SENSE OF HUMOR FED US ALL THROUGH THE TOUGH TIMES OF LOSS.

THAT SENSE OF HUMOR HELPED US COPE DURING THE DAYS THAT FOLLOWED AFTER SHE DIED.  WE HAD LOTS TO DO. TO PLAN. TO TAKE CARE OF OUR KIDS AND HELP THEM LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH THE SADNESS...ALTHOUGH THEY ALREADY HAD EXPOSURE TO DEATH OF SOMEONE SPECIAL TO US ALL, TO SOMEONE WE LOVED DEEPLY.

AS WE DROVE TO LONG ISLAND, WE REALIZED WE FORGOT TO HAVE SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF THE DOGS.  WE REALIZED THAT OUR KIDS HAD OUTGROWN MUCH OF  THE CLOTHING THAT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE FOR WAKES AND FUNERALS.

T.J. NEEDED SHOES, NOT FLIP FLOPS.  GRACE NEEDED A DRESS OR SKIRT AND SHOES.  I NEEDED SOMETHING APPROPRIATE TOO. 

ONLY MOM WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPIER THAN GRACE AND I!  WE HAD TO SHOP!  NOT ONLY WAS IT NECESSARY, IT WAS THERAPY.  SHOPPING WAS RELIEF!

WE OVER SHOPPED!  WE PICKED CLOTHING THAT SHE WOULD HAVE LOVED!  THAT WAS FUN...WE JUSTIFIED THE PURCHASES BECAUSE GRAMMA WOULD WANT US TO HAVE SOMETHING NICE TO WEAR AND HAVE US LOOK NICE...WE REALLY KNEW SHE WOULD BE MOST HAPPY FOR US TO SHOP.

WE DID. WE SHOPPED ON OUR WAY TO THE WAKE. WE HAD A FASHION SHOW AT THE HOTEL IN HER HONOR.  WHE HAD ALWAYS COMMENTATED FASHION SHOWS AT SAKS, SHE HAD BEEN IN MANY FASHION SHOWS AT SAKS.  WE WERE ALREADY CELEBRATING HER LIFE!

AFTER ALL, SHE WAS THE ONE WHO HAD ME IN NEW CLOTHES, IN 5TH GRADE WHEN GRANDPA FITZ DIED.  I GOT NEW PATENT LEATHER SHOES AND MORE.  THE BIG THING AT ST. MARY'S SCHOOL WAS THAT I GOT "FUNERAL SHOES". NOBODY ELSE HAD FUNERAL SHOES.  THEY WERE THRILLED TO KNOW THAT THERE WERE OTHER SHOES BESIDES SUNDAY SHOES AND SCHOOL SHOES.

MOM WOULD HAVE CALLED OUR SHOPPING EXPEDITION "FITZGERALD ECONOMY!"  WE NEEDED TO PURCHASE SOME NECESSARY ITEMS TO HAVE US ALL LOOKING APPROPRIATE.  WE BOUGHT  SOME JUST IN CASE THINGS. WE BOUGHT SOME MORE APPROPRIATE THINGS. WE BOUGHT MORE THAN NECESSARY AND THAT WAS FITZGERALD ECONOMY!

THAT'S ALL I CAN MANAGE RIGHT NOW.  I'LL GET BACK LATER.  I'M REALLY FEELING BETTER BY SHARING.  I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS ALL SWEET MEMORIES.  I HOPE YOU FEEL HER SPIRIT AND SHARE THAT SPIRIT WITH THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE.

WE WERE BLESSED TO HAVE HER. I WAS BLESSED TO LIVE THAT LONG AS I'M THE YOUNGEST.  GRACE AND T.J. KNEW HER REALLY WELL....THEY HAD SUCH COMFORT WITH HER.  LIKE NOBODY ELSE.  IS THAT BECAUSE THEY KNEW SHE WAS WITH ME THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE PREGNANCY.  IS THAT BECAUSE THEY HAD ALWAYS KNOWN HER VOICE.  WAS THAT BECAUSE THEY COULD FEEL THE MOST AWESOME LOVE. IS THAT BECAUSE THEY FELT SO SAFE WITH HER LOVE AND JOY SHE SHA

RED WITH THEM.  IS THAT BECAUSE, SINCE THEY WERE MOMENTS OLD, SHE WAS THERE.  IS THAT BECAUSE SHE SLEPT IN THEIR ROOM WHEN SHE CAME TO VISIT IN BOSTON.  IS THAT BECAUSE SHE COULD SENSE MY COMFORT LEVEL AND MY TRUST?  WHATEVER IT WAS, I MISS THAT. FOR ME, FOR BIFF AND FOR OUR KIDS.

WE ALL LOVED HER SO MUCH. WE ALL MISS HER. WE ALL CELEBRATE HER WITH SWEET MEMORIES!  THANKS MOM!

i'm so happy for t.j. that his electric guitar didn't float away in our flooded basement.  thankfully, it was upstairs in the family room.....waiting to be listed on e-bay.  t.j. and grace both got their electric guitars about5years agoon Christmas morning! oh, they were excited! santa left a shiny pink one for grace and a shiny bluenumber for t.j.  those were the days....as little kids, they had little garage moments in the spring and fall with the little friends who lived aroundus!  they had positions with tape on the garage floor. grace was the choreographer and played guitar while t.j. jammed with his plugged in electric piece...there was an electric piano...some shakers and lots more. they wore hats and cowboy boots and sparkly shoes and danced to the music!

today, that guitar is about to be listed on e-bay.  those rock and roll days aren't here to stay...sadly.  these days, there music is playing on their i-pods in their ears or in their room....or  blaring out of the computer...not exactly surround sound.  

t.j. says it's over.  his hopes of continuing his music career has waned.  grace is more likely to sing her way through life...especially since her shiny pink electric guitar has been sold and shipped to philadelphia to a guy with "a gig".  that's what he told me when he asked how soon i could ship.

so our days are still filled with music...just not a spanky and our gang type.  

i love to hear why they like their music choices and even though biff and i aren't sure if we like some of it, they'll be happy to share the good, the bad and the ugly of it all.

i guess it's like grace's choice of dress.  she may have her moments as a recalcitant teen....at least she has great style.  she could have chosen goth...i'd rather have a few words here and there....especially since they're few and far between these days.  she has awesome style and i laugh to think of the days when she wore 4 or 5 outfits.....before lunch!

same for t.j.  his style is just great. he's  a traditional kid too.  i like that.  he may not be jammin' but he spends lots of time making live action movies with friends....not quite james bond....maybe james bond with a bit of inspector clusseau.

 i love that they have some creativity in their lives. the arts of all kinds are important to me.  sadly, in school, there's never enough time and they continue cutting the arts bucks.  that's sad. they say that kids don't get enough creativity.  if  all of the kids in this generation had been able to come home from school, have milk and cookies with their family, then move outside for the afternoon rather than most of them being ripped away from free play to go to an organized practice with coaches telling them how to play, they may have all been better off.

we could only do what we thought was best for our kids....at the time.  everyone does what they think is best...hopefully, with the kid in mind.  

i am grateful for the days that i allowed grace the freedom of 12 turtlenecks in a day!  i'm glad that i let t.j. wear his "wed wubber boots" for most of his 3rd year of life.  i'm glad our family room had legos on the floor and doll house people turning up in the couch.  i think it was crazy when grace and t.j. ran outside in bathing suits in march...barefoot in the snow...it was only a minute....they were happy! i was shocked but happy and relieved when after a minute they both ran inside. i'm glad for all of the flour on the kitchen table and even more on the floor.  i'm so delighted when biff, grace and t.j. and i talk about the "old days" and they remember the johnson's baby powder that they shook all over t.j.'s room....at least it smelled fresh....even though he had a red rug!

wow! i'm sorry to see the electric guitar go...but, we're on to new adventures and new interests....and they're still changing. today, i asked t.j. if he wanted to go back to annapolis for lacrosse camp with the midshipmen....he said,"mom, don't you remember, i don't like lacrosse anymore!" after 5 or 6 years on teams and lax camps and equipment and uniforms and.....oh well, things change.  he'll probably ask for a new stick tomorrow. 

 replacements.com


n test posting

again! i have a theme!

i just started to list some more in my e-bay store!

http://stores.ebay.com/littlemarymixup... they're all navy blue and names that we love....

vera bradley and coach.

http://www.verabradley.com/

http://www.coachoutletstore.org/ not only do i have handbags and accessories...like my department at s.f.a., saks in southampton, new york.

http://maps.google.com/maps/place?oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&q=southampton+ny&fb=1&gl=us&ftid=0x89e894ffe7b76a09:0xfff847a4af47d809&ei=bUjbS4abBcGqlAfMzsGjAg&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CA8Q8gEwAA

/stores/stores.jsp....

that was a summer of fun...for all. it was the year we graduated college. at the end of the spring semester that year, i asked my s.f.a. personnel manager if i could work at saks in southampton. the answer was yes.  i should have been more grateful to mr."devine" for that incredible life experience and crazy because he offered me the position of department manager of jewelry, handbags and accessories. heaven.  my heaven.  since age 16, my s.f.a. career had been varied...mostly, i was in the fine jewelry department.  hence, the  offer.  everyone hired for that store was usually from saks around the country...lots of young folks who were free to move to the seasonal store and earnest in their efforts to move on up the corporate retail ladder.  that store was a place to shine.....and get lots of sunshine and ocean and friends and beach days and wild nights and new friends and dates and oh...wait...it was hard work too.  if ever there was a dream place to work, it was our teeny, tiny saks fifth avenue at 10 main street, southampton, n.y. 11968!

mary b., my good ol' college friend asked if she could work there too...otherwise it was home to michigan...a long way from good friends and the new york life she had dreamed of....since her first time to see the rockettes at radio city music hall!http://www.radiocitychristmas.com/newyork/  that was when she decided she would be a rockette! well, we kicked up our heels quite a bit in southampton, not quite rockette kicks....but what a kick we had!

back in the old days...that's almost 30 years ago! wild!  the time that's gone by and the time we had! it was more fun than we could have imagined and we got paid for it!

now, that's my kind of career path!  as the department manager, i was off to the city s.f.a. with the other department managers in the store station wagon....to buy for our own little saks and our upscale customers...the rich and famous.  oh, the buying trips were fun. i hand selected the merchandise and i knew my customers well enough to deliver the perfect selection.  how cool was that? way cool...for me and mary b. and lots of our friends who came to visit....we had late nights at the best and late nights at the most rowdy

http://maps.google.com/maps?q=boardy+barn+loc:Southampton,+NY&hl=en&gl=us&ved=0CCUQkwUwAw&sa=X&ei=bUfbS6_VGJHOywTr292NBw even my mom who came out on her days off.  

the college graduates were living the life. the life we thought we were destined to live!  woo hoo! we could get used to that! it was the 80's...we expected all of life to be that way!

it was that way for quite awhile....until the real world.  now, that was a different story. 

in the real world, there was no keg of beer in the men's department. there were no pretzels served. there were no beach days.  there were no parties every night...at least, for us while we were new in our career climb. sure there were late nights...how could we avoid it in n.y.c.? there were no lilly pulitzer http://www.lillypulitzer.com/dresses.  there were no jacques cohen espadrilles.

http://www.emandmespadrilles.com/

there were panty hose...a rude awakening after tan legs all summer.   there were power suits, pumps and pearls.  we were living life according to the 80's bible, "thepreppy handbook" and we had no idea.  we were dressing the code...beach and city attire and lifestyle.

the streets were much busier than main street, southampton, where the cars wave pedestrians across the street.  so civilized.

we lived for the yellow taxi cabs and subways instead of our bikes.http://www.amazon.com/Official-Preppy-Handbook-Jonathan-Roberts/dp/0894801406 

we were living the preppy handbook and we didn't know it. beach and city attire.

although once that summer, late for work, i ran out the door of our sweet little house and happened to see a southampton cab and i hailed it....a highlighted story of the summer.  hailing a cab in the city is one thing...but to even see a cab in southampton

was just the miracle i needed to get me to work on time even though we were just blocks away!

as we learned our way through the ins and outs of apartment living in the city, we were the recipients of some very fine transportation.  

one night, while trying to hail a cab, we found the perfect solution for our unsuccessful efforts.  we hailed a limo.  why not ride in style? we did.

surely there were nights where we were desperate enough to take the bus....after a long night of tripping the light fantastic...we decided to get off our fifth avenue bus at 57th street and mary b. tripped right across the sidewalk and landed under the windows at tiffany &co.

http://www.tiffany.com/  ...not a holly go lightly moment

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urQVzgEO_w8...when we examined her panty hose... we realizedthey looked more like spiderman's web.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJ6mjRrKi7c

moment!  we laughed so hard we could barely walk home.  we took a yellow cab the rest of the way.

there was a night when we were on our way to limelight and the taxi driver stopped to get cigarettes and left us waiting in the cab.  that concerned us...thinking he might be packing for a bigger trip than we had requested....we decided rather than be kidnapped and taken to a destination of his choice, we would get out of the cab and run for our lives.  we hid at the waldorf astoria hotel.

http://www.waldorfastoria.com/search/property-details.cfm?intPropertyId=16&WT.srch=1.  young 20 somethings shouldn't be left alone long enough to create such drama.  the man, who spoke no english, may have been addicted to cigarettes or maybe had to call his wife....but we convinced ourselves he was a kidnapper!

one outstanding and very late night, mary b., cate, nan and i were ready to make our way home from a favorite spot...while we were contemplating our options, an irish handsome cab driver...not handsome as in good looking and yellow cab....but an irishman driving a handsome cab....horse and buggy....offered us a ride home.  now that was and offer we couldn't refuse! we were delighted and hysterical.  we had hailed our first horse! the lilt of our driver's brogue and his irish blarney made the ride unforgettable. his offer was a practical one...he was en route to his horse stalls, near our 65th street address!  we were hysterical and rowdy but charming with our little leprechaun who appeared before us like the lucky charms fella.

i had a full moon event one fall evening as i dashed out of the 65th street apartment building and hailed a yellow cab to take me to the train.  it was a last minute invite.  i had to catch the last train to locust valley on long island, famous for their lock jaw....tighten your jaw and clench your teeth...say locust valley lock jaw...that's where i was headed.  it was like a hephern/tracy movie...as i jumped into the cab, i directed my driver,"to the train and make it snappy!"  he was a man who took his job seriously, he looked a little intense...a little disheveled like the cabbie on the old show"taxi".  the full moon should have warned me...i didn't have a clue. with a jerk, the jolt, not the cabbie...well, to be very honest, the cabbie too....we were burning rubber across the east side. we were approaching park avenue, when the police sirens and whirling lights began blaring behind us.  he had run a red light that caused havoc...with my schedule and the police.  i told my story to the officers. my cabbie told his.  i started to walk away but the cab driver called me back.  back in the car i jumped....only thinking of time...it was broadway showtime on a friday night...the traffic was outrageous.  it was my social mission of the utmost importance to a city girl on a friday night that created such turmoil!  it became apparent that my driver was nuts as he verbally attacked...my mission changed immediately...it was time to leave the looney behind.  i tossed him some money and ran after the next yellow cab.  the night got crazier, but my mission was completed successfully. locust valley my destination and friends that insisted on fun!

pretty much all of our 20's, we seemed to insist on fun.  i still insist on fun...just a bit different approach these days. i'll laugh if this time around, our lifestyle is in the new preppy handbook...wild, that someone took the original and ran with it.  actually, why didn't i think of that?  it sold millions and i'm sure all of the readers from the first time around will have to have something to read on the beach next summer.  all i want is one simple idea. just one. wouldn't that be fun. as my mom used to say to me....when time and time again i would harp, "i can do that!"...."well, why don't you?" hmmmm.

i finally caught on!