Here comes the sun!

Out and about

What fun it is to have dogs.  We love all of our animals, but dogs get us out and about!  My mom always used to say, "You never know who you'll meet when you're out and about."  It's true...especially with our dogs.  We walk our dogs in the woods, in town, on the beach, along the road near our home and anywhere that gives us pleasure. 

Somehow, with dogs, people are open to saying hello.  They stop us to ask their names.  They shout out from their passing car,"THOSE DOGS ARE BEAUTIFUL!" They pull over to the side of the road to ask their ages.  Once in awhile, we'll meet a dog kook who has a litany of information to share....the proper leash, having 2 dogs, Golden Retriever history, their dog's issues whether they be food related, allergic reactions, social anxiety...whatever!  

You never know who you'll meet or what tid bits (of information since sometimes it seems to be an unspoken rule not to offer their doggie a treat...without asking since they (the doggie) may be dieting, on a strict food plan or like Fitzy, the dog may want to follow us home for more treats!

You never know what friends you'll meet.  We have dog friends. Friends who love our dogs. Friends who like to meet for dog playdates and other dog friends who walk on the same schedule. Kids who live nearby who are entertained by our dogs. 

We met a dog friend of the two legged variety while shopping one night.  Like long lost friends, we chatted about our dogs and their latest adventures. We used to meet Lucy, the German Shepherd, in early morning as we meandered along the trails in the woods. They moved last spring and now they're no longer on the same route.  They had big news. They  adopted a new dog and named it Ricky. Get it? Lucy and Ricky! Gotta love dog people.  Really, with dogs, you have to have a sense of humor.

Thanks to Fitzy's frequent getaways to their house, we were grateful that they were of the nice dog people variety.  It was like the call of the wild  when it came to Fitz and the love of that family....really the delicious trash stored at their back door....but Fitzy, ever the actress could show affection to gain love rather than a scolding. Lucy seemed to be thrilled to have company arrive on the scene.  Lucy's owner was understanding and always gave a call to let us know Fitz's whereabouts.  Some days, we would see Fitzy escorted home in luxury in the back seat of a blue Volvo ...talk about nice dog friends.

  

Today, as we approached the woods, a lovely woman stopped her car for a moment to pet the dogs.  She was loving their gentle nature. She had no food in her car so Fitz was on her best behavior!She told me about their family days with German Shepherds.  

This morning we met Cay, a lovely woman of 76 years who was delighted to take a moment to stop her car, pet the dogs and chat.  She loved their gentle nature. She had no food in her car so Fitz was on her best behavior. She had just had a piano lesson.  She said she wants to keep trying new things in life.

She talked about her age.  At 76, she wanted to stay active and attempting some of the things that she never had the opportunity to do in her life.

As she pet the dogs, we laughed at their delight. She asked about their age and their names amd their personalities. She was such a lovely lady with a calm, sweet voice that the dogs sat quietly as she spoke.  We talked about our town. She has lived here for almost 50 years. Cay talked about her late husband, her 5 children, her life growing up and some of her travels. She told me about her lunches with her kindergarten friends that still get together for lunch once a month. They call themselves "the lunch bunch,"  

We may have chatted for 15 minutes, maybe a little more. I was just out to get in our walk...just the dogs and I....out for exercise, fresh air and some time in the woods enjoying the beauty of the fall colors.

I got much more than that.  I met a lovely woman of another generation who was interesting and interested.  She had a different perspective at her age.  She was with it. She had the confidence and strength of a woman who had rich experiences in her life.  It was a pleasure to spend time with someone who has lived and seen so much. 

Cay changed my day. She opened my eyes. She shared. She smiled. She laughed. She told some stories about her life and family. 

We said our goodbyes as it began to rain. Daisy, Fitzy and I walked into the woods. I was filled with a new perspective of a woman of my mom's generation. She changed my day. It's wonderful to step out of our own world once in awhile and hear about someone elses.  As mom said, "You never know who you'll meet when you're out and about." Thanks to our dogs, we meet lots of nice folks.

Indian summer day for the dogs

Fall...Indian summer in Connecticut

Today in Connecticut

Fall walking

Indian summer day for the dogs

Today in Connecticut

Fall...Indian summer in Connecticut

Kisses

Halloween.  Buy candy. Check. Why do I do that to myself? Every year it's the same.  Candy. I'm out shopping in mid October. I see the Halloween displays everywhere. I am absolutely horrified that these stores are beginning holidays earlier and earlier. I don't remember when I first saw Halloween in the stores this year. Who knows? When we were on the cape? Not so crazy.  Yet, somewhere in that mid October moment I think.....better get it now. 

Why. I know that before the end of the week I will dip in....just for a treat.  I don't even keep this kind of stuff in the house.  So, if I buy it early I know to hide it.  But isn't that ironic....I am the one hiding it.  Yup.  I hide it well. I also remember where it is....within moments I'm crinkling the bag and opening it even if it takes teeth.  I'm not proud.  By this point, I have to have it. I'm like Fitzy.  I would scale tall buildings to get to it.  I may not invade neighbors' barbeques like Fitzy but I get at that candy. Did I mention that I buy the kind that I like but would never justify buying otherwise.

Well, this year the plan was right on target. Candy. Check. Hide. Forgot where....very unusual.  How have I come up with it now?  The week before Halloween?  I put all of the candy, still in grocery bags, in the garage.

I was outside the other day with the doggies. Fitzy is now on a very long training leash.  Hah? Training? Surely we jest.  I was organizing (don't laugh...I need encouragement, not mockery!) some of our garage obstacle course.  While in up to my elbows, I turned when I heard a rustling of plastic.  

I dropped my Rubbermaid tub.  I ran. It was Fitzy, snoot first in the tub filled with Halloween goodies. I pulled her back. I scolded her.  "NO," I barked. "LEAVE IT!" 

The good news.  Fitz didn't get to all of it.  There was more for me.  I didn't have to rip the bag open with my teeth! Oh....I did have a few Hershey's kisses....and took one out for later.  

Political speak

This political speak makes me laugh...this has absolutely nothing to do with the my political opinions, likes or bias. This is fabulous political speak. I fills my love of linguistics and semantics. It's fun to close your eyes and just hear the words on there own.  We laugh out loud when this ad comes on...the whole family laughing....it's worth it!

By the way,  I think this is a clever tool for discussing politics, communication, lying by ommission with kids.....it gets everyone thinking.  This debate has given our family many opportunities for learning!!!

Quotes

"Fear not those who argue but dodge" -Marie von Ebner Eschenbach

This made me laugh...especially while we are living through so many political debates these days.

In Connecticut, there is and advertisement that speaks to us. In this case, it is audio playing from a debate of the 2 candidates just days earlier. I have to share. Not because of my political views, but the reality of politics....it all sounds the same at this pre-election time of year. Pay no attention to Republican vs. Democrat, Woman vs. man or the issues. Just hear what I hear at the end of every voting season.....this ad says it all...generic political speak that we all must endure!

dog days in the fall

fall days

looking out our window

learning new things everyday

I finally figure out how to upload pics from my phone to my blog. That will be fun for me...maybe you too. It can keep the blog current with his and pieces of Ralph life. Now that's what I call progress...my progress. Let's remember that one year ago I had very little computer savvy. This is leaps and bounds for littlemarymixup. Now I can go to sleep....saith some of the animal.farm nestled all.snug in Daisy's bed...next to our bed. Sleep is good...I forget that sometimes. Good night and God Bless you as we say every night.

Daisy and Boo...bedtime.

life at home

Monday Moments

It's a beautiful morning on the Connecticut shoreline! Grace has sauntered up the stairs of her rumbling yellow schoolbus, Daisy and Fitzgerald have had their moment outside. Jinx has gone trotting off to collect more chipmunks.....he's been stacking them up like cord wood ever since the new Kitty,Webster a.k.a. Webby a.k.a. Thomas a.k.a. Boo, arrived on the scene.

Where's T.J.? I've just dropped him off at his orthodontist appointment. Now I can breathe. I woke up in time to start the morning dancing of our stars. I've successfully woken Grace, made lunch X 2, walked the dogs, woke up T.J....all timed just right to get T.J. to his appointment! We were in the car and on our way when I became aware that I was still wearing my soft cotton pajamas with a hefty sweatshirt to top off my ensemble. T.J. was the first to take note of my attire. He quietly suggested that I wait in the carand perhaps even listen to my book on tape. That kid's gonna do well someday. He offered his suggestion along with a mini-benefit statement to seal tbe deal. He's a teen, so I embarrass him on a daily basis!

T.J. strolled out of the office and pleaded for breakfast on the go now that he had been freed from the prodding and poking of dental tools. We went for some Sinking Donuts drive-thru. Finally, I had my coffee, T.J. got to school with his late pass from the orthodontist and I got home to start MY day. Just a minute, I have to feed the dogs. Oh...then I have to giveaway them a good long walk and then it will be my turn. Wait! First I have to change out of my pajamas.

celebrations

Happy Anniversary Jane and Jim! Biff's mom and dad are celebrating their 50 something anniversary today! I'm grateful for their loving marriage. After all, Biff must have learned.from them. Biff the love of my life. And we've only shared 18 years together....it goes by quickly when you're in love. We're not perfect. Either is life. There are life's ups and downs and in btweens to deal with. We do it together in marriage and as partners. Life is better with Biff!

MOM. Today would be my mom's 86th birthday. We all talked about Gramma today. We have great memories. I felt as if she was near while we were up in Boston. So many memories of times spent with mom when she visited our little family! Memories to be treasured. She feels like my own angel...but I wish that she could be right here with us...sharing our breakfasts, beach days and laughter. I miss that..everyday...I would love to hear her voice.

She called me "Punkin"....and "littlemarymixup" as she gave me that look with her sparkling blue eyes. She called Grace and T.J. sweetheart and honey and rascals...and once, she called them " naughty"...a word they had never known...they were almost 3 and 4.....oh how they laughed at her funny word.  She surrendered and laughed along with them.  She loved them so.  They felt that love.  They could recognize her nonjudgemental, accepting way. She loved them like crazy...no matter what.  They could feel that love and they were sure of her love.  It was safe, warm and comfortable.

There's no one in the world like a mom. That love goes deep. The bother goes deep and the laughs, stories and memories go deep! I am grateful for the times we had. We had a special relationship. A mother daughter team who shared lots of good times and good friends.  My mom.  I miss her everyday. If she were here today, I would have bought her a Pepperidge Farm vanilla layer cake!  I would have told her that I baked it myself! We would have laughed til we cried...and after our hysterics, we would explain our long story. 

I'm laughing with mom now! Thanks mom for making birthdays so fun. Love your mom.  Say "I loveyou" often!  If your mom's not here anymore, share stories with your kids...and your friends who loved her..or didn't ever get to meet her. Those moms of ours made us who we are.  Treasure the goodness and let go of the other stuff. Savor the love and cherish the time together.  Now it's just a dream...it seems so real...and then....I wake up. She's not here. So we have to let her live on....through us, our children, through stories and memories.

Boston

Boston. Boston. Boston. We love it here. It was home for a few years. Funny how a place becomes your home...slowly. It takes awhile to make a place our own. We were excited to move here...as a new family...making our own way.

Both of us,Biff and I, are loyal to our family. We truly love our family...all of our family...with pokes and pinches and peccadilloes ...one and all...we love each one...with quirky bits and funny folks, family is where we come from. Family made us who we are...our place in our family......our individual relationships with each one in the family, the parenting style, the nature and nurture, love, guidance and support of our family helped to create us....for better or for worse......through thick and through thin...good, bad and ugly moments.....we love our family. They came as a part of our package. We were literally delivered to our very own family.

So here we are....just south of Boston...visiting. This is the place we chose to start to grow our own family. We may be a part of a whole.....with a variety of personalities, partnerships, personal styles, beliefs and even baggage..a wonderful mix of love is what we take from them all ...to venture off on our own.

This is where our family became US. Just us. We were away from family, in proximity but not in our hearts. We became our own unit. We had each other. We built our universe. We learned on our own. We were stronger because of our time here. It was our time to be who we would be.....as a family.....of three,  then four.

We liked us together. We had become who we were....as our own family. We learned what we wanted for us. We created the family for ourselves that was the right fit for us...for the family we were growing. We knew what what parenting styles and couple queues we would take from our families on our own trip and other bits we were sure to leave behind. We had our family support and love. We found our footing. We stumbled and ran and tripped and swam. We were committed to keep working on what worked for us...as our own family.

It was our turn to be just us...growing into a family. With love and laughter and lots of fun.

Now we're back to visit again. We're with our friends who were learning right alongside us. We we were finding our own way. We had challenges and growth as a couple.....as parents........deeply in love...despite the chaos of our new babies and our life far from family.

Now, our babies are 14 and 15. We're. Still finding our way. We thank God for our commitment to each other and our family. Our kids have no idea of the sweet memories of newness and fear and joy. They see it as a fun place to visit...with treasured friends who lived through those times with us.....those everyday days....every step of the way.

This place was our home...still, our roots are deep. This is where we began. This is where we learned to be our own family for ourselves. It made us stronger. We became us. We are us most of all. That is a gift. I'm grateful.

Ily

Biff and I had been the road warriors...no distance too great for a family event. No time too short to get there...for whatever event. We loved that life. We loved our family had proved we would be the ones to be there. We were both the kind of family who showed up. We loved our family ...we would do anything to be there for them.

Though we were a longer distance from extended family...when we started out here, we were with them in our hearts and phone calls and memorieswith love...for all of them. After those years, it became clear that it was our turn....to learn about being here for us. It's special to visit where we began.  Precious memories and places make it all so clear.  We were here for that time to learn how to be us.

Are we there yet questions

Here we are in Massachusetts....near Boston.  Back in the beautiful town Biff and I chose to live back when we our baby Grace was just 4 months new!  We're visiting our friends...lifelong friends for Grace and T.J! These were our "new friends" who have become "old friends" over the last 15 years.  Go figure.

We're up again to go to a Boston College football game.  Fall and football and friends.  A wonderful weekend.  Preparing to get here was quite an effort.  Since last week, Grace and T.J. have been asking what time we're leaving, what day we're leaving...Saturday? Friday? Which car?  Can we take our bikes? Can we get there in time to meet them at their bus?  Don't you think we should leave school early on Friday....they get out at 2:10?  How much earlier could it be?  Did you call and figure out when we're going?  Who is going to the game?  What time is the game?

We were working out all of the schedules of 2 families.  I just had a few things to figure out and get together before heading out.  After some consideration, it seemed to be best if Biff left ahead of me....with the kids. Ahhhhhh. Taking a little time for yourself?  That's nice. Biff agreed.  I would travel solo in order to get a couple last minute things done.

Schedules?  Biff would need to travel Monday.... in the Boston area.  Car number 1.  The rest of our family had to get back for school.   Car 2. Biff worked on Friday. I had some E-bay work to do.....go to the post office..... call and text the dog and kitty sitter.... find the bulb (no small feat!) for and change the dead light bulb outside the front door.....return the vacuum bags and vacuum belt that I had made a special trip to the vacuum man for.....only to find out that it was all the wrong size the wrong size and get the right size ( big deal you say?  ha! I challenge you!)......go to the mailing store and make copies  and find the store has closed. No. Not closed. CLOSED for good.  Return books at the library. Return 4 books on tape, after filling all of the c.d.s in the proper slots and find one disc missing so take one book on tape back home Get out some books on tape for the ride.  Feed the dogs...... Walk the dogs..... Put on the dogs' peaceful music, "Through a Dog's Ear"...pick up my bike at T.J.'s friend's house (don't ask).....go to pharmacy....get gas for my car....all while Biff had already attached the bikes to the back of my car......turn on lights at the house.....clean the sink...do 2 loads of laundry while doing the run around.....pack.....pick up....and.......oh, just taking a little time for myself.

 

Biff and I recalled our dear friend saying, way back when, when we asked what life was like after the second baby......she looked at us, looked at her hands and said, " You know, it's kind of like seeing a hang nail one day and getting to it a week later."  I guess that's just parenthood.  It's always somethin'.

Grace had a busy week. She had one thing on her mind....well, several things on her mind....mostly relating to the return of her Blackberry that had been taken as a punishment, facebook, our plans to leave for Boston, pasta for dinners, homework (in that order) and the words I heard every morning and every afternoon, " I really want to get my hair cut this week!"  "What do you think?"  "MOM, come quick!" ....I run like my hair's on fire.......Grace points to the computer screen .....Don't you think my hair would look good like this?"  As we hurry off to the hair salon for the much discussed hair surrender, Grace says, "I hope I like my hair cut"....."I know I won't like my hair cut!"  What?  What? What do you mean, "I know I'm not going to like my hair cut?"  What are you thinking.  Why would you think that? I say this as we pull into the parking lot of the hair salon within minutes of her scheduled appointment. Huh? Why would you think that? You always get great hair cuts. "I know, but I just know that I won't like it.....at first."  Huh.  "Oh," I say as though I understand what this child of mine is talking about. 

The car is still running in front of the upscale hair salon. I said, "Well, the nice thing is that your hair grows fast even if you really don't like it." NO!  That's not it.  It's just that I want this much off....she gestures and folds back her locks.  A major decision. Oh.  Calmly, I mention that maybe it would be a good idea to have that very long 15 year old styled hair cut in increments. It could be a shock to the system that our Grace just can't handle.  Simply put, she could freak out.  

This is why I suggest the gradual chop.  I know this girl.  I have some flashbacks from a couple of teen hair drama myself.  A girl and her pony tail are not easily separated.  It's like an old friend. Very long pony tails swinging and bobbing and flailing and twisted up into one of those fluffed and twirled, spun and swirled, poked and pulled through a colorful rubber twisty is like an Olympic sport ...... only to be entered by a girl of 15.  The training of this sport called pony tailing is intuitive for any girl in her teen years. It's new....something hair cool that we didn't have "back in the day"....we had long straight pony tails...no twirl, spin, flop and swish. Of course, I always had a ribbon.  Ribbons are too tightly wrapped these days.  Too contrived.  BUT a ribbon is considered in perfectly good taste when sporting team colors while playing a sport....preferably a running sport so the pony tail can swing and swish from side to side.  

So, after my teenage girl turns to me and tells me that she knows what she wants and lets me know that it's not may hair, it's her hair...she can get it cut how she wants.....she knows what she likes....we walk into the hair salon and let it be known that we/she has arrived.  After consulting and discussing and looking and reiterating, I attempt to put in my 2 cents....after all, I am the one paying...in more ways than one. If this takes a bad turn....as I speak, my "child" looks at me, rolls her eyes that tell me she doesn't need me to explain for her.  So true.  Except, I was hoping to explain, selfishly, because I knew that we (Grace, Biff, T.J. and I) would be living with that hair cut....and hearing about that hair cut everyday until ......forever.

AND what about me?  I'm still having flashbacks from my 14 year old hair cut that created havoc for the whole Memorial Day weekend....and the time I let my mother ( a retail executive, not a hair stylist....not even a seamstress with decent scissors!) cut my hair one Sunday night....I begged.  I didn't want to wait for a hair appointment at Best & Co.  I wanted it cut right then and there and /__/ '/'/'/chop, chop, slide up, chop, chop, slide up.....oh let me even this out..../////chop////'''''////chop, slide...TEARS...BURSTING TEARS AND SOBS....and that was just my mother....I hadn't even begun to acknowledge the horror!  My oldest brother heard the noise and commotion from his room.  He walked out to us, standing on heaps of honey colored hair, by the hall mirror.  Yikes.  He said, "You better let her take the day off from school tomorrow....that's rough." and walked back into his room....for peace, I imagine. 

 

That's just the tip of the iceberg! There's lots more but the post traumatic stress might kick in if I keep going.Just let me say, that last example.....was the reason that my hair was pulled back for the rest of the school year....it was out of necessity since half of my hair was to my ear and the other side was almost shoulder length.  For years, my mom pleaded her case, " You wouldn't wait for the appointment.  Those scissors were no good!"

I left the salon.  Whatever would be would be.  Whatever was ours to see.Que seraah, serahhhh! I said a prayer.  O.K., I said lots of prayers. Then, the phone call.  It was time for the unveiling.  I arrived at the salon.  I opened the door.  Grace looked at me.  Her hair looked beautiful.  She appeared a bit subdued....especially for someone who had just been pampered.  Snip, snip here.  Snip, snip there...and a couple of la di das.  After I offered my compliments and effusive comments, I asked how she liked it.  She mumbled that she liked it.  

Later, it came out.  It was a great hair cut.  Grace was happy.  She liked it.  It was what she wanted.  BUT, she was bothered.  She was upset.  She was frustrated.  She was hysterical.  Huh?  Yup.  Welcome to my world.  Grace felt that I should not have "butted in" about her hair cut....after all, she is 15 years old.  She knows how to talk to her hair dresser.  She knew what she wanted.  It was her hair.  Actually, it was her life.  I was treating her like she was in second grade.  Didn't I know how stupid it made her feel.........................  .........................

Huh.  Had she forgotten that she asked me to come in with her.  Had she forgotten how unsure she was....until moments before we walked in the door.  Had she forgotten that the last thing she said, when I asked her why she was expecting not to like her cut......"I don't like change....it takes me awhile to get used to things."

Me too.  I have a teenager.  Actually, I have two teenagers.  Thankfully, T.J. just lets me buzz his head....

Oh, by the way...so does Biff.

Things happen

Wow! Things happen when you share ideas with others!  I mentioned to a writer and photographer in town that it would be cool to connect with other bloggers to share information and ideas.  He works at the library.  I suggested the group meeting in the library. Two weeks later, I am officially a member of a group of bloggers.  The writer/photographer made the group happen. It's almost a year since my blogging began.  Although my time management has been littlemarymixup E-bay store, my blog is one of the greatest undertakings I've ever experienced. 

Besides the creative outlet and computer learning curve from a woman who barely used e-mail to someone who is less intimidated and somewhat savvy. Enjoying the creative opportunities, communication and connections have been the most encouraging.  Throughout the last year I have met new people.  Other bloggers, followers, some old friends who really know my mix ups and share similar stories, long distance friends who like to stay updated and long distance family members who we love and miss.  

Some followers of the blog have been so encouraging when I had doubts, friends laughed along with me when mix ups happened, some friends with teens felt my pain and they were right there on the roller coaster with me!  Bloggers have shared some blog tips and fear of follower issues!

 I will admit that has been one of my biggest struggles along the blogging way. It's really just my ego.   Followers.  I haven't had much of an official following. Do I write for me or followers?  Me.  People throughout my life have consistently said, "You oughta right a book!" So, blogging fits the bill. 

 Not all choose to "follow" formally as in sign in as a regular reader. They come in all ages. Some of the kids' friends are my biggest followers! Some of my friends can't even figure out how to follow! Some friends and family say they have no interest or time. Some choose not to follow because they choose anonymity which seems ironic since I'm the one sharing my real life thoughts and feelings. 

 The reader shares nothing unless there's a desire to comment.  It's funny.  Even friends have said they were "afraid" to read it because they were concerned that they were "creeping on my life," as our kids say!  I have no secrets.  I do tell real life.  My life.  I don't write details if it's about someone else's feelings or issues.  These are just times of my life that I share along the way... whether it's on my blog, on the beach or chatting in Starbucks.  

To me, it's all just stories.  Or rantings.  Or ramblings. It's not the cure for cancer or trade secrets.  I believe if more people shared (with limits) in this life, everyone would be alot healthier....just because they know they're not alone.

 Whatever happens in life, one thing is certain, we all have to deal with change, loss, challenges....emotional and physical, hurts, sickness, family, friends and stuff!  It's sharing that keeps us from feeling overburdened or overwhelmed.  So that's me.  Not everyone cares to share.

I've been sharing since kindergarten....especially stories.  Miss Murphy, my kindergarten teacher, called it early on.  On my report card she wrote, "Liz likes show and tell and sharing.  Liz likes to dramatize stories."  Yup.