i've been thinking about my mom....i miss her...it's been almost 2 years...i have lots of great memories.  moms and daughters learn from each other!

i'd like to share some of some of life's little "rules" that i learned from my mom, "amazing grace".....

*always put your lipstick on in the morning...it makes you look alive! 

*buy yourself flowers every week...just because they're pretty.

*get your hair done weekly or as often as you can.

*fill your tank of gas before it hits 1/4 full/empty....if the gas goes to almost empty, that's the mirky, unclean gas....did she make that up or is it true?

*love your mother in law...she's the reason you love your husband!

*always work for the best.

*when driving a car, don't hesitate.

*buy pretty nightgowns.

*make the dishes in your cabinets look pretty, you have to look at them everyday.

*if you wear a designer print of any kind, leave all of the other designers in the closet.  it looks tacky.

*always buy that little something for someone when you see it in the store.

*light candles at dinnertime...even if you're alone.

*show respect to elderly folks.

*enjoy lovely creams with soft fragrances.

*have a routine.

*read the new york times....always read the fashions of the times.

*go to church.

*make a phone call and surprise someone.

*eat less and eat in moderation.

*don't eat the fake foods...light, fat free...eat real and eat less of the real thing.

*play music at home to keep you company.

*play music in the car.

*volunteer.

*write lists.

*keep an extra $20. hidden in your wallet.  it's there if you need it or if you want to treat yourself to something special.

*get up and get out everyday...seeing people you know in your town  is like money in the bank.

*you can do anything if you put your mind to it.

*the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

*wear the colors that you love.

*be kind.

*buy pretty sheets and buy nice quality.

*make your home comfortable and welcoming.

*treat yourself to ice cream once in a while.

*don't lower yourself to other people' level.

*cut slices of cucumbers and tomatoes and put them in a little cooler with hellman's mayonnaise, chips and a cold drink...and you'll have a refreshing sandwich at the beach.

*don't slow down.

*try not to stop driving at night as you get older...you age yourself.

*take a friend on a road trip for a day or for a weekend.

*call your mother

*laugh at your children just because they're adorable!

*keep your friends in your life

*just get up and do it.

*always leave your sink clean.

*don't charge pantyhose...you'll get a run before the bill arrives in the mail.

*look your best.

*buy soft toilet paper.

*only buy canada dry ginger ale.

*if you're on a vacation or traveling...try to meet your friends that are visiting too...or call friends who live in the area.  it's fun to meet out of town.

*keep your handbag clean.

*you don't have to give children alot to make them happy....just a little something that THEY like.

*take time to wrap your christmas presents.

*sweep your christmas tree needles.

*stop by the clinique counter at saks.

*if you know how to shop and you  have taste, you can shop anywhere.

*buy nice bathroom towels.

*buy your bathing suit after 4th of july

*go to a show.

*have many interests.

*read about others' interests'.

*set a pretty table for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

*enjoy better things and less of them.

*don't settle

*always buy tropicana.

*change the colored candles each month.

*fold your sweaters.

*surround yourself with what you love.

*call and question your bill...they may not be right.

*have a sense of humor...it makes life easier.

*don't make the mistake of elastic waistbands...that's the reason american's are fat.

*pack it well and fold it well.

 *take the scenic route when you have the time.

those are just a few...and lots of them are floating around in my head!

grace worked at saks grace worked at saksfifthavenue, beginning in 1942.
http://www.saksfifthavenue.com/Entry.jsp?site_refer=360i+G&kw_refer=saks she came down from massachusetts on the train...my grandfather told her to always work at the best and for the best. she did.  at the personnel office, they told her she would not be able to interviews on a saturday....that she must be interviewed because she would be leaving on a train for massachussetts.   they interviewed her and she got a job in the buying office of the children's accessories department.  that's where her 30 something year career began...with some time as a homemaker with her children.
she came back to new york city and her mother had her get an apartment at the barbizon hotel http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barbizon_Hotel_for_Women.
she later moved to tudor city, and that's where she met my dad!  a great romantic story!  http://www.aviewoncities.com/nyc/tudorcity.htm

they got married at the lady chapel at st. patrick's cathedral in new york city.
/http://www.saintpatrickscathedral.org/
that's when they moved to bronxville, ny. in
westchester county, where she opened "the maternity shop"...a clever name.
http://villageofbronxville.com/
they moved out to manhasset,n.y. on long island. http://www.manhassetny.org/chamber/
http://www.nytimes.com/1984/02/05/realestate/if-you-re-thinking-of-living-in-manhasset.html...not for the schools that were wonderful....but, for the beaches! jones beach.
http://nysparks.state.ny.us/parks/10/details.aspx


another nice list to look at...i heard amy bloom speak on sunday at the women's health conference.
http://www.amybloom.com/?page_id=79

and that's it...i've been to the doctor. i finally realized that i had to go.  i have to take care of myself. . i really really do try. no matter how much anyone else cares, it's still my responsibility to take care of me.  i say i do but i don't...always.

actually, after having babies and becoming totally aware of the awesome body....how it works has always amazed me.....always...my body can prepare itself for a  teeny tiny baby to be....feed and grow a baby.  if i try to take care of myself and my body, there is a very good possibility that i'll have this baby ...on it's own or with assistance....i can have the baby in my arms and then i can feed the baby with my own....and to complete the circle, the most incredible part of all is....by feeding the baby .....i lose weight!  and get back into blue jeans in a few weeks!  now that's a miracle!  truly!

after a week and a half, now i have new aching in my head and temples, the light is bothering my eyes. 

my head is pounding.
that was from skiing....but i also hit the back of my head on the ice.... while ice skating a few weeks ago! two times in a month!!  i know.... in my whole life, i have never had a black out...not the st. patrick's day  kind of blackout.  my head and helmet hit the snow...it went black for a moment....

my body is trying to tell me something...it's time to listen.

  i made my appointment with the doctor today and slept through my 9:30 appointment....had to reschedule for this afternoon at 2p.m.  reviewing my symptoms and doing some small tests, the doctor scheduled me for a catscan at the hospital. after all, she was surprised that i hadn't been to the doctor yet...even though i had my own nurse to sit and assess it immediately....and our friend, a doctor, assess the symptoms and the details of the fall.

i was relieved to have it checked out....and as my mother used to blurt out in frustration..."do you need to have your head examined?" and i was relieved to be taking care of myself...

i had thought about going to the doctor...but i listened to everyone tell me that it was a mild concussion...that i seemed o.k.....that i had only blacked out for a moment...i went against my own tendency to take care of myself!   easier to listen to them than myself....nagging me ...a little bit...

so, after checking in with the doctor,i left feeling better that i had attended to my head...actually thankful to have the doctor say that i should have the catscan...think of the brain...and one big bonk...on the front...and one on the back....

i stopped at the receptionist.  she wanted more healthcare information.  i had to call biff.  he was on his way to massachusetts....he offered the information...and then he asked,"is that covered?"  who knew?  i would check...and i realized that the $1400 bill made biff hesitate. and $1400. to have it read...never had anything like that happened....ever...this was biff.....this was the economy....this was the healthcare system of today....

this is the healthcare world that hadn't really affected me greatly. we were covered...i was one of the more fortunate ones in the healthcare system.....we are a family very blessed. biff not only has a job he loves...he has benefits. we always keep life most simple...at the beginning of the sales year....it starts slow in the first few months of the year.  now it wasn't just a commission statement...this was the trickle down of the economy.  my head  pounding and it's up to washington, d.c.....whether or not i can have a catscan.  something's not right there.

yet, today, standing at the receptionist window, i couldn't believe we were talking about money...when lights were bothering my eyes and my temples and head were pounding.

$1400. seems to make a lot of people think twice these days...and $1400. more to read it!.even the doctor said she has lots of people stop and question this huge bill....especially now, in this economy.  the slow down, decline, depression....whatever we want to call it, makes us all think twice about what we need to have done.  i am always concerned that doctors recommend the next test because of malpractice concerns.

i just didn't think that we would ever think like this....and certainly not biff!  why did i think were different?....everyone has a lot of concerns in this economy....it affects everyone.

we live a very comfortable life, we have awesome vacations... with great friends who share their goodness...with our family!  what a gift! we are aware and very grateful...we live in a beautiful place...we love the beach...the woods...the city....family fun trips....sailing...skiing....biking...and more.......lots more.....

yet, today, i felt for every person in america with a job loss or no job or a low job or insurance with sickness...insurance that still costs a lot....even with the copay....i thought about our insurance company that doesn't always cover our connecticut doctors..

wow! they make it hard.  i left the doctor's office in tears.  biff questioned the doctor.  i questioned biff.  biff was very concerned.....

i worried that he was concerned that it wasn't worth it.  that i wasn't worth it!  for the first time in our life. it was all about health and health care and health benefits...and the economy...and sales...and hong kong...and the car industry in the u.s. and money and everything that we read in the news about "others" and their problems with health care and coverage...and sickness....and wellness......

i didn't go to the appointment at the hospital for the catscan....i waited and talked to biff....he talked to the doctor...and the hospital...and me. i drove home.  sick about our healthcare...for choices we are making based on the system.

i still had the pounding headache in my temples and the light bothering my eyes.  i felt like an inconvenience.  i felt like i was expecting more than i should require.  i felt i was asking too much....

i was sick...headache, lights, questions, lack of clarity and lack of.....everything.  this is with a husband who works very hard and does very well.....we are conservative....we don't live high on the hog.....we live simply....by choice....we want to live a simple, but wonderful life....with our family the priority.

 today, i simply had to question how much i mattered. for real. i drove home. aching. in tears.  because i  knew what i had to do. have a cat scan. the doctor said i  could go to a neurologist, in lieu of a cat scan.isn't a neurologist going to want to look at a cat scan?

what about the head pounding? the light? i felt worthless....not worth the price of a catscan.

home, finally. where i had been planning some fun st. patrick's day festivities.i had some lucky charms cereal for grace and t.j.'s snack, some corned beef, shamrock paper plates, sweet treats, some irish music, some festive gifties....it wasn't what i had hoped for.  i wanted to celebrate the fun and traditions of family and heritage.

i took our sweet puppy for a catscan last year at this time.  i paid for her catscan...because we love her....no matter what.....and she was worth it....and i was happy to know....relieved to know...she was fine....and i was so glad that i knew it!

i was grateful that we knew she was all right.

i never once said, "was she worth it?"

i still say i'm coming back as a golden retriever!

*********************************************

follow up...all of a sudden , a trip to the doctor, turned into an editorial bit on the healthcare system!  it's just one more crazy mixed up thing in our lives...it's overwhelming to both biff and i.

  it seems that some of my own friends that have read this were thinking that i was writing/talking about my husband, biff, like he was the bad guy. that's not something i do.  that actually freaked them out...then, me.....i'm sorry if i've  suggested that he is the bad guy. that is far from the truth...way far from the truth. biff always has our family first...always.

everything i write...everything....is stuff that i share openly with biff and i only share information that i feel comfortable sharing.  i prefer to have no secrets in my life. 

i  tell my "stories" and try to explain the "real" story....without going too deep.  the depth of this story was to acknowledge the everyday stress of figuring out our own healthcare....in some economically challenging times....when we are being extra cautious

.  i wrote $1400......for the catscan...i didn't write $1400. to read the catscan...that's a considerable amount of money to lay out without knowing how much will be paid, reimbursed etc.....biff has spent hours this week on the phone to figure it out.

and that's part of my problem too.  even our simple coverage is intimidating to figure out....to follow...to track..to keep updated.  that's when we're all healthy!  when we need it, it seems we're always in some loophole.

i guess, what amazed me most was that biff and i....who do care about family more than money....even with family as a priority...even with an upscale income....it's a tough decision and it's hard to get through the red tape!

thankfully, biff and i are able to talk about all of this disturbing stuff...we always talk it out..we respect each other and each other's opinions! maybe that wasn't fair if i didn't let you know that!  sorry... to you and to biff!

i still want to come back as a golden retriever...open window in the car....great beaches...swimming....tennis balls...kids...people light up when you come in the room...great comfy beds with monograms....who could ask for more?

*******************************************

 *******************************************

Lord Of The Dance - The Dubliners [8/26]

keryn...here's the irish version!

Emma Kate Tobia

lovely irish singer at the parade today. she sings like an angel!

http://milk-moon.blogspot.com/

theu link above is one of my favorite blogs that i've happened upon...she is a lovely irish mom, living on the east coast of ireland, near dublin.  she writes so lyrically and has sweet, lovely stories of her life with children...in ireland.  she has a lovely book of poetry with gorgeous photos.  i stop at her blog often to allow me the pleasure of memories in ireland and the wonderful irish ways...she makes me feel like i could live there...at least, she makes me feel like she tells my kind of stories in  delightful and melodious moments.  a treat for the eyes and ears and imagination!

this is my little st. patrick's day tribute to the sod!

 

http://myworld.ebay.com/littlemarymixup

and the kelly green sweater is in my e-bay store for a st. patricks day sale!

 

here's to all of the irish & the luck of the irish to all!

Emerald Society

a friend sent this to me on facebook...a wee bit o' the parade! the bagpipes give me that sweet feeling of family get togethers and all of the parades we've gone to over the years....newyork parade, garden city parade, westhampton beach parade and the montaukparade! st. patrick's day this year i have a bittersweet feeling...thinking of all of the older family and friends....lots of great memories!

Senator Ted Kennedy sings at Obama campaign stop

i had to includ this song because it reminds me of so many fo our singing the irish songs around the piano years.....memories with mom and catherine and family and friends! great singers and great days and great memories!

It's a Great Day For The Irish - Single Version

top o' the mornin' to ye!

this is a first!  too tired to blog! i'm going to the doc tomorrow about my headaches that i've been having after the concussion.  the light is bothering my eyes too!  slowed down...out of my control. again, i'm trying to listen!  i'm trying to listen to the signs my body is giving me.

thankfully, someone who cares gave me a gentle reminder to take care of my own self.it's hard for me to allow that kind of goodness in....i don't like to be a bother. so guess what? it was great to hear someone say that they were concerned.  i always try to be grateful when someone shows concern.....rather a quick reaction saying,"no it's not that bad i'm fine...i'm better than i was."  not like a martyr...just not wanting to whine or complain to people.

  i also realize how much i miss my mom at times like this.  she couldn't  really take care of me or even be here to cover for me....but i knew she cared...like nobody else....and that's just a mom.  only a mom.

i've been concerned too.  i tried to let it go.  why?  i should take better care of myself.  no one can read my mind.  i haven't really mentioned the headaches.  it's so boring to hear people complain! i'd rather not give in to that. i thought i was taking care. today i realized that i wasn't really doing my best.  i would definitely take better care of our kids!

and now, i'm going to take care of myself.  i'm going to bed...it's late.  my hours are mixed up...from resting with my eyes closed.  i saw one of grace's friends today...she had had a concussion that no one realized until a day or two later.  i stopped to ask her about her lacrosse concussion last year.  she was describing some of my same symptoms.  quick black out. eyes ultra sensitive to lights and reading....it was a gift to bump into her today.  that's when i called the doctor.  two people made a difference....sometimes it takes more than me! 

Paul Simon - Kodachrome

kodachrome sounds good to me! nikon...photographs....it all sounds good to me!

for everyone!

no one will believe me!  i'm embarrassed and ashamed!  my "new" camera has just *POOF* ended it! it's blank on the screen...it's over...i had no clue...no warning signs! i've been stood up again!  i was outside with the dogs walking around the front of the house...i was enjoying the day, rainy or not. was it was over nothing! just like that! some close up pictures and that's when it happened....no crashes, no bonks, no bleeps...and *POOF*!  it was over and i was dumbfounded...i didn't even cry...like all of those other ones before. another one bites the dust...

apparently, the new cameras of  today are disposable.  this one has lasted since christmas week when we were skiing....that went kerplunk after a few months.  i know i'm hard on cameras....i know i take them to the beach, the woods, the city....and they live in my pocket as i wander through life...but, this is ridiculous!

my "real" camera that i enjoyed for most of our married life came from an old boyfriend!  my family and friends have always been thankful that i received this major camera and some equipment instead of an engagement ring.  me too! 

thankfully, it was the camera that traveled with me to europe, to nantucket, the cape, with biff and i on all of our adventures, weddings, new babies, our wedding, our new babies, christenings and christmas mornings!

i have been forever grateful....that i dodged a bullet...as they say!

biff always loved that old boyfriend, even though they never met.  it would have been worlds colliding.  biff might have doubted my sanity!  like my mom did!  of course, that's what friends and family said after the fact.  phew!  so glad they kept that to themselves in case i had further lapse of sanity and stayed with that guy out of stubbornness!

since st. patrick's day is in a couple of days, i've been noticing some of the more stubborn qualities of our cute little leprechauns!  i know where they get it from.  o.k, maybe that's a bit harsh...biff has some of his german stubbornness that we see in our kids.

i digress...another irish blarney habit...or plain old fashioned a.d.d. at work, who knows.  it's hereditary, i know that.

back to my major camera that may have been the christmas gift that changed my life.  thanks to that camera and some huge character flaws in a boyfriend, i  became aware that this was not a good choice of men.  that awareness, no matter how overdue it was, opened my life to so many more wonderful opportunities....and i met biff!

biff enjoyed the camera as well!  he also enjoyed the diamond earrings from the other guy...and some other material gifts that were lovely to look at yet, meant nothing to me. since many of the gifts were not so meaningful to me, i was able to sell them!  and what fun that was!  i kept the diamonds as suggested by my mom.  she said, "those are your booby prize." 

and the camera was the door prize! it was better to me than the old boyfriend.  steady, loyal and true. that camera was with me through the good times and bad! unlike the guy!

and now, i sit with no camera. zip! zero! nada!  the digital cameras that i have had since the major door prize have been like one night stands, which thankfully, i never made a habit of those!  the last few cameras have been quick to blow me off,  unfaithful and selfish....never thinking of me and my feelings! treating me like a doormat after filling my heart with joy and some fun times, these cameras just leave me feeling abandoned. dumped!

oh, sure you say...all of the warning signs were there...the battery troubles, the disc was undependable and the zoom! i'm embarrassed to say that the zoom was slow....very slow.  i like a zoom you can count on!  i like a zoom that can move spontaneously!  the disc was always full...at the wrong time...inconsistent...it left me very frustrated and sometimes in tears.  the batteries were filled with excuses....not charged, not fully charged and rechargeable....sure, rechargeable!  then it was the lithium...the lithium caused it's own troubles.

now, i'm looking for a camera that's more like biff.  a great camera, full of energy, strong...physically and emotionally, loving and considerate, spontaneous....he's there for me...in good times and in bad...just like we proclaim in our wedding vows! biff treats me with respect and deserves respect, thoughtful, giving, makes me laugh, has a great sense of humor,he's easygoing and enjoys a good time!  and he seems to love me, despite my pecadillos!

now, how can i find a new camera.  not online...i'm skeptical of finding a camera on line. i need to see it in person, see how it acts with me and reacts to me, how it moves with me and travels with me.... me....not an online me. 

i'm running out of time.  i don't want to sound desperate, but my clock is ticking.  i need to find one soon or i'll go crazy! all of my friends have great cameras.  they haven't gone through this....with bad choices, one after another.

i realize that i can't force something to be...especially, if it's not the right one for me. i have to pay attention to the signs. i have to be true to myself.  i have to be honest and open if i find one that suits me....although i'm a little bit scared.  i just have a hard time trusting these days.

i guess i'll know when i know.  it will just have to be a good fit.  next time, it will be fun, easy and comfortable to be with, it will have all of the qualities that i love so much. i'll write a list of the qualities that matter.   i hope i've learned from experience. i guess i'll know when i know.  oh, and before i forget, if you think of one i might like, let me know! 

sometimes we have to wait and trust that the right one will come.  it never works out when we're on the rebound!  it's a quick fix. it ends poorly...for everyone!

kodak?  done that.
http://www.kodak.com/eknec/PageQuerier.jhtml?pq-path=2/6868&pq-locale=en_US&_requestid=39239

fuji? done that.

http://www.fujifilmusa.com/products/digital_cameras/index.html

canon? done that.

http://shop.usa.canon.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/home_10051_10051_-1

nikon? not yet.

http://www.nikonusa.com/

sony?  not yet.

http://www.sonystyle.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CategoryDisplay?catalogId=10551&categoryId=16161&langId=-1&storeId=10151

minolta? done that.  they don't even have camera business anymore!

http://ca.konicaminolta.com/

this is worse than trying to pick out shampoo!
so many choices....and they're all the same...broken!

what a day! with daylight savings time in effect, i was up early to attend a "women's health conference"http://www.womenandfamilylifecenter.org/index.html in mystic, ct....i would be meeting friends at the breakfast to kick off the day. after wind and rain all night, the day was gloomy.

another sunroof weather report!

on days like this, days for me to call my own, i'm always excited in the planning stages.  when it's time to walk out the door, i seem to have a pang...sorry to be leaving my family. everyday matters....time with family...time with biff...time with the kids...time.  life is precious....family is precious!  everyday is filled with possibilities.

then there's the old oxygen mask theory...biff always reminds me of that when life feels too chaotic and i feel tugged in every direction....a feeling he knows all too well.  on an airplane, if the plane is going down, the most important moment is when the oxygen masks pop out from above....the flight attendant always tells us to take the oxygen first and then help others. most important is for us to grab the mask immediately, THEN take care of the others.

so, today was a day for my oxygen mask.  i was up early...despite daylight savings exhaustion....different than the random exhaustion every mom feels each day....and before i walked out the door, i made a cup of coffee to  go!

rain, rain and more rain.  i passed emergency crews repairing electric lines, police cars pulled over with cars post accident and the steady flow of cars on i95.  as i drank my coffee to fuel myself up for my day, i listened a favorite radio program, senator bill bradley's "american voices"....a group of inspirational stories...a nice way to start my day.http://www.billbradley.com/amvoices/about

i drove further. my timing was looking good...almost  great!  and THEN....right before my eyes, the car about 3-4 car lengths in front of me began to swerve towards the left and he steered into his skid and he swerved over to the right lane....as he moved right, his shiny black car began to spin around, skid sideways and come to a stop on the right shoulder, miraculously facing the original direction!

i drove behind that car...not so far behind that car....i watched it veer off to the left and swerve to the right and i slowed watching the black car ....i was chanting to myself....pleeeeeeeeeeez...pleeeeeeeeeeez...this cannot happen..this cannot happen. this CANNOT HAPPEN!

and it didn't!  and it didn't happen to the silver car behind me!  saved by angels....that's all that i can say.  at the moment, i realized that i was safe and i just had to pull over to be grateful and to breathe!

still with time to spare, i continued up to mystic.  biff and i discussed where the mystic marriott was located....we discussed my timing...we discussed parking....i parked...ran through puddles/lakes...in the rain and got in the door...with my traveler coffee cup...there was coffee and milk at the entrance...i filled up.  i dashed over to the front desk.  i said, "women's health conference?"  the gentleman looked puzzled.

he looked confused and said, "sailing.  we have a sailing conference...i looked at him and said,"marriott women's conference 8a.m."

that's when he looked relieved and said,"oh...this is the hilton! the marriott is 2 exits south of here." and off i drove with my hilton cup of coffee!  back on i95 south for 2 exits...i had driven right past the exit because biff and i had assumed the hotel that we stopped at so many times was a marriott!

i arrived thinking i had missed the breakfast....when i asked about the conference, it became clear that i was early for the breakfast!

that was all before 8:30 a.m.!  and then the awesome conference began!  women, women, women...all inspiring, all empowering and all there to boost each other!  that's not something we see everyday.

i feel very blessed to have friends who are supportive and have been supportive throughout my life!  going to a women's college filled me with the gift of women supporting women!  strength in numbers!  there's an energy in the air!  tenacious women, intelligent women. spirited women, creative women, healthy women, older women, younger women.....all with so much to share!

sharing...giving....energizing!  it was an incredible experience. laughter. caring. talking. listening. eating. thinking....new thoughts.  learning...sharing new goals.

a big boost as we move on to spring...a common theme seemed to be "spring cleaning"....not dusting and vacuuming....thinking and clearing out old, useless thinking, people, behaviors....thinking and consciously choosing to be authentic.  doing what we feel we have to do....HAVE to do it because our hearts tell us so.

we listened to some awesome speakers. amy bloom, a wonderful writer with absolutely sensational stage presence, sharing her wit and fabulous family stories, taking questions and answering candidly. amy bloom teaches creative writing at yale.  i can't wait to sink my teeth into one of her books.

http://www.amybloom.com/ http://www.everywomansvoice.com/?q=node/700

an author,deborah copaken kogan, spoke saturday night at the dinner.  i did not go to the evening events...although my good friend invited me to share a room with her mom and sister.  i considered the gracious invitation but i just knew that i was loving that cozy, rainy day saturday with family. women really enjoyed her!  her book looks hysterical!

http://www.deborahcopakenkogan.com/hell_is_other_parents_76473.htm 

we broke into sessions.... wonderful sessions....some women had massage, reiki, tai chi, pilates, women and finance, listening to your heart, authenticity 

beverly sastri spoke and filled the room with energy and empowered women to reach their dreams and goals. she was so filled with enthusiasm and spoke so well!  we all loved her talk and we enjoyed visualizations and had our own work to do...setting goals...clear goals.  listening to the signs that our bodies give us!  a common theme for me!  i do try.  do you? http://www.beverlysastri.com/about.htm

i have these links available and hope you'll have some inspirational moments as well.

i'm still tired and have made a pact with myself to get some more sleep! good night!

 sunroof view today!

cold, raw and damp...rain!

i picked up grace at school this morning at 9:45.  she had just finished her last exam of the trimester.  we drove to dunkin donuts drive through window...one hot chocolate for grace and one coffee for me.

  we started driving. grace had some great tunes on the radio.  some not so great, but so good to hear her explain her music to me....why it's her favorite...why one singer is good and some rappers are really o.k. 

we do that drive thing together sometimes vacations, and i treasure those times.  she tells me about school, friends, just stuff, dreams....we talk.

those are the moments.  moments are really what we remember.  these moments with my 15 year old are precious.  i look back at our lives with children and think about the moments!

exciting, warm and cozy, sweet, quiet, sleepy, bedtime, bad dreams, wacky, creative.....moments.....and that's what we get!  i'll take them all...that's why we have to live in the moment! i would drive to california to have these times.

grace has had exams all week and t.j. has had the c.m.t.'s, connecticut mastery tests.  stress for grace and relaxation for t.j.  both the exams and the c.m.t.'s are over.

grace was feeling the stress of her finals for the trimester...this was her chance to bump her grades up.  freshman year has been a challenge...priorities, social life with friends, high school classes and teachers, teenage angst plus drama and mono...yup it's been stressful for us too!

t.j. was enjoying the non stress weeks of the c.m.t.'s! his teachers were giving no homework...a joy for us all.  a stress reliever for us all.  life was very enjoyable without homework.

again, being the parents, we work so hard to help our kids through the loop de loop of learning and studying.  we've always worked diligently at giving them a routine....before school, after school, homework, dinner, reading and bedtime.

considering i never fully mastered the concept of good study habits, it's been a great accomplishment to have given our kids a great start!  any friends who read this are probably laughing out loud just thinking of me?, training small children to learn good study habits!

keep laughing!  we're both trying to keep our kids from picking up some of our biggest downfalls. distraction from me...now where was i going with this story!...and procrastination from biff...when he gets around to it.

we just want them to realize their potential.  not for college, not for career, not for ego...just for themselves to have pride in doing their best.

now it's the weekend. everyone is home. life is good. life is good in moments.  today, the moments have been great!  i think i'll crank some of the kids' tunes...and blast them through the house!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pb-K2tXWK4w 

this is a link to a song that played while grace and i were driving. grace is fifteen and that's what this song by taylor swift sings about....if you listen to this song, you'll remember what you were like as a freshman in high school!

quotes i like

"Strong people make as many and as ghastly mistakes as weak people. The difference is that strong people admit them, laugh at them, learn from them. That is how they became strong."
-Richard Needham The Wit and Wisdom of Richard N

noah's arc!

two by two, our pets come to us. they do seem to come...to us...somehow they find us.  many of them have cut out the middleman!

we haven't always had luck with the middleman. a few years ago, i was visiting my mother at the hospital. it was a day filled with doctors, social workers, physical therapists and some quiet time with my mom.  she had broken her hip...for the second time.

yes, throughout the college years, all of our friends would laugh and imitate the tacky commercial, "help!  i've fallen and i can't get up!"  and after.... that i had been imitating the "help i've fallen and i can't get up!"  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=re6Ygu7DcWQ&feature=related  i reminded my mom about that commercial...i asked if she thought that all of those years of imitating had caught up with me...i had jinxed her and caused her fall...she laughed! thankfully.

theday had been long.  it was hard to see my own mother so frail and hurting.  there were many decisions to be made regarding her future...beginning with her hip rehabilitation. it was alot to take in...and think through. after some time down at the hospital on long island, it was time for me to head off on my 2 hour drive home...to biff and the kids.

it had been an emotionally grueling day.  as i began the drive home, i had an idea that might put a positive spin on the day....at least for me. i called biff to get his opinion...  should i stop at north shore animal league?

http://www.google.com/search?q=north+shore+animal+league&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a  it's an excellent organization...it's run so well! 

adopt a new kitten?  we had just lost a wonderful kitty to a coyote. that happens alot to outdoor kitties in connecticut.  very sad.

so, after a dramatic loss of  grace's little black kitten, named midnight....guess the color....i thought picking out a new kitten to our family might just fill my sadness...even if a temporary fix.

i know, you say...come on it's just a cat...they're a dime a dozen!  this may be true.  until we moved to this house, i had never had a pet until our 2 kittens....we imported them from a shelter up near boston.  we had commuter kitties.  my first real pets.  they would do...until we were able to handle a puppy...something i really wanted...for my whole life!

we had them for some time before tragedy struck.  "boy cat" was a bit quirky.  he was kind of like kramer on seinfeld...on of our favorite shows!  "girl cat" was sweet. let's just say, they weren't meant to live in the wilds of connecticut!  one of the first times "girl cat" went outside, our neighbors' spaniel raced after her and she must have run 30 feet up a tree! after that, she didn't trust a stroll in the park in the backyard again.  she would sit outside and stair at the neighbors' house in fear of "rosie", the spaniel. she gained so much weight, after the traumatic chase by rosie, i had to carry her down to the end of the driveway to let her get some exercise!

and then...soon enough...*POOF*...she was gone....#1...

then "boy cat"...outside one night,,,didn't come back...and *POOF*....he was gone. ... #2... sad.  grace and t.j. were pretty comfortable with the death thing after that, so they asked if we could go to "the cat store" again. we did.

that's when we got "smokey"....#3......t.j's replacement cat for boy cat.  now that was a cool cat!  he was the coolest and most handsome cat i can remember. t.j.'s buddy, smokey used to follow us to the "school bus rock" and wait while the kids all got on the bus.  and after a wonderful life with smokey....he was gone.

sometime around that time, we had to replace "smokey" for t.j......so, off we went to the "cat store"...that's when t.j. picked out "jinx"!  our handsome black kitty with the green glass, marble eyes.  way cool and handsome.  we love him like crazy and hope to have hime

forever.  if daisy has anything to do with it, we will.  she goes out to protect and to get him in at night!  he sleeps with t.j.

after that is when "midnight" arrived...#4....grace's choice at the cat store...to replace "girl cat"  she was precious.  itty bitty and black as night...hence the name!  she used to walk through the house with grace's puffy pink slippers in her mouth!  

 and then she was gone!  sadder than sad. 

back to the "cat store"!  and that's when "tic tac" put his teeny gray paw through the cage to get grace's attention!  he was ours/hers/ours!  awesome kitty who taught our new "daisy" golden retriever puppy  to retrieve....kitties!  theirs was a special relationship. "daisy" and "tic tac" had a mutual admiration society!  tic tac was the cat that was a "he/she" cat...grace thought she was a girl and we found out that she was a he....so we decided "tic tac" was "he/she"....we loved her for a long time...and then "tic tac" was gone. sadder than sad.

and now for the point!

 on my way home to connecticut that spring day many years ago, i stopped at north shore animal league...  

i checked with biff to see how he felt about the kittens that i saw.  we talked about the right one for our family...it would be a special surprise.  this was the day!

i found the kitten...they even had twins...biff and i thought 3 cats would officially make us "cat kooks"...since we had our dogs and our fish, we knew 2 was our limit...and our track record was bad thanks to coyotes in connecticut.

i had paperwork to fill out.  i had my license to show. i had references to list.  i even had a short interview...all for a cat!  biff said cats were out on the streets, they have babies like crazy....why were they so intense?  who cared?  we were on the cusp of a new kitten!

they sent me out to the waiting room. it was quiet.  it was a big room filled with benches....for the adoptive families....to sit...or to pace...patiently...nervously...anticipating the good news...the new pet!  ready to go home for love!

i waited.  i was feeling bubbly...even effervescent!

my brother and sister in law would surely have wonderful words to praise our kitty skills!  my other reference was biff...actually, they wanted to be sure that both parties in the couple wanted this kitten.  they wanted no questionable homes.

i paced.  i sat.  i waited.  i thought...about what joy the kitty would bring to us.  i was pleased with myself to find a sunny spot in the day.

that's when the short, chubby man in the black pants and scruffy white shirt opened the door to the waiting room....he called my name!

i approached quietly.  proudly.  the other adoptive parents stood  showing their approval and apparent joy shared with me....

that's when the shelter adoption manager gave me the news.  we were not acceptable applicants.  our application was denied.  "but why?", i pleaded. "why?....how could this be?"

cat man responded with these words that i'll never forget...."i'm sorry to say that you have been denied because your references did not check out."  i pleaded with him...i told him we loved our kitties...we took good care of them. "i'm sorry." he said curtly. 

i pleaded some more...i asked if there was anyplace else nearby that i could adopt a kitten.

that's when he told me that i would be on the blacklist.  that's when he told me that there was only one faraway place that would not get word of my blacklisted name!

i left in tears...blacklisted.

i called biff.  crying.....crying...crying more and more.  i told him that we had been blacklisted.  i told him that my heart was broken.  we couldn't even adopt a kitten.  we were not fit.

biff quietly spoke.  "hmmm..."  i asked what  he said to my short chubby representative.  biff said that when they called for references and confirmation, they asked about our previous cats.

biff spoke again....i could barely hear him...he said, "i was kind of kidding.  i guess he didn't realize. i was outside doing yardwork .... i was kind of talking like a farmer.... i said something to the effect of, they got 'et by coyotes!" in all of our married life, i had never ever heard this 

"farmer" twang he used.  i cried some more.  and i cried until it turned into laughter!  biff and i were doubled over...we were imagining the chubby man....thinking of the wilds of connecticut and farmers....and cats and coyotes!  we laughed some more!

it was shortly after the"et by coyotes" remark that grace picked out "happy" at an adoptathon...in connecticut...we were more anonymous in connecticut....it all worked out....without extensive applications and references...or phone calls...or waiting rooms... 

today we stopped in to visit a friend...she loves animals...she has 2 turtles for us. 1 for t.j. and 1 for grace!  no applications! no blacklist!  just a gift.  just add water and food.   we're like a mini starter kit for noah's arc!

cook dinner

is this just my life or does anyone else live like this?  from time to time we seem to have life like this and i can't believe it!  it can't be!  it's out of control....there's no stopping us!  we will never get ahead of ourselves!

during finals, a friend from college said, "i'm so far behind, i think i'm first!"

every now and then, this is our life.  it is so stressful!  i haven't gotten my act together since skiing.....i'm feeling guilty for hardly getting anything done....it's 7:30 at night and we haven't eaten dinner.

biff is working on something in the basement/playroom to be (for the second time around after water got in).....grace is crying because she's worried about school and her trimester finals and grades and that she isn't smart and she isn't going to get in a good college...and she'll never be successful...that her grandmother thinks she's smart and i lie to tell her that she has a beautiful voice and tell her that she is, in fact, smart...i remind her that she had mono this year, she is a freshman in a new school, hard work and lots of social but she hasn't knocked herself out and really worked hard.  i tell her we all know what it's like to feel this way.  she is MAD at me for telling her "lies."

ANGRY! CRYING!

b.c. eagles football....boston college 

is/was/is grace's dream

that's for grace and for us.  we haven't experienced this before...it's hard for us to see this happen but we can't study for her...she has to learn how to do it herself.  she has to learn consequences for her less than optimum study habits this year.

i tell her that all she can do is....do the next right thing.  it all can change.  she can turn this around.  it's going to take some effort.  it's harder to do less work and feel more stressed and upset and overwhelmed!  i believe in her.i know she will make a change.  she doesn't believe it yet...and that's the hard part...for grace and for us.

i asked t.j. to help his dad downstairs.  he offered. biff said not now. later, biff needed help...he called t.j.....t.j. went down reluctantly as he had been turned away the first time.  biff asked him to do 2 things. t.j. did 2 things...exactly 2 ...that's it...2.  biff was bothered and he told t.j.  that's when it got kooky. t.j. said he helped. biff said not quite willingly.  t.j. said he offered.  biff said not really.  biff was MAD!  ANGRY!.....that's when the frustration and parental people in the house got mad...angry...frustrated...bothered.....ahhhhhhhhhh!

biff sent t.j. to his room. t.j. went up stairs reluctantly and angry!  MAD! ANGRY! FIGHT!in his voice.

when t.j. went upstairs i asked grace to go help biff if he needed more help.  grace was at the computer...not studying.

i got bothered.  she had some not so nice comments because i had apparently called her name too many times...just think about that...i think if you're a parent, you'll get it!  i got MAD, BOTHERED, FRUSTRATED!

and after words with biff and i, biff sent grace to the dining room table to study.   grace sat for a moment at the table...that's when i told her to do the next right thing.....and the whole house of cards fell on top of each other....to the ground...*POOF*...in one moment.

so, now i'm going to do the next right thing and cook dinner.