could it be any better? spring has sprung! boston is beautiful! easy to love in the spring...the longer winter is "wicked"! 

to be back up here is wonderful....seeing our old town with the kids has been so much fun...grace and t.j. have enjoyed checking out all of their old spots...remembering where ballet class was when grace was 3, the pool where they learned to swim, our church, the beach .....and all of the territory we covered with the jog stroller...miles and miles!

it's been really remarkable to see the kids appreciation for all of people and places they remember.  they show so much maturity!  they really are growing up in attitude and demeanor.  o.k. let's remember we're away from home, there's no homework...no friend drama...no responsibilities. we're very aware that every day is different....so we're enjoying today!  every minute!

easy to love with this beautiful weather...just like kids are easy to love when they're charming, easy going and agreeable! 

random thought...daffodils always remind me of cancer and raising awareness for cancer....i have a random memory of walking  babies in the hot pink double jog stroller....seeing people selling bunches of daffodils for cancer in front of the post office!  i never see a daffodil without thinking about cancer survivors!

easy to love! biff and i use the expression "easy to love" when we're driving by a beach house on the water....beautiful beach days....quality anything!

it's been great just to step away from our chaos....yesterday was a "touristy" day....today was great to be back home...where we lived with little babies....where we started our lives as a new family!

it was our home. it will always be our special place. this is where we learned to be a mom and dad. this is where we grew our own family...in our own new place.

this was where we learned together as a new family meeting new friends, this is where we explored together, this is where we had to worked and saved towards our first home....this is the place who taught us lots of life lessons that helped us to be who we hoped to be.  we learned together that family came first, family with faith and trust in each other, we learned how to deal with the little challenges, new challenges and new attitudes towards old challenges. lots of the life here got us exactly where we needed to be.  the right place for us, as a family.

home was here. home is in connecticut now. it's easy to love another place as home.  it's easy to live in someone else's place with no drama, no responsibilities, no demands. it's easy to visit and see the other side.

but,home is where the flooding is...home is where the dogs are....home is where grace has some scattered clothes on the floor...home is our own place to be....even knowing our problems with water and septic.

driving our "cah" around town while reminiscing and telling stories, i know we live in the best place for us. grace and t.j. sometimes say,"it would be great to move back to boston...beautiful, "easy to love", near boston....

yet, i do believe biff and i made the right decision to move to connecticut. that's really nice to know...10 years later...and living the real lives of our friends and their weekend schedule games and down time...real life because we weren't off to any special events....we were doing the lives of grace and t.j. in an alternate world! "easy to love"...

"easy to love" is what i said today while walking to the car after watching one of the boys' soccer games....grace was saying how fun it would be to move back...to live in the pretty new england town...that's not so far off from our little connecticut town.  it's true...it would be fun to move back... it's beautiful, it's spring, it's got a lot of what we love in a town...friends, schools with a great education, educated people, history and beaches. "easy to love."

that's pretty much the same expression for any little getaway we take for a break...."easy to love."

it's good to get away for a new perspective.

vacation....spring break for our kids.  grace and t.j. are out of school for the next week! oh, how we love to have our vacations...a break from our routines!  certainly, the last 2 weeks have been anything but routine! 

so, we're off to boston! we'll have a nice getaway and that's just what we need...time away!  lots of time away....except wait! we have left daisy and fitzy at home! we'd have to be at some far away tropical island for us to leave daisy and fitzgerald home for too long....that's no fun!

we all got up early this morning and jumped in the car after much hustling and bustling to get the car ready to roll! i'm so delighted that we didn't leave last night....it got too late and staying home allowed us to have a better nights sleep!  we have all been in need of slumber....we've been rather upside down.

we arrived at kit and grady's  house by about 10a.m. grace and t.j. were highly motivated to get back to the town where they learned to walk, talk and ramp up their highly social beings!  we all love to go back to visit. grace and t.j. jumped out of the car and ran into the house. vacation had officially begun! always delighted to reunite, the kids were ready to start the fun.  the kids were happy to get together...they're always happy to get together. it's a comfort level like no other!  it's a mutual admiration society! that's a gift...for us all!  it's been almost 11 years since we moved to connecticut and when we get together, it's like yesterday!

the kids had soccer and crew....we had plans to take showers! a treat for us! hot water and shampoo are wonderful gifts. we had our showers, dressed and headed to boston.

oh! the days we lived here with our new babies...how many days i drove our little babies into boston..."pahked the cah" near the public garden,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Public_Garden_%28Boston%29 
on charles street...to be exact.  i always got a great parking space!  we'd go into boston after breakfast and behind early commuter traffic...i'd pack the stroller into our station wagon and we'd roll and stroll through the boston common
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_Common, 
boston public gardens, visit the ducklings, walk up newberry street...stop in some stores, grab a bite to eat and head back to our sweet south shore town in time for naps!

it was a wonderful time in our lives...with babies, it was so easy to pop into town by car, sometimes by commuter boat.  we had the best of both worlds...a lovely place to live near the beach and quick jaunts to the city to keep me feeling invigorated by the culture,  the city life and easy access to the beautiful parks and walks along the charles river.  it kept me feeling energized...as a new young mom, far away from family and old friends. i had the parking karma and boston was an easy city with babies!
http://www.bostonusa.com/ 

biff and i were comfortable in boston...we had chosen to live near boston rather than too far removed from the city...i was afraid to be in the boonies...and as biff knew from the beginning, life would be better near the beach...we had talked about that from our beginning!

biff was in a new sales territory...i was in a new life territory...as a stay at home mom!  boston allowed me

to continue living some of my life before baby!  cities energize me.  i've had some great city living...and i don't need to do that again...but...WOW...i love so much of the culture and diversity that our cities have to offer!

i loved those days!  today we told the kids stories of our trips to boston for church, shopping, the head of the charles, mass. general hospital doctor's visits...when we were expecting t.j. and the same hospital when t.j. broke his arm at 17 months. what happened?  he was "cwib divin'"...t.j. attempted to climb out of his crib at 17 months...after an afternoon nap....he did his best to imitate his monkey sister, almost 3, and landed on the floor...broke his wrist! 

we had lots of boston trips then...almost weekly! we always walked from massachusetts general hospital http://www.mgh.harvard.edu/default.aspxto the public gardens to see the ducklings...and let the energetic babies run, run and run some more before getting back in the car to go home!

we had lots of detours with t.j. and grace! it seemed, whenever i was alone with them...wherever...whenever....they would both dart in different directions....laughing and singing all of the way! as an old friend said of her twins, "i feel like i can finally breathe once they're both buckled into their stroller!"  that was our life! and we had irish twins!

funny to see them today...walking together...casually...through the boston public gardens and the boston common....just talking and laughing together....and chasing after crazy squirrels like they did so many years ago....and laughing like they had never done it before!

biff and i strolled behind them...so grateful for moments like these!  so happy to see them enjoying each other....and not bickering!

we walked over to the ducklings...in the public gardens...as a tribute to robert mc closkey

http://www.amazon.com/Make-Way-Ducklings-Robert-McCloskey/dp/B0007D9VJG 


some of the prettiest prints of boston, that i never tire of are from kennedy studios.
http://www.kennedystudios.net/ 


before t.j. was born, grace used to run into the open door at kennedy studios in our little south shore town!
after t.j. arrived, the lovely woman, susan, who we knew by name...thanks to grace sent us the sweetest card, a print from kennedy studios!
we had a great day...found great parking...again! the parking karma never dies!  we parked on beacon street http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beacon_Hill,_Boston

just alongside of the public gardens and across the street from "cheers", the restaurant...the t.v. show!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEq5M1wA4hk 

we had so much fun!  we walked through beacon hill 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beacon_Hill,_Boston 
past the state house, along the freedom trail and over to fanueil hall to meet my older brother and our 2 niece's for lunch at the union oyster house...another landmark.
http://www.unionoysterhouse.com/ 

such a great day, great weather, time for family and time for friends...we went to meet ll of our friends for dinner at an awesome sports restaurant to see the boston college vs. wisconsin hockey playoffs! oh, the fun we had!  

http://www.bc.edu/  almost everyone we knew up in our little town near boston seemed to have graduated from boston college!  grace and t.j. are all set to go there too!  they certainly have the school spirit!

grace and t.j. still laughing together after a long day with family and friends!  go b.c.!

it was the legos!
http://www.lego.com/en-US/default.aspx 

definitely the legos!

legos in the dumpster put me over the edge....we've had a lot going on lately.  just lots of stuff.  not big stuff. just a slow and steady build up of stuff...not to bore you, but it seems that i have a sense of humor about everything that comes our way.  it's been a lifetime of little stuff and big stuff that seems to do it!  the big stuff isn't always the issue!

the big stuff that comes along throughout life is big...and that's that!  we live our whole life with bursts of big stuff...even big, big stuff and great big stuff!

that's the stuff we're not prepared for...but when it comes, we have to deal with it!  that's when i kick in to high coping gear.  really, i shine sometimes when the going gets really tough.  when the stuff is so big that everything in life stops....just so we can handle the greatness of whatever it is that makes our world stop.

my world seems to do just fine with some of the everyday stuff that might send others over the edge.  we all know the people who have road rage or can't bear to have a rainy day on vacation....some get angry with salespeople or telemarketers or the waitress or the line at the bank or the deliveryman or the postal worker.....or.....anyone who gets in their way on a random day.

not me.  i can deal with the little things.  i can deal with lots of little things. usually, when i come across  someone crabby during the day i try to be nice...maybe they're having  bad day.  maybe they just need one person to be nice to them....most people can use a little kindness during the course of the day.

it seems that the legos made the difference...the legos were my tipping point. "the tipping point", a book by malcolm gladwell

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0316346624/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=3241388601&ref=pd_sl_9577o7js46_e
my tipping point was the little red bin of legos in the dumpster as we pulled up the driveway. someone else may have lost it at the first sign of rain, the wet dogs, the bad hair day, a few inches of water in their basement.....not me. 
some may have lost it when the water in the basement rose high enough to warrant tall mud boots.  some might have lost when the new hot water heater was covered with septic and flood waters causing it to
stop working.  not so much a problem until we found that we could no longer have a hot shower.  no problem.  i'm great at adapting...at lots of little things...lots of them piled up on top of each other...more and more and more and more and then....i reach my tipping point.  mine was the legos!  but you already know that.  you have read more about our septic and flooding than anyone can stand....yet, you're still reading. 

come on already! you must be done! fed up! ka-put! enough! that's that! no more!  nada! zip!  stop with the stories of self pity....stop with the pity party....get over it already! let it go! it's history...enough is enough! 

so why do you read this?  why? i think it's cause you haven't reached your tipping point!


today, i woke up on this rainy day...the kids' last day of school before spring vacation....the house upside down...e-bay biz 
http://stores.ebay.com/littlemarymixup?_rdc=1 
to do...merchandise to mail...no dog food, so i adapted and fed the dogs leftover pork chops and noodles and peas....and water.....the dogs adapted! they didn't seem to mind that they didn't get their beneful dog food!
http://www.beneful.com/Default.aspx?DCMP=KNC-BEN-Goog-2010-BE&HBX_PK=beneful+dog+food&HBX_OU=50 
it was when a friend called to see when we would be leaving to visit them near boston 
http://www.bostonusa.com/ 
this weekend. we talked about the possibilties...going to cape cod
http://www.capecodchamber.org/
...the cape, one of our favorite places in the world....

going, here going there... that's what did it!  the friend, the welcome, the plans, the fun and then i mention the legos. 


my good friend whined,"no! not the legos....oh i'm so sad!  those legos have always been there....you've all had so much fun with legos. how can you ever replace them?  it's not like you just built them as  kit....they were creations...they were biff, grace and t.j.'s creations. oh, i feel your pain!" .......i held it together.....and then, she said it! that was that....it was my tipping point ....after all that we've been through in the last month or weeks or year or who even cares?  it was the finale'....when my friend kit said these three words, "i could cry!"


i cried.....i cried and cried.....and cried some more....until i couldn't speak...kit was upset too....i had to hang up the phone....i had to cry all by myself. 


we talked later.  we tried to make our plans.  we talked about timing. we talked about the kids and all of their plans...and then, i thought of daisy and fitzy.  how could we leave them?  i wanted to bring them. i realized i had to leave them....and i cried some more.

tears and more tears.  biff is exhausted after an intense week of work...at work, not home....it was good for business...all good stuff.  he was wiped out. lots of stress for us all.
the kids are so happy to go see their friends.  they actually wanted to go to school with their good old friends next week.  what friends they are.  i can't imagine considering going to school on vacation!! now that's a fun filled friendship!  all of the kids were thrilled....until they were denied.  not unless we go through the town and then, they'd have to go "shadow" an "ambassador" appointed by the school! when did all of this red tape happen in life?


 i have reached my tipping point.  last night, grace and t.j. reached theirs....tonight, it was biff!
we have all had to deal with the disappointment of loss...simple loss...we've lost some of our favorite people who we loved greatly...bigger than greatly....we have had many different types of loss...a few years of economic slowdown has kept us close to home for spring break...when we have attempted to plan....but, we have decided to hold back. not big. not a really big deal. really, how ridiculous! we live lives of great abundance. great love. great family. great friendships. who could ask for more?  
yet, last night...the great big spring break box did it!  the coppertone
http://www.coppertone.com/coppertone/index.jsp 
did it! great friends with great enthusiasm...kids like cousins and thoughts of fun with friends in the sun....dreams of other great vacations....and *POOF* the tipping point! we all needed to have that moment! and now, we're back!


as my t-shirt says, "life is good"
http://www.lifeisgood.com/?gclid=CIff15qs-6ACFciA5QodM3NOxA 

love these mother's day "life is good" t-shirts!
http://www.lifeisgood.com/category/search-by-interest/mothers-day.aspx

i am praying for some kind of peace.  this has been one crazy thing after another.  i've been staying very calm, cool and collected but i think i might snap soon!!  calgon, take me away!!!


i cried today...too much stuff in the dumpster....stuff! plans for vacation in the dumpster...never really got to make plans with the economy scaring us!  i was feeling a delayed reaction today after visiting home and all of the memories of family and mom! i realized it's almost 2 years since mom died!! everywhere i went today, i saw daisies!!  was that a sign from mom?  was she telling me that everything would be o.k.?
i walked at the beach with jane and her dog.  jane and her family are leaving for vacation...florida and lots of exciting family plans.
we need that together time as  family.  the beach is our greatest joy. we keep planning to make it happen....and then the reality of recession scares us into reality and pragmatic thinking! i hate when that happens.but, i'm tired and sad! so, of course it seems like that would save us from everything hitting the fan lately!  i've had a sense of humor until today!  i think it was the legos that did me in....just loss.  loss gets me everytime...whether mom or legos or plans...loss is huge!  not to say that legos and mom are equal....but the life that the legos represent is loss in a kind of funny way..
it will all be funny again....especially when we have  liveable house again!


thanks to mb for the "spring break box"!  that was some fun!  yes, it was a great idea to send us florida in a box....the thought was awesome....everyone loved all of the surprises in the box!  i think it's fun that we have christmas later in the year...you all got valentines day christmas and we got spring break!
biff loved the tacky alligator t-shirt!
and the cheezy beach book! robert balducci? or is that the dean and deluca of n.y.city? fun.
t.j. loved his gators hat and gators t-shirt!
grace loved her lilly pulitzer shirt and she has claimed my life is good shirt! she's wearing it to lacrosse tomorrow! 
we loved the lights for the deck!
we loved the ceramic whale for dip!
we all loved the new frisbee!
we all loved the tacky florida beach bag...that's crrying grace's lacrosse stuff to practice!
the beach ball is awesome!  grace almost blacked out blowing it up!
we loved the flip flops!
the fluffy new towels for t.j. and grace are awesome!
my lilly pulitzer hot pink shirt is a fave!  you got my color!
the coppertone smells like we're at the beach!
the shells were voted best of everything!

what fun for all of us!
the whole big box of florida...just wonderful!
spring break in a box! 
it was all great until.....it wasn't!! we all had so much fun opening the gifties!
we laughed and thought of you guys...our good ol' friends in florida! 
kid cousins!  college cousins! 
we were loving it...biff and i were laughing about his tacky t-shirt! then....as usual with kids.....everything changed in moments...it was like a delay....we were all feelin' the love...we were all lovin' life and the box and the fun and then................
it changed.......and just like your teenage daughter thought...."what if it makes them feel bad that they're not gonna be in florida for vacation?  what if it makes them feel bad instead of good?"
as only another teenager could imagine or empathize for another.....
that's just what happened!  everyone was smiling and it was the coppertone and the shells that did it!
i said to grace,"aren't those shells gorgeous...wait til you see when we go to sanibel someday!"  well, i guess that must have rubbed in that last straw that counted our chickens and put our eggs on the bridge before we crossed it and stepped on a crack and crossed our fingers and that was that!  
our beach in a box ended! just like that!  i think it was the plain old fashioned beachy coppertone smell that grace squeezed out or the fabulous sarasota seashells! perhaps it was my enthusiasm for sanibel and florida and sun in the fun... oops! i mean, fun in the sun!
where we won't be over vacation! 


anyone reading this must think that we sound like monster ungrateful beasts!  we are all very grateful everyday!  we've just been through a few challenging years....we keep thinking...o.k. this year we'll get a little getaway time during spring break....then we look at life and realize we prefer to live without being in debt. 
we are so blessed with sailing summers away with great friends and winter ski getaways with cozy friends!
we know we're blessed and our troubles have been sad but few....
we are grateful for the people in our lives!  we re grateful for the friends and family who re their to support us!  we are grateful to the friends and family who are not with us here on earth but live with us by our side everyday....in memories and messages they send as reminders...we miss them everyday!  we are grateful for the lives we share that are full and passionate and filled with appreciation....even through the challenges....like septic/flood combo platter!  

we are thankful and grateful....and tired and in need of some spirit lifting...we just need a little change...change or maybe just a day away from the"stinkin" dumpster !

it's all o.k.  we love our kids! we love the life we share together!  we love the laughs we share...although this week we're not laughing as much!  we're tired and all of us are in need of showers!  hot showers! a clean house. we're grateful that biff loves his work!  
all of this is to remind me that "life is good!"  i even have my e-bay biz!  yet, this week has been a challenge to get any work done.... so i do thank you for letting me ramble....i know you must be judging me...surely!  i'm judging myself....i sound so ungrateful...and i'm not...but, wow!
i am very tired.  very tired.  right now, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. i have to do what i say...when my friends have challenges, i'm the first to say,"you can do it!  trust in God!" i know this is true. God takes care of us....we have our work to do at our end!  we have lots of great people in our lives that help us get through these exhausting moments, days, weeks!  big deal...we will laugh at these itty bitty challenges

 .....we will be o.k. septic is nothing compared to health....flooding is nothing compared to health....health and faith make a big difference in our lives...so do the special people in our lives! thank you for letting me ramble and ramble and ramble!  
oh! you say "you ramble all of the time! what's so different this time?"  this littlemarymixup has been more random than ever...you can just pass this one by...i have to do this every once in a while...i need to be grateful and thankful out loud!  really loud!  when i'm not grateful, life is never as great!  i need that spirit. i live better when i'm grateful!  at the end of the day, i go to sleep with the guy i love...we always find something to laugh about!  usually, it's us. we need that...that keeps us honest!  we tell each other when we're frustrated, mad, sad, thrilled, crazy, hysterical, deep in septic %&*@!  and the boots don't do it all!  the boots in the ##@%$$^#&*^@$#$!
there is always a lot of @#^*$^@$#%!$##%&*$ in life!

this is life!  and that's o.k. grateful grateful grateful thankful giving giving thanks for everything changes everything!! now that i've listened to myself, i think i feel better!  thanks for listening.....and thanks m.b. for all of the drama we got with the spring break in a box!!  you know we love it!  and how hard this will make us all laugh...actually you and i already laughed about it!  no matter what, our friends always understand the kooky life we live!
did i mention that fitzy ate a bag of chocolate hershey easter eggs today?  oh and a pack of jacobs cream crackers?....and half a bag of jelly beans? and my starbucks coffee!  just what she needs! coffee!!  i'll leave you on the grateful note...i'm grateful that you're  follower of littlemarymixup...i'm grateful if you just read it....you may have given up by now! nitey nite! thank you my friends! thank you!

                  steppin in &%**(&*^%$$#!


for anyone who really knows me and my love of color!  please scroll up and see the greatest color ever on the walls in the basement!  it was the perfect sea glass color!  and now those walls are in the dumpster!! can you believe it?  even the insulation has already gotten moldy...mold!  imagine!  thank goodness it's all going out!  thanks again!

m.b. and family thank you for knowing that we love florida in a box! if we couldn't share the ridiculous with our friends, who could we share our kid crazies with!  we know we love them...they make us laugh...and they are so honest!they are telling the truth! we wish we were there!  opposite of a postcard from sunny florida!
wish we were there!kathyo! you too! we wish we were there!
i'm going to dream about "a day at the beach" reunion with our good old friends and kids!

this link below is a very funny song by kate heidke miller, an australian singer.  it has some very spicy language but in the case of a broken off love from long ago....and that old beau has found you on facebook!
she was the warm up for ben folds last night.  quirky, great singer, very kitchy and out there!  it was great for us...especially since we live such provincial lives in connecticut. she was reminiscent of the actor friends we knew in our 20 something lives in new york city!

she's a singer with some wild style and she's loved in her home australia and other spots in the world.  of course, she may take a while to hit the big time in new york!  what i loved was hearing her creativity and joy in her work!  it takes so much for an actor, singer or artist of any kind to stay true to themselves....just putting it out there!

1st version...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7MuwPlOiNQ
2nd version...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwzENVzE3DQ

i do think if you've ever loved and lost, you'll enjoy this song....it's the same old song, but with a different meaning since you've been gone!  the story has been the same  forever and ever!  kate's version is updated to facebook status!

so far, facebook has been fun for me.  It's really fun to be in touch with so many folks from yesteryear.  it's not that i'm filling my life with people from years ago and hoping to forge new and better relationships....i'm aware....and that's not my intention...it sure is lots of fun...it feels like "bumping into friends" in our little town or after college in  bustling city street!  i've always been one to keep in touch....as our friend susannah used to say, "are you going to invite all of your friends from kindergarten to your wedding?"....well, not quite...but we had friends there that we had known our whole lives....and my second grade teacher too!  susannah was not so far off.

so, to me facebook is just popping in to say hello to a boy from 7th grade....or some of the fun quips some of our old group from our little private school..... a cousin, i have 23 spread all over the country...an aunt or uncle...an in law ...a niece or nephew....sharing little bits and bobs of our lives allowing us all to have a little more connection.  seems to me, if there are such diverse groups of people on facebook, we're all looking for a little more connection in our own world.

it seems like today in our giant world, we barely know our neighbors. it's strange to me for so many people with so much in common...if only a town or children or dogs or gardens.....to barely know the names of the family next door or on the next street.  Maybe we wouldn't care to break bread together but it seems much nicer when we have a little connection!

That's been on my mind lately.  we live in a wonderful town with wonderful people....homogenous in most ways and so many interesting people with a variety of interests, careers and passions.  we all cross paths every day. living our own lives, taking care of our children, working long hours, living our busy lives side by side...with no connection.

i remember a long time go, working at a bank, interviewing representatives from companies eager to get our business to install our first cash machines.  at that time, the woman pitching her business explained to me that "someday in the future" we would all carry one card that would allow us to access money, pay for groceries, fill our cars up with gasoline and buy our movies to bring home to watch with our families at our home. 

all of this seemed appalling to me...impossible actually.
kate, the saleswoman, had information that indicated someday in the future, we would all be living close to home....working on our computers....staying home and watching movies rather than at the movie theatre....almost reclusive.

are we there yet?  maybe that's a stretch....we are living in a world that allows people to "connect" with computers....seems that it started with e-mail rather than the written note.

we've been to town meetings that show our children in the community "aren't feeling the love of the community, don't have many role models outside of their own parents, many are left on there own too many hours....and i wonder why they don't feel connected!

people move...relocate...move to a bigger house...a "better" address...life happens. is it better?  double incomes, better cars, more vacations, better toys for young and old.....where's the connection?

Visiting my hometown over easter weekend, we drove up my old street and by my old house...i pointed out the houses and called out the names of our neighbors. a suburban, bedroom community....designed by the metropolitan museum of art with american artist as street names....families knew each other.  most moms were home.  kids played outside...for hours...and hours. kids rode bikes....everywhere.  there was supervision but no helicopter parents. there was unstructured play which proved to be creative and inclusive....it seemed that all were included.  no rules other than the unspoken rules...courtesy.

grace and t.j. laughed in disbelief while i rattled off every neighbors' name while pointing to their house. the latimer's, the foscato's, the mc erlean's, the o'gorman's the potter's, the northacker's, the schmullins, the brooks', the mc dermott's, the pugh's, the erickson's, the saunders', the fenn's, the breenans and more.  the unanimous favorite was the treecarten's! knowing that their 2 uncles threw the treecarten girl's ice skates into polliwog pond! we all knew each other and played together. that didn't make it disneyland....though our kids' were convinced the perfectly manicured lawns and perfectly painted homes were right out of a disney movie!

as we drove to polliwog and stopped to see mrs. breenan...our old family friend who had 10 children running through our little world on any given day....the kids were amazed and flabbergasted that i could recall all of the neighbors, the names of their children,dogs and cats....and the song mr. mc dermott wrote for me....and the names of the mc erlean grandchildren who came to visit their grandma and came to "call" for me!  i still remember playing tag on their front lawn and catching lightning bugs after dark!

grace and t.j. were astounded by the connection and the freedom we shared. they tried to recall the names of our neighbors on the street and some surrounding neighbors.....they became hysterical!  they don't even see some of the people who live on our little street....and some have moved on so the names have  changed!  we've only lived here for 10 years!  some of my neighbors i grew up with have been there my whole life....and many still live there....if they're still alive.

there have been studies to show that people who have more of a connection in the world have longer, happier and healthier lives.  if that isn't motivation for people to make little connections in our little worlds, as they fit in the giant world we're a part of......i don't know what is!

i've learned in the last week that even kids who look a little rough around the edges might begin to change if just one or two adults acknowledge them by a smile and a hello.  babies learn that the world is a wonderful place when they are smiled at by people who walk by
their strollers and wave....just by being acknowledged!

i've been thinking about this...and have plans to get more involved...many towns have had studies done to help understand how to help the youth of the community...they've come up with a program to grow the assets of the community....to help all members of the community to connect...to enrich all of our lives.

surveys and studies and committees will help us all to grow together....and to think, all we had to do was smile at one another and say hello!

oh well...it's finally time to move it on out.  I'm relieved that these guys are finally here to fill the giant dumpster.  it's amazing to watch them walk by with big slabs of the walls that we just finished painting. We are o.k with letting go.  After all, we have been trying to lighten our load for quite some time now.  Seeing it go is not so bd and the idea that it has been damaged by septic combined with flood is too gross for me to even contemplate saving.

we did arrive home last night, after our concert......to see some of the colored bins that t.j's collection of legos for a lifetime....... had been pitched in the dumpster, when we specifically asked them to save them .....they had not been touched...they were in bins and just fine...only one bin was touched on the outside by flood combo..... and i saved the contents by pouring them into a clean bin!  

Exhausted, i tried to retrieve some of the bins that had not spilled into the depths of the overflowing dumpster.

t.j., exhausted and horrified, walked up to see me retrieving bits and bins....he just stood staring.....at almost 14 years old....he said in a monotone voice," oh, that's just great...it's like my whole childhood is gone.  it's like my whole childhood is dead. thanks. why did you let them do that?"

quietly, with  lump in my throat. i muttered,"i specifically told them NOT to throw out the legos.  they were fine.  they were important to keep.  they were untouched."....i wanted to cry.  for t.j.'s comment and for me.  They didn't listen

Biff saw the remains as he got out of the car and blurted out, "I TOLD THEM TO SAVE THE LEGOS>>>I TOLD THEM TOO!"  i couldn't decide who was more upset...t.j.,biff or me.

Grace was appalled when she saw me attempting to get at the bins facing up and reachable...."they better buy us new ones!  that's our life in those bins!"

They haven't arrived yet today.  I'm waiting.  Biff is going to speak to them...they were good guys...they made a mistake...an honest mistake.  But it was our stuff...i had let them stay while we went to the concert....so they could work late...to accomplish more hard cleaning today.

I was sick over it. we all were. we just went upstairs to bed. we all needed sleep. 

Today, it's no better.  i know it's just stuff.  this particular stuff...that could have been saved....was precious to us....we had all spent hours....as a family...boy and his dad....boy, girl and their dad, all of us...with friends....creating worlds...worlds that are gone. when we took all of the lego projects apart, we all talked about the memories and why we put what together....t.j. and grace even alone on the cusp of teenage drama, had found a place to be together...talking...laughing...equals....and i feel lost. it felt like our family...our lives together...sharing...daydreaming...talking...building...showing off our creations....was gone....just gone.

now i'm in mourning.  i'm exhausted from a week and a half of this.  it's not katrina...it's just  basement full of stuff...in the dumpster....it's our memories...

we all planned to save them...we still had that in us...we still can create...we always had them available...for just those kind of moments.

they're gone.  the memories matter....but i'm so sad that they're gone....it's a metaphor for our lives that we have shared....it's a new beginning.  we'll have more legos...just not the same