funny, but this week i am exhausted.  i have lots of running around to do.  we spent some of the weekend out and about. it seems whenever we take some time away from the house when we should be taking care of our life and our home, leaving seems to make the regular stuff pile up.  Why is that?

today, i had a cup of coffee at my favorite farm for a bit of quiet.  The new life at the farm is just amazing to see.  They had a kitten there that the mother had left in the barn.  It must have been a week old. The sweetest thing to see in all of life is new life.  whether a kitten, a calf, a puppy or a beautiful baby, life is good.  a new life is miraculous.  just miraculous.  bigger than big.  bigger than life, if that makes sense.

to take a moment in the day and have something so simple be so big is a gift.  i need that time.  i need to stop and see the beauty around me.  it helps with the other chaos in life.

we still have 2 dumb dumpsters.  the good news is that the washing machine and dryer arrived yesterday!  my mom's anniversary!  she used to call them her toys.  who would think that i could be just as happy to get the new washing machine.  does anyone out there remember how excited i was when i finally chose the "right" vacuum!  it was a huge as marrying biff.  it was a vacuum that i could really enjoy.  we can work side by side, everyday.  we work well no matter how much stuff we have to deal with.  just like biff and i, the vacuum and i just have to suck it up sometimes and quite literally we have to go with the flow.  Sure, we get clogged up with  the dust and hairy bits of life....but we just keep rolling.  sometimes our cords are too tight.  sometimes, we just have to tug   and let it go, take some time to recoil and move to a way of thinking or a place that will give us a new outlet.  sometimes we all need that outlet.  time away from the tugs and knots in life.

well, the same goes for the washing machine.  the new one is larger. larger isn't always better.  sometimes with more, we jam things up. we get too full. too much to handle.  we start to shake, rattle and roll but not the music....our heads. too much gets us rattling and kooky.

the new washing machine is energy efficient.  we need some energy efficiency.  i have been running on spin cycle for quite some time.  i've been writing my blog. i've been working as an advocate for our kids and lots of madison issues.  i've been selling on e-bay to earn some income and release some of the excess of our lives.  

who knew how much fun e-bay would be.  who knew i would get here because of e-bay by way of facebook and my blog. 

it has been too much.  like a vacuum that's cord is being tugged out of the outlet and the washing machine that begins to rattle from an unbalanced load, i too have had too much on my plate.

sure, i'm a mom who doesn't "work"...funny, someone said, "how do you spend so much time on facebook?"  

it struck my funny bone and my bother bone at the same time.  all of a sudden, i became the norma rae of facebook

and wanted to stand up for all of the good relationships that facebook encourages. for some who are happy to live a very solitary existence, it may be just that.  a time waster.  i barely have time to stop in to facebook anymore. it's a bright spot of my day.  it makes me feel connected.  the e-mail thing has never done it for me.  it lacks warmth.  cold and with a click, it's gone.  i've never been good at that click... feeling that by pushing the send button, i would be connected.  dtheat send button and that open in box seems very superficial.

facebook, for me, is much more conversational.  yesterday, i posted my status...." it's mom's 2nd anniversary and i miss her everyday!"

wow!  so simple.  i did it to take a moment to think of mom. just a moment to stop and remember her.  i'm grateful for so many wonderful, caring, loving friends from all chapters of my life responded with caring words and memories.  now, that's all i need.  to know people understand and acknowledge how much we miss her and how much they care.  that's worth all of the 2  minutes time that i had for facebook yesterday.  today, i saw those comments and felt so good to have shared with so many who understand.

that's nice.  my washing machine in my head is tired from jamming too much into it.

i need to get some time in the dryer to roll with it.  just roll and relax.  i need to roll, relax and tumble in warmth and comfort and something to soften the busy-ness.  

warm weather and a great beach with turquoise water sounds good.  i ache for that.  now is not the time.  

i will get my heart warmed by the comfort of good friends and good family and good memories.

we've been through lots of "crap" in the last month!  excuse the word...i couldn't resist.  we need to dump the dumpsters and be free. we need to have clean and fresh with lots of new life...like the farm.  we need to look around and be grateful.  the miracles are there...we just need to stop, stay on the rinse cycle for awhile and stop spinning!

that's what i have to do. now.

GRACE/FITZ/MOMMY/MOM/AMAZING GRACE/GRAMMA

HI. SORRY I'VE BEEN INCONSISTENT LATELY. IT'S MOM'S ANNIVERSARY TODAY. IT'S BEEN 2 YEARS SINCE SHE DIED AND I MISS HER EVERYDAY.

IT'S WAY BETTER EVERYDAY AND MOSTLY WHEN I THINK OF HER NOW, IT'S MUCH SWEETER THAN BITTERSWEET.  I THINK SHE'D BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT. SHE WAS NEVER ONE TO DWELL ON SADNESS OR DIFFICULTIES OR PHYSICAL PAIN, HER ARTHRITIS.  SHE WAS A DOER AND ALWAYS ON THE GO.

WHEN WE TALK ABOUT MOM/GRAMMA, IT ALWAYS SEEMS TO BE THE FUN WE HAD, THE LAUGHS WE HAD,  HER USAGE OF THE OLDIES LIKE,"MANY HANDS MAKE LIGHT WORK!" AND HER AWESOME SPIRIT!

OF COURSE, SHE WAS MY MOM SO THERE ARE SOME NOT SO WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT HER THAT MADE ME CRAZY.  SIMPLE THINGS LIKE HER STUBBORNNESS. DETERMINED AS SHE WAS, SOMETIMES IT WASN'T SO SMART...FROM MY POINT OF VIEW.  THE FRUSTRATION WAS MINE, NOT HERS...MOSTLY BECAUSE SOMETIMES SHE WOULDN'T ASK FOR HELP.  THAT'S A POSITIVE QUALITY TO HAVE DETERMINATION BUT MIXED WITH STUBBORNNESS,  THAT WAS WHERE WE SAW IT DIFFERENTLY.  I ALSO UNDERSTAND WHY SHE WAS SO DETERMINED.  SHE NEVER WANTED TO LET GO OF HER INDEPENDENCE. THAT INDEPENDENCE, DETERMINATION AND STUBBORNNESS IS WHAT KEPT OUR FAMILY IN TACT AND LIVING A VERY NICE LIFE...ESPECIALLY AFTER MY DAD DIED.

THAT WAS HER AWESOME SPIRIT. SHE JUST PLOWED THROUGH ANY DIFFICULTIES, EVEN TRAGEDIES.  THAT'S ALL SHE KNEW AND THAT'S THE ONLY WAY THAT I LEARNED.  I THINK SHE MODELED THE GREATEST SPIRIT AND POSITIVE ATTITUDE THAT I LEARNED TO LIVE WITH AS WELL.

WE ALL CELEBRATED MOM'S LIFE SATURDAY JUST BECAUSE IT WAS DERBY DAY.  FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER, SHE LOVED DERBY DAY.  FRIENDS HAD WONDERFUL SPRING PARTIES WITH FUN BETTING ON THE WINNERS, PURELY BASED ON THE NAMES OF THE HORSES...FOR MY MOM ANYWAY....NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SPEED OF THE HORSES...JUST THE NAME THAT TICKLED HER FANCY.  SHE SIED ON DERBY DAY...THE DAY SHE LOVED.

IT WAS A GIFT.  THAT DAY, I HAD PLANNED TO GO SEE HER.  I KNEW THE TIME WAS NEAR. I THINK SHE KNEW. MY BROTHER CALLED ME THAT SATURDAY MORNING AND TOLD ME HE WAS GOING TO SEE HER. HE SAID THAT MY BROTHER IN VERMONT WAS ON HIS WAY AS WELL.  I WAS JUST ABOUT TO LEAVE HOME TO GO TO MOM.

AS WE TALKED, HIS CELL PHONE RANG.  IT WAS THE NURSE.  SHE SAID THAT MOM HAD JUST DIED, VERY PEACEFULLY, SURROUNDED BY HER FAVORITE NURSES AND ADMINISTRATORS.  WOW.  SHE HAD JUST SEEN US ALL. SHE MUST HAVE BEEN READY.  MY BIG BROTHER, ONCE AGAIN, WAS THERE FOR ME, LITERALLY....ON THE PHONE.

THAT WAS THAT. THAT WAS THE WAY IT WAS MEANT OT BE. I WAS OVERWHELMED WITH SADNESS BUT RELIEVED FOR HER.  SHE HAD LIVED A LONG LIFE ALTHOUGH NOT LONG ENOUGH FOR ME....MAYBE FOR HER.

IT WAS HER PAIN. I WAS RELEIVED THAT SHE WOULD HAVE NO MORE PAIN. HER ARTHRITIS THAT SHE HAD FOUGHT AGAINST SO HARD HAD FINALLY BROKEN HER DOWN, LITERALLY HER BONES.  SHE HAD MANAGED FOR 50 YEARS WITH THE DEBILITATING DISEASE.  NOT ONE DAY DID SHE EVER LET IT STOP HER FROM GOING AND DOING AND LAUGHING.

WE ALWAYS LAUGHED TOGETHER. MANY TIMES OVER THE SILLY THINGS IN LIFE. OR THE FUNNY THINGS. HER SPIRIT AND SENSE OF HUMOR FED US ALL THROUGH THE TOUGH TIMES OF LOSS.

THAT SENSE OF HUMOR HELPED US COPE DURING THE DAYS THAT FOLLOWED AFTER SHE DIED.  WE HAD LOTS TO DO. TO PLAN. TO TAKE CARE OF OUR KIDS AND HELP THEM LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH THE SADNESS...ALTHOUGH THEY ALREADY HAD EXPOSURE TO DEATH OF SOMEONE SPECIAL TO US ALL, TO SOMEONE WE LOVED DEEPLY.

AS WE DROVE TO LONG ISLAND, WE REALIZED WE FORGOT TO HAVE SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF THE DOGS.  WE REALIZED THAT OUR KIDS HAD OUTGROWN MUCH OF  THE CLOTHING THAT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE FOR WAKES AND FUNERALS.

T.J. NEEDED SHOES, NOT FLIP FLOPS.  GRACE NEEDED A DRESS OR SKIRT AND SHOES.  I NEEDED SOMETHING APPROPRIATE TOO. 

ONLY MOM WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPIER THAN GRACE AND I!  WE HAD TO SHOP!  NOT ONLY WAS IT NECESSARY, IT WAS THERAPY.  SHOPPING WAS RELIEF!

WE OVER SHOPPED!  WE PICKED CLOTHING THAT SHE WOULD HAVE LOVED!  THAT WAS FUN...WE JUSTIFIED THE PURCHASES BECAUSE GRAMMA WOULD WANT US TO HAVE SOMETHING NICE TO WEAR AND HAVE US LOOK NICE...WE REALLY KNEW SHE WOULD BE MOST HAPPY FOR US TO SHOP.

WE DID. WE SHOPPED ON OUR WAY TO THE WAKE. WE HAD A FASHION SHOW AT THE HOTEL IN HER HONOR.  WHE HAD ALWAYS COMMENTATED FASHION SHOWS AT SAKS, SHE HAD BEEN IN MANY FASHION SHOWS AT SAKS.  WE WERE ALREADY CELEBRATING HER LIFE!

AFTER ALL, SHE WAS THE ONE WHO HAD ME IN NEW CLOTHES, IN 5TH GRADE WHEN GRANDPA FITZ DIED.  I GOT NEW PATENT LEATHER SHOES AND MORE.  THE BIG THING AT ST. MARY'S SCHOOL WAS THAT I GOT "FUNERAL SHOES". NOBODY ELSE HAD FUNERAL SHOES.  THEY WERE THRILLED TO KNOW THAT THERE WERE OTHER SHOES BESIDES SUNDAY SHOES AND SCHOOL SHOES.

MOM WOULD HAVE CALLED OUR SHOPPING EXPEDITION "FITZGERALD ECONOMY!"  WE NEEDED TO PURCHASE SOME NECESSARY ITEMS TO HAVE US ALL LOOKING APPROPRIATE.  WE BOUGHT  SOME JUST IN CASE THINGS. WE BOUGHT SOME MORE APPROPRIATE THINGS. WE BOUGHT MORE THAN NECESSARY AND THAT WAS FITZGERALD ECONOMY!

THAT'S ALL I CAN MANAGE RIGHT NOW.  I'LL GET BACK LATER.  I'M REALLY FEELING BETTER BY SHARING.  I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS ALL SWEET MEMORIES.  I HOPE YOU FEEL HER SPIRIT AND SHARE THAT SPIRIT WITH THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE.

WE WERE BLESSED TO HAVE HER. I WAS BLESSED TO LIVE THAT LONG AS I'M THE YOUNGEST.  GRACE AND T.J. KNEW HER REALLY WELL....THEY HAD SUCH COMFORT WITH HER.  LIKE NOBODY ELSE.  IS THAT BECAUSE THEY KNEW SHE WAS WITH ME THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE PREGNANCY.  IS THAT BECAUSE THEY HAD ALWAYS KNOWN HER VOICE.  WAS THAT BECAUSE THEY COULD FEEL THE MOST AWESOME LOVE. IS THAT BECAUSE THEY FELT SO SAFE WITH HER LOVE AND JOY SHE SHA

RED WITH THEM.  IS THAT BECAUSE, SINCE THEY WERE MOMENTS OLD, SHE WAS THERE.  IS THAT BECAUSE SHE SLEPT IN THEIR ROOM WHEN SHE CAME TO VISIT IN BOSTON.  IS THAT BECAUSE SHE COULD SENSE MY COMFORT LEVEL AND MY TRUST?  WHATEVER IT WAS, I MISS THAT. FOR ME, FOR BIFF AND FOR OUR KIDS.

WE ALL LOVED HER SO MUCH. WE ALL MISS HER. WE ALL CELEBRATE HER WITH SWEET MEMORIES!  THANKS MOM!

i'm so happy for t.j. that his electric guitar didn't float away in our flooded basement.  thankfully, it was upstairs in the family room.....waiting to be listed on e-bay.  t.j. and grace both got their electric guitars about5years agoon Christmas morning! oh, they were excited! santa left a shiny pink one for grace and a shiny bluenumber for t.j.  those were the days....as little kids, they had little garage moments in the spring and fall with the little friends who lived aroundus!  they had positions with tape on the garage floor. grace was the choreographer and played guitar while t.j. jammed with his plugged in electric piece...there was an electric piano...some shakers and lots more. they wore hats and cowboy boots and sparkly shoes and danced to the music!

today, that guitar is about to be listed on e-bay.  those rock and roll days aren't here to stay...sadly.  these days, there music is playing on their i-pods in their ears or in their room....or  blaring out of the computer...not exactly surround sound.  

t.j. says it's over.  his hopes of continuing his music career has waned.  grace is more likely to sing her way through life...especially since her shiny pink electric guitar has been sold and shipped to philadelphia to a guy with "a gig".  that's what he told me when he asked how soon i could ship.

so our days are still filled with music...just not a spanky and our gang type.  

i love to hear why they like their music choices and even though biff and i aren't sure if we like some of it, they'll be happy to share the good, the bad and the ugly of it all.

i guess it's like grace's choice of dress.  she may have her moments as a recalcitant teen....at least she has great style.  she could have chosen goth...i'd rather have a few words here and there....especially since they're few and far between these days.  she has awesome style and i laugh to think of the days when she wore 4 or 5 outfits.....before lunch!

same for t.j.  his style is just great. he's  a traditional kid too.  i like that.  he may not be jammin' but he spends lots of time making live action movies with friends....not quite james bond....maybe james bond with a bit of inspector clusseau.

 i love that they have some creativity in their lives. the arts of all kinds are important to me.  sadly, in school, there's never enough time and they continue cutting the arts bucks.  that's sad. they say that kids don't get enough creativity.  if  all of the kids in this generation had been able to come home from school, have milk and cookies with their family, then move outside for the afternoon rather than most of them being ripped away from free play to go to an organized practice with coaches telling them how to play, they may have all been better off.

we could only do what we thought was best for our kids....at the time.  everyone does what they think is best...hopefully, with the kid in mind.  

i am grateful for the days that i allowed grace the freedom of 12 turtlenecks in a day!  i'm glad that i let t.j. wear his "wed wubber boots" for most of his 3rd year of life.  i'm glad our family room had legos on the floor and doll house people turning up in the couch.  i think it was crazy when grace and t.j. ran outside in bathing suits in march...barefoot in the snow...it was only a minute....they were happy! i was shocked but happy and relieved when after a minute they both ran inside. i'm glad for all of the flour on the kitchen table and even more on the floor.  i'm so delighted when biff, grace and t.j. and i talk about the "old days" and they remember the johnson's baby powder that they shook all over t.j.'s room....at least it smelled fresh....even though he had a red rug!

wow! i'm sorry to see the electric guitar go...but, we're on to new adventures and new interests....and they're still changing. today, i asked t.j. if he wanted to go back to annapolis for lacrosse camp with the midshipmen....he said,"mom, don't you remember, i don't like lacrosse anymore!" after 5 or 6 years on teams and lax camps and equipment and uniforms and.....oh well, things change.  he'll probably ask for a new stick tomorrow. 

 replacements.com


n test posting

again! i have a theme!

i just started to list some more in my e-bay store!

http://stores.ebay.com/littlemarymixup... they're all navy blue and names that we love....

vera bradley and coach.

http://www.verabradley.com/

http://www.coachoutletstore.org/ not only do i have handbags and accessories...like my department at s.f.a., saks in southampton, new york.

http://maps.google.com/maps/place?oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&q=southampton+ny&fb=1&gl=us&ftid=0x89e894ffe7b76a09:0xfff847a4af47d809&ei=bUjbS4abBcGqlAfMzsGjAg&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CA8Q8gEwAA

/stores/stores.jsp....

that was a summer of fun...for all. it was the year we graduated college. at the end of the spring semester that year, i asked my s.f.a. personnel manager if i could work at saks in southampton. the answer was yes.  i should have been more grateful to mr."devine" for that incredible life experience and crazy because he offered me the position of department manager of jewelry, handbags and accessories. heaven.  my heaven.  since age 16, my s.f.a. career had been varied...mostly, i was in the fine jewelry department.  hence, the  offer.  everyone hired for that store was usually from saks around the country...lots of young folks who were free to move to the seasonal store and earnest in their efforts to move on up the corporate retail ladder.  that store was a place to shine.....and get lots of sunshine and ocean and friends and beach days and wild nights and new friends and dates and oh...wait...it was hard work too.  if ever there was a dream place to work, it was our teeny, tiny saks fifth avenue at 10 main street, southampton, n.y. 11968!

mary b., my good ol' college friend asked if she could work there too...otherwise it was home to michigan...a long way from good friends and the new york life she had dreamed of....since her first time to see the rockettes at radio city music hall!http://www.radiocitychristmas.com/newyork/  that was when she decided she would be a rockette! well, we kicked up our heels quite a bit in southampton, not quite rockette kicks....but what a kick we had!

back in the old days...that's almost 30 years ago! wild!  the time that's gone by and the time we had! it was more fun than we could have imagined and we got paid for it!

now, that's my kind of career path!  as the department manager, i was off to the city s.f.a. with the other department managers in the store station wagon....to buy for our own little saks and our upscale customers...the rich and famous.  oh, the buying trips were fun. i hand selected the merchandise and i knew my customers well enough to deliver the perfect selection.  how cool was that? way cool...for me and mary b. and lots of our friends who came to visit....we had late nights at the best and late nights at the most rowdy

http://maps.google.com/maps?q=boardy+barn+loc:Southampton,+NY&hl=en&gl=us&ved=0CCUQkwUwAw&sa=X&ei=bUfbS6_VGJHOywTr292NBw even my mom who came out on her days off.  

the college graduates were living the life. the life we thought we were destined to live!  woo hoo! we could get used to that! it was the 80's...we expected all of life to be that way!

it was that way for quite awhile....until the real world.  now, that was a different story. 

in the real world, there was no keg of beer in the men's department. there were no pretzels served. there were no beach days.  there were no parties every night...at least, for us while we were new in our career climb. sure there were late nights...how could we avoid it in n.y.c.? there were no lilly pulitzer http://www.lillypulitzer.com/dresses.  there were no jacques cohen espadrilles.

http://www.emandmespadrilles.com/

there were panty hose...a rude awakening after tan legs all summer.   there were power suits, pumps and pearls.  we were living life according to the 80's bible, "thepreppy handbook" and we had no idea.  we were dressing the code...beach and city attire and lifestyle.

the streets were much busier than main street, southampton, where the cars wave pedestrians across the street.  so civilized.

we lived for the yellow taxi cabs and subways instead of our bikes.http://www.amazon.com/Official-Preppy-Handbook-Jonathan-Roberts/dp/0894801406 

we were living the preppy handbook and we didn't know it. beach and city attire.

although once that summer, late for work, i ran out the door of our sweet little house and happened to see a southampton cab and i hailed it....a highlighted story of the summer.  hailing a cab in the city is one thing...but to even see a cab in southampton

was just the miracle i needed to get me to work on time even though we were just blocks away!

as we learned our way through the ins and outs of apartment living in the city, we were the recipients of some very fine transportation.  

one night, while trying to hail a cab, we found the perfect solution for our unsuccessful efforts.  we hailed a limo.  why not ride in style? we did.

surely there were nights where we were desperate enough to take the bus....after a long night of tripping the light fantastic...we decided to get off our fifth avenue bus at 57th street and mary b. tripped right across the sidewalk and landed under the windows at tiffany &co.

http://www.tiffany.com/  ...not a holly go lightly moment

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urQVzgEO_w8...when we examined her panty hose... we realizedthey looked more like spiderman's web.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJ6mjRrKi7c

moment!  we laughed so hard we could barely walk home.  we took a yellow cab the rest of the way.

there was a night when we were on our way to limelight and the taxi driver stopped to get cigarettes and left us waiting in the cab.  that concerned us...thinking he might be packing for a bigger trip than we had requested....we decided rather than be kidnapped and taken to a destination of his choice, we would get out of the cab and run for our lives.  we hid at the waldorf astoria hotel.

http://www.waldorfastoria.com/search/property-details.cfm?intPropertyId=16&WT.srch=1.  young 20 somethings shouldn't be left alone long enough to create such drama.  the man, who spoke no english, may have been addicted to cigarettes or maybe had to call his wife....but we convinced ourselves he was a kidnapper!

one outstanding and very late night, mary b., cate, nan and i were ready to make our way home from a favorite spot...while we were contemplating our options, an irish handsome cab driver...not handsome as in good looking and yellow cab....but an irishman driving a handsome cab....horse and buggy....offered us a ride home.  now that was and offer we couldn't refuse! we were delighted and hysterical.  we had hailed our first horse! the lilt of our driver's brogue and his irish blarney made the ride unforgettable. his offer was a practical one...he was en route to his horse stalls, near our 65th street address!  we were hysterical and rowdy but charming with our little leprechaun who appeared before us like the lucky charms fella.

i had a full moon event one fall evening as i dashed out of the 65th street apartment building and hailed a yellow cab to take me to the train.  it was a last minute invite.  i had to catch the last train to locust valley on long island, famous for their lock jaw....tighten your jaw and clench your teeth...say locust valley lock jaw...that's where i was headed.  it was like a hephern/tracy movie...as i jumped into the cab, i directed my driver,"to the train and make it snappy!"  he was a man who took his job seriously, he looked a little intense...a little disheveled like the cabbie on the old show"taxi".  the full moon should have warned me...i didn't have a clue. with a jerk, the jolt, not the cabbie...well, to be very honest, the cabbie too....we were burning rubber across the east side. we were approaching park avenue, when the police sirens and whirling lights began blaring behind us.  he had run a red light that caused havoc...with my schedule and the police.  i told my story to the officers. my cabbie told his.  i started to walk away but the cab driver called me back.  back in the car i jumped....only thinking of time...it was broadway showtime on a friday night...the traffic was outrageous.  it was my social mission of the utmost importance to a city girl on a friday night that created such turmoil!  it became apparent that my driver was nuts as he verbally attacked...my mission changed immediately...it was time to leave the looney behind.  i tossed him some money and ran after the next yellow cab.  the night got crazier, but my mission was completed successfully. locust valley my destination and friends that insisted on fun!

pretty much all of our 20's, we seemed to insist on fun.  i still insist on fun...just a bit different approach these days. i'll laugh if this time around, our lifestyle is in the new preppy handbook...wild, that someone took the original and ran with it.  actually, why didn't i think of that?  it sold millions and i'm sure all of the readers from the first time around will have to have something to read on the beach next summer.  all i want is one simple idea. just one. wouldn't that be fun. as my mom used to say to me....when time and time again i would harp, "i can do that!"...."well, why don't you?" hmmmm.

i finally caught on!

WELL, I'VE REALLY BEEN MISSING MY BLOG AND BLOG FRIENDS...HAHAHAHAHA! IF YOUR'E OUT THERE, I THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE!

LATELY, IT'S BEEN A CHALLENGE TO SIT DOWN AND WRITE.  I STILL LOVE WRITING. I STILL LOVE TELLING STORIES.

IT'S JUST BEEN CRAZY ALL WEEK.  I FEEL LIKE THE DURACELL BUNNY!  WIND UP AND KEEP GOING.  THAT'S NOT USUALLY MY STYLE.  I REALLY DO TREASURE THE TIME THAT I TAKE TO HAVE QUIET TIME. PRAYER. PEACE. CALM. BREATHE. JUST SIT. 

IT'S NOT A GOOD THING TO KEEP GOING AND GOING AND GOING AND....OOPS...GONE!  SEEMS LIKE SOME OF THAT RUSH, RUSH OF BUSY AND DOING KEEPS US FROM BEING....JUST BEING!

THANKFULLY, OUR GRACE AND T.J. MADE US REALIZE THAT A VERY LONG TIME AGO. WE LOVE TO GO AND DO!  SINCE WE'VE HAD KIDS, WE HAVE LEARNED A LOT ABOUT SLOWING DOWN TO TREASURE THE MOMENTS!  SMELL THE COFFEE! SMELL THE ROSES! 

WHEN I TAKE TIME TO HAVE MY MAXWELL HOUSE MOMENTS, I FEEL MUCH BETTER. THAT IS A VERY GOOD THING!

WHEN I TAKE TIME TO SMELL THE COFFEE, I'M AWARE OF THE LITTLE THINGS.  WHEN I TAKE TIME TO BE AWARE, LIFE IS GOOD!

WHEN I TAKE TIME TO SMELL THE ROSES, I'M HAPPIER.  JUST NOTICING NATURE. THAT "GROUNDS" ME...I HAVE A FEELING THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!

BE EXACTLY WHERE MY FEET ARE! THAT'S  GREAT LITTLE REMINDER FOR ME. WE JUST GET NOW. NOW IS IT.  NO REWINDS. NO DO OVERS. NO MAKE UPS. NOW IS EVERYTHING.

WHEN I LIVE IN THE HERE AND NOW, LIFE IS AWESOME!  LOTS OF RUNNING AND DOING....NOT ENOUGH "BEING"!

I HAVE SO MUCH TO SIT DOWN TO PUT DOWN ON PAPER...OOPS, NOT PAPER CYBERPAPER!

THIS WEEK.....

*MEETINGS

*DENTIST

*ORTHODONTIST

*BIRTHDAY LUNCH WITH

FRIENDS

*DRIVE.PICKUP.DRIVE.PICKUP.DRIVE.PICKUP.

I'LL BE BACK.

I'M ALSO HAVING LOTS OF TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES! COMPUTER, NO WASHING MACHINE AND DRYER YET...SINCE THE FLOODING. KIND OF SCARY THAT WE HAVE SO MANY CLOTHES THAT NONE OF US ARE EVEN AFFECTED! YIKES...GOTTA GIVE AWAY MORE...MORE...MORE...MORE.
SO MUCH TO DO....DO...DO....DO...DO....DO.

OUR HOUSE IS STILL UPSIDE DOWN FROM FLOODING....DUMPSTERS STILL HERE.

THIS WEEK BIFF AND I HAVE SPENT LOTS OF TIME OUTSIDE GARDENING..WORKING ON THE YARD.  DIGGING HOLES AND PLANTING  A MILLION DAFFODIL BULBS.  WE STILL HAVE TULIP BULBS TO PLANT!  HALF A MILLION!

GROUND. DIG. ROCKS. DIRT. SHOVELS.....NEVER FELT SO GOOD.....AMIDST ALL OF THE CHAOS, IT MADE ME FEEL MORE GROUNDED! NO WONDER. NATURE. PEACE. JOY. THE SIMPLER THINGS.CHECK OUT THIS LINK. T.J.'S TEACHER CALLED ME TODAY.  I KNOW, I THOUGHT THAT TOO! NO.  HE WAS FINE.  SHE WANTED ME TO KNOW WHAT A GREAT KID HE IS...AND HAS BEEN FOR TWO YEARS IN THE UPPER MIDDLE SCHOOL.  HE HAS BEEN A PLEASURE. HE LISTENS. HE SHOWS RESPECT. HE HAS GROWN. HE HAS MORE CONFIDENCE...WONDERFUL GOOD WORDS! IF I HAD NOT HAVE BEEN HOME...JUST GAINING SOME SANITY AFTER GOING,GOING, GOING.....I NEVER WOULD HAVE GOTTEN SUCH A NICE CALL!

THE LINK THAT'S POSTED IS SOMETHING THE TEACHER AND I WERE TALKING ABOUT....KIDS IN THIS WORLD ARE DEPRIVED OF NATURE. EVERYONE IS SO BUSY WITH TECHNO STUFF....THERE'S NOT ENOUGH NATURE....PEACE.

I'LL BE BACK. QUIETLY. IT'S REALLY LATE.  TOMORROW MORNING, I HAVE BIG PLANS FOR CLEANING THE HOUSE. JULIE IS COMING! SHE REALLY HELPS ME A LOT.  SHE'S OUT OF COLLEGE AND HAS A PART TIME JOB...SHE LIVES DOWN THE STREET...SHE LOVES TO CLEAN!  HOW LUCKY AM I?  SHE EVEN WATCHES THE DOGGIES...AND WHILE WE'RE AWAY, SOMETIMES SHE CLEANS!  NOW THAT'S PRETTY AWESOME.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, I'LL PROBABLY BE BACK IN A MONTH!  REALLY, I CAN'T WAIT TO SIT DOWN TOMORROW AFTERNOON. E-BAY IS BUSY. KIDS ARE BUSY. BIFF IS BUSY. I'M BUSY. I HAVEN'T EVEN GIVEN THE PUPS A GREAT WALK ALTHOUGH THEY'VE BEEN WITH ME OUTSIDE UNTIL WAY PAST DARK.  THEY'RE GREAT COMPANY.

TOMORROW NIGHT THERE IS ABC TV ON WOMEN DRINKING AT HOME.  THANK GOD I DON'T DO THAT! WOW...THT WOULD DEFINITELY COMPLICATE MY LIFE.  TOO MUCH FOR ME TO WORK AT WITHOUT DRINKING....I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT I'D DO IF I WERE A DRINKING MOM.  I'M CURIOUS TO SEE IT.  I THINK IT MIGHT BE SCARY...BUT I AM CURIOUS.  TO THINK HOW HARD IT IS FOR WOMEN....DRINKING HIDES LOTS OF FEELINGS.  FOR ME, DRINKING JUST MADE ME FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE ONCE WE HAD KIDS....CRAZY BUT TRUE...I NEVER WANTED TO FELL OUT OF CONTROL WITH LITTLE BABIES OR KIDS...

THE KIDS LAUGH BECAUSE BIFF AND I ALWAYS SAY, DO WE LOOK LIKE WE NEED TO DRINK TO HAVE FUN?  WE LAUGH SO HARD WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER WITH FRIENDS, WE MIGHT AS WELL BE BLOTTO!

WHY DRINK?

FEELINGS ARE HARD TO DEAL WITH SOMETIMES.  I'M GRATEFUL THAT I'VE BEEN ABLE TO TAKE THEM ON WITHOUT NUMBING THEM. WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, THAT WAS JUST FINE FOR ME! WOO HOO! 

WE ALL HAD SOME CRAZY FUN LIVING IN NEW YORK CITY TOGETHER! OH, THE STORIES I HAVE!  HAVE YOU GOT A MONTH.....MAYBE A YEAR?

ONCE WE HAD OUR KIDS, IT WASN'T THE SAME.  I STARTED TO FEEL TIRED AFTER A BEER.  ONE. I DIDN'T TRUST WINE...AT PARTIES, PEOPLE POUR AND POUR AND TOP IT OFF AND TOP IT OFF.....AND THEY DID ME NO FAVORS! BLEK! NO GOOD FOR ME. MAYBE THAT'S LUCKY!  WHAT IF?

THANKFULLY, I THOUGHT OF THAT WHAT IF A LONG TIME AGO.  SOME OF THESE CRAZY DAYS....SOME BIG LIFE EVENTS THAT ARE HARD TO DEAL WITH.....BOOM! KABOOM! BANG! WHAT IF?  WHEN I SAY I'M GRATEFUL, I MEAN IT FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE MUCK BOOTS I HAD ON IN THE DIRT.

SO, I AM GRATEFUL.  I'M GRATEFUL FOR AWARENESS.  I'M GRATEFUL THAT I CHOSE TO KEEP LIFE MUCH MORE SIMPLE....AND AT LEAST ABC WON'T HAVE TO DO THEIR SPECIAL ON ME!  

FUNNY, BIFF AND I DRANK SO LITTLE ONCE WE HAD KIDS, WE REALIZED HOW MUCH BETTER WE FELT WITHOUT DRINKING....PERIOD.  REALLY.  SIMPLY.  MORE ENERGY. BETTER SLEEP. MORE PEACE. NEVER A WORRY ABOUT DRINKING AND DRIVING.  AT LEAST, IF I SAY SOMETHING STUPID, IT'S BECAUSE I SAY SOMETHING STUPID....NOT BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING!  THAT MAY HAPPEN ON OCCASION...STILL.  BUT, MOSTLY I'M PRESENT AND ACCOUNTABLE.

GOD BLESS THE WOMEN WHO ARE STRUGGLING OUT THERE.  I'M THANKFUL  FOR PEACE.  I'M THANKFUL FOR GOOD AND HONEST. I'M THANKFUL NOT TO NUMB MY FEELINGS....I DO BETTER WITH EXERCISE!  I HAD MY DAYS DRINKING IN COLLEGE.  I HAD MY DAYS DRINKING IN OUR 20'S.  I'M GRATEFUL THAT BIFF AND I TALKED ABOUT DRINKING FROM OUR FIRST DATE.  

I'M GRATEFUL FOR THAT AWARENESS.  IT HAS MADE A DIFFERENCE IN OUR LIVES. TOGETHER. AS PARENTS. AS FRIENDS. AS FAMILY MEMBERS. AS PLAIN OLD FASHIONED PEOPLE!  I'M GRATEFUL. VERY GRATEFUL.  WITH FEELINGS.  LOTS OF FEELINGS.

HEY! WHAT IF I BLOGGED WITH A GIANT JUG OF WINE! NOW, THEN YOU'D HEAR A LOT OF "WHINE"ING!!

PEACE. BE WHERE YOU ARE. BUY FLOWERS. THINK...QUIETLY. BE. LISTEN. DREAM. SLOW DOWN. QUIET!  SIT OUTSIDE.  SMELL THE ROSES!  TAKE TIME TO SMELL THE COFFEE.  JUST SIT.

MOM'S ANNIVERSARY IS COMING UP...I THINK I'LL BUY MORE FLOWERS!  DAISIES.

http://richardlouv.com/bio 

did you ever have a day where  something kept repeating throughout the day. colors are it today....shades of blue. funny how that happens.  sometimes it's a word that i hear again and again.  maybe it's a name, a town i've never heard of or a place, vacation destination or a restaurant. funny.

today, my e-bay keeps popping up on the screen...today must be a blue day....people are looking at blue....evne my blue willow sugar bowl, and antique.

go figure.

today has been much more quiet than yesterday. 

t.j.'s only request of the day was "soup". campbells. i think it's called soup to go.  

do you ever remember moments?  just moments....but specific moments?

t.j. can't chew very well with his braces...drinking microwave soup from the container is a long way from my father's biggest pet peeve, pushing the soup spoon away from you when you take a spoonful of soup.  i remember where we were, in our breakfast room, my dad was facing the window and the window was at my left. i had tomato soup for the first time and he told me it was his favorite. go figure.

did you ever have a recurring theme in your life...ever?  i have lots.


did you ever see something that reminds you of someone you love...just something little.  


one day while moseying through home goods, i came upon a whole display of summer plates...daisy plates. i thought of my mom...she would have loved the turquoise background and great daisies splashed all over the plates! she loved daisies.  i love daisies. 


i've been noticing lots of mom things.  i do all of the time.  certain things.  some jump out at me like daisies.  others are more quiet...like when i pull off the yellow/brownish leaves off of her geraniums.  always geranium pink, she would quietly gather the recalcitrant leaves and listen to her 40's tunes  on the radio, sometimes a bit crackly...i think of how she loved to poke at her plants...quietly....dressed
up, in her nightgown after her coffee and toast and orange juice and bit of crumb cake.  medicine for her arthritis was a part of the morning ritual.


rituals.  she thrived on those rituals....breakfast and the morning in general was big in the ritual department.


i can remember every detail of her day.  she progressed through her morning in a very specific order. there was a predictability about those mornings. even grace and t.j. knew how she rolled in the mornings!


maxwell house ground coffee.


tropicana o.j.
ground coffee in mr.coffee coffee maker.


orange juice. tropicana.
while the coffee is brewing, she took her arthritis medicine and her aspirin. she stood at the kitchen sink and drank out of a small glass cup, placed the cup on the counter, poured her o.j. into the cup.
next stop.  run the  stengl coffee cup under hot water, pour the mr. coffee into warmed up cup. sit at the kitchen table with the coffee...take one sterling teaspoon of sugar, stir and sip. then, she would open her new york times....and slowly  sip her coffee. oh! wait! i forgot her toast...her whole morning was based on the perfect piece of cinnamon toast.
her toast would arrive at the table already buttered becasue apparently the toast would lose heat in the travel time.  this process was  well thought out. she sat at the table and crunched into the perfectly browned pepperidge farm cinnamon raisin toast, sip coffee, read paper, sip coffee, finish toast....pour new coffee and carry her small piece of crumb cake to the table and butter it...sip coffee and bite.


the dishes in the sink, wash the dishes, clean the sink was another long process.
shopping was a big part of her process.  here goes,,,,

sorry i'm having a tough time getting my pics tonight...i'm falling asleep. this late night blogging and e-bay is exhausting!


sorry for the mixed up story...my eyes are literally closing!

too much,too little,too late

too much, too little, too late! those are my words right/write now....long day. lots to do.

too tired.

long days, late nights.

no good.

hurry up. 

now.

hurry, please!

pleeeeeeez!

just a minute.

oh, don't do that.

soon? 

when?

no way, never!

no, it's o.k.

no, i'm not!

could you please?

do you mind?

is there anything to eat here?

why?

why now?

are you kidding me?

i will. i did. i won't.

don't say that.

i'll be right there!

i know.

uh huh.

yup.

sure.

o.k.

tell her to be quiet.

why did you let him?

where?

i forgot.

i didn't see it.

come on?!

wait...wait...wait...please wait!

that was some of the day....it was a really nice day. just non stop and random and going and going and going.

600.wake up.

700. kids go

730.biff and i go to t.j.'s school to meet the principal just because we wanted to chat before the end of the year. we love that guy. runs a tight ship.

830 leave school

845 back home

850 call t.j.'s school...forgot to tell mrs. healy i had to pick t.j. up at 920 for orthodontist.

915 leave home...bring daisy for some 1 on 1 quality time!  i swear!

920 pick up t.j.

926 drove right past the exit...how? just on auto pilot....and 7 minutes back around.

934t.j. at orthodontist we love. pay. great people in that office...lots of smiles...for real!

t.j. psyched to get out of school evenif he has to have wire wrapped in and around and upside down all of his teeth....it's worth it for time out of the building.

930 orthodontist with ted for his 2 hour appointment to have braces set.

945 leave orthodontist

948 car won't start vrmmmmmmmSTOP.

949 car won't start vrmmmmmmmmmmSTOP.

950 call biff...this is wierd biff.....he is in office nearby...interrupt him....i take daisy for walk while i wait for biff. i am up a hill and over when biff arrives.

1000 he arrives. love that guy. i greet with daisy. all give kisses.

1001 biff starts car...vrmmmmmmmmmmVRMMMMMMM.

car actually started on 1st try.  am i munchhausen mom of car...create problem for car to get husband attention? pathetic...not even i would do.

1005hear ticking noise in car while biff is still there with motor running.  ticktickticktick....biff hears it...thank goodness or i'm crazy.

biff listens. says i should go get oil changed. when did i change oil last?/ hmmmmm? when did we get this car?  no really.  really?  hmmmmmm.....maybe in the winter...when in the winter.,....let's see....i was wearing....was it the day it was raining...ohm, wait that's today. lots of rain....on me.....daisy...biff.  kiss biff. thanks biff.  biff you better go to work. thanks.

1020 go to starbucks with daisy...gentle dog.  see favorite police lt.....or is that short for light? anyway police sarg that got promotion to lt....get it?  say hi to lt. o'....say hi to anne....ask if they will pooch sit daisy....ann thought i asked her to babysit t.j. since they're in the same grade.  odd look she gives me...hmmmm. no not ted, he's at the teeth guy.\\oh, really, he's getting braces.  ned is not getting braces. lt. o' says ...my son didn't need them....i said oh wait...how bout you watch daisy out here while i get coffee.....oh hi laurie...how are you....everyone says hi...how are you wait...gotta go...how are ...see you ...call..

well, that lasted about til almost yikes!

1130 yikes have to pick up t.j.

call teeth secretary......oh, hi is t.j.done cuz i'm on my way......

1200t.j. almost ready. watching video on how to care for hardware in mouth.   finish. talk to lovely great dentist...great smile.

bye to receptionist...great smile.

1201t.j.is checked out on time stamp for pass for school

1210 t.j.goes back up to teeth guy to see if he can eat with all of this electicl wiring in mouth.

yes.

1215 back to car with mom and daisy smiling.

1217t.j.wants to eat at mc.d's ...we NEVER go there anymore....once a year maybe 2 if desperate...sounds fine....he says lunch is over...where could he eat? in the hall?  in the english class with british english teacher who is very strict...thankfully.  t.j. also comes up with idea that he must eat and stop at home b/c he has to brush...first day does not want to have food in there...GROSS MOM!

1220mc.ds order.pay. even i get some....o.k.done. sorry daisy none for you...probs better for daisy than for us.   drive toward school...t.j. says i should at least let him brush....hard to argue with brushing.....sure...another minute.  he really is a good patient and has no complaints other than gross thought of food in wires.  i remember theresa in 9th grade...STILL...bad memories of t. eating cheetos and having yellow/orange cheeeeetos all wrapped up and tangled and squishy in her big silver braces...good diet for 9th grade weight obsessed me.  no interest in eating if i see t. teeth after cheeeeetos...which she seemed to have everyday...maybe i should have changed tables. just thought of that! darn.phew....t.g. i don't have to go thru 9th grade again.....thank GOD that someone in ny state stole the math regents....life was good sometimes in 9th grade....except t. and her cheeeeeeto teeth.  gotta go brush just thinking of that....gotta sleep...

but, much more.

t.j. to school. 

home

phone rings at home.

grace

me 

text comes in from grace...needs lacrosse skirt...lacross #shirt for game.

what game? i say...game today

must have by 2:15

o.k. it's 1:45.

wait. must take fitzy and daisy out.

get in car and wait...better get my ebay to mail....didnt get to blog....darn...i wanted some quiet to sit.do work. do blog. do ebay. do......

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

NO because then the message...text comes....from grace....wait...another

it's from biff.grace txtd him wen i didnt answer....txtxtxtxtxtxtxttxtxtxtmomhurry...mom are you coming.  bus is here...txyxtxtxtxttxtxtxt...i'm driving. cell phone falls to floor of car...phone rings and rings and rings....i figure i better pull over and get the phone...maybe t.j. has been electocuted with new wiring.

stopped car with new valvoline oil...forgot to mention that at 1000 this am.  then talked on cell to mb about her garden club in atlanta. southern belles etc.

STOP CAR, crawlo under seat where phone is stuck....phone rings again. i;m coming grace, im coming grace....bus is here....where are you...cant miss bus game is in alaska....i have to be on the bus.....i dirive in parking lot at school...bhind bussssessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssand then the phone rings and i hear grace and i anser saying.....i am right here can you see me.....grace says it's too late//////i say no it is not too late b/c i am here and i can see you there. come get the bag of stuff.  thanks mom. thatnks mom thanks bye love you see you later have a great game have fun on the bus.

225get home. sit. bathroom. 2 large coffees later. glad i thought to take a sec...with dogs in batheroom....dogs wondering why we need that porcelaine.....i dont discuss that matter with them.

quiet. ahhhhh.

sit. log on.look at ebay to mail. start to read email.....and 

235t.j walks    in. hi good day. great only 2 hours of school. i like that. principal says you are a great kid.....oh mom he's just saying that. ok i say, i guess he doesn't know you......even a compliment gets questioned. oh mom.

then, tj says hardware in mouth pinches...no not like the other spots.  only back inside right...i call smiling receptionist. hi. yes . back. teeth....yes pointy.  poking. hurts...yes wire, poking wire....oh....hmmmmm yes 415!

330 t.j. we can go at 415. we must leave at 400

ok tj is ready to go. mouth must hurt if he is jumping up to go.

ok.....moments....1/2 hour.....snip hardware wire pointy thingy.  thank you nice smiling. bye.

455tj says mom remember you promised me if i did my homework immediately after school that you would take me to cleveland to get that thing at that place about 3000000 miles away. yes i remember. well, grace is away. where is that game anyway? oh my gosh. game is where i wanted to go today to get new washing machine since ours is dead since flood.  would like matching dryer too  pretty color...maybe not in basement ...cut out the middle man.../floor.

ok tj i will take you......on and on and on.

630biff calls. where are you? 2 blocks away. where are you. looking out the front living room window.....i see you..ok love you see u in a minute.....

hi kissskisss...loook at tj teeth.....wow tj wow you still look handsome.

i take dogs outside in rain...do wee bit of yard work...little..camera...pics....dogs....throw ball with daisy...while fitzy watches......biff comes to door....GRACE IS ALMOST HOME FROM GAME>>>WILL U PICK HER UP? i'm cooking dinner so do you mind......now i'm soaked but thats ok.

i get in car i drive to pik up grace.

rain.cars.bus.car.bus.cars...kids...happy kids...kids won game. i take pic. grace not 

 

happy that i take pic. actually, kind of not nice...then calms..then we talk about game....friends....school....home.......homework/////

 

.....radio.car...radio

home dinner kids homework teeth dentist calls to ase about tj...smile  nice nice man who loves his work......good job.....maybe someone shosuld be orthodontist....smile....dinner...nice...fun...kids must shower.......biff needed to do email

i wanted ebay

grace homework tedshower.

me alone...very late, ebay facebook for about 5 mins...sat to write that im too tired to post blog....now really late,,,,,,what did ya do today? nothing much how bout you?