just sayin'

this is my blog. it has been so much fun writing.  i have spent time writing and having fun with photos.  i know there are many blogs out there with very specific topics....very specific for people to get just the information they desire. there are family blogs...art blogs.... about blog blogs...exercise blogs...shopping blogs....movie blogs....dog blogs....infinity and beyond blogs.

and then there's me.  just a bunch of  stuff...just some day to day stuff....what's going on with a wife, a mom, a dog "owner", a cat "owner" a friend, a sister, an aunt, a daughter in law, a sister in law, a shopper, a mom who's trying to bring up our kids...with the help of a great husband. i'm a woman who's pretty happy in my life. 

i'm grateful, passionate about lots of people, places and things.  i'm always honest.....i "go direct" these days.  i don't have the time to talk behind people's backs.  if i have something to say about someone, it's usually something that i'm sure i've said to the person i'm talking about!

how could i deem myself the one to judge!  besides, most of my time is spent judging myself and how i'm doing ....as a wife, a mom, a friend.....a dog "owner" and how the dogs see me...do i walk them enough...do i give them enough time....

you can only imagine how i do that as a wife and a mom.  goodness, i'm even critiquing myself as i begin my e-bay business!  thankfully, i don't judge my womanhood or my mom-hood or my wife-hood based on how many dust bunnies i have or how great my grout looks.  there would be big trouble if i judged myself based on my becky-home-ecky skills!

i'm also exhausted, enthused, excited,sometimes discouraged, sometimes scared, energetic, sometimes lonely....which is ironic because sometimes i have no time for myself.... sometimes frustrated, sometimes sad, sometimes disappointed, sometimes , sometimes, sometimes.  in no particular order.  i do try to be grateful everyday....just because it's the only way for me to live and stay happy in a busy world.  there's so much to be grateful for!

as a mom, there's no real way of knowing whether i'm doing a good job, a great job or a job that's not quite good enough....all i can do is do my best!  some things we do our best at and that's not enough...we could have done more!  one thing for sure, this is the biggest job of my life!  and it's the job that i've put more energy and time and life than any other thing in my life....ever! and i'm still learning.  at the end of the day, almost every day since our kids have been born, i kiss them goodnight and i say my own little prayer thanking God and also hoping that i'm doing it o.k.....well really, better than o.k.

i'm sure there are lots of people who may judge just what kind of job we are doing...there are plenty of people who judge in this world!.....i wish there were as many people who would share the joys and ups and downs and share their own with us.  sometimes people say i'm too honest....i tell it like it is.  i do.  why bother going through life faking it.  i have nothing to hide!  

the funny thing is, many people that i know have said, "i can't believe you write all of that stuff on your blog!" ..."what's the point of the blog?  you don't get that many followers."...."why bother writing if no one will read it?"....."why don't you see how you can get more people to read it?"

sounds good to me. i mean, why write it?  especially if i have no followers.  why bother. why bother if it's not anything that anyone cares about?  i don't know.  why would anyone want to read all of this??

i don't know. who knows?  who cares? i have a few followers.  i hear some nice things when some friends read it.  i guess. 

oh, wouldn't we all love followers....supporters...people cheering us on!  people who pat us on the back...tell us what a great job we do....a mutual admiration society is just fine with me.  after all, i'm a  leo!  i crave praise, even in a blog.......

but really, everyone in this world is so busy...who has the time?....who has the inclination?...who wants to bother to read this stuff when they have their own stuff to do? 

i don't even think my family reads this! too busy. it's funny because we've had this life for a long time....just our life...mix ups and all!  we talk to some family...here and there...we talk to our friends...when we can.

yet, nobody has a clue about our life...nobody really gets to see our kids everyday, really get to know them...in person!  as they are...everyday.  through the goods the bads, the ups the downs. family may see them on occasions....but, that's not who our kids are....that's just a tiny spec of who they are.

actually, that's why i miss my mom so much!  because she cared.  she took the time.  she spent the time.  she didn't judge.  she laughed....alot.  about the ups and downs and ins and outs with biff.....with me.....with grace......and with ted.......and daisy and fitzy and the cats!

she spent time with us.  she stayed with us to visit....to really spend time.  she didn't like to stay too long..."guests are like fish...after 3 days they start to stink!" she used to say.  but, she also lived with us through tears, tantrums, sickness, frustration, laughs and singing, church, baseball games, halloween parades, trick or treating, kids swim lessons, splashing in the pool, picking up shells on the beach.....just stuff...the simple stuff...the things our kids remember.  special stuff and special memories.

you can't buy memories.  you can't get that on a visit a couple of times a year.  you can't have the wonderful connection....it's just not real...and that's sad.  sometimes that happens.  it's out of our control.

sometimes, we try and try and the timing just won't work...that's hard.

oh, we talk to lots of people...in fact we don't even have enough time to really "talk" to some.  and lots of people talk to us.  it's funny though....still with all of that talking, not everyone even asks how we are...or how they are.  as a friend says, " there are lots of people talking about their kitchens!"  and that's true.  everyone wants to talk home improvements. many want to bore you with their busy jobs....yawn...like that's who they are...it's just what they do.  lots of people talk about how busy they are...

soooooo busy!  when did that start. busy.  we are all so busy.  there's no time to say hello.  gotta go.  gotta get to practice.  gotta get to the store...gotta, gotta, gotta.

i was just talking with one of my favorite friends....actually, she's family.  we were talking about how many people consider the computer and e-mails and facebook and cell phone instant messaging real forms of communication.  i just don't buy it.  it's not real.

it's not spending time with people..."live action" as the kids used to say about the movies that were people and not cartoons! i know lots of people who "count" computer "talk" as real.  if that's good enough for them....i guess that's all they need!

i prefer hearing the voice...better yet, seeing the person and hearing their words go with their facial expressions!  nothing can beat that!  nothing.

friends see our kids much more.  the local friends see them through the ins and outs and ups and downs.  the friends have kids going through some of the similar situations...playing on the same teams, going to the same schools.....they know our kids.

probably, in my mother's era, families knew more about families. they lived in closer proximity to each other....they lived close to where they worked...they lived in the same towns....they had alot of emotional support from each other....so they say.

some families may be better off  separated by a few states. oh, come on! we all know those stories....they are everywhere....every family has one of those stories.  even perfect families have those stories!

that's why we need a sense of humor!  and that's why we need friends.  we pick our friends!  sometimes, we find families in our friends.  sometimes it's easier with friends. sometimes our friends know us better than some of the family!!  i think that's o.k.  it's great for the kids to have lots of different types of family!  

we've been blessed to have friends and family...not always as often or as close as we'd like....but we are grateful.  it's important for all of us.  it's important that we have more than just us....it's important that our kids have more than just us!  kids need to know that they are a part of more.  family is very important....but in a world of busy - ness, kids need lots more!

last week, i was at two meetings about looking out for our kids....all of our kids.  the one's in our family, our friends' kids, neighbors' kids, kids in our community.....just kids.  we got a lot of information.....and we learned a lot!  kids need us.  kids need to "feel the love" as biff and i always say.

it's true.  most of us do. kids just need more.  they need to be encouraged. kids need time...time spent together...talked with...engaged....looked in the eye....encouraged....approved....love from lots of different people....kids need connection.

so do we.  if we're lucky, we get some connection that's real...more than an e-mail masquerading as connection and feelings shared.  i know at the end of the day....when we're home...just family....quiet....loud....happy or sad....angry or exhausted....up or down.....in my case, lipstick or no lipstick!......i'm connected.....we're connected here at home....and that's enough!  still, more connection is better.....for everyone.

i guess it's a good thing that i like writing my blog....because i like writing. it feels good for now. it's good for me. i like hearing that others enjoy it...of course, that's nice...that's a bonus!

just like being a mom....it's nice to hear that your kids are good kids...that they're liked...and loved.if we worked at it just to get the praise and the pats on the back, it wouldn't be the same.  taking care of them, being there and loving them is all that matters.

just sayin'.