here we are....the end of the year on the cusp of newness! i'm feeling so much potential. i'm feeling like it's a new start....time to enjoy the changes that have occurred in the years past. i'm feeling proud of who i am today...and humbled by knowing how much better i can be....as a person, as a wife, as a mom, as an artist wanting to follow my dream of having my own business, as a friend....even as a blogger!
i love some of the ways that i have followed through in my life. i love that i'm always open to new things and new possiblilites. it scares me to think of getting older and letting go of my dreams or getting too stuffy and set in my ways. that seems out of the question, especially if i want to grow. it gives me hope for new things to learn and see and do! people who are sure they have everything figured out and have everything done just so seem to scare me a little! while they may see my life as chaotic or unstructured, i feel i'm just open to new people, places and things and styles and dreams! i actually do enjoy structure and i need structure to keep it together, day to day!
certainly, as a mom. trying to do my best, i've worked really hard to have structure...for me and for our family. while the observer may not see the order, it's there. our kids have grown up with the gift of order and organization. i know i must have a sort of mom a.d.d. i only came to notice ti once we had two kids. i really had to work hard to keep their world safe and calm. simple things like not losing my car keys or my wallet!
a.d.d. seems to rear it's ugliness when i am distracted and not tuned in.
i have worked really hard to let our children grow up in a home that is calm and peaceful. we enjoy the calm and love some chaos....when it's a kind of planned chaos or serendipity. serendipity has been the joy of my life. our children have learned the goodness of our sponteneity. ita keeps life fun. it's nice to go somewhere on a whim.....and a prayer.....looking for fun. i hope we have shown them, by example, that fun doesn't always have to be found.....it's right where we are...we don't have to look for something or someone better....we are already there.
i grew up thinking the fun was somewhere else. i didn't want to miss anything.....i still don't. i've come to treasure being where i am. i'm always open but i'm also glad to be right here with my family, wherever we are. i used to fill myself with more things and people from the outside.....now i realize i'm here...we're here and we don't have to look any further.
it's been years of learning! i'm the college girl who never closed the door to my room, not wanting to miss anything or anyone! looking back, had i known this already, i might have been a better student. as the chairman of my department said, "you are a better friend to your friends than you are to your books!" and that is true. and thankfully, i still have those friendships....that was the greatest gift of my college life. besides, i have my college diploma over the washer and dryer now. i know i have the smarts and i know college made me who i am.....i learned more life lessons than book lessons, that's true. that's the real me though! i can learn by doing way better than i can by book. i admit, i'm the one who doesn't like to read directions.....i like to have it decribed to me.....maybe that's the artist in me....i'm much more visual.
as we all heard in the first decade of the twenty first century, i'm trying to be my "authentic self"........it was an '"aha" moment..... "it is what it is."........."at the end of the day..."....."24/7"....."whatever".
the needlepoint pillow that's my favorite is the one that says,"i wish i could be the person my dog thinks i am." that pretty much sums it up for me. daisy pretty much accepts me as i am and she seems to think i'm great. she doesn't seem to notice my flaws....not the way i do....not the way our new teens do. i'm my own harshest critic....at least, i hope i am or i'm really in trouble!
our teens really pick at our flaws lately....and that's because they're always checking us out to see what it is about us that could be their next embarrassment. so far, since our children are teens, we laugh too much and too loudly, our analogies are ridiculous, we're hippies if we talk about the way things used to be, we can't sing, we don't know how to text (i was recently accused of using gangster talk on my texts...apparently, my txt abbrev r no gd....i'm not even a cool texter) ......and God knows i text way too slowly, my lipstick is the wrong color, i should not blog, i should not try to act cool, i never did anything cool when i was a kid, i make funny faces that are not funny and so much more. and i worry that i'm too hard on myself!
i have alot to learn and our children teach us lessons everday. they certainly have taught me to slow down.....to enjoy the moment....because, in an instant, the mood may change or a text may change things for all of us!
it's exciting to start a new year. new years resolutions usually don't do it for me. it's thinking of the newness and the possibilities.....the chance to try harder, do a little more, a little better at the little things and do the best with what we have and what we know so far. i like to imagine what can be.....for all of us. i mean, life is crazy.....i started a blog in 2009! who'd a thought! me. non-techno liz! our kids laugh....and they make me laugh! i too, think it's kinda crazy! call me crazy and i'll know my life is good because i'll be trying something i've never done or doing something unconventional or seeing things in a new light! that's great for me......to keep changing.....learning....growing....loving........looking.....believing....trying.....doing.....dreaming....living!
happy new year! who knows what's next!