Thursday, February 18, 2010

my best!

here's what the sky looks like today.
i am inside.
i could be skiing with our friends today.
it's a beautiful.
grace and t.j. are still sleeping.
where have i gone wrong?
how did this happen?
our kids seem worn out!
the colds linger....
it's a choice i made this week to let everyone get rested.
i don't want anymore lingering colds, flu or sneezing.
i know, it's just exhaustion.
get over it.

it could be worse.
it's not life threatening.
be grateful this is all it is.
oh, i am!
i am so grateful!
i thank God everyday!

it's just that i'm tired.
tired of having beautiful vacation days wasted.
are they wasted?
sometimes i think so.
sometimes i feel like a clock is ticking...
and we have to get in all of the fun times now.
life is short.
i think of so many places we could be.
so many things we could be doing.
"if only..."
i don't want to live in the "if only..." thinking.

i want to enjoy where we are.
actually, i love where we are and i love the life we live.
except for when i don't.....
because i want to fight the flow.
i want vacation to be different.
i want kids who want to get up and go with me.
face it, even if they had the energy they might not!
i miss that!
get up and go!  
my ideas were accepted.
  they thought they were the greatest ideas in the world!

some of my ideas are now lame.
reactions are not enthusiastic.
no way.
not today.
yeah, no.
are you kidding?

i still try.
we do lots of things.
even if they don't want to do them.
they have to.
because we say so.
we're the parents.
that's why.
just do it.
don't talk back.
lose that attitude.
get it done.

that's not so fun.
we taught them so much.
they are good kids.
why are they like this now?
they know better.
how come they're acting like this?
i can't believe they're our kids!

they get things done.
when we least expect it.we're so proud of them.
did you hear that?
did you hear them laughing together?
music to our ears.
they have great spirit.
son't you just love their sense of humor.
they are so funny.
did you see that look in their eyes?
they really know.
they've really come a long way.
they heard us.
they listened.
they realize how we do things.
they know.

we love them.
so much.
we are grateful.
we get confused.
we never know how we're doing.
there is no report card.
no training manual.

only our best. 
only their best.

we do our part.
they do their part.

we're still learning.
they're still learning.

we try.
they try.

we all pray!

it's hard knowing what's right.
not morally, that's pretty clear...
it's something i hope that our kids learn by example.  we're not perfect. 
we just try to live life doing the right thing. 
they seem to as well.
   they are just learning. 
i hope they make good decisions.
  i believe in them. 
  life gets confusing.
for us all.

and here i sit while the kids sleep in on this
beautiful day.

i guess that's what's best for right now.

i only know what's right for me.  i'll let them rest. 
i'll keep doing my best!