Sunday, April 18, 2010

why do i love this texture?
it seems that it draws my seems to fill all of my senses.  i can smell the beach air, the weathered boardwalk, the salt. these are glimpses of the summer...
i can see the beach, feel the sand, smell the salt water and the lotion....sometimes coppertone lotion....which still takes me back to summers of my childhood....i can hear the seagulls, the clank of the lines on the boats' masts, i can hear the waves lapping gently or crashing boldly! i can feel the sand, pebbly or powdery soft....and i'm instantly transported to my favorite place.....of anywhere in the world.
pretty big, huh?  just weathered wood makes my mind travel. that's all it takes.

it's amazing. everyone has something.  sometimes, it's the texture of fabric....usually, it's color. i still remember the colors in a house in nantucket...a spring meadow green bedroom with the atlantic ocean as the backdrop and a summer sky blue with the magnificent meadow as the backdrop!  i was so blown away that my enthusiasm would have seemed insincere had our friends not known me and my love of color! 

sometimes, a lilt of a brogue can bring me back to ireland....i can feel the damp air by the water, smell the beer in a pub or see the faces of freckled irish children.

pebbles and rocks and sea glass and sand...all different from one beach to the next....every time i'm at the beach i can get lost in the close ups of some shells, rocks or pebbles....sea glass.

why? what moves you...almost to tears?   a brand new baby always gets me.  what could be more amazing than a new life.... just miraculous to think how something so spectacular can arrive in our arms and bring so much joy to so many!  to see or hold a new baby... a new life and all of the potential for this new, living being is breathtaking!

why? what moves you...almost to tears?   a brand new baby always gets me.  what could be more amazing than a new life.... just miraculous to think how something so spectacular can arrive in our arms and bring so much joy to so many!  to see or hold a new baby... a new life and all of the potential for this new, living being is breathtaking! 
 the photos above were taken last week.....while visiting the firefighters who delivered t.j., almost 14 years ago. 
we were all at the fire house looking at "t.j.'s engine" with the stork on it, when one of the guys' wives arrived with her 15 day old baby boy, i was was so moving to me to think that t.j. was smaller than that when our team of firefighters delivered him....the gift of life!
random but real.
 t.j.'s stork on engine #2.
i love this blog. 
it's so great to write.
i've enjoyed this for 6's like an anniversary for me. it's been fun, i've had to have some discipline to sit down and write.

i've learned lots and lots about my computer.  i've gained confidence a the computer.  i have a long way to go.  a very long computer time.

i do write for me. it's mine.  it's all my own. and as t.j. and grace say. who would want to read your blog?  who? why do you bother?
i don't really know. i thought it would be a good thing to get my writing out there in the world.  a blog seemed the right place for me to do it.  just get it out there.  

for all of the many times that different folks have said, "you should write a book"....i thought this would be a good place to start.  i have lots to tell.  lots of observations. lots of feelings. lots of mixups. lots of memories. lots to put in writing.
i find myself saying after 6 months, like the kids, who cares? who really cares?
i have some "followers"...28....only 28....after 6 months.  that's better than none.  odd to think that many are people i don't even know.

but really, who does care...i don't even get comments.  i don't even know if you're reading or laughing or falling asleep. i know my stories are long...they're just stories...that i share with friends...stories that relate to others...or relate to our friends.
people don't have time.  people i'm related to don't even have time.  lots of friends don't have the time.  lots of friends aren't even computer literate.

when i started this blog...i thought it would be fun...a little something for friends and family and maybe extended friends and family to read...over a cup of coffee...over a cup of tea....just a quiet moment to think about the crazy days of life...crazy days of a mom with a teeny morsel of a sense of humor....a mom with feelings...a wife with a husband who makes me laugh...some trials and tribulations of life as a homeowner....a mom of teens and dogs and cats and fish...a friend.

i love it for me.  i love to write. i do question.  i wonder if i should bother.
lately, life has presented some challenges.  lots of little challenges.  lots more little at a time....that seem draining.  very draining.  and exhausting.  sometimes overwhelming.

life is changing.  kids are growing. economy is challenging.  some family is no longer with us. 
i think to myself, as i write my little blog, why bother.  no one does read it....if  many friends don't follow, if many family members don't follow.....why bother.

"i write for me" my little voice inside me says. as i used to tell our little, little kids....that's the good angel with the good ideas.

but, there's another's there...haunting me as i write..."why bother, no one reads it!  if your own friends and family don't even check it out...who else would care.  why would anyone want to read this?"  maybe that's the bad angel on my shoulder...the one i use to tell our little, little kids to turn away.

but really, 28 is kind of pathetic...i write for me....i would tell my kids to keep's not about the followers....that's just ego....what about writing for and from your heart, that's what matters....and then....the other bad angel.

i take lots of time to write. i do write from my heart. i guess that's what matters.  it's hard not to care.  i've been told i have thin skin...that's an understatement.

i think i'll keep going...doing...trying...

it may be time to change. maybe this is a blog just for me.  maybe i should have a different style if i want followers.  do followers matter?  it's kind of nice to feel that my blog is growing....but, really?
6 months and 28 followers. it's a tad embarrassing...i have more friends and family from kindergarten that i keep in touch with....i have more christmas cards to send than 28....i have more shoes.....more dust bunnies....maybe that's a sign.

the dust bunnies.  i could be cleaning up dust bunnies.  my house could have more attention.  i could do more artwork.  i could be selling more on e-bay!

and then, i'll never know.  i've only gotten about 10 comments on my blog....and that may be an overstatement.

just like anywhere else in life, it's nice to get approval...nice to get encouragement.  some friends are there...laughing and crying with me.  maybe, some family.

i used to write...and check out my followers...everyday they was was think i might be putting out some good...that might give others a chuckle...or laugh at themselves....we're all alot alike.

grace and i were blog doesn't offer's not like i'm providing a service...i'm not offering helpful information...i have nothing to sell....just write...and tell about my world....
who really cares?

you had me at hello!
all i needed to see was the beautiful blue doors with glass! when i see a store that is spectacular from a distance, it's calling my name out loud.  the store front seems to be beckoning, "come over here....look at me...i'm here for you....
woo hooo!" 

and off i go!  sometimes grace will feel the calling as's innate! we can't help the calling.  not everyone can hear that's special!  it's a gift.  down through the's ours to have and to hold.

not always to hold and take home! sadly, we just have too much stuff....because some of our calling has become a curse.  just like too much of anything.....

moderation. "everything in moderation." was my mom's chant. no matter what the
mayonnaise....butter.....salt.  you name it!

except, she really didn't know moderation when it came to shopping.  her own mother worked in some of the finer stores in massachusetts, where she was from. my grandmother did not know excess.  she was brought up with the finer things....yet she lived simply.

then she had a 1924....i believe that's when my grandmother's shopping gene was triggered....and the calling began!

my mom had the calling from the get go!  to help it along, my grandfather used to take my mom with him summers while he traveled to see customers.  he was a salesman for general motors....

my grandfather would give my mom 25 cents to shop while she waited for him to make his sales calls. my mom, at 10 years old, that's where mom's shopping bonanzas began!

she loved everything to do with clothing and china.  hmmm... i wonder where i get that from!
and again, i'm thankful to e-bay for allowing us to move on...move on from this crazy excess!  the finer things are fabulous and well appreciated....only if we can find them!  

i love selling.  i love the thrill of the hunt.  it's been fun!  but after having so much "stuff" come to me from mom....stuff that we have saved from our own family....stuff that we hold onto for emotional sake......i'm done!  i'm letting it loose on the world!  if someone in turkey wants a camera that grace no longer uses, i'll fly it there....o.k.,  at least, the u.s. mail will deliver it for me!

so, i still love to shop.  the stores still call my name!  last week was a test run.  i carried no money.  we were in boston.  we were on newbury street!  i did it!  i stopped, i shopped....with grace right by my side.....loving everything there was to love....and we bought nothing!!
we were back in our south shore town...visiting....we bought no lacrosse tees, we bought no sailing tees.....from the town we love!  we took home our memories.

we were on cape cod.  we visited our favorite spots.  we stopped in our favorite towns.  we looked in windows.  we stopped in stores.
we took home memories.

there were a few moments....just a few ....where i had to white knuckle it....i needed support. biff was right isn't his thing.  unless it's on e-bay. stores are a place for him to run in and run out!

last christmas, grace wanted a sweet anchor necklace from tiffany & co. she loves anchors. she loves tiffany.  a lovely gift. 

biff planned to swing by a local tiffany & co. after work.  after work and before his tiffany & co. adventure, he took a ten mile mountain bike ride.  he was pumped up...and looking like a mountain man! dirty from head to toe, sweaty and charming as ever.  he called the store ahead of time. he asked the saleswoman if they had the necklace in stock. indeed they did. he found parking, he ran into the spectacular mall, he sprinted to tiffany & co., he arrived at the store....even more sweaty...walked through the door...spoke to a saleswoman...gave her his information...thanked her for her fine service....sprinted back to his car and drove home.

as he drove home with the turquoise box and the pretty red ribbon, his cell phone rang.  he pulled over to pick it up. the caller on the other end was a representative from tiffany & co.  she was calling to see if he was satisfied with his service.

he was.  he was thrilled.  he was ecstatic. it wasn't about the whole shopping experience, about the selection and the decision was the hit and run.  the joy and christmas cheer and spirit....of getting in and out of the whole shopping extravaganza at a mall, at a a grand total of 15 minutes.

biff doesn't have the calling. i think we're a good balance. thankfully.