Waiting

It's midnight. Do you know where your animals are?

WAITING for Daisy, who's WAITING for Jinx. Daisy let out the bark...the "let me out to get Jinx" bark. One woof. One abbreviated woof. That's it. She's out.

It's a lovely mild night. That's why we're still WAITING for Jinx.

Daisy's sitting quietly outside. WAITING. WAITING. WAITING.

Then I hear the call of the wild. One abbreviated woof. That's when it's time for me to jump. They're WAITING. Looking. LOOKING! I can see Jinx's white teeth in the dark. Now they're ready. Phew! I'm tired. I opened the door and they trotted in side by side. Jinx got his midnight snack. Daisy is looking at me. LOOKING at me. She's WAITING for me.

WAIT a minute. She's tiptoe(paw)ing up the stairs. Hey! WAIT a minute. WAIT for me! Now Fitzy is snoring.

I'm finally going upstairs too. It's taken so long to round up the critters that Biff will probably be snoring too.

"Mom, Where's My Jersey?"

All moms know that tone....the tone of voice used by our children when they call out our name. That name may be THE most important job title in the world, "MOM" but when it precedes the word/s "where are my..." or "have you seen..", it's usually an indication that we have our work cut out for us.

It all started last night just as I settled into my favorite comfy chair with my cup of tea. Ahhhhhh.

In an instant, my ahhhh was interrupted by that tone with my title. It was as if I heard the siren of the emergency broadcast system on television.

That's when the mania began! After an exhausting search with much re-tracing T.J.'s steps and sidesteps, we turned up with nothing. NO lacrosse jersey for today's game. Clean laundry stacks. No.
Washing machine. No.
Dryer. No.
Lacrosse Duffle. No.
Car. No.
Under bed. No.
Closet. No.
on and on and not kidding...on.

Nothing. Every. Single. Place. We. Checked. Nothing. Nowhere. No how.

Before T.J. left for school this morning, I heard that tone with my title. If T.J. didn't have his Jersey by this afternoon's game, the coach wouldn't let him play. Talk about pressure.

I hunted some more. Biff too. I hunted and raced against the clock. Nothing. Zero. Zip. I got a phone call. Later, a text. Urgent. From T.J. Where is it?

I talked to another team player's mom. We brainstormed. She gave me more intuitive mom suggestions. Nothing. I kept looking as we spoke. Then, I screamed...I FOUND IT! HERE IT IS! I scared my friend. We hung up our phones. I called T.J. , left a message on his cell and texted him with the news.

I flew out the door with his jersey and drove off to the game, miles away. My phone rang. I kept driving. It rang again. I drove on. My curiosity made me pull over. There was a text from T.J....Don't bring my jersey. What? WHAT?

Just then, Biff called. He told me that T.J.didn't want me to bring the shirt. T.J. told Biff that moms shouldn't be bringing kids' equipment etc. for them . It's high school. Kids have to take responsibility for their own stuff!

Ironic. I met. Biff at the away game. Our son had to sit out on the sidelines today...while his jersey sat in the car.

Love Is In The Air

or in the woods...at the beach...by the side of the road...in the driveway ...we have love to give and we're blessed to have people who love us....it's always a good thing to have little reminders.

Just A Moment

Sometimes it's all we need...a mom moment. I had to take a few minutes to rest...it wasn't passing out, I swear! I just had a little sugar crash.

Maybe it was after the Hershey's kisses...someone must have added some to the candy dish when i wasn't looking..really. I was really trying to control.it. A sugar hangover? No way...not me....I don't have a problem.

Sure I had a little too much. OK..maybe it's true. Maybe I just had too much. Maybe I just had one too many...I wasn't even sloppy. My words weren't slurring. No stumbling. No one told me I made a fool of myself. Phew! They didn't notice the strings from the wrappers or the foil. I didn't even consider driving.

I don't do it during the day. I don't sneak around. It's all out for everyone to share. I can't help it if no one else dipped into the stash. It all happened so fast...

Thats it....that was my last one. I'm never doing that again...I never want to feel like this again. I never want to feel out of control. Oh no! The kids noticed all of the tin foil wrappers in the garbage. They know. Kids always know. That's the worst...now they'll be rolling their eyes behind my back...not the regular teenage eye rolling...the kind they do because they're ashamed to see their mom like that...especially in front of friends or some family...again.

That's it. No more sugar hangovers. Maybe I hit bottom. maybe I just got tired of being sick and tired. I've been living in denial. I have to change.....if I can't do it for myself...I have to do it for them.

A new day. I can begin today. Just say no. Maybe I'll be a good example! Maybe they'll see that I can still have lots of fun without a candy dish in my hand! I'm doing it...one day at a time!

They have meetings everywhere.There must be one listed in the phonebook. What if people recognize me at a meeting...wait...if they're at a meeting too, that must mean they understand how hard it is to stop. oh thank goodness I'm not alone! It's all good!

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. AMEN!

One Day at a Time....

There's hope for all...one day at a time!

One Hershey's kiss at a time!
One....cigarette....
one...glass of wine...
one beer....
one .......anything.....

To thine own self be true!

Dedicated to so many family and friends who have shared so honestly about their challenges and gifts and joys...in recovery...sobriety...and showing others, by example, how much better life is today.

Also dedicated to my friends and family ....who have not yet realized how much pain, shame and sadness they've caused their families and friends or coworkers. To those who are struggling with their own truth ... we love them and pray for them always...to be freed from the anguish they live with each day.

And to the many friends and family who just couldn't do it...one day at a time. We love them so much...and they loved us...

Another Red