Friday, May 21, 2010

share the wind!

a picture perfect day...blue skies. delightful.  dreamlike. not the dreary of last month.  i'm done with dreary. enough. it's time for some fun in the sun....right in our own home town. grateful? yes. very. very.

from the days that biff and i began our life together, learning about each other... our hopes...dreams...wishes and plans, biff and i became acutely aware that our life was meant to be near the water.  preferably ocean....preferably a coastal town....anywhere.....just plain and simple.....near the coastline.














we both always talked of living in connecticut.  it's very familiar to us.  we both have spent lots of time with good friends and family.....we both love and have special memories of summers past on new england beaches. 

sure, we talked about other places and possibilities for us. it's just that we both hoped to be near family...more or less.  we both felt comfortable with the landscape of connecticut.  for biff, much of the farmland reminded him of places in dutchess county, new york, where he grew up.  so much of the shoreline and seasons felt like home to me.  when we saw our "house to be"....we both had that "ahhhhhh" peaceful moment where we took a breath and exclaimed,"this is a great location...not far from the beaches....green with trees, shrubs and grass....and the most charming stone wall that tickled a spot in our hearts....the stone wall reminded me of my backyard and the stonewall reminded biff of the 1775 brick house farm and the lovely stone walls crisscrossing the landscape of his childhood.

so, here we are. we feel like we are where we are meant to be.  that matters.  we both loved our little village on the north shore of long island....the gold coast.  long island has had much growth since my childhood days was feeling too crowded for where we wanted to be.

our move to the south shore of boston was perfect for our new start...biff with his new job, newlyweds trying to build our own life together....our new baby...we were a family...our own family.  we were on our own as a family and that's just what we both needed.  it was a romantic time for us.  we had no family near us.  we only had a new life. a new family.  

it was a big move for both of us...leaving the closeness of family and good old friends.  but, we had each other.  we were a mom and a dad.  our move was with our sweet baby grace.  we had to adapt.  we were separated from the family....and we were thte ones who tried to be at every family function and most of our great friends and their family celebrations.....until we got to boston, we hadn't realized how much was expected of us...everywhere!  we were the ones who made the roadtrips to be everywhere for everyone!

enter....our little family in  boston.  it was new to us..being off on our own.  it was one of the greatest things that could have happened to us.....we were in our own new place with our own new us.....the family!

it was in the boston area where we learned to be a family.  it was that new area that made us.....us.  we had only each other. we had to make new friends....friends for us all.  it was our new life....together as a new family.  we have always felt that move was the best thing for us.  the timing was right.  we were meant to live our own life....while loving our family everywhere else....going to visit and having some loyal visitors.  we had gotten a gift!  we were treated to our own lives.....that we had waited so long to find......we were on our own with long distance support!  we had no obligations.  we had just us. thankfully.  we claimed our lives together.  we were the family...creating our own life together.

there were times that we talked of living in the carolinas....a little bit south and a little bit better cost of living. we had friends who had moved and loved it down there....maybe...should we....would we...maybe...hmmmmmm.  we walked through our teeny, tiny, sweet and magical mary tyler moore apartment....we realized the carolinas were not right...we knew it wouldn't fit. Everywhere we looked....in our miniscule charmed dreamland, it became immediately apparent to us that it could not be, would not be the place for us.  how did we know?  we were talking about the possibilites of moving....that's when we realized every single photograph, framed print, needlepoint and magnet we owned was by the ocean. we couldn't leave the shore for inland. we knew our place.

that's how we did it!  we knew. we knew where we needed to be.  by the water.  on our own.  and so we moved to be in the right place for biff's new job.....and the south shore of boston would allow us to get to the cape which was my home away from home!  nantucket and the vineyard

after almost 5 years, we were ready and connecticut called us.  really.  we were quiet. we listened for the signs.....whether it was right for us or not.....it was...it is.



and here we are.  in the place we're meant to be.  we try to stay true.  true to what's best for us.  for our family. our needs and our joys and our lives....equally necessary to keep our lives in balance.

today, i was at our beach.  with the dogs.  then, with the kids and the dogs.  and again....just me with the dogs.























it's our home.  it's the people that we know.  it's the land. the beaches. the boating.  the sailing.  the families.  the schools.  the kids. the teachers.  the sunshine. the artists.  the doctors.  the churches.  the feelings that we were home!













we are.  the beach is our place.  we go on our own.  we go with  dogs. we go as a family. we go with friends.  we sail. we walk. we collect shells and sea glass.

tomorrow is a day for us all to enjoy.  it's a celebration.  it's the annual regatta for joe...our sailing instructor...our coach...our director!  it's a regatta in his memory.  he taught us all and pushed us all further than we thought we could go....he scared us...he barked out orders!  he taught us community and sharing and kindness and random family connections and compassion and fun!


















he was a big bear of a man with a big, booming voice....who cared...and shared the love of sailing, the camaraderie, the joy, the friendships, the equality among sailors....

joe showed us all by example...no matter what the circumstances....that no matter how much money or boat or toys for show.....it doesn't matter. we don't care.  we're here for the sailing. we here for the love.  we're here for the passion.  we're here for the laughter.  we're here for the learning.  we're here for the challenge.  we're here because we all belong.  no matter what.  this is where we belong. we share that joy with all of the sailors.  we love where we are.  we love who we are.  we love the simplicity.
that was joe's gift. he shared.
joe, our friend...the man, the tiller, the dream. right here in our town.  it's where we belong!  our family belongs....to each other first of all.....and we share that love with other families who put families first.  they sail together.  they mix.  there's no politics.  just "share the wind" as joe called his program.....it was joe's gift....we have that for life...and we want to pass it on!


our grace and t.j. began their sailing classes when as soon as they were age appropriate. age eight.  they were babies!  joe was the big, the booming, the brilliant, the big guy with all of the rules.  the big guy who told them that they'd have to capsize on day 2!  i thought we'd never get them back to sail again....they complained all the way....they capsized ....they loved it.  

every challenge was turned into opportunity.  no excuses. just do it.  never politically correct.  must. have to.  that's that!

excited.  we're excited.  t.j. is sailing in the hobie cat regatta with a friend from school....i'm so proud of t.j.  he is up for the hall.  he'll be geared up and ready for whatever takes place.  he'll challenge himself.....throughout the day.  he will end the day proud and exhausted.....and we'll remember joe.  and thank him...for teaching us....teaching us so many lessons....and sharing friends....and passion for sailing....and extreme challenges....and our lives have been changed....because of his rich spirit, fun loving ways.  we miss him and everytime we're at the beach, he's with us.....shouting at me from the committee boat..."MAMA MIA! PUSH THE TILLER!" and when he said ph, i pulled.  his booming voice made me jump, then freeze in position
mama mia...my nick name from joe.

we are where we belong. we love it here.  it's our place...we love to share.

TO BLOG OR NOT TO BLOG. BLAH*BLAH*BLAH*BLAH*BLAH! 

I HAVE BEEN WRITING NOW FOR QUITE SOME TIME...LIFE HAS UPS AND DOWNS AND WHIRLWINDS ALONG THE WAY.  I WRITE ABOUT ALL OF IT AND SOME OF IT AND NONE OF IT.....WHATEVER HAPPENS TO BE REAL...REAL LIFE....MINE!
I LIKE REAL.  I LIKE HONEST.  I LIKE TRUE AND HEARTFELT AND SILLY AND WHIMSICAL AND HEAVY, DEEP AND REAL AND NONSENSICAL AND HYSTERICAL AND SPECIAL AND CREATIVE AND SAD AND HAPPY AND LONELY AND HAPHAZARD AND QUIZZICAL AND DELIGHTED AND INTROSPECTIVE AND IRONIC AND OUTRAGEOUS AND RIDICULOUS AND SENTIMENTAL AND SARCASTIC AND MEANINGFUL AND CLEVER AND MELANCHOLY AND JAZZED UP AND REFLECTIVE AND BURSTING WITH JOY AND GRATEFUL AND SELF CENTERED AND CHALLENGED AND GOAL ORIENTED AND HARDWORKING AND MYSTERIOUS AND TRUE TO SELF AND SELF INDULGENT AND SUPERCILIOUS AND DRAMATIC AND SENSITIVE AND INSENSITIVE AND OVERRATED AND UNDERRATED AND HOPELESS AND HOPEFUL AND LOVING AND HEALING AND NURTURING AND PATHETIC AND APATHETIC AND DEFLATED AND ARBITRARY AND UNIMAGINABLE AND HUFFY AND ANGELIC AND SPIRITUAL AND SEXY AND SPLASHY AND STYLISH AND HEARTWARMING AND.........


I GUESS WHAT I'M SAYING IS.....THERE IS NO REAL "PURPOSE" OR PORPOISE FOR MY BLOG.....IT'S NOT SAVE THE WHALES OR PEACE FOR PORPOISES ON PURPOSE OR WITH PURPOSE OR PURPOSEFUL OR POWERFUL OR CONVINCING TO TRY THIS OF TRY THAT OR SUGGESTIVE OR YOU MIGHT WANNA OR HERE'S HOW I DO IT OR FOLLOW ME OR TRAVEL LIGHT OR EAT LIGHT OR SPEND LESS OR BUY QUALITY OR PHOTOGRAPH THIS OR PHOTOGRAPH THAT OR CREATED FOR YOU OR FOR YOUR MOM OR FOR THE CAUSE OR FOR THE AGED OR FOR THE POLITICAL  OR FOR THE MOVIE BUFFS OR FOR THE CATS OR WITH THE DOGS OR VIDEOGRAPHY OR LEGALLY OR FAMILY OR MOTHERS OR SISTERS OR CLASSICS OR ISTICS.....REALISTIC, AUTISTIC, MYSTIC, HEROIC, ARCTIC, SYMBIOTIC OR MAGNETIC OR HOLISTIC OR HEDONISTIC..... MATHEMATIC CINEMATIC OR SYSTEMATIC OR AUTOMATIC OR PROBLEMATIC OR SPAZMATIC OR ADRIATIC OR ORGANIC OR HYDROMATIC OR ERGONOMIC OR ECONOMIC GASTRONOMIC OR PROBLEMATIC OR EGOMANIACAL OR HYREOGLYPHIC OR GYNECOLOGIC OR EMBLEMATIC OR PSYCHOSYMPTOMATIC OR ENIGMATIC OR ELECTROMAGNETIC OR TRAUMATIC OR THEMATIC OR HYGIENIC OR EMBRYONIC OR SPASTIC OR ICELANDIC OR SYSTEMIC OR DRAMATIC OR ENDOPLASMIC .......
 IT'S MUCH MORE SIMPLE THAN THAT.  IT'S MINE.

MUST WRITE A BOOK!
MY FRIENDS, THEY SAY.
OVER AND OVER....
WHY NOT TODAY?

NO NOVEL. NO BIO.
IT'S ALL IN FUN!
NO JOKES OR POKES...
AT ANY OLD ONE.

NO IF'S! NO BUTS!
NO IN BETWEENS.
MY LIFE. THAT'S ALL.
CRAZY IT SEEMS!

ODD IT IS...
THAT I SHOULD CARE
THE WHO AND WHY?
AND WHEN AND WHERE?

I WISH I KNEW
WHY I MUST WRITE.
SO WHAT? WHO CARES?
IT'S LATE AT NIGHT!

IT'S WHAT I DO.
AND WHAT I'VE DONE.
THERE IS NO POINT.
IT'S JUST FOR FUN.

FUNNY. SILLY.
ONLY THE BEST.
DAYDREAMS. DREAM DATES
AND ALL THE REST.

IS THAT ENOUGH?
DO I WANT MORE?
I WRITE FOR ME....
AND SO MANY MORE.

STORIES AND STORIES
PLUS LOTS, LOTS MORE....
DRESS UPS.  MAKE UPS.
MIX UPS IN STORE!

BY ME. TO ME.
WITH DOGS AND CATS
HOT DOGS. DOG GONE.
THINGS THAT GO SPLAT!




STORIES TO TELL,
STORIES OF DARES...
DREAMS ARE LIKE REAL...
REAL LIFE NIGHT MARES.


GOOD NIGHTS. SWEET DAYS.
ONLY MY BEST.
TEENS ARE MY LIFE.
YOU KNOW THE REST.

I'M UP TOO LATE.
AWAKE. TIRED.
IT'S SHARE I MUST.
I AM INSPIRED.

MY LIFE WITH BIFF..
A DREAM!  A JOY!
2 CATS, 2 DOGS...
1 GIRL! 1 BOY! 

WEDDINGS. BABIES
LAUGHS WE DO SHARE.
TRUE LOVE.  BEST FRIENDS.


WE'RE QUITE A PAIR!






LOVING OUR BEST ...
THROUGH THICK. THROUGH THIN...
WE HAVE TO LAUGH...
THAT'S NOT A SIN!

AS LIFE GOES ON ...

THERE'S LOTS TO SAY...
FUNNY IT SEEMS..
IN OUR OWN WAY!


I WRITE. I BLOG.
IT'S MY OWN PLACE
IT'S LIFE. OUR WORLD.
WITH T.J. AND GRACE!


NEW MOMS , OLD KIDS,
THERE'S MUCH TO TELL
THE LIFE OF A MOM
GOING THROUGH HELL!


LOVE THEM I DO.
WITH ALL MY HEART
BUT TEENS REBEL...
THEY ARE SO SMART!


SHUT UP.YUP. HUH.
NOPE. GO AWAY. 
UP DAYS. DOWN DAYS.
THAT'S ALL THEY'LL SAY.



OLD DAYS. SUNDAYS.
TIMES OF OUR LIFE
WRITE IT. NOTE IT.
AS MOM, AS WIFE.




THIS BLOG I WRITE.
THIS IS MY PLACE.
MY NOOK. MY CAVE.
MY ONLY SPACE.


MOMS ON THE GO.
PLANNING. THINKING
DETAILS GALORE.
JUST WITH BLINKING.


DAYS GO SO FAST.
NIGHTS WITHOUT SLEEP

LOVE THEM. MISS THEM.
LET GO AND WEEP.


IT'S GOOD. IT'S TIME.
AWAY THEY GO.
MISS THEM. WITH THEM
HOME TO AND FRO.

FOR US. WITH US.
THEY GO. THEY STAY.
BEG TO BE NEAR.
OR FAR AWAY.



PUSH ME AND PULL ME.
I'M ALWAYS THERE.
NOTHING. SOMETHING.
WHAT IS THAT STARE?



IPOD . CELL PHONE
FACEBOOK. LAPTOP. .
WE BEG. WE PLEAD.
CALL US. DON'T STOP.


THEY STOP. THEY GO.
THEY TEXT. THEY CALL.
FOLLOW OR LEAD.
WE KNOW IT ALL!


KNOW WHAT TO DO
WE KNOW IT'S TRUE.
FAKE IT. MAKE IT.
IT'S NOTHING NEW!



THIS BLOG IS MY OWN.
MY OWN. MY NAME.
IT'S ME. IT'S NOW.
IT'S JUST MY GAME.


I WRITE. I LAUGH. I STOP. I THINK. I CRY. I DREAM. I SMILE WITH A  WINK......I FINALLY FOUND SOMETHING I LOVE!

HEY! WOULD YOU PLEASE TURN THAT DOWN. I CAN'T THINK!  CAN YOU PLEASE GET THAT?  IT'S FOR YOU......IT'S FOR ME...IT'S NOT SO MUCH ABOUT THE KIDS.....IT'S ABOUT ME WITH KIDS...WITH FAMILY....WITH FRIENDS....WITH MY VIEWPOINT. ALL ABOUT ME. WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS.  IT'S ME, ALL ME.  EXCUSE ME, I WAS TALKING.  HELLLLLLOOOOOOO!  WOO HOO. IT'S ME!  RIGHT HERE.  THINKING OF INTERRUPTING ME.  NOPE. DON'T PLEASE DON'T.  THAT'S ENOUGH.  WAIT.  TAKE A BREATH.  SHHHHHH.


THANKS FOR LISTENING.



THAT'S NOT THE POINT
WHAT'S IT FOR?

IT'S ME AND MINE.....
INSIDE OUR DOOR.

IF IT'S NEWS THAT YOU WANT...
THERE'S NONE IN STORE.

I'VE GOT STORIES TO TELL

STORIES GALORE.


HOW I SEE THINGS.
ALL THE TIME.
IT'S THIS IS SHE....
AND THIS IS HE
WE ARE 2 WHO HAVE TO SEE....
EVERYDAY WE DO OUR BEST.....
WE HAVE 2 KIDS AND ALL THE REST!
WE HOPE, WE PRAY AND GIVE OUR ALL....
WE DREAM FOR THEM TO JUST STAND TALL.
WE HAVE NO SECRETS AND NO SURE WAY....
IT WAS EASY. THE PLAYGROUND. PLAYING ALL DAY.
WE LIFT THEM. WE LOVE THEM. WE HUG THEM TIGHT.....GOD KEEP THEM SAFE BOTH DAY AND NIGHT!