Wednesday, May 26, 2010

t.j. had a poster for spanish class that was apparently VERY IMPORTANT because he suggested that i drive him to school since his poster was so precious....and grace  was delighted to join since her school was right next door. 

of course.  any mother worth her weight in salt would be thrilled to have a child so proud of his work!  i had to respect that.

UNTIL my sweet teens began to fight over who had "shotgun"....yup!  it still matters.  still.  when the pilgrims came over on the mayflower, after years and years, they are still doing the alternate go there and i'll take it home. only this morning, there was a dispute over who had been in "shotgun" last.  yes, a discussion ensued. no big deal.

no big deal until, grace would not budge. t.j. was calling her names...loudly....back and forth...stomping. back and forth.  did i say loud?  I meant VERY LOUD! on our quiet  street, i might call it EXTREMELY LOUD!  did i mention that it was 7:00 in the morning.  if i had just let them take the bus.

you would think after a minute that the games would be called off.  NOPE.  not with our little "donkey krauts"...that's what biff calls our variety of child....with and irish/german = stubborn X 2 = VERY STUBBORN, but very cute when they're getting along...which is often...not very often since they've become teens....but, i'll settle with often. i know they'll get at least 10 years or so.

i might not have minded there bickering...i was peaceful.  i had the car running. i sat and waited for them to work it out....tic tic tic tic.  nope. this called for intervention. i was tired...i took a breath and began. "get in the car t.j.".....NO it's my 

it continued a bit longer.  THEN i did it! i cracked.  i used my mother's thing...i  used "the clench" and "the voice"...the combo platter!  i only use it in a time crunch....and when i feel that there is a chance of my children freezing in place....stubborn started way back....when we had to pull our kids away from the mini-merry go rounds at supermarkets when i only had 1 quarter for 2 kids...usually at the most inopportune moment...when we had to be somewhere.

i like to stay calm....after all, it was only the front seat!  it wasn't a trip cross country.  it was just more than a mile....they've ridden their bikes.

"the clench" is a touch of locust valley lockjaw.  l.v.l.j., my friend
 sue used to call it. it goes like this....clench, grit and talk. like. this. would. you. GET.
in. the. CAR. NOW. with em-PHA-SIS on the last syllable...unless it is at the end of a statement...then there is em-PHA-SIS on the last 2 syllables. 
they seem to recognize "the clench"'s when i use the grit that they look puzzled...or terrified.  i don't like to use it often.  i don't.  i don't let them rile me...if i did, i'd never "win."  the mom and dad have to WIN!   the whole parenting world will crumble and the kids would rule the world....we have a responsibility.  to the world.  and to our life.

in the middle of the "clench" and "the grit".....which took place after the big loud booming name calling began........i became aware that our  neighbor, the quiet and friendly  congregational minister of the church on the green......husband and father of 2 who have long been off on their in one of those quiet houses with no shoes at the door or socks or backpacks or sand from the beach.

he was out on his front lawn with his little dog....not the big friendly goldens like we have      (read> fitzy, who has run through their back door at full speed, stopping in the kitchen, only to look for food, then continued  through to the front door and out and back towards our kitchen....that was their welcome wagon. read> friendly like daisy who runs to say hello after rolling in a muddy puddle...and shakes her muddy water over his nicely ironed khakis)..............he was peacefully pondering his gardens when i noticed him. i was mid "clench"....i was tightly "gritting" and i had just raised my volume for effect....slow and steady, that's how i roll!

that's when "the clench" and "the grit" began.  "GET IN NOW OR I WILL MAKE YOU BOTH WALK!"  ......that's when i had to keep clenched and be quiet. i waited. i waited. i waited. i won.

henry ford never mentioned this.... moments after he finished his  outrageous invention, he took it for a test drive......he drove home....pulled into the driveway....left the car running......called out to the family.....they all came running out to see the car........THAT's when  the "shotgun" wars began....right then and there.  i think it was shortly after that......he invented the ford country squire.....with the "WAY BACK"....just to avoid the "shotgun wars."


i am blessed to know a big bunch of recovering alcoholics. biff and i have had lots of exposure to the disease....through the years working with lots of different people....myriad friends and family along the way.  first of all, i'm irish!  second of all, they tell me that they are 1 in 4!  wow. guess what?  i hardly had a clue that some of the people i love were struggling.  they "NEEDED" a drink!  third of all, they all say that they had signs, personal sign posts or warnings along the way....accidents, blackouts, D.U.I.s or missed work among the many.

different people.  different places.  different things. circumstances. wall street guys with families and big houses in beautiful towns with lots of beautiful kids....friends, who had to have a couple glasses of wine after work and kept drinking into the old friend from my hometown who started drinking when her kids went to kindergarten.....a guy that was drinking since high school when it was fun with friends and now his friends have moved on to other successful worlds......a friend who has taught at the finest universities in the country who couldn't write a paper unless she had "a few" we've all gotten older, we hear lots more!  and now...we've had sadness of knowing some who just couldn't make it "one day at a time."

for years....they drank and drank...until they just woke up sick and tired.  they tell me that they were "tired of being sick and tired", some had family who did interventions and some who had a day that really scared them...realizing the affect it was having on family who loved them.  they tell me that their life was becoming "unmanageable" and they couldn't hide their "secret" anymore.

way back when, we all, as time goes on, some can't stop!  for real...CAN'T STOP!  wow. now that's what i call a disease. 

the coolest part of all....their lives sober than they ever could have imagined!  there lives are healthy with healthy friends.  they have more energy.  they have more time in the day to be active.  they say drinking stole their lives away....drinking took up lots of time and energy.  they have fun.  they have faith.  their friends can enjoy them now.

some people feel sorry for  recovering alcoholics. ironically, the recovering person feels sorry for them.  the drinkers think it's too bad their friends and family "can't" drink anymore.  the sober are so grateful their life is so great that they have an"the attitude of gratitude."

now, that's someone i want to be around.  someone who is grateful. someone who makes the best of any situation. someone who doesn't judge.  someone who is accountable for their behavior. someone who looks at problems as a challenge.  someone who's honest with nothing to hide.

"one day at a time" sounds pretty good to me....not too overwhelming...a little bit at a care of our babies/kids/teens.......if i thought about how much there is to parenting too much, i'd be overwhelmed. 

i'd rather be grateful, thankful and take it one day at a time......even if it's my blog.  everything is step at a time. 

that's how i'll write the blog and
let's see how that goes. i think i'll be happier....enjoy it more...have more will the people around me!  thanks to the many friends and family who have shared their healthy way of living! 

.....and prayers everyday for the people we know who struggle with this hideous disease....and the people loved and lost from this vicious disease. may they find comfort in sobriety and a healthy way of living.  one day at a time.  this blog's for them.

not quite as simple seems that lots of  recovering people work at seeing how to find the solution rather than dwelling on the problem.

i can learn from that!  i'm still open to any help or chance to learn along the oversimplify the recovering lifestyle.....if life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

one post at a time

my style.  i love to write.  it's much more concise when talking with friends. when i write on this blog, i write too much.  i know it rambles and since i've had my e-bay store it has been rambling more and more...and more. it's time.  time management.  life. life management. me. me management.

when i began life with new babies, i had to work out time...time management according to the babies. now according to the teens, independent as they are, i still have to work my time management around them. 

family, kids me and miscellaneous life. miscellaneous life now consists of me working....on my my blog and on my store. 

my blog was fun to write at first. since my e-bay store, i've had to work hard to do e-bay well.  i see growth in my store.  i don't see growth in my blog.  friends read it...some others do. it's not reader's rambling....the writing  needs effort and time.

no one has time. life is busy.  after thinking whether or not to continue...i realized that it will be very good to simplify.

i've decided to write shorter and more concise posts with short stories of my funny real life moments....the real reason for the name of the blog!  hence, "littlemarymixup", the name my mom so fondly called me!

it's the little things.  it's everyday life stuff. it's the funny people i meet stuff.  it's the dogs' stuff.  just stuff. everyday stuff.

that was my plan. initially, committed to writing every day, i was proud of myself  for following through.

now, i feel like jack of all trades....master of none because i love it all!  it's just not good for me.....probably not so good for any one reading....yawn.

so, i'll try it. simply. maybe i'll be more enthusiastic once i simplify. maybe others will enjoy it more.....if it's not written like war and peace. too big a commitment to sit down and read?  ya think? i do.  i'm boring myself and i just hate when that happens.

so, we'll see how it goes....i guess if you're out there reading this, you can be the judge.  i judge myself well enough, thanks.

as the famous a.a. slogan says, "one day at a time."  if an alcoholic, desperately trying to get sober  from a tumultuous disease, can do this "one day at a time" thing....i guess i can give it a go.  some of the recovered people that i know have told me that they had to take it one hour at a time! i'll take it one post at a time.