Wednesday, September 1, 2010

It's not you it's me, rutine: invented by George

Just thinking about so many of the kids we love....going off to college...i just had to write a message on facebook to one of the girls we've seen grow up....she's the big sister to one of Grace's friends....she's just a few years ahead of Grace and T.J.  We've known her since our Montessori days...for our's quite literally almost a lifetime....our children's lifetime!  

Just want to wish you well as you begin your college life. may not realize this but you have been, and you still are, someone who Grace looks up to as a role model....for real. She's always taken note of your successes! I thank you for that. She needs that and she needs encouragement. She had a challenging freshman year so she's pretty psyched for a fresh start. So...thanks Annie ....and remember never know who you touch!!!
Have a great year!

Then, Annie was sweet enough to write back .....

Thanks so much Mrs.Biff! I am glad I've been able to affect Grace, and I would love to have her here for a visit with Lilly, so I can expose them to what really hard work can turn into.

I look forward to seeing you guys when I come home. Thank you for all of your support.


"It's not you, it's me."

"It's not you, it's me," as the old break up line goes. That's not the line I got this week.

I was "fired" from my doctor (physician's assistant) after choosing not to get a cat scan after my concussion.  My decision was due to outrageous pricing that would not be covered by our medical insurance.  The issue was not so much about me as it was about liability.  The physician's assistant called me again and again.  she called Biff. We were very clear about our health care and we were very clear about the cost which was astronomical.

I found my new physician.  So, off I go again working on building a rapport and doing my best to get comfortable with the new doc.  Comfortable is an odd word to use considering the open front dressing gown I am required to wear while laying on a leather? gray or tacky mauve table....oh, did I mention that it had stirrups.  "Awkward", as our kids say.  Yes. Awkward.

Now that I have found a new doctor who may or may not be the right fit.  I was proud to have gotten the appointment since it's kind of like going on a blind date or a job interview. It's awkward.  For both of us.  The new doctor appeared as though she was being interviewed. Maybe I should I have felt as though I was being interviewed. "Yeah, but No," as our kids say.

"Yeah, but No" because I have more fun being interviewed than I do getting the paycheck. The interview is my favorite part.  Unless it's not.  The interviews where I daydreamed about my dinner plans or date that evening or manicure were no fun.  The interviews that got me enthused and excited weren't necessarily because the job was the right may have been the location of the office, the people, the stories I encouraged the interviewer to tell about themselves! The interviewer felt so engaged answering MY questions that they were thrilled to hire me! If I got the job, "Yeah, but no" came to mind.  

It wasn't fair....I loved interviewing so much.  It was usually after the job description that I lost interest or the reality of the hours or the pay that halted my intererst.It was a shame that I didn't want the job! I love interviewing so much, I should have gone the Oprah route.  Oops...there I go again...daydreaming...just like the interviews!

Today I received a letter from another health care provider.  It seemed to be telling me that I had been warned or fired.....because of missing some appointments while on vacation. I think that's what the letter said.  If it was in a movie, I would have held the letter in my hand....with the music of foreshadowing playing in the backround. "Oh, come on!" as or kids say.....You know the music of foreshadowing....just stop for a second....look out the window.  Act forlorn or concerned.  

Anyway, the cancellations were like "pre-existing" caregiver had vacations during that time period too! "Go Figure?" as our kids say. It may be a misunderstanding. Although, times are tough.  Maybe it makes sense.  My own caregivers are downsizing.  Maybe it's time. Someone decided to fire the patients. I didn't get that memo.  Another pink slip? "Whatever", as our teenagers say. That means I get to interview some more! more expression I got from the kids....." just sayin' "


Why is it always a million degrees when school starts?  It's so hot that i had to leave the beach today.  The dogs were romping and frolicking near the water. I tried to get Fitzy into the water and that's when I realized it was to hot to be at the beach.  I was tugging and pulling this kooky dog while Daisy plunking her nice furry, golden body into the crystal clear water when i realized I was the one who was too hot.  That's when I resorted to walking in...the water...sneakers and all.  I tugged Fitz one more time.  Then she came in.  Quirky? Yes.  Once I went in, Fitzy followed.  I had to leave once we were all wet.  It was too hot to walk at 8 in the morning! It's too hot to sit.  It's too hot to write.  T.J. and Grace want to go to the new YMCA today. Indoors? A.C.? Pool?  Sounds good to me! 

This is a great motivator....this is on the fridge and it makes me think.  Some days, it seems as if I missed the boat on that wonder woman career.  sure, I've had some awesome experience at the finest companies.  I've worked very hard and had some great responsibilities and fabulous experiences. I've also worked for some great people who made a difference in my life.

Some of those experiences were very exciting and empowering. It's nice to know. yet, I never had any giant achievements.  Nothing BIG.  I think in the 80's, woman believed we could conquer the world.  We could be anything!  I just didn't know how.  I also had New York City which may have distracted me and created it's own challenges....I loved it and wanted to experience all of it! .

Being married and having children is greater than I ever could have believed or imagined!  Now, that's my career.  That's been my career for the last 17 years.  Their are good days and there are not so successful days...real or perceived.  Everyday, since having children, is important. Everyday i can make a difference.  Everyday i can try to make it my best.  Some days are more challenging than others.

Those are some of the days that i'm hardest on myself.  Those are the days when I question how good a mother I really am. I'm a harsh critic.  With babies, then toddlers and small kids, young seems so hard...until we get to this teen stuff.  We want our teens to know how to make goo choices and we have to
let them figure it out on their own with what we've taught them or shown them by example....that's the tricky part.

It seems that there are notonly helicopter parents who hover and try to do some of that work for the teen/young grown up and now, i have just heard that their are velcro parents!  That's wild!  Again, I commend Mrs. T at Montessori for shutting that door to the classroom or maybe I would be sitting at lunch in the high school right now!

E-bay came at the perfect time for me.  I have more time to do the work, I want to contribute, I want to do something I love, the kids are old enough to understand it and learn from it, Biff is very enthusiastic about it and best of all..... I work my own hours!

believe it or not....that fridge magnet is all I need to keep pushing ahead!  In my mom life and my own store on e-bay!  Oh! Biff's enthusiasm and support make a difference too.  Really.  At first, he thought it was just a passing interest.  Now, he can appreciate my experience and know how and enjoymen and contribution!  It's never too late to be what you might have been. o.k. it's not that big, but it's just the right big an I have the chance to make it as big as I want!