Monday, May 3, 2010

GRACE/FITZ/MOMMY/MOM/AMAZING GRACE/GRAMMA





















HI. SORRY I'VE BEEN INCONSISTENT LATELY. IT'S MOM'S ANNIVERSARY TODAY. IT'S BEEN 2 YEARS SINCE SHE DIED AND I MISS HER EVERYDAY.

IT'S WAY BETTER EVERYDAY AND MOSTLY WHEN I THINK OF HER NOW, IT'S MUCH SWEETER THAN BITTERSWEET.  I THINK SHE'D BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT. SHE WAS NEVER ONE TO DWELL ON SADNESS OR DIFFICULTIES OR PHYSICAL PAIN, HER ARTHRITIS.  SHE WAS A DOER AND ALWAYS ON THE GO.

WHEN WE TALK ABOUT MOM/GRAMMA, IT ALWAYS SEEMS TO BE THE FUN WE HAD, THE LAUGHS WE HAD,  HER USAGE OF THE OLDIES LIKE,"MANY HANDS MAKE LIGHT WORK!" AND HER AWESOME SPIRIT!

OF COURSE, SHE WAS MY MOM SO THERE ARE SOME NOT SO WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT HER THAT MADE ME CRAZY.  SIMPLE THINGS LIKE HER STUBBORNNESS. DETERMINED AS SHE WAS, SOMETIMES IT WASN'T SO SMART...FROM MY POINT OF VIEW.  THE FRUSTRATION WAS MINE, NOT HERS...MOSTLY BECAUSE SOMETIMES SHE WOULDN'T ASK FOR HELP.  THAT'S A POSITIVE QUALITY TO HAVE DETERMINATION BUT MIXED WITH STUBBORNNESS,  THAT WAS WHERE WE SAW IT DIFFERENTLY.  I ALSO UNDERSTAND WHY SHE WAS SO DETERMINED.  SHE NEVER WANTED TO LET GO OF HER INDEPENDENCE. THAT INDEPENDENCE, DETERMINATION AND STUBBORNNESS IS WHAT KEPT OUR FAMILY IN TACT AND LIVING A VERY NICE LIFE...ESPECIALLY AFTER MY DAD DIED.

THAT WAS HER AWESOME SPIRIT. SHE JUST PLOWED THROUGH ANY DIFFICULTIES, EVEN TRAGEDIES.  THAT'S ALL SHE KNEW AND THAT'S THE ONLY WAY THAT I LEARNED.  I THINK SHE MODELED THE GREATEST SPIRIT AND POSITIVE ATTITUDE THAT I LEARNED TO LIVE WITH AS WELL.


WE ALL CELEBRATED MOM'S LIFE SATURDAY JUST BECAUSE IT WAS DERBY DAY.  FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER, SHE LOVED DERBY DAY.  FRIENDS HAD WONDERFUL SPRING PARTIES WITH FUN BETTING ON THE WINNERS, PURELY BASED ON THE NAMES OF THE HORSES...FOR MY MOM ANYWAY....NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SPEED OF THE HORSES...JUST THE NAME THAT TICKLED HER FANCY.  SHE SIED ON DERBY DAY...THE DAY SHE LOVED.


IT WAS A GIFT.  THAT DAY, I HAD PLANNED TO GO SEE HER.  I KNEW THE TIME WAS NEAR. I THINK SHE KNEW. MY BROTHER CALLED ME THAT SATURDAY MORNING AND TOLD ME HE WAS GOING TO SEE HER. HE SAID THAT MY BROTHER IN VERMONT WAS ON HIS WAY AS WELL.  I WAS JUST ABOUT TO LEAVE HOME TO GO TO MOM.

AS WE TALKED, HIS CELL PHONE RANG.  IT WAS THE NURSE.  SHE SAID THAT MOM HAD JUST DIED, VERY PEACEFULLY, SURROUNDED BY HER FAVORITE NURSES AND ADMINISTRATORS.  WOW.  SHE HAD JUST SEEN US ALL. SHE MUST HAVE BEEN READY.  MY BIG BROTHER, ONCE AGAIN, WAS THERE FOR ME, LITERALLY....ON THE PHONE.

THAT WAS THAT. THAT WAS THE WAY IT WAS MEANT OT BE. I WAS OVERWHELMED WITH SADNESS BUT RELIEVED FOR HER.  SHE HAD LIVED A LONG LIFE ALTHOUGH NOT LONG ENOUGH FOR ME....MAYBE FOR HER.

IT WAS HER PAIN. I WAS RELEIVED THAT SHE WOULD HAVE NO MORE PAIN. HER ARTHRITIS THAT SHE HAD FOUGHT AGAINST SO HARD HAD FINALLY BROKEN HER DOWN, LITERALLY HER BONES.  SHE HAD MANAGED FOR 50 YEARS WITH THE DEBILITATING DISEASE.  NOT ONE DAY DID SHE EVER LET IT STOP HER FROM GOING AND DOING AND LAUGHING.


WE ALWAYS LAUGHED TOGETHER. MANY TIMES OVER THE SILLY THINGS IN LIFE. OR THE FUNNY THINGS. HER SPIRIT AND SENSE OF HUMOR FED US ALL THROUGH THE TOUGH TIMES OF LOSS.

THAT SENSE OF HUMOR HELPED US COPE DURING THE DAYS THAT FOLLOWED AFTER SHE DIED.  WE HAD LOTS TO DO. TO PLAN. TO TAKE CARE OF OUR KIDS AND HELP THEM LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH THE SADNESS...ALTHOUGH THEY ALREADY HAD EXPOSURE TO DEATH OF SOMEONE SPECIAL TO US ALL, TO SOMEONE WE LOVED DEEPLY.

AS WE DROVE TO LONG ISLAND, WE REALIZED WE FORGOT TO HAVE SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF THE DOGS.  WE REALIZED THAT OUR KIDS HAD OUTGROWN MUCH OF  THE CLOTHING THAT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE FOR WAKES AND FUNERALS.
T.J. NEEDED SHOES, NOT FLIP FLOPS.  GRACE NEEDED A DRESS OR SKIRT AND SHOES.  I NEEDED SOMETHING APPROPRIATE TOO. 

ONLY MOM WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPIER THAN GRACE AND I!  WE HAD TO SHOP!  NOT ONLY WAS IT NECESSARY, IT WAS THERAPY.  SHOPPING WAS RELIEF!

WE OVER SHOPPED!  WE PICKED CLOTHING THAT SHE WOULD HAVE LOVED!  THAT WAS FUN...WE JUSTIFIED THE PURCHASES BECAUSE GRAMMA WOULD WANT US TO HAVE SOMETHING NICE TO WEAR AND HAVE US LOOK NICE...WE REALLY KNEW SHE WOULD BE MOST HAPPY FOR US TO SHOP.

WE DID. WE SHOPPED ON OUR WAY TO THE WAKE. WE HAD A FASHION SHOW AT THE HOTEL IN HER HONOR.  WHE HAD ALWAYS COMMENTATED FASHION SHOWS AT SAKS, SHE HAD BEEN IN MANY FASHION SHOWS AT SAKS.  WE WERE ALREADY CELEBRATING HER LIFE!

AFTER ALL, SHE WAS THE ONE WHO HAD ME IN NEW CLOTHES, IN 5TH GRADE WHEN GRANDPA FITZ DIED.  I GOT NEW PATENT LEATHER SHOES AND MORE.  THE BIG THING AT ST. MARY'S SCHOOL WAS THAT I GOT "FUNERAL SHOES". NOBODY ELSE HAD FUNERAL SHOES.  THEY WERE THRILLED TO KNOW THAT THERE WERE OTHER SHOES BESIDES SUNDAY SHOES AND SCHOOL SHOES.

MOM WOULD HAVE CALLED OUR SHOPPING EXPEDITION "FITZGERALD ECONOMY!"  WE NEEDED TO PURCHASE SOME NECESSARY ITEMS TO HAVE US ALL LOOKING APPROPRIATE.  WE BOUGHT  SOME JUST IN CASE THINGS. WE BOUGHT SOME MORE APPROPRIATE THINGS. WE BOUGHT MORE THAN NECESSARY AND THAT WAS FITZGERALD ECONOMY!

THAT'S ALL I CAN MANAGE RIGHT NOW.  I'LL GET BACK LATER.  I'M REALLY FEELING BETTER BY SHARING.  I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS ALL SWEET MEMORIES.  I HOPE YOU FEEL HER SPIRIT AND SHARE THAT SPIRIT WITH THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE.

WE WERE BLESSED TO HAVE HER. I WAS BLESSED TO LIVE THAT LONG AS I'M THE YOUNGEST.  GRACE AND T.J. KNEW HER REALLY WELL....THEY HAD SUCH COMFORT WITH HER.  LIKE NOBODY ELSE.  IS THAT BECAUSE THEY KNEW SHE WAS WITH ME THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE PREGNANCY.  IS THAT BECAUSE THEY HAD ALWAYS KNOWN HER VOICE.  WAS THAT BECAUSE THEY COULD FEEL THE MOST AWESOME LOVE. IS THAT BECAUSE THEY FELT SO SAFE WITH HER LOVE AND JOY SHE SHA
RED WITH THEM.  IS THAT BECAUSE, SINCE THEY WERE MOMENTS OLD, SHE WAS THERE.  IS THAT BECAUSE SHE SLEPT IN THEIR ROOM WHEN SHE CAME TO VISIT IN BOSTON.  IS THAT BECAUSE SHE COULD SENSE MY COMFORT LEVEL AND MY TRUST?  WHATEVER IT WAS, I MISS THAT. FOR ME, FOR BIFF AND FOR OUR KIDS.

WE ALL LOVED HER SO MUCH. WE ALL MISS HER. WE ALL CELEBRATE HER WITH SWEET MEMORIES!  THANKS MOM!