Monday, January 18, 2010

wedding dress.

it's martin luther king day....i've been thinking all week about the man with so much vision and hope. "i have a dream" is ringing so clear in my thoughts.  he was a man who had so many dreams and because his life was cut short, others had to do their best to fulfill his dreams.

it's incredible to read about people and their dreams, big and small.  it is always amazing to hear of people who stand up to adversity and still power through the blockades.  what is it that gives people the stamina to just keep plowing through.  some we just read about and some we may know personally.

my mom was inspired to keep forging ahead through adversity.  my dad died when my mom was 48.  with three kids, she had no choice but to look forward and march on.  she did just that.......with debilitating arthritis.  she had a successful career as an executive........bills to pay, kids to support and bills and lifestyle too.she worked until she had to retire.

then, she started volunteering at a hospital and was offered a management position.  she worked there until her mid seventies.....and with so many blue haired volunteers, we used to kid her, that she was the young whippersnapper!

she was forced to move to a senior living residence when she could no longer use the stairs in her apartment.  she moved there, not because she wanted to but because she had to. she did not want to move in with family although she was welcome.  she chose to continue living independently for as long as she could.  it was not her dream circumstance, but she made it work.

she really didn't complain about the stumbling blocks of her life.  she just pushed along and made things work.her arthritis was degenerative and in her last years, she was more and more slowed down and her bones began to deteriorate.  she broke her hip...she kept going.  she fell...she kept going.  she was in and out of the hospital....she kept going...she would not be stopped. she kept going, no matter what the adversity.

it was frustrating to me and the others that we could not slow her down!  we wanted to protect her.  she didn't want anyone to stop her.  she did not want to quit. she recognized the changes that began holding her back.  she just didn't want to discuss them.she was stubborn and proud.  she didn't let the adversity crush her spirit.  her spirit carried her through, always.  her spirit and her faith.  until her last day.

i realize the reason that i began writing about my mother.  it was on martin luther king day that my mom and i went shopping in new york city for my wedding dress.  it was a special day.  although, her arthritis was slowing down her walking, she never considered it a hardship to walk through the city. she lived and worked and fell in love there.

we went to saks fifth avenue where she worked for most of her life and so did i.  itried on dress after dress after dress.  it was discouraging, only because every dress that i tried on was like a gown meant for a princess....big, way too big, poofy, heavy and way too sparkly.  we resigned ourselves to come back another day.

we were just a bit disappointed. we drove home.  while on our way through our little village, my mom said, "look!  why don't we just pop into our bridal shop?"  exhausted, i told her i didn't want to make another stop.  she pushed.  lets go. quick. stop in for a many brides! so stereotypical.  i was having a out of body experience.  i was was living life in a cartoon....something i do when the atmosphere creeps me out  seeing people as cartoon characters seems to save me from the intensity of a moment.....brides, mother of the brides, bridesmaids, too fat, too skinny, too loud, too nasal, too emotional.......i was looking at them all in that very teeny boutique.....i was not this kind of bride......i did not want to turn into this kind of bride.  was i?  NO WAY.

i had just talked my mom into leaving the store when we heard the owner call out her name.  we both turned.  it was an old family friend that had gone to school with my older brothers.  we told her we'd come back.  she told us not to go, asked me what styles i liked......i told her i didn't want too much "foof" and not too"boofy" and not too sparkly...just classic, light for a summer day.  she brought me one dress.  no''boof" ''foof"  no  i loved it, tried it on, it was my size, it was mine.

so today, martin luther king the day i had a dream....not quite so lofty....just an ordinary dream....i dreamed of my wedding dress and how it would be....we found it....we had such a special mother daughter day.

so, i can't help but remember on this beautiful martin luther king day that the is the anniversary of the day i got my wedding dress.

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