Tuesday, January 5, 2010

on my own again!

up early, grumbling about another boring day of school, "i hate school." and "it's too cold.", grace and t.j.
were moving slowly.  muttering about backpacks and lunches and winter coats and the freezing cold, they
went down our hill to the bus stop.  as funny as this sounds, i hate to see them go.  it was fun to lay low
over vacation and have the awesome delights of skiing as a family with our friends.... just a memory now.

grace has left the house with an "i love you." called after her and t.j. waits, warm, in the living room, watching out the window for his bus.  grace, always determined to be ready for her unreliable bus schedule, early 4 minutes or late 8 minutes, rushes out the door, pads across the snow on our walk and slowly maneuvers the crunchy tiretracks down the driveway....in her new flip flops.  never to be daunted by freezing temperatures or snowy drifts, that girl has always had her own style....no matter what season.  she has also been the girl to rip off a new tag and immediately throw on  something new.  instant gratification grace. new shoes, new boots new bathing suits.....dive right in and make it hers.  so, off she goes, in her new flip flops, to wait, wait and wait for her bus to arrive.

t.j. waited quietly at the window,mumbling something, "if i ever won lotto, i would just take time to sleep as much as i wanted and do what i wanted.".....i'm not going to tell him, just this moment, but we don't play lotto.....so his chances a re pretty slim....he better keep plugging away.  he looked out at grace, still standing in her flip flops.  he commented on some apparent stupidity and pondered just how his older sister can live like she does.  he sat, in his big timberland boots...with ski socks!  he  looks off into the distance for his timely bus and grace, still rocking in the cold, stands in the street, looking the opposite direction for her bus....late again.

t.j.'s bus stops up the hill ....waiting for the girl that always makes them wait.  at our house we're grateful for every minute she dawdles...we always count on her for that.....all the more time for t.j. to plod through the snow.  as he made a new path in the snow, he looked up to see his bus rolling our way.  he, thoughtfully took each step to his bus.  his sister watched and waved to some kids.  just as the bus flashers went off  to move on it's way, grace's bus slowed down to stop......she flipped and flopped.  like a choreoraphed dance, the busses sache'd past.

so, bittersweet, my day began.... out with dogs, in with dogs, warmed up with a cup of coffee, cleared counters,  filled dishwasher, turned it on and waited for the hummmmm.   i was waiting for this moment....i dashed to the garage, wearing slippers.... i hauled in the red christmas tubs.  i did a quick sweep, through the first floor, clearing out christmas window lights and candles, snow globes and santas, nutcrackers and  angels and jingle bells that hung on the door. blocks that spelled "merry christmas"  and treasured children's christmas books, saved through the years all stacked on a shelf........all was swept away, wrapped up and tucked away into tubs and ready to stack away for next year.

i take out those same decorations so lovingly and sentimental.....and when that spirit moves me, they're scooped up, packed up and put away with not one little regret.  i think that's just like the christmas season, so special and reminiscent.....the music, the cookies, the tree and the lights....and shortly after christmas, it all feels like clutter.  my brain is cluttered enough....with the lists in my head.  those lists get distracted in the christmas buzz, so now it's back to business.....the business of a mom. 

i can't seem to detail an account of my day.  i know no one would believe it.  there's so much to do.  while the kids were on vacation, alot of day to day chores were undone.  rather than nag and hear myself saying things that i thought i'd never say, i chose to enjoy the time and now it's time to pay.  i'll be playing catch up for awhile.....right now, i'm off to start some laundry,walk the dogs, go to an appointment, grocery shop and come home to meet the plumber......it's my first day home alone and i've got big adventures planned! when i dreamed of having a family, i never dreamt that this kind of day would bring such enthusiasm.....it's just that it's my day.......the dogs and i....and i'm.on my own again!

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