Sunday, April 18, 2010

i love this blog. 
it's so great to write.
i've enjoyed this for 6 months...it's like an anniversary for me. it's been fun, i've had to have some discipline to sit down and write.

i've learned lots and lots about my computer.  i've gained confidence a the computer.  i have a long way to go.  a very long way....in computer time.

i do write for me. it's mine.  it's all my own. and as t.j. and grace say. who would want to read your blog?  who? why do you bother?
i don't really know. i thought it would be a good thing to get my writing out there in the world.  a blog seemed the right place for me to do it.  just get it out there.  

for all of the many times that different folks have said, "you should write a book"....i thought this would be a good place to start.  i have lots to tell.  lots of observations. lots of feelings. lots of mixups. lots of memories. lots to put in writing.
i find myself saying after 6 months, like the kids, who cares? who really cares?
i have some "followers"...28....only 28....after 6 months.  that's better than none.  odd to think that many are people i don't even know.

but really, who does care...i don't even get comments.  i don't even know if you're reading or laughing or falling asleep. i know my stories are long...they're just stories...that i share with friends...stories that relate to others...or relate to our friends.
people don't have time.  people i'm related to don't even have time.  lots of friends don't have the time.  lots of friends aren't even computer literate.

when i started this blog...i thought it would be fun...a little something for friends and family and maybe extended friends and family to read...over a cup of coffee...over a cup of tea....just a quiet moment to think about the crazy days of life...crazy days of a mom with a teeny morsel of a sense of humor....a mom with feelings...a wife with a husband who makes me laugh...some trials and tribulations of life as a homeowner....a mom of teens and dogs and cats and fish...a friend.

i love it for me.  i love to write. i do question.  i wonder if i should bother.
lately, life has presented some challenges.  lots of little challenges.  lots more little ones.....one at a time....that seem draining.  very draining.  and exhausting.  sometimes overwhelming.

life is changing.  kids are growing. economy is challenging.  some family is no longer with us. 
i think to myself, as i write my little blog, why bother.  no one does read it....if  many friends don't follow, if many family members don't follow.....why bother.

"i write for me" my little voice inside me says. as i used to tell our little, little kids....that's the good angel with the good ideas.

but, there's another voice...it's there...haunting me as i write..."why bother, no one reads it!  if your own friends and family don't even check it out...who else would care.  why would anyone want to read this?"  maybe that's the bad angel on my shoulder...the one i use to tell our little, little kids to turn away.

but really, 28 followers....it is kind of pathetic...i write for me....i would tell my kids to keep writing.....it's not about the followers....that's just ego....what about writing for and from your heart, that's what matters....and then....the other bad angel.

i take lots of time to write. i do write from my heart. i guess that's what matters.  it's hard not to care.  i've been told i have thin skin...that's an understatement.

i think i'll keep going...doing...trying...
working...thinking...
creating...changing....

it may be time to change. maybe this is a blog just for me.  maybe i should have a different style if i want followers.  do followers matter?  it's kind of nice to feel that my blog is growing....but, really?
6 months and 28 followers. it's a tad embarrassing...i have more friends and family from kindergarten that i keep in touch with....i have more christmas cards to send than 28....i have more shoes.....more dust bunnies....maybe that's a sign.

the dust bunnies.  i could be cleaning up dust bunnies.  my house could have more attention.  i could do more artwork.  i could be selling more on e-bay!

and then, i'll never know.  i've only gotten about 10 comments on my blog....and that may be an overstatement.

just like anywhere else in life, it's nice to get approval...nice to get encouragement.  some friends are there...laughing and crying with me.  maybe, some family.

i used to write...and check out my followers...everyday they grew....it was exciting...it was energizing...to think i might be putting out some good...that might give others a chuckle...or laugh at themselves....we're all alot alike.

grace and i were talking...my blog doesn't offer much...it's not like i'm providing a service...i'm not offering helpful information...i have nothing to sell....just write...and tell about life...in my world....
who really cares?

 

3 comments:

Megan {ShabbyBlogs} said...

I do. :) I don't always have the time to comment, but I certainly care.

Just so you know, I have been blogging for 6 YEARS. Want to know how many followers I have? 26. There. You see? You beat me by 2. If I wanted to, I could have more, I suppose. But, the thing is, my blog is about me and my little family and it is FOR me and my little family. I read it and one day my children will read it. That means everything to me. The comments are encouraging and followers are always fun, but at the end of the day, it's not about that. Hang in there. Keep writing. Waaaay more people care than you know. :)

Bama Girl said...

Oh no, don't get discouraged. Keep writing. All the followers, comments, etc - it doesn't really matter if you ENJOY writing your blog and it makes you feel good. That's really ALL that matters. Keep it up! Hang in there, can't remember if I'm technically "following" although I read your blog often. I'm off to sign up as an "official" follower now. :-) XOXO

littlemarymixup said...

thank you blog friends! i do love it for me and that has been a gift! thank you so much for reminding me!!! but, it sure was great to "hear" from you!