Thursday, March 4, 2010

mine is better!

another sunroof shot. not very springlike today.
very cold and windy. raw.  it's march. no surprise.
i walked the dogs at the beach today
no excitement in my life today. the emotional weather at home was similar to the weather down at the least for grace today. quiet, cold, chilly and rocky....changing....not predictable.
i'm very tired. some days are like that.  especially, when
i haven't had enough sleep. again, i got carried away with my e-bay listings....lots of fun merchandise....i have so much fun....except that i lose track of time.  i told biff i'd be up in a minute and it was an hour.  wow!



so, the dogs get another beach day.  at this beach, fitzy needs a leash.  sometimes she just can't be trusted....she'll go anywhere for food.  really.  anywhere.  so, it's a leash fun for her and no fun for me. 
i feel bad that she hasn't caught on....she did come to us with some issues that we just haven't been able to tackle. food is the major beastie issue....anywhere, anytime, anyhow.  

the good news is that biff doesn't seem to do the run, slide on his knees across the kitchen floor and tackle!  it created quite the scene during dinner.  that's only solved today by keeping every single morsel of food tucked away....and that'w while she's on her leash!   if it's out, it's a party invitation to fitzgerald!  engraved. when she first arrived we were very say the least!  biff was the victim of her love, desire and  attack of food ....she took his dinner off the table in one fell swoop!  in seconds, it was eaten!  gulped. wolfed. gobbled. gone!

she has come a long way....good thing she is so sweet and adorable with her soft,teddy bear head....we can't help but love her....and love is what she and food.
she's no daisy!  daisy made dog training easy!  she is my dream dog!  nurturing and loving....sweet and gentle.  any dog who waits up for the kitties.....she's incredible.  love is her middle name. love! loving! loveable!  she even herds fitzy....she is very sweet with fitzy but i do think fitzy has rocked her boat just a thing for sure...daisy eats much faster.  it's a dog eat dog world. 

so, as i drove with daisy and fitzy in the car, i decided to take them to the little beach...the first beach we visted when we came for the first time to see our new town to be.  it's small...and beautiful.  what beach isn't beautiful?

you may notice my low grace doesn't want to speak to me. i'm not sure why.  thankfully, i don't take it personally. so far today, the only contact that i've had with her has been breathing!  i know right now, she'd prefer that i didn't....breathe that is, not have contact. the good news is that grace is sweet and loving and funny with her friends....and their parents...and her teachers.  they all love her.  we love her like crazy.....we also make the rules!  that's where our lives get complicated!

this mom thing is a real tight rope act.  i try to give space when she needs some and i talk when she wants to talk, i listen when she doesn't want me to talk and only listen...and tomorrow morning,..i go with the flow, you might say! 

that's o.k.  when i was a freshman in high school, i remember lots of ups and downs.  there's so much changing....friends, work, even the bigger building, sports, classes....they have so much going much to think is changing.

same for t.j.  some days, i just seem to bug him.  some days i say words like "blog"....the b-word just doesn't sit well with his 13 1/2 year old self.  he has always been one for semantics.  so, it's only appropriate for him to find fault with my vocabulary.  he doesn't like when i use my word "sneaks" for sneakers or when i say, "it pleasures me." another tight rope...words come up alot in conversation.

i have a son who has been very easygoing.  he hasn't mentioned boarding school for a while.  he seems to be o.k. living here with us for now.  that may change tomorrow!  one thing for sure...everyday is new.  everyday is different.  change is good....i think?  

thankfully, biff and i are pretty consistent!  very consistent!  we're confused. we have never done this before.  thankfully, we're doing it together.  thankfully, we're on the same page.  sometimes we look at each other with cartoon thought balloons over our heads.  

  there is no book....there is no set of directions....i don't do so well with directions anyway.....there are no recipes...there is no print out for this parenting game...there is no game plan.....there is no app...there is no computer program. 

so we do our best.  we just do the best we can.  everyday.   we love our kids so much!  they know that.  they have to challenge that. that's their job.  

just when we think we've figured them out, they go and change on us.  no matter what, we are there for them...actually, we are here for them. 

unless, i'm walking the dogs.  that's one of my moments.  moments make the difference.  one moment i'm a good mom, and another moment, i'm the worst mom in the world.  sometimes i know when to take my cue....i walk the dogs.  the dogs are grateful....and so am i!  if i can't be grateful at the beach, where can i be grateful?  and....even the dogs seem grateful!

they seem to know that.  even if grace is boycotting me today. there has been contact. with biff. grace made contact with biff. 

  biff made pound cake tonight.  apparently, grace had a slice.  she left a sticky note on the pan....she wrote, "mine is better!"

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