oh well...it's finally time to move it on out.  I'm relieved that these guys are finally here to fill the giant dumpster.  it's amazing to watch them walk by with big slabs of the walls that we just finished painting. We are o.k with letting go.  After all, we have been trying to lighten our load for quite some time now.  Seeing it go is not so bd and the idea that it has been damaged by septic combined with flood is too gross for me to even contemplate saving.

we did arrive home last night, after our concert......to see some of the colored bins that t.j's collection of legos for a lifetime....... had been pitched in the dumpster, when we specifically asked them to save them .....they had not been touched...they were in bins and just fine...only one bin was touched on the outside by flood combo..... and i saved the contents by pouring them into a clean bin!  

Exhausted, i tried to retrieve some of the bins that had not spilled into the depths of the overflowing dumpster.

t.j., exhausted and horrified, walked up to see me retrieving bits and bins....he just stood staring.....at almost 14 years old....he said in a monotone voice," oh, that's just great...it's like my whole childhood is gone.  it's like my whole childhood is dead. thanks. why did you let them do that?"

quietly, with  lump in my throat. i muttered,"i specifically told them NOT to throw out the legos.  they were fine.  they were important to keep.  they were untouched."....i wanted to cry.  for t.j.'s comment and for me.  They didn't listen

Biff saw the remains as he got out of the car and blurted out, "I TOLD THEM TO SAVE THE LEGOS>>>I TOLD THEM TOO!"  i couldn't decide who was more upset...t.j.,biff or me.

Grace was appalled when she saw me attempting to get at the bins facing up and reachable...."they better buy us new ones!  that's our life in those bins!"

They haven't arrived yet today.  I'm waiting.  Biff is going to speak to them...they were good guys...they made a mistake...an honest mistake.  But it was our stuff...i had let them stay while we went to the concert....so they could work late...to accomplish more hard cleaning today.

I was sick over it. we all were. we just went upstairs to bed. we all needed sleep. 

Today, it's no better.  i know it's just stuff.  this particular stuff...that could have been saved....was precious to us....we had all spent hours....as a family...boy and his dad....boy, girl and their dad, all of us...with friends....creating worlds...worlds that are gone. when we took all of the lego projects apart, we all talked about the memories and why we put what together....t.j. and grace even alone on the cusp of teenage drama, had found a place to be together...talking...laughing...equals....and i feel lost. it felt like our family...our lives together...sharing...daydreaming...talking...building...showing off our creations....was gone....just gone.

now i'm in mourning.  i'm exhausted from a week and a half of this.  it's not katrina...it's just  basement full of stuff...in the dumpster....it's our memories...

we all planned to save them...we still had that in us...we still can create...we always had them available...for just those kind of moments.

they're gone.  the memories matter....but i'm so sad that they're gone....it's a metaphor for our lives that we have shared....it's a new beginning.  we'll have more legos...just not the same