Wednesday, June 30, 2010

that's t.j.  he's the one in the kelly green j. crew pants. when did my little boy grow into this tall guy who looks at me quizically every time i speak?  it must have happened overnight.  today is the day we celebrate because he arrived in our lives fourteen years ago....a week late yet, suddenly in a hurry. as if i hadn't been aware of him for the previous 9 months +...and then there we were.  biff and i. grace and my mom and claire, grace's cousin.  there were fire trucks.  oh...and the ambulance.  and the police.  and finally, oh!  that's right! we brought the baby to the hospital. it seems like yesterday and then ...not.  where did it go?

i'm so glad that i was here with him everyday.  i'm so grateful that i got to be a part of it.....his life his ups and downs of life...

his ups..."hode you mama?  hode you?  hode you!"  he was barely one and a half. sometimes it seemed was busy.  he needed to know i was there during some of the busy-ness of life.  sometimes it seemed difficult to juggle a "hode you" moment when my arms were already full...with his sister...16+ months older.  "hode you" sometimes felt like my heart was being torn out of my chest when i had to have him go to sleep...and he still wanted more.  he liked more.

his when he fell at 17 months, "crib divin", trying to imitate grace tip toe-ing out of her crib across the room.  we all ended up at mass general for his broken wrist.  or his down at 6, we were out riding our bikes, stopped by our friends' house, the kids played and i thanked God for friends who are there for us....even while biff has business trips.  he had left for the airport for a hong kong trip at sunrise that same day.....only hours before.  i was thanking God for the folks who help us through those times  when  t.j. came around the corner...looking stunned...and said seriously,"mum, i think i broke my wrist."and he had. while i sat thanking he was around the corner falling off the monkey bars.

it was always tough to make a clean break.  until....montessori...that was the first place we truly learned about that good clean break. (not his arm)  thankfully, mrs. timeg was the greatest.  mrs. timeg taught us how to say goodbye and close the door.  it wasn't easy.  he was just three.  we went to school with his sister, grace.  she kissed goodbye, gave a sweet smile and waltzed in with no looking back.  t.j. was not so quick to follow.

after all, he was just three.  he had been to mommy and me music class since before he was born...not for him, for grace!  he loved music.  the teacher said he was like the boy in mike mulligan and his steam engine.  huh?  he seemed to gather a crowd of little people wherever he chose to explore.  he is still that way...only he doesn't know it yet....and would not believe me if i told him.

now that he's 14, he thinks i make up these things.  he is my son...he thinks we tell him good things just because he is in full teen- ness.  he looks at us like we are aliens sometimes.  sometimes he looks at biff and i and says,"i can't believe you are my parents?"

some things seem to have happened suddenly and others have been slowly coming along. sometimes we are embarrassing.  sometimes we are horrible. sometimes we are the meanest parents in town.sometimes we just say things again and again.  sometimes we talk too much.  sometimes we repeat stories.  sometimes we are boring.  sometimes we are old school. sometimes we are great!  then he remembers that we're not so great.

just the other day, he emphatically told me, "you don't discipline fitzy!  she needs discipline!"  that's when i reminded him that maybe we havent' disciplined him enough.  he's just catching on that we're not perfect.  we've known it for awhile.  it will take him time to see all of our goods, our bads, our ups and our downs.  all that matters to me is that he knows...forever...we'll always be there for him....the ups, the downs, the goods, the bads..... forever and ever we love him...always.

he knows...he talks with us.  he talks to us.  i think he trusts us...even if he doesn't want to show how much.   we have great conversations.  sometimes and i do mean sometimes....he laughs with us. and laughs some more. we have alot of fun with him and because of him. we love him.   best of all....he still lets us hug him.  it depends.  but, mostly he still does.   we love him.  happy birthday t.j.  x0x0x0x

funny enough, he makes us laugh all of the time.  he is funny.  i remember being on the beach on cape cod with friends when t.j. was just 2.  our friends had all of their kids. we had our kids. lots of kids.  i still remember kristin saying, "you're a funny boy!" it's true.  not funny like slapstick, goofy or class clown.  thoughtful funny.  funny funny. quirky sense of humor funny.  one liner funny.  i love him

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