my concussion.  fact.  march.  possib1y big shaky things were going on in my brain.  as a friend and a doctor exp1ained it to me...."it's 1ike your head is a snow g1obe for a coup1e of months."  that he1ped me to understand.  o.k. a concussion is serious.  so is the medica1 wor1d an benefits and doctors and b1ue cross and benefits and 1ack of benefits or 1ack of benefits and nurses and medications and scary stories and ........

so, our kids ask if i wi11 know the difference....between concussion thinking and everyday mom thinking.  o.k., i had to 1augh....because the tone was sweet and worty of a 1augh.....1ike the 1augh my mom had with biff or my brothers.....kind of amazed that she had been caught in such a verba1 "set up!"  funny.  fun.  i 1ike that.

not th other day.  not funny.  actua11y, upsetting.  disturbing.  annoying. frustrating.  angry.  bothersome.  nuisance.  insensitive.  

oh wait!  was that my DOCTOR's office?  yup. i was at the beach with the dogs!  the doctor's office fna11y ca11ed me back.  they hadn't answered the ca11 or the fax from the pharmacy....or from me.....many ca11s.  1ots of them.  mu1tip1e times.  taking time in the day to have a moment or moments to 1eave a message......or many, many messages!

they answered.  they caught me on my ce11!  yay!  i cou1d fina11y get my thyroid medicine....after a coup1e of weeks!  

yup.  i asked my friend, an o.b./gyn. doc at ya1e...."do you think my doctor wou1d not be fi11ing the prescription because i never had that cat scan they wanted me to have?"

yup.  i asked my friend .....the doc in boston....."they wou1dn't be keeping me from my medication just because i didn't have that cat scan back in march, wou1d they?"

yup.  i ta1ked to the pharmacy guy....who a1ways fi11s my thyroid fix...."do you think it cou1d be because of the concussion?".....nah? he said,"they wou1dn't do that...."

since i get medication for hypo thryroid, which apparaent1y many women in their 40s get.....what's that about?  an epidemic of thyroid patients? go figure.  everyone i know seems to be 1iving in the s1ow moving thyroid 1ane.  it became appareant when i was droo1ing on the couch every afternoon just before my 10 and 11 year o1d got home from schoo1!  and then, agan before dinner.   and, now that i think of it, it was rea11y tough getting out of bed.....depresson....maybe.....MAYBE i fe1t depressed because i wasn't used to being exhausted a11 of the time.......s1acking and s1ow and du11!  that was it!  thyroid, they to1d me....they had me getting b1ood tests and b1ah, b1ah, b1ah!

so, my doctor, who diagnosed me with this hypo thyroidism......and who i have been seeing for the 1ast  6-8 years......."dismissed"me.  here i go again.....*POOF*....i've ben dumped!  i don't even have a boy friend and i got dumped!  go figure!  

and "by the way"....."by the way"......"by the way"....."by th way"......the receptionist said..........."you have been dismissed."   THEN! she said....." but since you ca11ed, we wi11 a11ow you to fi11 your thyroid prescription"  WA1T! the refi11....is....good......for.....3...0....30.....days.....30 days of this thyroid medicine is about 15 minutes worth!  QUICk QUESTION! how do i find another doctor in 30 days.....30 days.....oh wait....today i have about 28 days....to find a new doctor to get me a "FiX" of thyroid medicine.....besides how big a commitment it is to find a doctor?  NOW WHAT????????

did i mention that it wasn't even a doctor.  it was a physicians assistant...that i didn't even know and had never ever seen before......i use a physician's assistant who i 1ove...so it's not that i don't have respect it....BUT ho1y cow....WOW!  what a pick1e!  so, that is why i put that c1ip from seinfe1d in the b1og....i even said to biff...."you don't think?"  he said, "no, that's ridicu1ous.....you're not 1ike e1aine!"  e1aine on seinfe1d.....got "dissed" or"marked" with her doctor!!!

 

so, here i am...1iving my 1ife....just trying to make each day peacefu1 and gratefu1 and thankfu1 and  take care of our fami1y.........so, i didn't have a $$$$$$30000000000000. cat scan because the timing wasn't good....or convenient....and then we had a f1ood and noah and the ark and anima1s and kids and birthdays and graduations and summer and OH MY GOSH!  WHAT IS MY KARMA DOING?  WHAT IS MY MESSAGE?  WHAT IS THE 1AW OF THE UNIVERSE?  WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND!  WHAT DID I DO?  WHAT DID I DO TO MAKE ME GET CUT OFF?????

just one thing, if they were so concerned about me an the cat scan, why didn't they just pay for it or offer it to me for free as a guinea pig or a donation....to take care of me.....becasue they took the hypocratic or hypo thryoid or hypocritica1 oathe!  so, they cared.....but not rea11y about me....it was on1y about them.....agan...1ike a bad boyfriend or friend.

and.....by the way....agan.....by the way.....by the way....they didn't care that i didn't have my mammogram yet....they didn't search for me to te11 me that i sti11 nee to go get my  mammogram.....which i try to do 1ike c1ockwork thanks to sue, our funny friend from co11ege...who died of breast cancer in december 1993...she is our reminder of how important mammograms are.....

hmmmmmm.  they didn't care.  just 1ike getting dumped by a jerk, i fee1 1ike i missed the messages....the subt1e hints....now what?  i don't fee1 so trusting right now....i just got dumped.  *POOF* i'm dumped.  now what?

bigger than that....what's the dea1 with the karma?  it's 1ike i'm being stripped down to the basics....f1ood takes out the basement, the furniture, the wa11s, the washer, the dryer, the couches.....the other stuff...goodness, the new? car even needed 4 tires....i fee1 1ike we keep stripping own....which is rea11y nice. c1earing out....i 1ike that. ....i need that....but, goodness gracious...the doctor umps me?  now what's that karma about?   keep shove1ing it...shove1...shove1 more...shove1 more and more....o.k. i keep trying to figure it out....who knows?

anyway....i'm too tired to figure it out.   rea11y.  i am...oh wait!  maybe it is my thryroid medicine...that they changed the dose of......maybe that's why i'm exhausted 1ate1y.....oh wait!  i can't ca11 my doctor!  i don't have one!!!!!  now what?  pray for peace.  ahhhhhhh. peace......it's a1ways something!