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littlemarymixup said...

A new life is a miracle. Everyday for you as a mom ...,living consciously, being present, using positive language, love, hugs, honesty, trusting your own instincts with the baby/child that you will know better than anyone, trusting in a higher power....your baby is blessed. You and your husband have been blessed. Love, love and more love and loving words to teach him throughout his life will make him a strong spirit...forever changing your life for the better! We learn all of the lessons we need through our children. This is a wild adventure. Love him.

I happened upon a blog of a woman hoping, waiting, wishing, dreaming and working full time on exploring possibilities of having a baby. She and her husband had been through all kinds of infertility work and had explored every option available to have their very own baby. Finally, after working on options, they decided to be open to adoption and had many disappointments until one day, a phone call changed their lives. Unprepared for this surprise gift, the couple realized this was the right situation and the birth mother did not change her mind.  They fell in love. She wrote of her insecurities as a new mom. She wrote of her mom's style mothering. She wrote of all the dreams she had for her baby. She wrote of her heartfelt feelings and beliefs she had as a new mom. She was sure that she could do it right. She would do everything in the world for this baby. She would give everything she had to this baby. She was ready and committed to love. She made promises to this baby boy that was now family. It was beautiful. The words. The dreams. The wishes. The hopes. As a new mom, it is awesome to have a new life,  new creation, a miracle,  sweet and pure to put every bit of energy we have into this being. Everyday is an opportunity to make our kids the best they can be, teaching them what matters...to us. We all begin with that fresh slate and think we can do it "right"...whatever our right is. These hopes we have for our baby may begin when we see our family and friends' babies. We all have those thoughts....."my baby will NEVER WATCH T.V."....."my child won't talk like that "......"I'm not ever going to raise my voice"....."I will never bribe my child".....blah.blah.blah. And then......you meet your own baby. Then you realize your sweet baby grow. Babies have personalities. Moms and dads have personalities. Babies get cranky. Moms and dads get cranky. Babies are just being who they are. Moms and dads are too. Babies have good days and bad days. Moms and dads have good days and bad days. On and on. I had those same dreams, hopes and wishes. Biff and I were sure we knew how to do it "right" and make our kids the best possible people they could be. We have done our best. Everyday we have a fresh start and we have started new every single day.....doing our best despite the kinks that life have come up along the way. We have always done our best. Life enters into the mix. Teachers. Neighbors. Sports. Dance. Kids. Families. Kids' friends. 

Life happens as we go on. We have all of the best dreams. We have the best kids we can have. We love them. We are there for them. We do everything we can to teach and teach more. We are preparing them for the big world out there. We can't save them from everyone and everything that will hurt them....that's the reality.  We can't save them from from themselves. We can only be there and be our best....for them. 

We have the greatest job in the world. It's the best job I've ever had....with the most insecurities. Just because we have our plans and dreams, we have to realize that not every plan and dream fits the child. Not every plan and dream makes sense for that child. We realize that the world enters the picture and mixes with our child's personality,energy and their dreams. We have to do our best and let go in some situations.

Our sweet innocent and pure babies grow. They learn to walk. We have to let them fall and learn to get up. That is the hardest balance for this mom. How far to let them go....before we stop. We do our best to give them an appropriate amount of independence. We have to let go...to learn. That is the hardest part. To give them the chance to grow we have to let go. Letting go is the hardest part.