"It's not you, it's me."

"It's not you, it's me," as the old break up line goes. That's not the line I got this week.

I was "fired" from my doctor (physician's assistant) after choosing not to get a cat scan after my concussion.  My decision was due to outrageous pricing that would not be covered by our medical insurance.  The issue was not so much about me as it was about liability.  The physician's assistant called me again and again.  she called Biff. We were very clear about our health care and we were very clear about the cost which was astronomical.

I found my new physician.  So, off I go again working on building a rapport and doing my best to get comfortable with the new doc.  Comfortable is an odd word to use considering the open front dressing gown I am required to wear while laying on a leather? gray or tacky mauve table....oh, did I mention that it had stirrups.  "Awkward", as our kids say.  Yes. Awkward.

Now that I have found a new doctor who may or may not be the right fit.  I was proud to have gotten the appointment since it's kind of like going on a blind date or a job interview. It's awkward.  For both of us.  The new doctor appeared as though she was being interviewed. Maybe I should I have felt as though I was being interviewed. "Yeah, but No," as our kids say.

"Yeah, but No" because I have more fun being interviewed than I do getting the paycheck. The interview is my favorite part.  Unless it's not.  The interviews where I daydreamed about my dinner plans or date that evening or manicure were no fun.  The interviews that got me enthused and excited weren't necessarily because the job was the right fit....it may have been the location of the office, the people, the stories I encouraged the interviewer to tell about themselves! The interviewer felt so engaged answering MY questions that they were thrilled to hire me! If I got the job, "Yeah, but no" came to mind.  

It wasn't fair....I loved interviewing so much.  It was usually after the job description that I lost interest or the reality of the hours or the pay that halted my intererst.It was a shame that I didn't want the job! I love interviewing so much, I should have gone the Oprah route.  Oops...there I go again...daydreaming...just like the interviews!

Today I received a letter from another health care provider.  It seemed to be telling me that I had been warned or fired.....because of missing some appointments while on vacation. I think that's what the letter said.  If it was in a movie, I would have held the letter in my hand....with the music of foreshadowing playing in the backround. "Oh, come on!" as or kids say.....You know the music of foreshadowing....just stop for a second....look out the window.  Act forlorn or concerned.  

Anyway, the cancellations were like "pre-existing" cancellations...my caregiver had vacations during that time period too! "Go Figure?" as our kids say. It may be a misunderstanding. Although, times are tough.  Maybe it makes sense.  My own caregivers are downsizing.  Maybe it's time. Someone decided to fire the patients. I didn't get that memo.  Another pink slip? "Whatever", as our teenagers say. That means I get to interview some more!

Oh...one more expression I got from the kids....." just sayin' "